Recipe Boxes

[Icehaven]

My flatmate at the time (around 2002) ordered one of these pioneering new kits so he could cook his ex a nice dinner and try to get her to take him back. The recipes were supposedly idiot-proof and he still managed to fuck it all up. I think the desert was some kind of vanilla souffle thing and I remember seeing its remains the next day, looking like the remains of the baby from Eraserhead.

Fancy including a souffle in an "idiot proof" cooking kit, they're notoriously difficult to get right, even with perfect instructions and exact ingredients. They turn up on Masterchef a lot because similarly to chocolate fondants if you get them right it's a good way to show off your technique and timing (and luck), and I've still seen more than one contestant royally fuck them up, so a novice chef having a crack has little to no chance. He should have just got a Vienetta in, she'd have been unable to resist him.

[seepage]

Well considering the fact that I've apparently gained weight over the last week despite (going by the numbers on the box) I've stayed below my calorie budget I'd say you are bang on.

But now you're not burning any calories hunting for your food, just having the carcasses chucked direct through your letterbox instead.

[Sebastian Cobb]

What was the very first (now defunct) one of these called? Leaping Salmon or something like that? EDIT: (Yes it was, and they they did go bust, maybe they were just ahead of their time). My flatmate at the time (around 2002) ordered one of these pioneering new kits so he could cook his ex a nice dinner and try to get her to take him back. The recipes were supposedly idiot-proof and he still managed to fuck it all up. I think the desert was some kind of vanilla souffle thing and I remember seeing its remains the next day, looking like the remains of the baby from Eraserhead.

She didn't take him back.

One of my old housemates decided serving his squeeze instant bisto from a pyrex jug would be too gauche so used my stainless steel teapot.

As I discovered when I found it congealing in there the next day.

[Twit 2]

Partly I just posted this thread to get a reaction from my mate Twit 2 and hope to draw him out x

Love you too mate.

[Kankurette]

The curry chute is fantastic. Unlike Brick Lane, Wilmslow Road hasn't been beiged-out too much by its popularity with non-cuisine-native palates and you can get some astounding stuff from there, including proper Goan-style vindaloos with actual flavour and the only korma I've ever enjoyed past the first mouthful.

Any particular favourites? Lal Qila's mine. I love Great Kathmandu (not on the Curry Mile) as well.

I've actually been experimenting more and trying new recipes over lockdown. I bought Sainsbury's magazine earlier cos it's got this Nigerian stew recipe I'd like to try.

Maybe I should have a bash at a soufflé.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

"Curry Chute" sounds like a euphemism, if ever I heard one.

I've not tried my hand at making soufflé, but I have made meringue pancakes, which is basically the same idea - fold meringue into the batter - and it was as easy as pie. Easier, in fact.

[Kankurette]

I made panna cotta last year. Bugger to make but it was worth it.

[The Mollusk]

This sort of shite makes me wonder if they focus primarily on getting the right sized carrots or whatever to match the recipe requirements and end up incinerating/exploding/firing the not-up-to-scratch produce into space. You know like how supermarkets have only in the last decade started selling their uglier looking fruit and veg - and even then they package it separately like it's a fucking bell pepper that's got leprosy and stick "UGLY CUNT VEG SAME GREAT TASTE" on the bag.

[Sebastian Cobb]

This sort of shite makes me wonder if they focus primarily on getting the right sized carrots or whatever to match the recipe requirements and end up incinerating/exploding/firing the not-up-to-scratch produce into space. You know like how supermarkets have only in the last decade started selling their uglier looking fruit and veg - and even then they package it separately like it's a fucking bell pepper that's got leprosy and stick "UGLY CUNT VEG SAME GREAT TASTE" on the bag.

Adjacent to this some companies are buying the wonky seconds wholesale, boxing it up and mailing it out for an eyewatering fee. A proper little cynical tax on 'doing the right thing'.

[seepage]

Used to have a novelty letter box that shredded anything put through it. This is long before that Banksy thing. Shame haven't still go it as it would have made some luvverly baton carrots.

[Beagle 2]

I had a discount code for one of these services but when the first one turned up there was just a little bit of an arm in one foil wrapped package, and then a torso in (non-recyclable) Tupperware, then a face all folded up in an insulated box (but freezing cold). I put it all together pretty quickly and it wasn't a chore but the waste was depressing. When it was all done it was Rodney Bewes, which was alright because he told some anecdotes and that and I would normally just have beans in silence. But the next one that arrived was all bits of James Bolam and when that one was finished there was a really icy atmosphere, they clearly didn't get on. But I'm going to persevere until it goes full price.

