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have you ever done/said any cool movie stuff in real life.

Started by madhair60, April 15, 2021, 01:19:21 PM

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shagatha crustie

Perfectly delivered a cutting goodbye monologue to an ex at a party, then flounced out.

Had an ill-advised dalliance with the partner of a nightclub owner, in his expensive flat, while he was away in Iran.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: kittens on April 15, 2021, 04:25:23 PM
has there ever been any movies made about reliably maintaining a steady wanking speed of 190 ppm

A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe


buzby

Quote from: Captain Z on April 15, 2021, 04:26:38 PM
Once received a call that was coming from inside the house...
GRRRRR.

For content:

Way back when I was a shelf stacker in a supermarket, a shoplifter came in and took a case of tinned salmon and ran back towards the turnstile at the top of the aisle to get out of the shop. I was about 20ft further up the aisle and saw what he was doing out the corner of my eye.

As he was closer to the turnstile than he was to me there was no way I was going to catch him, so out of instinct I grabbed one of the tins I was facing up (Batchelors Bigga Marrowfat Peas, brand fans) and launched it in his general direction. By some fluke, it made contact between his shoulders just as he was vaulting over the turnstile, and he landed flat on his face with the tins of salmon rolling off in all directions. The manager and his assistant then ran out of the office (situated in the front corner of the shop,  opposite the turnstile) and 'secured' him until the police arrived.

A not quite so cool incident also involved tins of Bigga Peas. The supermarket kept it's excess stock on racking above the shelves, and steel ladders on castors were used to access them. Cases of tins were usally packed in a cardboard tray with plastic shrinkwrap around them, so to put them on the shelf you turned the case upside down, cut an 'X' in the plastic wrap with a stanley knife, then after putting it on the shelf you could pull the plastic wrap off the top, leaving the tins neatly in the tray.

I was refilling the shelves one evening and was up the ladder getting cases of Bigga Peas down. They were a big seller so there were a lot of cases, stacked a couple of feet above my head even at the top of the ladder (I'm a shortarse). I grabbed one of the cases to slide it off the stack but unbeknownst to me someone had already slashed the plastic wrap (presumably they had miscounted how many they needed to put out and stashed it back up there). The case got to about a 45 degree angle and the plastic wrap came off in my hand, resulting in 24 tins of peas falling onto my head and shoulders. Luckily despite the resulting daze and slight concussion I managed to stay on the ladder. I always considered that karma for the (admittedly total fluke) incident with the shoplifter.

GoblinAhFuckScary

Quote from: shagatha crustie on April 16, 2021, 09:17:22 AM
Perfectly delivered a cutting goodbye monologue to an ex at a party, then flounced out.

i did something like that but less 'cutting', and more 'i hate everyone here' then flouncing. shameful

Lungpuddle

Quote from: buzby on April 16, 2021, 09:45:48 AM
As he was closer to the turnstile than he was to me there was no way I was going to catch him, so out of instinct I grabbed one of the tins I was facing up (Batchelors Bigga Marrowfat Peas, brand fans) and launched it in his general direction. By some fluke, it made contact between his shoulders just as he was vaulting over the turnstile, and he landed flat on his face with the tins of salmon rolling off in all directions. The manager and his assistant then ran out of the office (situated in the front corner of the shop,  opposite the turnstile) and 'secured' him until the police arrived.

A not quite so cool incident also involved tins of Bigga Peas. The supermarket kept it's excess stock on racking above the shelves, and steel ladders on castors were used to access them. Cases of tins were usally packed in a cardboard tray with plastic shrinkwrap around them, so to put them on the shelf you turned the case upside down, cut an 'X' in the plastic wrap with a stanley knife, then after putting it on the shelf you could pull the plastic wrap off the top, leaving the tins neatly in the tray.

Similar thing happened to me, luckily I was wearing sunglasses so it was extra cool when I took them off to say "peas be with you, motherfucker." Unfortunately I had used a tin of beans, so it didn't really make much sense and I looked like a pillock.

Seriously though, that's very cool of you. All I'm saying is, bean there, done that.

dissolute ocelot

Quote from: Dannyhood91 on April 15, 2021, 06:40:03 PM
Had full sex with a woman
It's not like in a movie unless you both wear flesh-coloured underpants. Unless it's the other sort of movie, which I'm sure this thread isn't about.

mothman

On a holiday on the north Scottish coast a decade ago, we decided to go for a drive and picked an interesting-looking landmark in the road atlas (yes, road atlas, didn't have satnav or a smartphone at that point). We drive down increasingly narrow roads before going over a bridge across a river, which some men were fishing off. Then, the road became a track ("Ah. So THAT'S what that dotted line meant!"). A Honda Civic not being the best for off-roading, we turned around and drove back, watched curiously by the fishermen. As we passed them I pulled up, wound down the window and in my best Roger Moore said "So, I'm guessing this isn't the road to Wick?"

non capisco

Seasoned CaB archivists interested in cataloguing the repetitive musings of mid-tier long term posters will of course remember that I once punched a Track and Field arcade machine on The Isle Of Wight in 1985 and got a free go. 'Tis akin to The Fonz and his jukebox!!!

Sebastian Cobb

Had a shit in a hole dug in the sand. I think Harry's doing that at one point in Dumb and Dumber.

non capisco

Threw a load of acne 'wonder drug' Roaccutane in the River Cray because it was making me mentally ill, like a disillusioned New York cop throwing his badge in the Hudson. Probably a load of Kentish ducks with lingering persecution complexes and dry beaks when they wake up now.

non capisco

Auditioned for the lead role of Noah in the junior school production of Noah's Ark in character as Sean Connery's Bond who I was obsessed with at the time. "A flood, you shay? To wipe out humanity? Shplendid, God."

touchingcloth

Once at work some lads were noisily watching football. A few of eyes were rolled by the non-watchers and I quietly, mainly to myself, muttered "ball, ball, ball..."

TWO of the eye-rollers immediately came back with a shouted, football chant style "FOOTIE, FOOTIE, FOOTIE". It was magnificent.

There was that other time I snapped my fingers and half of humanity vanished.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Was once crossing some railway tracks on foot, and was exactly halfway across when the Dublin train came around the bend in the distance. Narrowly avoided becoming a public information film.


Quote from: shagatha crustie on April 16, 2021, 09:17:22 AM
Perfectly delivered a cutting goodbye monologue to an ex at a party, then flounced out.

Had an ill-advised dalliance with the partner of a nightclub owner, in his expensive flat, while he was away in Iran.

Are you sure that you didn't mishear and she actually said her partner used to be a man?