Author Topic: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories  (Read 2200 times)

greencalx

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Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« on: April 03, 2021, 09:59:51 AM »
Up here, at least, there's an election coming up which means a deluge of leaflets coming through the door. We have a degree of grim fascination with the "Friendly Neighbourhood Tory" look, of which our local candidate is a textbook example.



Something about his face just screams "Tory" but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe the echoes of Cameron's puffy face look. This one also to be seen sporting what we refer to in our household as the "Tory jacket".



I'm sure there's better examples doing the rounds. Other party political stereotypes also available.

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2021, 10:33:29 AM »
I know it's wrong but that first picture made me laugh like a cat.  I hope he loses his deposit.

Theremin

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2021, 10:39:30 AM »
An old friend used to describe this phenotype as 'Bloated Rodent'.

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2021, 10:44:10 AM »
Heheh, I always think of them as alcoholic auctioneer.  The other type of tories are categorised dessicated sex criminal.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #4 on: April 03, 2021, 10:44:51 AM »
Palm Grease and Chip Butty cunt, probably has a dog for photo ops that he neglects in the dark of his father's barn. If he could at least try to get forms of osteoarthritis rapidly that would amuse.

greencalx

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2021, 11:53:10 AM »
I know it's wrong but that first picture made me laugh like a cat.  I hope he loses his deposit.

This is my wife’s doing. She tends to intercept the election leaflets and make adjustments accordingly. At least, that’s what I think is happening.

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2021, 11:55:08 AM »
I seem to remember you posting one that your son did once (or am I wrong, probably). 

greencalx

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2021, 12:14:47 PM »
Possibly. There have been so many elections since he was born he got wise to election leaflets very quickly and started taking the piss out of them.

I do believe Miles Briggs (for it is he) has a “mind reading” dog.

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2021, 12:22:19 PM »
Let's face it, I don't think it would test many peoples' imaginations to consider the possibility that there might be a great many dogs able to out-think and predict Miles Briggs.

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2021, 12:24:35 PM »
Do you think he actually uses both breast pockets? If so, what does he put in each one?

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2021, 12:28:13 PM »
Breasts of course.  Honestly, sometimes, bgmnts.

earl_sleek

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2021, 12:32:32 PM »
This one's a bit old, and not technically a Tory, but of their ilk (NSFW): https://i.imgur.com/Ol6Dv5q.jpg

Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #12 on: April 03, 2021, 12:59:29 PM »
This fella's standing in our ward and I can't think of anything snide to say about him so, the rest of you, get your creative minds working.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #13 on: April 03, 2021, 01:03:56 PM »


Hello, I am your new Stepdad! I have been rehearsing your name for 10 minutes outside and look, I have brought you a present, look it's a gift unsuitable for someone of your age, but it's the thought that counts, right?

I don't suppose you have an interest in...finance, by any chance? Ah, of course not, that difficult age.

I spent 10 years hoovering up coke, and I own a series of timeshares in Marbella. The nights are so cold now, so cold and very alone.


Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2021, 01:27:26 PM »
I don't think he has timeshares in Marbella.  Seriously.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2021, 01:28:32 PM »
He looks like he's made a small fortune in kitchen telemarketing scams.

Buelligan

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2021, 01:29:49 PM »
Or Herbalife. 

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2021, 01:42:34 PM »
Tory-Man, Tory-Man,
Does whatever a Tory can,
Spins a web of many lies,
Only votes for his own pay rise,
Look out! Here comes the Tory-Man!

Is he wrong? Listen, Bud!
He's got pure patrician blood,
Here's the thing, he's well bred,
Even though he's braindead,
Hey there, there goes the Tory-Man!

Tory-Man, Tory-Man,
Friendly neighbourhood Tory-Man,
Poverty he's ignored,
Peerage is his reward,
To him, life is a great big fry up,
Wherever there's a high-up,
You'll find the Tory-Man!

Butchers Blind

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2021, 01:45:37 PM »
This fella's standing in our ward and I can't think of anything snide to say about him so, the rest of you, get your creative minds working.



Plenty of failed business ventures behind him, still listens to britpop ("the 90's were great"), hasn't got the courage to go full shaved with his thinning hair.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2021, 02:34:32 PM »
Paul McKenna cassettes in the glovebox

Glebe

  • It was just a bad fortnight.
Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2021, 02:37:49 PM »

Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2021, 02:42:59 PM »
Up here, at least, there's an election coming up which means a deluge of leaflets coming through the door. We have a degree of grim fascination with the "Friendly Neighbourhood Tory" look, of which our local candidate is a textbook example.



Something about his face just screams "Tory" but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe the echoes of Cameron's puffy face look. This one also to be seen sporting what we refer to in our household as the "Tory jacket".



I'm sure there's better examples doing the rounds. Other party political stereotypes also available.
Reminds me of when we were living in Chester and we got some Tory bollocks through our door, with Gyles Brandreth on it. Mum had fun vandalising it.

Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #22 on: April 03, 2021, 02:47:48 PM »

wosl

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2021, 04:53:07 PM »
Something about his face just screams..


greencalx

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2021, 06:10:44 PM »

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2021, 06:42:56 PM »
Jason Manford has lost weight.

I was thinking Barry Dodds.

GoblinAhFuckScary

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2021, 07:00:51 PM »
Making me think of this photo of Mike Weatherley, who was my old tory MP


Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2021, 07:08:34 PM »
This fella's standing in our ward and I can't think of anything snide to say about him so, the rest of you, get your creative minds working.



Still insists on only using loose tobacco. To brush his teeth. Sprays Lynx Africa every time he farts. Turns his undies inside out, then upside down. Puts space raiders on his Christmas dinner.

Inspector Norse

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #28 on: April 03, 2021, 07:22:20 PM »


Didn't know who that was - thought at first it was a '90s cricketer who shares a name with an infamously treacherous modern politician - but a Google Image Search reveals that he is, um, a flowerpot.

greencalx

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Re: Friendly Neighbourhood Tories
« Reply #29 on: April 03, 2021, 07:29:51 PM »
Graham Gooch?

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