How Old Do You Think You Are?

[Tony Tony Tony]

Although I am fast approaching 60 I simply cant believe it in my head.

When I was a kid someone of my age was as good as dead. Even now I still think that I could invent something to change the world or write a prize winning novel or embark on a new career as a comic or a famous film star.

Though I think this one is common i still wake up sometimes and think 'oh shit I haven't finished that essay I have to hand in' before realising that although I don't have essays to complete I do have a days work to get through before i get one day closer to that longed for retirement.

I reckon in my head I am still, and always will be, 20 years old. Irresistible to the opposite sex (even though at 20 I wasn't) and having the time of my life (even though etc).

So, how old do you lot think you must be... and why?     

[Ferris]

Mid-twenties. Like... 25, 26 maybe?

[imitationleather]

I have the hairless bottom of a 30 year old.

[Tony Tony Tony]

I have the hairless bottom of a 30 year old.

Maybe you should give it back?

[touchingcloth]

I am 20 years old, but I feel like I'm fast approaching 60.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Maturity: 15
Temperament: 67

[mothman]

I'm 50, but don't really feel any different emotionally to when I was 35.

[touchingcloth]

I'm 50, but don't really feel any different emotionally to when I was 35.

And 34?

[checkoutgirl]

My soul feels old like I'm 75, cranky and curmudgeonly and my body is slowly giving up. Deep down I'm sure the Tom Cruise like career is off the cards.

Conversely my life is like I'm 25. My job is poorly paid. I rent a flat. No marriage. No kids. No mortgage. No car. No mobile phone contract. Still drink heavily and listen to house music and watch gargantuan amounts of comedy. Still have a lingering fondness for the 90s independent film ouvre. Still have a childish distaste for convention and family values. Still scoff at religion, nationalism and monarchies. Still have a churlish hatred of the rich. I quietly resent and pity friends and even siblings who have kids. Having a family is such a predictible cliche to me, as bizarre and pathetic as that sounds. The sheer balls of people who feel copies of themselves are this essential addition to the world. Again, pathetic attitude to have even at 25 years old probably.

So my body and soul is 75 but my life and attitude is a 25 year old kid.

I'm 42.

[idunnosomename]

would someone just put a captive bolt pistol to my forehead and pulp my brain

[Dex Sawash]

e. No car.

I thought you were getting a car?

[Dr Rock]

I'm 50, but don't really feel any different emotionally to when I was 35.

52, same. Although I'm not the same person I was when I was 35, 52 just does not compute. I suppose 40 at the most.

[Paul Calf]

I have never believed that I'll make it to my 60th birthday. I still don't.

I'm 48, but I don't believe it for a second. Sometimes I feel as though I'm in my early 30s, then I look at the shambling, lined mess in the mirror and think "Shit, I'm on borrowed time"

It doesn't help that I've been on the waiting list for surgery to remove my calcified gallbladder for nearly two years, a condition that could cause liver cancer if left untreated.

[checkoutgirl]

I thought you were getting a car?

For the last four years.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

would someone just put a captive bolt pistol to my forehead and pulp my brain

This replaces the outmoded concept of 'retirement'.

[timebug]

In real terms,I am seventy two; but in spirit and in my head,about eighteen goimg on thirty! Keep breathing,that's the trick. I worked with a bloke called Dan who was then in his twenties, but acted and thought like a middle aged old moaner!

[greenman]

This replaces the outmoded concept of 'retirement'.

Tesco execs watching Bowie Jnr's Moon and thinking "mmmmmm".

[purlieu]

I'm 36, I feel about 25, but that's because I've spent the last ten or so years of my life in some sort of social-life-less unemployed limbo, so in my head I haven't actually 'lived' my late 20s and early 30s.

Have I mentioned that I hate my life lately?

[kittens]

i feel 30 years young with a flawless/exceptional face and body combination. in reality i am 30 years young with a flawless/exceptional face and body combination.

[kittens]

i remain entirely unconcerned by aging. by the time the most severe of time's ravages have set in, i will be living in a permanent VR heaven simulation of Richard Linklater's 'Everybody Wants Some!!', partying and boning to my flawless heart's content.
this is what i truly believe and that is how i am able to cope with life as it currently stands.

[Chedney Honks]

Sometimes I think I should grow up for some reason but it's only societal conditioning, I don't need to. I still feel like a kid in terms of wanting to soak up new stuff and getting enthusiastic about it. I'm not looking for 'the answer', I don't believe there are any external answers, I just enjoy learning about new things or learning new things about things I already enjoy.

One of my mates mocked me a few years ago for always getting into different stuff (lot of cycling, piano, painting at the time) so I reminded him he's not been enthusiastic about anything since he left university fifteen years ago. I felt a bit harsh afterwards but it was in the same spirit as his observation. I talk to a lot of people and feel they're waiting to die or don't know what to do do with their time. I expect to die without any peace whatsoever, but with a long list of stuff I ran out of time to do.