[Blue Jam]

I had a look on Gousto earlier and was surprised to see how basic a lot of the recipes seem. Stir fries and that. There are Thai and Indian curries on there and while a lot of people may have no idea how to make a curry paste and they're a faff to make even if you do, these are also the reasons why you can buy curry pastes ready-made in jars. There's a couple of recipe boxes for tacos and I have to wonder if you could get comparable results by going to Sainsbury's and buying an Old El Paso kit.

I suppose people might try these things for inspiration and to expand their culinary repertoire, but isn't that what cookbooks are for?

[TrenterPercenter]

Gusto is Good-though (they should hire me for their marketing team);

simple but tasty; even got my chef lonely hearts meal for one eternally single manchild friend into cooking (someone who has literally lived of takeaways for the last 10 years).

[Goldentony]

fucking absolutely hate all this carrot stick served in a new balance shite, the grim semester of melancholgy that grips me when I walk side on into the same shitty chilly veg aisle in the TESCO and get to go with fresh or bagged bollocks and either way look like a big fat wanker who shovels pre chopped beetroot into his gob going FUCKIN YEEES HEALTHY THE BOYSBRRRB4LBLRBR  and pissing myself into silence and no interest. Hate that posh nice gear is priced out of me and I demand fucking nice gear sent to me for free if these fuckers are going to have the nerve to tell me to have the invasion of a box of weird shit anyone could have spat on sent to mt house with instructions on how to make it, terrifying, stuff of a stephen king novel, the guy who agreed to have carrots sent to the gaff for eternity

[Icehaven]

I think once the demand for having everything delivered has subsided, restaurants have reopened and normal life has resumed to the point where for many home cooking goes back to being a chore rather than a pastime these kinds of meal kits will lose a lot of their appeal even to people who like them now. Even if they've inspired a love of cooking in someone, surely they'd 'grow out' of the kits fairly quickly once they clock they can get the same ingredients for a fraction of the price from the shops, as well as finding recipes online for free.

[Buelligan]

Also what about the way the business is designed?  If they were offering highly paid great working conditions and benefits work to people and that's where the high cost of the product was going - to making good jobs for ordinary people - I wouldn't mind as much.  But it's literally unremarkable product that's been fingered, over packaged and the people who grow or make it getting poorly and precariously remunerated.  Is this a step forward?  I don't think so.

It's also a bit weird psychologically.  You have some money and some cooking equipment.  You can choose anything you like to make and you can select the ingredients to suit your budget and your taste, your health.  Or you can have someone else provide a more limited range, with no choice over individual ingredients, that's less fresh at a higher cost, whilst reinforcing the idea that you're not really able to do this stuff for yourself.  Is that better for you?

I know I'm being tough on them but, even if I am, there is a grain of truth in all of that, I think.  A wee grain[nb]you can pick it out if you don't like it.[/nb].

[Chedney Honks]

I knew that this topic would result in a load of cognitive dissonance. It's classic CaB fodder.

[touchingcloth]

I had a Hello Fresh trial for a month after being basically forced into a low-priced trial by a friend who had drunk the Kool Aid.

The recipes were great, and I can see the worth of something like this for someone who has managed to reach adulthood with no idea how to cook anything that hasn't come from a cellophane wrapper or a jar, but the wastefulness of it all was INSANE. Some weeks you would have multiple recipes which included chili powder or ground pepper or soy sauce, and you'd get multiple individual plastic pots of each thing.

Really what would be more useful is a similar concept of idiot-proof recipes just packaged into some sort of blog and with some guidance for the uninitiated about setting up a store cupboard of common ingredients. There are probably many such things out there, of course, but they're not as attractive to venture capitalists as mail order boxes of shite.

[Buelligan]

Heheh.  Plus with the boxes, personal choice, decisions on whether to buy this apple, a commercial red apple flown in from the Antipodes or this apple, an organic red apple from up the road, is gone.  The box provider takes all of those choices from you.  Which is fine if you don't give a fuck about that.

