Author Topic: Things people believe about you that just aren't true  (Read 3720 times)

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #30 on: April 29, 2021, 01:22:17 AM »
Haha, fucking hell!

It was a massive sneeze in fairness.

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2021, 07:01:10 AM »
I love how mutated mundane stories can become in the hands of schoolkids. When I was like 16 my mum sent me down the shop to buy some milk, I happened to pass a couple of mates on the way home, exchanging a brief "alright"...they saw me carrying a bottle of milk and promptly changed the story to be coming across me drunk off my face, lying in a ditch shaking a bottle of milk and pleading to it "why won't you turn into cheese??" In a desperate and tearful manner. People in school genuinely believed this

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2021, 07:25:07 AM »
Not just school kids.  I had a teacher when I was in my fifth year of secondary school who would piss herself laughing recalling this time in my first year when I’d apparently sung “I should be so lucky” as part of my class assembly and kissed someone.  Absolutely fucking roaring with laughter remembering all the details:  how nervous I looked at first and then how I started getting into the song and couldn’t conceal how much I was loving it.  And then smooching this girl apparently.

Well it never happened.  What had happened was I had ironically pretended to love “I should be so lucky” in the playground once in my first year, and then sung a few bars of it pretending to dig it like it was the best song in the entire world.  And I was dancing about, spinning on the spot, ah yeah it’s a great song this.  It wasn’t an assembly, I wasn’t nervous at the start before my true hidden love for the song embarrassingly started to emerge, and there was no kissing involved either.  That’s the thing that pissed me off the most - if I was going to get people remembering that I’d kissed people then why the hell was I not just kissing people?  I should have used this injustice to learn that misbehaving would be no worse than being a good guy, but I never did.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2021, 08:19:03 AM »
For years my mum seemed to think I was a fan of the band Maroon 5. I saw that band you like on telly the other day, Maroon 5, she'd say. What have you been up to lately, son? Been to any Maroon 5 gigs? I have never expressed any opinions either positive or negative about Maroon 5 in her presence, have never owned any records by Maroon 5 and have never played a note of their music in any room in the house I used to live in with her. I thought she must have been confusing them with another band but, no, when I moved back in with the parents for a couple of years in the mid 2000s she called me downstairs going "Ross! Ross! Maroon 5 are on telly!" and it was THAT Maroon 5! If it was my dad I'd know he was trolling me but this wasn't a joke, she genuinely had it in her head I was a card carrying member of the Maroon 5 fan club. I have no idea how this happened. When she has one of her little lucid moments poking her head out of the alzheimers fog these days and looks at me excitedly because she's remembered something part of me is still thinking "Oh god, this is gonna be about Maroon 5, isn't it?"

Maroon 5 are surely one of those bands that exist solely for situations like this. If anyone's gonna baselessly assume a younger relative is into a band, Maroon 5 are your guys. They've just got that something (nothing) about them.


What is it about them? Years ago my Mum said she'd seen a band on a chat show and thought I'd really like them, and after we worked out what show it was and when it was on I looked it up and the band was...
I can only presume they may have had a guitar somewhere on the stage and she knew a lot of the bands I like also use guitars, but other than that I cannot imagine what made her think I'd like them. They must use some subsonic subliminal sounds to convince mothers to try and encourage their adult children to like them, it's how they survive.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #34 on: April 29, 2021, 08:32:27 AM »
This is my actual wife, mind - the one person who’s supposed to know me better than anyone else…

So near us we have quite a good old-fashioned family butcher. They do award-winning sausages and pork pies. But also very nice Cornish Pasties. Many’s the time I’ve popped over there on a Saturday morning to pick us up a couple for our lunch. And when lunchtime comes, MrsMoth brings me mine on a plate, piping hot.

I like my pasties cold, all right? Don’t @ me. And I know I’ve told her otherwise, but still she persisted.

Then one day, success! At last she brings it to me cold. FINALLY. Then she starts to eat hers - then stops. “Oh, no” she says, “This one is yours!”

She’s been heating up MY pastie ONLY for years. Not because she thinks they should all be served hot, nooo… because she thinks I like mine hot.

ooof. This stings worse than if she'd been sleeping with your grandad all these years.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #35 on: April 29, 2021, 08:52:28 AM »
What is it about them? ... They must use some subsonic subliminal sounds to convince mothers to try and encourage their adult children to like them, it's how they survive.

On Monday (so before this thread) I bumped into my friend’s son who is on paternity leave, I had a socially distanced coo over the babby and said, ‘Has he got a Biffy Clyro tattoo like yours? Or maybe he’s more into Maroon 5, remember when you were mad about them and on holiday in Devon in 2002 we all got so sick of you endlessly playing their first album?’ He looked at me coldly and said, ‘What? Maroon 5? I barely know one of their songs. That never happened.’

