Author Topic: I am in charge of Beyonce  (Read 464 times)

I am in charge of Beyonce
« on: April 06, 2021, 07:38:19 PM »
but she won't do what I say.

Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2021, 07:41:15 PM »
The hints were in the song, buddy.

“Who runs the world? Not popcorn.”

Glebe

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2021, 02:26:36 AM »
Put a ring on her.

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2021, 09:11:44 AM »
What’s she gonna look like with a chimney on her

Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2021, 12:40:47 PM »
Take her to a Beyonce castle.

wosl

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2021, 02:46:52 PM »
Waggle a pentacle at her

idunnosomename

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2021, 03:09:04 PM »
let me have a go then

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2021, 03:32:34 PM »
Seriously though imagine her with a chimney on

Glebe

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2021, 12:39:59 AM »
Seriously though imagine her with a chimney on

She's made of jelly so it'd do nowt.

Lemming

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2021, 12:45:51 AM »
Latest intel indicates that Beyonce is on a covert mission to sabotage HS Art, because it's "unfunny lolrandom shit", in her words. Keep her closely surveilled.

And please tell me you haven't already given her the HS Art access codes.

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2021, 10:14:02 AM »
She's made of jelly so it'd do nowt.

A chimney on jelly would collapse straight the way through, right?  You are operating under a different usage of “nowt” then hitherto discerned.

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2021, 10:16:00 AM »
And please tell me you haven't already given her the HS Art access codes.

Erm..... alright then I won’t tell you that I have

Glebe

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2021, 01:50:52 PM »
A chimney on jelly would collapse straight the way through, right?  You are operating under a different usage of “nowt” then hitherto discerned.

Well it would bounce off. Or if it's American 'jelly' then she'd already be splatted into jam.

Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2021, 05:41:35 PM »
Beyonce keeps insisting that we "do things stinky", or sometimes even "stanky". She won't be talked out of this.

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2021, 09:32:31 PM »
Ok well there was a terrible ‘crack’ sound - like the internet was being broken open - and now there’s a whole wealth of peach melba angel delight being shared around


Beyoncé is saying she obtained it from another dimension but I’d like you to know I don’t trust it, her or you

Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #15 on: April 09, 2021, 10:59:20 AM »
Got some bags of gravel that need moving around the garden for some reason. They look pretty heavy, do you think I could borrow Beyoncé for the afternoon?

Lemming

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Re: I am in charge of Beyonce
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2021, 06:32:06 PM »
After entering negotiations with Beyonce, I've managed to save H.S. Art, but she specified a few conditions. The first is that popcorn is to be permanently banned, effective immediately. The second is that "jokes", "bullshit" and "fucking about" are to be limited to two hours a day. During the remaining 22 hours, H.S. Art will operate as a serious high-powered forum for the latest geopolitical news and analysis. Beyonce will be bringing in many of her own people to make this happen.

Think I negotiated us a pretty good deal, all in all! Oh, I also accepted a £500k payout, but that's not relevant and didn't affect my negotiating in any way. I really fought hard to preserve the subforum's integrity, you guys should have seen how strongly I argued our case, and I think we can agree this is a fantastic result. Any feedback should be issued to Ferris, my secretary, because I am now fleeing to the Bahamas.

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