I have some admiration for people who have one thing which consumes them endlessly and will do til they die. I have a mate who's an incredible flamenco guitarist, he could and does play for twelve hours a day, at home, in the park, at a show, in some stranger's house, in a studio. He's just obsessed and amazing at it. I admire the symbiosis and the depth of understanding and expression in one specific mode of existence, but I'm just not like that. The only aspects of my life I feel totally unconditional about are my wife, my brothers, and a few friends. Everything else is completely transient. I've had a few different careers, lived in different places, learned a handful of languages, all that. You get used to anything so you gotta keep moving in some way. That's how I feel.

The alternative is seek peace but I did that and it was a bit boring. I'd rather get stuck in and be material. Might do it again when I retire. I'll update you.

[Tony Tony Tony]

i remain entirely unconcerned by aging. by the time the most severe of time's ravages have set in, i will be living in a permanent VR bliss.

For me time's ravages are due next week. C'mon Boffins work harder on them VR boning suits.

[Norton Canes]

The social group I hang out with are mostly in their early 30's which is a cool 20 years younger than me and I fit right in so no worries on that score.

I mean I say I fit in, it's certainly true on a superficial level, but when I'm not there I'm sure they're all like "When is he going to fuck off and find some people his own age?"

[Norton Canes]

Anyway to answer the question, 14.

[Buelligan]

In real terms,I am seventy two; but in spirit and in my head,about eighteen goimg on thirty! Keep breathing,that's the trick. I worked with a bloke called Dan who was then in his twenties, but acted and thought like a middle aged old moaner!

Dear god yes, those strange sad people who live like going full barbecue dad is the goal, right from the off. 

I asked my great grandmother, when she was ninety (or more) how she felt inside and she said just like I felt when I was eighteen.  I think I've learned some stuff during my time but in terms of enthusiasm, optimism, energy, I feel stronger with every passing year. 

[Emma Raducanu]

I feel like after a year of hardly working at all, I'd be well suited to retirement age. I'm absolutely loving this slow pace of life. Whereas before, working 60 hour weeks, I had to frantically fit anything I wanted to do into small pockets of time. When I work, I have to go running about 5am before setting off on my 6am commute. Absolutely sucks arse and then getting home 7 at night and feeling fucked, I have to cook the dinner, do house work etc

Right now, my mornings are spent having a slow breakfast with my daughter before watering the plants while we decide what to do with the day. Tomorrow is just another day, we can plan something or not, doesn't matter. We sat in the sun, painting teracotta pots the other day then waded through a stream. On the news they were talking about pubs reopening and everyone getting back to normal. Fuck that I thought, I want to retire.

[ImmaculateClump]

I just enjoy learning about new things

That's what Frank Skinner is like, he says every day should be a schoolday, he's always trying to learn new things, taking up a new hobby.
It'll keep you young and happy, that.

I feel about 12, I think. I giggle at stupid things, smile at trees, cuddle my dog, don't like to watch the news because it's full of bad things. Don't like to think too much because nothing good ever comes of that.
I like nature and being outside but also watching films and shooting alien scum and talking to my sister and looking after my nephew.
The worlds a lovely place if you want it to be. Just concentrate on the good things around you and the stuff you can change and make better.

[checkoutgirl]

those strange sad people who live like going full barbecue dad is the goal, right from the off.

I did some college about 15 years ago when I was 27 and one of the girls there was describing some bloke she knew. Apparently he was married, mortgage, kid, car, job, the lot. He was 21 years old. At the time I remember thinking that guy was in a hurry and I felt slightly inadequate by comparison. Now I just think he's a bit of a twat. Like if you've ever heard Michael Owen talk about how he's been to the cinema once in his life or something. 

Thinking he's great or an idiot are both probably the wrong attitude. If he's happy with all that good luck to him. Although I do wonder if they're the guys who have the mid life crisis because they started all the serious grown up stuff when they were still basically a teenager and now they're wondering what the fuck happened. Probably not, some people are just built for that shit.

[Icehaven]

If you'd asked me a year ago I'd have said about 25 (I'm 42), but I've physically and mentally started to feel much closer to my actual age recently, which is extremely disconcerting given it's all come on quite suddenly after a lifetime of feeling like a young person and just assuming that's how everyone feels forever. No idea if it's entirely Covid-year related or I've just caught up with myself or a combination of both but whatever the cause I hope it fucks off and I can go back to how I was before. The worst aspect is after always being happy with how I've avoided most serious adult responsibilities that's now exactly what's making me worry, about future security, and about what it says about me that I haven't done much with my life and have very little to show for it. That's the sort of thing that would never have crossed my mind before, I wouldn't even have had the thought, so that it bothers me now makes me feel, just, older.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Quick carmarriagekidscareer is a way of keeping oneself permanently busy.

That way you can't be alone in your thoughts for too long, developing ideas, discovering your individual worth, reflecting on your own condition.

Servility to ones dependents gives people impetus and clarity of purpose. Yes, in 20 years it may all implode in a shower of broken glass and strangled cats, the trampoline may be turned into a Fort where you launch a series of terror attacks on your household, you may go full Philpott (Fullpott)  leaving permanent scars that affect your loved ones so profoundly they are crippled shadows of their former selves, but at least you never had to read a poem about existence from start to finish, and good old paper tells me what to think about stuff I ain't got time for.