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Other wings of Prisons than 'Nonce'

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, April 18, 2021, 09:41:28 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I suggest that on this occasion that you start things off.


pancreas


Shoulders?-Stomach!


pancreas


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whatever they are called, those wings of prisons where they have dead bodies freshly delivered and there is a booster pack they can all get on your first day, but you can't have any

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special wing where you are 100% guaranteed to be safe of being bummed



they check before you go in "hello would you prefer to be bummed" "no thank you" "very good you can have the wing without any bumming in it then"

and they also ask you if you are likely to bum someone, as that would make you a bit of a misfit in the non-bumming wing, and you might be bullied for it

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Replies From View on April 18, 2021, 02:34:13 PM
special wing where you are 100% guaranteed to be safe of being bummed



they check before you go in "hello would you prefer to be bummed" "no thank you"

Tops wing


Quote from: Replies From View on April 18, 2021, 02:34:13 PM

and they also ask you if you are likely to bum someone, as that would make you a bit of a misfit in the non-bumming wing, and you might be bullied for it

Nevermind

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Cuellar


Pink Gregory


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A wing where there is a "glove of enlightenment" at the door and norman wisdom is there, and betty grable except she feverishly insists upon being called berty gravel


and you are hurried through a very long corridor that slopes downhill and at the very end gene wilder has a ginormous arse.  he is hunched over with the small of his back caressing a lightbulb in the ceiling, and there's a casio pathogen 120 entombed above the door

he sounds a bit huffy because he can't remember the code to get through the door and shrink back to his normal size.  keeps playing the wrong notes.  he's been down here a while and it smells bad, and he's overheating a bit


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A wing where immediately behind the door there is a gardener planting stinging nettles.  He's putting special canes to train them to grow sideways at ankle height into the corridor. 

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A wing where the kitchen area holds chefs that have all had plastic surgery so they resemble scorched saddam husseins, and they are chanting that song "pat it and prick it and mark it with B" in a harmonious barber's quartet style, with synchronised punching of a decaying shark that has been lying across all the kitchen surfaces for months


there's extra lyrics added about tenderising the meat of the dead shark and disguising it through flavourings to resemble veal, loads of stuff about "pretty boys" and some quite vindictive material describing "churn[ing] up their insides for all they have done" / "to riddle them, that piddle then squirts out of their bum".



things like this.  the kitchen windows have been welded shut as well to really heighten the stench for all the chefs; they seem to love it

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A wing where after every meal everything is swept up from the tables and floors by dedicated cleaning staff apart from little cubes of red leicester which they claim they cannot see


turns out it's an actual condition they have, which is why they have been employed in this wing.  it's a wing designed for criminals who need to have traces of dried out red leicester around them at all times.  if any red leicester is swept away they will become livid and suddenly start sucking inwards with their mouths with such force that the walls of the entire prison complex will implode


you have heard of weirder things than this so I don't know why you are doing like that with your face

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A wing where there are photos of des lynham on every wall, and little pots of colouring pencils positioned around the place so you can colour in his moustache whenever the whim arises

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A wing that has hooks and bits of cord and grandfather clocks with pendulums attached and stuff, loads of passive-aggressive hints and opportunities for prisoners to either hang or strangle themselves

"interesting" "peer-reviewed" journal articles left lying around, with headlines like "did you know that it would be better if most prisoners died"

images of inspiring people up on the walls like rosa parks and martin luther king, little précis biographies underneath concluding with "and like all good role models they ultimately committed suicide"

dissolute ocelot

Wing for left handed people where all the doors open the other way.

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A wing for left-handed people where everything is the same as it is as for all the other wings, so they learn that the world doesn't need to become more accommodating, they JUST NEED TO COPE WITH REALITY


as my ma used to say, it's not the world that's the problem, it's fuckin left-handed people

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Q) what did the left-handed person drink from their normal right-handed glass like proper people use

A) WHINE

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The Gelding Wing

At first you may think: 'Strange, why would you want to put all the recidivist gelders in one place?'

Then suddenly, it all makes sense.


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a wing where all the farts from all the other wings are forcefully piped


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a wing where threadworms are being hatched from soil and dropped from the light-fittings each night onto the sleeping prisoners' bare buttocks, whereupon they naturally hone in on the anus and root themselves in there like ground elder


and gradually they start flowering and blossoming and the prisoners are like "what's this?"


and just as some of them are about to laugh and call those ones poofters they realise they have one as well.  and they all have one and they start leaping about and flapping as if they are on fire

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the prisoners are actually really posh when they first see the sprouting and blossoming threadworm things - they say "hello; what's this?" even when they are normally quite thuggish individuals.  Something about the threadworm DNA gets into their bloodstream, re-encodes their biological make-up and turns them posh.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy


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yeah




well they do eventually.  after several years of having this thing rooted up inside them absorbing all their nutrients and making them leap around being posh, eventually their heads just crack open and loads of rooting system shows itself.  the prisoner topples over and the threadworm roots go into the ground so the cycle can continue


it's good i think.  a good use of prisoners.

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a wing where the reception area is actually within the main bit with prisoners swarming around it punching one hand into the other hand and swinging their fists around



so the receptionist is going oooohhhhhoohhhh noooo all the time and the visitors keep getting thumped as well