And you'll also pay the high cost of buying an organic apple[nb]and supporting those kinds of businesses if that's what you want.[/nb] for a bog-standard earth-killer.  So there's that too.  I mean, come on, if you've got that spare money, why not use it to support things like organic farming and decreased mileage on food?

[turnstyle]

We took a Hello Fresh trial a few months ago, tired of cooking the same old shit all the time or resorting to licking the condensation off the inside of the windows for sustenance when we didn't have any food in.

It's expensive, its wasteful, but shit, I really enjoyed. Who knew that some meals could use upwards of four ingredients. FOUR!

It also makes you feel like a proper chef too, chopping up bits and bobs, sprinkling, simmering, dicing - 'LOOK AT ME' you think, 'FUCK YOU MARCO PIERRE WHITE!'. I used to enjoy downing a can of lager while I was whipping up a culinary storm, just to accurately emulate the authentic chef experience, although I resisted the urge to belittle my sous chef (wife) by bellowing in her face about burnt garlic or whatever.

Of course, realistically you're not a shit hot chef, you're just an idiot following some very basic instructions that have been specifically crafted to enable even those with the lowest IQs to make a passable evening meal, without accidentally replicating the cover of Rage Against the Machine's debut album in a deadly stove accident.

I can't say I have actually learned how to cook, although I do now know the secret of making food taste 'really fresh' - squeeze a fuckload of lime on at the end. Hello Fresh must own a lime plantation because the use the fuckers in most recipes. And only now do I realise that their logo is a lime too! Jesus Hello Fresh, cool your tits with the limes!

Anyway, if Hello Fresh are reading this, feel free to stick this on your site as a testimonial.

[DrGreggles]

I had a Pasta Evangelists trial not long ago.
Got a box of ingredients for 3 meals the next day.
Quite nice, but small portions.
Ate all 3 in one go.
No way would I pay full price for it.

Thanks. Bye.

[steve98]

Open and decant the beans from the tin provided into a saucepan (not provided,) and heat. Meanwhile un-clingfilm the 2 slices of bread, and toast to taste. Gently introduce the beans onto the toasted bread and serve.
Dispose of waste responsibly.

[Blue Jam]

I had a Pasta Evangelists trial not long ago.

Were you touched by His Noodly Appendage?

[Icehaven]

I had a Pasta Evangelists trial not long ago.
Got a box of ingredients for 3 meals the next day.
Quite nice, but small portions.
Ate all 3 in one go.

Yes this is another reason why I'd not bother with them, I'm greedy and I like generous portion sizes. If I'm making something relatively healthy and not too loaded with fat and salt I'm not averse to following the recipe for 'serves 4' just for two of us. It's not always me being gluttonous though, I bought a frozen three fish roast from Lidl once which was supposedly for 4, and seriously if 4 people had shared it they'd have got about one and a half forkfuls each, it was tiny, and deliberately deceptive as it was about 2/3rds the size of the box it was in, which obviously only becomes apparent once you've opened it at home.

I know obviously it's mostly because less food=more profit but with recipes if it's also to keep calorie/fat content down then frankly I'd rather eat a bigger portion of something healthier. If I have a lasagne the size of a postage stamp I'm only going to end up eating more later anyway so I'd be better of having a nice big plate of stir-fry or a lean chilli con carne or something.

[Midas]

They sound like an expensive waste of time to me. If you want everything pre-measured in advance just do what I do and unload a sack of oven chips onto a baking tray. Bachelor's delight in just 25 mins.

[Chedney Honks]

Last night we had some Tesco's legend oven chips with Tesco piri piri chicken and Tesco salt and pepper chicken wings. Absolutely nailed the cook on these fucks and if J. Tesco had come in my house during, I would have sucked and fucked him/her all night.

[imitationleather]

I'm getting a load of ketamine sorted in to individual line pots wheeled in.

[Kankurette]

Gusto is Good-though (they should hire me for their marketing team);

simple but tasty; even got my chef lonely hearts meal for one eternally single manchild friend into cooking (someone who has literally lived of takeaways for the last 10 years).

I've got a friend who's into Gousto and some of the meals she's made with it do look pretty delicious.

Not for me though, Clive.

[Chedney Honks]

Had a cajun chicken with creamy pepper linguine tonight and my wife was like when can we renew our vows 😂😂😂

[seepage]

It's probably the chemicals in the chicken.