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March 29, 2024, 08:07:08 AM

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Salt Bae is a gimmicky, irritating, winds-me-right-up cunt.

Started by Fr.Bigley, April 22, 2021, 12:39:31 PM

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Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: flotemysost on April 22, 2021, 10:44:34 PM
He's in some illustrious company there with his professional representation: https://mn2s.com/booking-agency/talent-roster/world-record-egg/

"Similar: Dapper Laughs"

Showed that to partner. She said: 'Shitting Christ'

I said 'No, they don't have him'.

touchingcloth


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse


touchingcloth


Fr.Bigley


Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: steve98 on April 22, 2021, 04:37:19 PM
Lemmee see if I got this right (Maybe it's me, maybe I'm a little fucked in the head). You hire some fuck, some grease-ball fuck, called "Salt Bae", lookin' like David fucking Gest, to come roun' your house and sprinkle salt on your food? like a dribblin' fucking swan?... is that it?... what the fuck is funny about that?

Now go home and get ya FUCKIN SALT BOX.

idunnosomename

it's not great when some cunt covers your food in gold leaf so they can charge you a grand for it (it isn't really that expensive, it's so thin you can buy a 20 metre roll of it for like thirty quid)

Pijlstaart

Bit of a Carluccio's vibe, dead fancy, you'd go there for special occasions like hen dos. "Explore my crevices" cackles a distant voice, "follow my salty trail and find what treasures lurk within". What a delight, I imagine if Salt Bae came to tea he'd have a selection of salt-based antics to keep us amused, salt down himself, salt in the food, maybe he'd be trowelling it on us under the table to stop our crotches fizzing over. Bacalhau us, we'd coo in unison, those big strong forearms forcing us down into the salt.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse


Mister Six


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Mister Six on April 23, 2021, 03:33:50 AM
The Salt Bae meme was five years ago, FFS.

Since then, Salt Bae's elbow is believed to be 3cm shorter on account of abrasion. If you pay him $3500 he will grit your driveway.

falafel

I know it's a truism that money doesn't guarantee discernment but fucknell the items on that receipt have the authentic air of a chain restaurant on an industrial estate, probably next to a Cineworld, like the people who paid for it acquired no worldliness along with their fortunes and just graduated from tapwater to evian to Voss, from supermarket vodka to Grey Goose, from the Angus Steakhouse to Salt Cunt. Or worse, they saved up for this shit.

falafel

Quote from: Mister Six on April 23, 2021, 03:33:50 AM
The Salt Bae meme was five years ago, FFS.

I for one am grateful to have been ignorant in the intervening years.

touchingcloth

Meat Sushi.

Is this meant to say Meat Sashimi, like a carpaccio?

No.

Two, please.

touchingcloth







Terrible people going to this terrible man's restaurant to eat his terrible food and post the terribly expensive bills online to gloat.

Lock 'em in a bunker with nothing but salt and elbows to eat.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Replies From View


touchingcloth


touchingcloth






It's not just his elbows involved; the food goes in his fingers, on the table, over the floor. Nom.

lazyhour

Quote from: touchingcloth on April 23, 2021, 08:15:06 AM


Customer: I'll have the spaghetti, please.

(waiter smiles to himself in a sinister fashion)

Waiter: as you wish, sir. One serving of "spaghetti" coming right up.


Replies From View


checkoutgirl

Ainsley Harriett used to sprinkle salt from a silly height while shaking his hips like a Brazilian dancer while going"wahaaaay" like a twat. This salt lad is just ripping him off.

The way Bae Boy slices various beef cuts with a ridiculous flourish makes him look like he has a mental illness. Is he even really a chef? Putting a piece of meat on a grill is barely even cooking. Homer Simpson could do that.

But if he can get away with parting eejits from a thousand quid for 20 quid worth of meat then fair fucks. It's a nice legal scam in the era of Instagram.

Why are we talking about him now? He's a bit 2017.

Paul Calf



Fucking Glenfiddich. 26 quid for a fucking Glenfiddich. Fucking fake cheapo plaggy single malt at 30 quid a bottle.

Posing try-hard cunts with painted-on tastebuds.

checkoutgirl

Having said all that being a restrauteur is something a lot of people assume they could do but usually ends in failure as hospitality is a tough game so anyone who succeeds in it deserves some props.

touchingcloth

I've just discovered Kosher Salt Bae, an elderly Jewish gentleman who scatters rock salt on his knees.

Replies From View


checkoutgirl

As someone with a few metal fillings the idea of eating gold makes me shudder. And the idea of defecating a prescious metal into a toilet to be then flushed down into the sewerage system, seems a bit wrong.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Replies From View on April 23, 2021, 09:12:35 AM
Lifts it up, puts it back down again.  Legend.

Yes, you can't perform the scatter if all you do is lift the salt up and hold it up forever.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Replies From View on April 23, 2021, 09:12:35 AM
Lifts it up, puts it back down again.  Legend.

The cuisine is a cheese roll and chips. The selling point is a mentally ill man wearing sunglasses indoors fiddles about with the cheese roll like a flamboyant flamenco dancer.

For some people that must be enough.