Twats Day April 1st

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Surely it's this one, about building canals between the Red Sea and the Nile?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/apr/01/suez-2-ever-given-grounding-prompts-plan-for-canal-along-egypt-israel-border

The 'We built the pyramids, didn't we?' bants line kind of gives it away.

I could be totally wrong -- I keep hoping a lot of the stuff in the news since about 2016 has been a long-game April Fool's joke.

Yeah, That's the one, you can tell by the name of the journo allegedly reporting the story ( and the name of the international tunnelling company.Oh, and the names of the people involved. Fuck, it's obviously a joke, the zany funsters!). And don't call me " Surely".

[JaDanketies]

I tried to do one for the CAB crew

Holy shit, I can't believe they gave Glinner his Twitter account back; all those complaints to the BBB must have worked. ffs Twitter

https://www.twitter.com/glinner

I wanted to link it to that balls doing a shit cgi video but I couldn't find a link. Also I wanted to do it in the early morning so anyone who checked CAB while still bleary-eyed might have fallen for it, but I forgot.

[Attila]

Yeah, That's the one, you can tell by the name of the journo allegedly reporting the story ( and the name of the international tunnelling company.Oh, and the names of the people involved. Fuck, it's obviously a joke, the zany funsters!). And don't call me " Surely".

Heh -- I didn't twig on the names, but rather in looking at the maps and stuff; I've recently been talking with a student who wants to do a dissertation project on Roman/Red Sea trade so I've had the area and its shipping lanes on the brain recently (aside from run-aground shipping vessels).

Happy to help -- gotta go -- there's a sale at Penney's.

[seepage]

Surely it's this one, about building canals between the Red Sea and the Nile?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/apr/01/suez-2-ever-given-grounding-prompts-plan-for-canal-along-egypt-israel-border

The 'We built the pyramids, didn't we?' bants line kind of gives it away.

I could be totally wrong -- I keep hoping a lot of the stuff in the news since about 2016 has been a long-game April Fool's joke.

"bringing everything from toilet roll and iPhones to takeaways and PPE" ???

[Fambo Number Mive]

Can't find the BBC's one.

[seepage]

That's because all of it is nonsense.

[steve98]

Unbeknown to them maybe the chain is made of pasta giving a false sense of security. The bear easily then escapes its shackles and mauls them to death. April Fool.

They're "Fools" because they didn't realize the chain restraining the bear in their garden was made of pasta? Really? ... You may as well just ring their doorbell and stab them to death and say "A-ha ha, gotcha, April Fool", as they expire. Makes as much sense.

[Jerzy Bondov]

I'm going on the local Facebook groups and finding posts about lost cats and saying FOUND HIM MATE HE'S BROWN BREAD, will let them know it was a funny prank later

[Attila]

Can't find the BBC's one.

Thought it might be this one

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-56598932

but given the state of the world at the moment, anything sounds plausible. This one was up on the top of the front page earlier this morning.

Wasn't there just a viral video about a family who were recreating the entire airport/flying on hols experience for their kids?

[Butchers Blind]

They're "Fools" because they didn't realize the chain restraining the bear in their garden was made of pasta? Really? ... You may as well just ring their doorbell and stab them to death and say "A-ha ha, gotcha, April Fool", as they expire. Makes as much sense.

Maybe its not a real bear but is in fact revealed to be ex SNP and sex pest Alex Salmond. Vote Alba.

[imitationleather]

Just text my dad saying I regret everything and I'm going to sort my life out and I hope we can do some bonding before he dies. Classic April fool.

[steve98]

Maybe its not a real bear but is in fact revealed to be ex SNP and sex pest Alex Salmond. Vote Alba.

Maybe.

"Alba" seems to me a bad choice for a party name: it's gonna get vandalized and tampered with a lot (Abba... Vote Abba)

[steve98]

(Or JABBA, VOTE JABBA.)

[Hound Of The Basketballs]

"Ali3ns hav landed on 34rth. lp'iol;ks, ngSKL:nh[a'nkl gS>?A D?,sa pw Apirlm Foooooooool."

