Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 06:28:00 PM

Login with username, password and session length

I have penned some lyrics to "The Archers" theme tune.

Started by idunnosomename, April 04, 2021, 11:59:47 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

idunnosomename

Down into the grave we go
Because we have expired
Deep into the earth we go
It happens all the time

I'm a skeleton
I'm a skeleton
I'm a skeleton
baby!

Deep under the ground I am,
in my beautiful grave.

Replies From View

If you want a cup of tea
And your balls are aching
Stem the tide with half a bag
Of Tetleys up your japs

Dum de diddly
Dun da piddly
Bum de wobbly poo

Going to have a cup of tea
And wee the rest on you!

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Bunch of fucking country cunts
Sitting in a field
Bunch of fucking country cunts
What are they up to today?

Replies From View

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 04, 2021, 03:10:51 PM
Bunch of fucking country cunts
Sitting in a field
Bunch of fucking country cunts
What are they up to today?


Wank a diddly
Spunk a diddly
Cunt a diddly
Doo

Bunch of country bumpkin flumps
What are they up to today


Janie Jones

(I sing this twice a day)

What a load of shit for cunts
What a load of bollocks
Absolutely fucking shite
Can't believe it gets aired.

Awful writing and
Full of cliches and
Simply terrible acting

Every programme makes me sick and I
Haven't missed one for years.


Ferris

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 04, 2021, 03:10:51 PM
Bunch of fucking country cunts
Sitting in a field
Bunch of fucking country cunts
What are they up to today?


What will they do today? scans better as a last line, but it's otherwise very good.

Goldentony

ARCHERS SHIT
ARCHERS FUCK
ARCHERS ARCHERS
SHIT THE ARCHERS
FUCK THE ARCHERS

CHORUS

I AM THE ARCHERS
BURN MY HOME DOWN
TO ASH


Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on April 04, 2021, 05:21:09 PM
What will they do today? scans better as a last line, but it's otherwise very good.

Yeah, you're right. Too many syllables in the last line.

Goldentony

I LIVE IN CAR
I AM CAR
FUCK MY CAR
CAR RUIN EARTH
CAR FORGIVE
MAN FORGET
NATURES BLOOD AND FEAR
THE ARCHERS
ITS
THE ARCHERS

The Dog

O! lord Satan come to us!
Hear us tell our story!
We who sacrifice our souls,
Bathe us in your glory!

Hail to Satan!
O, hail to Satan!
O, hail to Satan!
Our saviour.

He will purify the earth,
with cleansing fire.
THE ARCHERS.

The Dog

Kill your wife and kill your kid,
Murder all your neighbours,
They know all the things you did,
And mock your wasted labours,

Flay them,
batter them,
drown them,
scatter them,
smash them all into pieces,

The time has come to end it all,
but first of all its
THE ARCHERS


poo

Beady little pterosaur,
Ont' it way, he benffre',
Cack bag full n' way we go,
Banty done it again :(

Peen be way wid u,
Peen be way wid u,
Mizbet callin', he call

Zbider hidin', pwn be risin', klampa-diddly-doo...

Ray Travez

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 04, 2021, 03:10:51 PM
Bunch of fucking country cunts
Sitting in a field
Bunch of fucking country cunts
What are they up to today?


chatting shit about country bollocks while shifting horseshit and hay
that's what fucking country cunts
are all up to today!


(middle eight) that is what all the country cunts are up to, all of the country cunts are up to in their shitty homes
shitty bland expensive homes...

and they fuck the geese and then eat their beaks, and leave the corpse in a hedge for weeks, you'd think it was illegal but it's not
... apparently not...

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: poo on April 04, 2021, 10:40:53 PM
Beady little pterosaur,
Ont' it way, he benffre',
Cack bag full n' way we go,
Banty done it again :(

Peen be way wid u,
Peen be way wid u,
Mizbet callin', he call

Zbider hidin', pwn be risin', klampa-diddly-doo...

Laughed

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

#16
Bastard fucking cunty fuck
Cunty fucking bastard
Cunty bastard bastard fuck
Twatty fucking doo doo

Cunty bastards
And twatty bastards
And fuck a diddley doo

Take your trousers down you twat
Fuck my mouth it's The Archers!

hamfist

Anus bleeding
Anus ripped
Anal fucking prolapse
Punch my balls and clamp my tits
Make me wear the helmet

Strap me to the fence
Turn the power on
Scent of human combustion

Fold my body
Zip me in
Listen to The Archers

hamfist

Tell me why the Biddy-Man
Waits outside the care home
Wears a onesie, holds a scythe
Crunches raw potatoes

,,Fire the cannons!" and
,,Launch the mortars!" he
Squirts his baby glue

Lock him up
In Armley Jail
In with all the paedos

hamfist

Glen be roamin'
Glen be hard
Glen be comin' over
Glen be in your dinin' room
Glen be on your sofa

Glen be tuggin' and
Glen be juggin' and
Glen be bendin' you over

Glen be mayor of Ambridge now
Glen the Animal Groper

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Jesus Christ has come to town
Let us hail our Saviour!
Spread your seed upon the ground
Let us taste your flavour

Wanking Jesus
Let's all wank Jesus
Let's wank him until he dies

Lick his anus, tug his balls
But first of all it's The Archers!

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Come and see me put my hand
In a cow's vagina
Oh I think my watch got stuck
Somewhere deep inside her

Country matters
and bovine fanny
We really are most peculiar

It's All Creatures Great and Small
No it's not it's The Archers!

Ferris

Because of this thread I have had the Archers theme in my head all day. I realized I was singing "belt me slowly, belt me fast, belt me up my arsehole..." to myself as I was walking about running errands, and it may well have been audible.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Ferris likes a baseball bat
Up his dirty arsehole
Wax it up and fire it in
Now you're hitting first base

Belt me slowly
Now belt me faster
Now put the belt up my bumhole

Lake of hell fire waits for him
First of all it's The Archers!



PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: idunnosomename on April 04, 2021, 11:59:47 AM
Down into the grave we go
Because we have expired
Deep into the earth we go
It happens all the time

I'm a skeleton
I'm a skeleton
I'm a skeleton
baby!

Deep under the ground I am,
in my beautiful grave.

Really very good

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Janie Jones on April 04, 2021, 04:02:03 PM
(I sing this twice a day)

What a load of shit for cunts
What a load of bollocks
Absolutely fucking shite
Can't believe it gets aired.

Awful writing and
Full of cliches and
Simply terrible acting

Every programme makes me sick and I
Haven't missed one for years.

Last line really made me chuckle

PlanktonSideburns

Almost everyone is fucking up the fourth line what the hell

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

The fourth line? It goes doo-bee-dooby-doo-doo, no?

PlanktonSideburns


hamfist

Taking part in kinky sex
Can be very dangerous
Underestimate the risks
Reap the consequences

Ass to mouth and then
Mouth to dog and then
Dog molests the baby

Now the baby's traumatised
Little baby Archer