Loneliness

[Adina Loki]

Erm think this is my first proper thread so go easy

I was wondering how normal it is to experiance periods of extreme loneliness and how many of you have felt like this for little or no reason .I've had problems with this for a long time and i can't seem to shake it off.Thing is, i shouldn't feel this shitty, my life is okay and i know i can rely on my family and i have good friends who i know care about me. but there are these intense patches where i feel totally isolated and alone even when i am with other people and i can't explain why.I was sat in the pub the other night with friends and just felt this totally alien atmosphere (which was in my own head) where i reall really struggled to even make smalltalk in the most casual of conversations and basically felt like a stranger to the people that are closest to me and an idiot.

Any advice or similar experiances or anything? and don't try the "just don't worry and enjoy life" line please, that's what i'm hearing from my doctor (who incidently also doesn't believe in depression) this is really doing my head in now

while it would be quite amusing if no one at all replied to this, you will also make me cry.Do you really want that on your conscience?

[Lee]

I know how you feel. I don't think I need to discuss any of my problems here, I've already done that to death (do a search for "Counselling", I started it under my old screenname), and I can't really offer any advice myself. I would suggest looking through that thread though, as I reckon some of the problems you're having will have been discussed there.

Incidently, I'm going to see a nurse tomorrow to discuss the possibility of taking anti-depressents regarding my depression. I'm hoping I don't get the prescription, but if it needs to be done, I guess that's what I'll have to do. I shaln't talk further about this here, this is Adina's thread, so PM me if you want to say anything. And please don't bump the old thread.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

When I'm feeling alone, I always remember a poem I heard at school, written by a very talented classmate:

To be alone is not nice
It's just like eating
burned-up rice.

I find it helps.

[Adina Loki]

I

Incidently, I'm going to see a nurse tomorrow to discuss the possibility of taking anti-depressents regarding my depression. I'm hoping I don't get the prescription, but if it needs to be done, I guess that's what I'll have to do..

Ah been down that road.So has virtually everyone i know in fact.This worries me a bit

i think i'll look for that other thread now

[Banana Woofwoof]

I feel exactly like that right now, and I can't connect with anyone or my surroundings, so you have my love and sympathy because I know how frustrating it is.  Can you try another doctor?

[Adina Loki]

I feel exactly like that right now, and I can't connect with anyone or my surroundings, so you have my love and sympathy because I know how frustrating it is.  Can you try another doctor?

I suppose i could but i couldn't really elaborate beyond "i'm so fucking lonely for no real reason" to be honest and i'd feel stupid anyway and would probably burst into tears in front of them (as i have done often)

[Cerys]

I feel a bit odd posting here, because all I have to say is that I've been there, and things do get better.  The thing is, being told that doesn't help when you're feeling that way.  If I tell you that feeling alone when in the middle of a group of friends is something that practically everyone experiences at some time or other, it just sounds trite and clichéd, no matter how true it may be.

So ... I'll shut up now.

[The Mumbler]

Adina, please see another doctor.  Even if the course of anti-depressants don't work, a sympathetic GP will suggest a different anti-depressant.  Over the past few years, I've tried prozac (dreadful), paroxetine (induced nausea and tiredness) and now I'm on something called mirtazapine.  Which is alright - I've got more energy, but I'm an angrier person on it, and that's not great.  However, my doc is great, and we can talk frankly about all that.

If you'd rather not do the tablets option, a helpful GP should also direct you to a free counselling service at the nearest hospital.   And if it helps at all - it probably doesn't! - there are a lot of us who feel the same as you.   At the moment, despite a long-term loving relationship, I am having similar thoughts to you.  All the best to you.

[Banana Woofwoof]

I feel exactly like that right now, and I can't connect with anyone or my surroundings, so you have my love and sympathy because I know how frustrating it is.  Can you try another doctor?

I suppose i could but i couldn't really elaborate beyond "i'm so fucking lonely for no real reason" to be honest and i'd feel stupid anyway and would probably burst into tears in front of them (as i have done often)

Just try your best.  Really, do see a doctor.  If they think there's a problem, you don't have to take anti-depressants or anything, they can set up counselling for you.  Do get some help though, please do.  I may consider joining you there when I get the guts.

[dot]

kill your friends

[Adina Loki]

I should point out i don't believe myself to be depressed.I have been before quite badly and feel i came out of the other side after a while.I'm generally pretty happy but can't explain this irrational loneliness i get from time to time.I just feel like i should try to address it.....whatever 'it' is of course...because it could potentially be driving away some of my closest friends

Think i'll go for a walk.....to the offy

[dot]

kill the offy

[domesticgoddess]

I would second finding another doctor.  One who 'doesn't believe in depression' is clearly not a very good doctor!

It doesn't matter if you can't say much more than that.  Often if people are depressed they have no idea why.  A good doctor will take that and ask you other questions about how you are feeling,, to judge whether you are depressed, o just a bit low.  And I wouldn't be scared of taking anti-depressants, they really can help, and aren't necessarily addictive.  I took a mild dose for just under a year, and they really helped me.

Whatever you decide, I hope that things pick up for you soon.  Cerys is right - most people feel something like this at some point, so you are not alone.  And there's always us!

*Hug*

[Adina Loki]

Kill your friends

hmmmm

kill the offy

Barbarian!

