nicolas cage

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

i see you calling him nick cage do you think that's cute? do you think you're pals? i bet even his real friends don't call him that

[frajer]

Oh, Nicky Cage? Old Knickers Cage. The Knickerblocker Rage. Yep, lovely man, summered together in '97. Fresh off Face/Off and mobbed everywhere he went. "Frajer," he said, "I'm losing my mind, man."

"Not your face?" I suggested with a chuckle, but he ignored that, and he his right to do so.

"Frajer," he says, "I just need you, me and the boys down the pub for a bloody good sesh. Somewhere I won't be papped. I've been trapped with Travolta for six months and I'm ready to chew my own face off." I laughed and didn't bring up that he'd ignored then repurposed my own joke. Great days.

[Ferris]

I once saw him buying a pasta salad.

Beat that!

[shiftwork2]

His real name is Nicols Cuge.

[Glebe]

Has he ever 'nicked' anything? He's very 'cagey' about it.

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here is my best poem ever:


there once was a man named nicholas cage
he thought he was the bees knees or all the rage
he went to the shops to buy some [something rhyming with money]
but he didn't have any money so he couldn't

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no idea why he lacked money by the way

[pancreas]

Surname rhymes with étage. Not a lot of people know that.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Still trying to work out how Coppola rhymes with étage. Floored me.

[Corduroy Castle]

I saw Nicholas Cage in the departure lounge at Bremen Airport in 2002. He was standing on one of the seats shouting "Airplanes are the new animals of Satan!" with his top lip curling up like a burning Elvis autograph.

"Sharpen your dicks, people, 'cause it's gonna get pretty fucken occult in here soon!" he addressed us. Then he flicked back his plugs and snorted out twin florets of cocaine mist from his ravaged nose cave.

"Is that... is that Nicholas actual Cage?" went the susurrus.

Nicholas actual Cage then jumped off the chair and strutted through the lounge, the stitched skull on the back of his jacket glowing like a Romanian lantern.
He turned to give us one last wild fix of his mad eyes and then he pelvic-thrusted his way into the gents toilets, leaving a smell like hair gel and illegal fireworks lingering in the waiting area like a cloud of pus.

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His actual name is Nichola Scage


just saying

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his name was designed to promote Coca Cola but something went wrong at the baptism

[Ferris]

I once saw him buying a pasta salad.

Beat that!

Just remembered I was the one buying the pasta salad and Cage was not present. Apologies.

[frajer]

Just remembered I was the one buying the pasta salad and Cage was not present. Apologies.

Shit. I've already submitted this to the Cage Effect fanzine so I'm gonna look like I don't know anything about him now when this is patently not true. Could you follow him around until he does buy a pasta salad, to save my rep amongst the Cage Heads?

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The one thing that perplexes me about Nicholas Cage is why for example bees must be held against his face all the time with a literal cage


it is as if he can't grasp metaphors or what you are meant to do with them.  or bees




essentially if they make you scream you shouldn't have them there, that's all I am saying

[zomgmouse]

nip cage (bra)

[pancreas]

Now look. You have your Faraday Cage. And then you have your Nicolas Cage.

Pick a fucking side.

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Only those two kinds of cage in all of life?  Well then which of those kinds of cage were Boglins supplied in?