One of the highlights of the new Godspeed release.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Could you fetch in the tartan paint from the garage? Cheers.

Never understood why Leyland or someone never made a range called "Tartan". Put your cheapest white emulsion in a 5l tin and charge £65 for it. Would end hazing overnight and they'd make a fortune in the process.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My old local announced they'd got planning permission to take the roof off the flat above it for a beer garden, including CAD renderings of what it'd look like.

[Echo Valley 2-6809]

"Alba" seems to me a bad choice for a party name: it's gonna get vandalized and tampered with a lot (Abba... Vote Abba)

Vote St Albans.

Actually with that cross symbol as well there's potential for something like × POSTAL BALLOT. Might send that to them with an invoice for £10,000.

[Echo Valley 2-6809]

Actual Avril Fish joke on Facebook this morning: 'Walrus spotted in Aberystwyth', complete with photoshop.

Given that our walrus chum was seen a few days ago basking on an RNLI slipway in Tenby, a completely unimaginative non-joke. CHEER UP WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING

[bgmnts]

Just text my mum that our cat died when he's fine lol

[JesusAndYourBush]

A friend at school once did an April Fool that he'd found a "rubber johnny" on the pavement and when we followed him to go and have a look, revealed "April Fool!".  Lamest April Fools joke ever.

[Cerys]

It's just old hat and seems a bit limp since Dave Lee Travis died, the king of April fools japery.

Why I oughta,  etc.

[DrGreggles]

Just been to the shop and there was an old man in the frozen section, collapsed on the floor, saying "help me, I'm having a heart attack."

NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE, MATE!

[gilbertharding]

I was taken in a few years ago by Heresgarrywiththesport on the Today Programme when he announced the story that the Grand National and The Derby were going to be merged, and held on alternate years at Aintree and Epsom, with retractable fences or something.

It sounded completely plausible to me. Horse racing is what I believe people round here call S4C.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Just had a fucking tedious email from KFC that they are introducing "KFB", a new range of beef burgers. Click on the link and... Aaaaahhhh, got ya!!

As if diversifying a fast food menu is somehow ridiculous and you'd be a dickhead for thinking that a chicken shop could possibly sell burgers as well.

KFC? KFGrave, more like.

[Butchers Blind]

Just had a fucking tedious email from KFC that they are introducing "KFB", a new range of beef burgers. Click on the link and... Aaaaahhhh, got ya!!

As if diversifying a fast food menu is somehow ridiculous and you'd be a dickhead for thinking that a chicken shop could possibly sell burgers as well.

KFC? KFGrave, more like.

Would've been more funny if they put an advert up saying 'we're making our chicken less greasey and adding actual flavour' then click.. haha not really its still fucking rank.

[shiftwork2]

Kentucky Fried Bollocks

[Icehaven]

Just had a fucking tedious email from KFC that they are introducing "KFB", a new range of beef burgers. Click on the link and... Aaaaahhhh, got ya!!

As if diversifying a fast food menu is somehow ridiculous and you'd be a dickhead for thinking that a chicken shop could possibly sell burgers as well.

KFC? KFGrave, more like.

There will be legions of disappointed people already lickin' their fingers at the thought of burgers deep fried in spicy batter. Not to mention that most chicken shops actually do sell burgers as well as chicken.

[seepage]

This is particularly poor [useful site otherwise, mind]: https://www.ispreview.co.uk/index.php/2021/04/new-5g-mast-proposed-by-uk-mobile-operators-causes-concern.html

[BlodwynPig]

The annual BBC round up of news stories that 'seem like April Fool's jokes'

10. A comic book is being published about new US First Lady Jill Biden. She follows in the footsteps of others who have been given the treatment including Dolly Parton and Mother Theresa. A matching colouring book will also be launched alongside the book when it is published later this month. It's part of the "Female Force" series of books, focusing on women who have made a difference around the world.

Much like Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize before (or was it just after) becoming President.

[Malcy]

Almost got caught out by an email from Felix stating they had created cat food pouches easy enough for cats to open.

Bastards.