[Banana Woofwoof]

I should point out i don't believe myself to be depressed.I have been before quite badly and feel i came out of the other side after a while.I'm generally pretty happy but can't explain this irrational loneliness i get from time to time.I just feel like i should try to address it.....whatever 'it' is of course...because it could potentially be driving away some of my closest friends

Think i'll go for a walk.....to the offy

That's a good way to think, though, wanting to address it.  I still think you should try another doctor and maybe get a bit of counselling to help you through this- you'll be ok though.  x

[wasp_f15ting]

There are some people who like solitude, and others I don't I was apart of the former, and now through lifestyle and choice, become the latter. I think people tend to change their needs as they go along in life.

I used to feel very lonely even when I was surrounded with many sympathetic / similar friends. I think too much familial / peer intimacy (no you dirty bastard) can lead one to question whether such intimacy is attainable through relationships and whatnot. When in a relationship, you lose contact with the familial / peer intimacy and gain your interpersonal intimacy, so the mind searches for what you had before. It is a dodgy conundrum. I have experienced this kind of emotion a few times.

At the moment I have very long bouts of loneliness, and being with friends is not helping deride the feeling.

[dot]

you are not alone.  And there's always us!

*Hug*

Yes, there's always us. Though we tend to keep our problems to ourselves, we are british after all. Stop being so vulgar, go on trisha if you must. Can we have a sticky butwhataboutme thread Neil?
Then I can just post in there instead. Aha, gotcha!

[Adina Loki]

I bet your wit has never gone unnappreciated mr dot

[Lee]

Whatever you decide, I hope that things pick up for you soon.  Cerys is right - most people feel something like this at some point, so you are not alone.  And there's always us!

I know you said this with the best intentions, but personally the fact I'm spending far too much of my life in front of a computer responding to words on a screen, rather than having the motivation/resources to go out and talk to real people makes me feel even worse. Of course I'm speaking for myself, and I don't know if Adina feels the same way.

Sorry, I'm not helping. I'll probably edit this out in a minute.

[slim]

real people

What's not real about any of us? If you reclassify what you class as social contact, this forum is as valid as any other meeting place. I had to really readjust my view on things when I found this place. I get far more arresting conversation here than in most "real" situations...

For some parts of social contact, I know which reality I prefer.


Edit: I'm really not following you around, I promise.

[dot]

I bet your wit has never gone unnappreciated mr dot

Yeah, everyone loves me. I'm mr popular round these fucking idiots.

[Leslie]

I hate being lonely; and yet I crave it!

[domesticgoddess]

Whatever you decide, I hope that things pick up for you soon.  Cerys is right - most people feel something like this at some point, so you are not alone.  And there's always us!

I know you said this with the best intentions, but personally the fact I'm spending far too much of my life in front of a computer responding to words on a screen, rather than having the motivation/resources to go out and talk to real people makes me feel even worse. Of course I'm speaking for myself, and I don't know if Adina feels the same way..

Well, sometimes I feel that I can't face talking with real people, but I can cope with this.  I don't think offering someone some support online means they won't go out and talk to people in the real world, I just want her to know that there are people here if she can't talk to anyone else.  Sometimes it's just easier to speak to faceless people.

[23 Daves]

I hate being lonely; and yet I crave it!

Yes, I was going to say - I'm not too sure if this is what you meant, but I do sometimes thoroughly enjoy a nice bit of melancholic solitude.  A book, some pens and paper, tea and toast, and me curled up in the corner pondering the sorry state of the world and how I can't relate to it - wonderful.  Sentimental cliched claptrap of course, almost adolescent in fact, but then that's the kind of sorry, miserable old bastard I am.

This doesn't help Adina much, though.  I hope things work out for you - I won't pretend to know that I have any answers, but I'll agree with everyone who has said that things probably will get better.

[slim]

Yes, I was going to say - I'm not too sure if this is what you meant, but I do sometimes thoroughly enjoy a nice bit of melancholic solitude.  A book, some pens and paper, tea and toast, and me curled up in the corner pondering the sorry state of the world and how I can't relate to it - wonderful.  Sentimental cliched claptrap of course, almost adolescent in fact, but then that's the kind of sorry, miserable old bastard I am.

Me too. I do like a bit of solitude from time to time.

[Almost Yearly]

But obviously melancholic solitude does not equal loneliness.


My best mate's done too much booze and coke and can remember hardly any of the times we've shared. My woman is foreign and consequently often stupid, and once a month our communication breaks right, right down. Some days my kid doesn't seem to have much time for me, and prefers headbanging the fridge to playing with me. When these things coincide, I feel pretty lonely. One thing I do about it is post to a bulletin board, where everybody loves and understands me. Except dot, who's some kind of cunt.

[slim]

But obviously melancholic solitude does not equal loneliness.

Oh, I didn't mean that. I hope that's not how it came across - I didn't intend to trivialise the thread, I was just echoing sentiments.

[bennyprofane]

i really hope this doesn't sound like i'm being facile and contrarian, but from your post you said you tended to feel lonely in a crowd of people yu know.  I know this feeling petty well, and sometimes i found it really useful to spend some time in actual solitude.  If you can organise yourself to spend 3 or 4 days alone with something absorbing like some reading or writing to occupy your time, by the time you come back you might well feel better about company, and about your own independence from it.
on the other hand, if you feel lonely worse when you're on your own, then I don't really have anyting useful to say.

[dot]

I understand you better than anyone my baldy beauty. Remember dial 9 for alone? That was about you. I post here because everyone hates and misunderstands me, it's like the real world you can turn off easier.
I think you may find some solace in these words Adina

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to come home, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

[Borboski]

CHIN UP!