Definitely something is going on, that’s 4 examples of Maroon 5 weirdness in this thread.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2021, 08:54:38 AM »
Yeah my mother inexplicably likes Maroon 5.

Weird as fuck...

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #37 on: April 29, 2021, 08:55:57 AM »
Not just school kids.  I had a teacher when I was in my fifth year of secondary school who would piss herself laughing recalling this time in my first year when I’d apparently sung “I should be so lucky” as part of my class assembly and kissed someone.  Absolutely fucking roaring with laughter remembering all the details:  how nervous I looked at first and then how I started getting into the song and couldn’t conceal how much I was loving it.  And then smooching this girl apparently.

Well it never happened.  What had happened was I had ironically pretended to love “I should be so lucky” in the playground once in my first year, and then sung a few bars of it pretending to dig it like it was the best song in the entire world.  And I was dancing about, spinning on the spot, ah yeah it’s a great song this.  It wasn’t an assembly, I wasn’t nervous at the start before my true hidden love for the song embarrassingly started to emerge, and there was no kissing involved either.  That’s the thing that pissed me off the most - if I was going to get people remembering that I’d kissed people then why the hell was I not just kissing people?  I should have used this injustice to learn that misbehaving would be no worse than being a good guy, but I never did.

I had a similar experience when I attended a New Year’s Eve party at a friends house during my late teens.  At one point during the evening, ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ came on through the speakers which were playing a compilation CD of pop hits and I mockingly sang a few bars and did a couple of equally mocking and half-arsed hand gestures.  Literally around 10 seconds of ironically singing along whilst remaining seated.  For years afterwards, another friend of mine who had been at the same party would delightfully regale the time I “got blind drunk and passionately sang the entire lyrics to ‘Dancing Queen’, whilst dancing around the room with tears in my eyes, unawares of anybody else’s presence”.

That same mate also claimed that our mutual vegetarian friend scoffed down a Big Mac whilst high on weed when we all went to Amsterdam together.  Absolute bullshit.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #38 on: April 29, 2021, 08:57:39 AM »
Yeah my mother inexplicably likes Maroon 5.

Weird as fuck...

Have you explained to her that this love[1] has taken its toil on you?
 1. of Maroon 5

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #39 on: April 29, 2021, 09:37:08 AM »
I had a similar experience when I attended a New Year’s Eve party at a friends house during my late teens.  At one point during the evening, ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ came on through the speakers which were playing a compilation CD of pop hits and I mockingly sang a few bars and did a couple of equally mocking and half-arsed hand gestures.  Literally around 10 seconds of ironically singing along whilst remaining seated.  For years afterwards, another friend of mine who had been at the same party would delightfully regale the time I “got blind drunk and passionately sang the entire lyrics to ‘Dancing Queen’, whilst dancing around the room with tears in my eyes, unawares of anybody else’s presence”.

I think the explanation of this and RFVs tale is that you are both so unimaginably dull that your friends have to resort to ridiculously exaggerating the tiny entertaining moments of your life to make you sound interesting.

Sorry to break this to you both.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #40 on: April 29, 2021, 10:56:12 AM »
I was taken on as a temp at a firm I'd worked at a few years prior, to assist on a very large building project which had gone tits up quite dramatically - due to an error made by the company for which I was working.

I took a call from the building contractor one day (or maybe I rang him, can't remember), and listened to him slagging off the company I was working for. I guessed that because I was a new name to him, he hadn't quite clocked who I was, and where I worked. I chose my moment, and told him who I worked for - but also that I was there to try and help sort everything out and get it all resolved. Just to calm him down, basically.

And this man believed me (I mean, it was true, in a way...). To the extent that he always asked for me on the phone when he wanted to make sure something was done.

Taught me a lesson, that. People haven't got time/are too lazy to form opinions based on actual experience - so if you tell them what you are, they tend to believe you.

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #41 on: April 29, 2021, 11:37:23 AM »
"You and Jonathon Cullem were found snogging in a wardrobe at a party"

Told to me by a woman I'd never met, no idea who they were, who didn't like me, in a pub I never go in. So I've no idea how many people were party to that particular rumour.

The reality was, we hid in a wardrobe because a bunch of nazis invaded the party and started trashing stuff. Ex boyfriend of the host plus mates. We came out of the er... closet when they had left. No snogging had taken place; mostly fear (of being beaten up by nazis), plus some confusion ('do you think the nazis have left yet?') and finally boredom ('sure can't wait for these nazis to fuck off')

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #42 on: April 29, 2021, 11:42:43 AM »
Among my family I've got a real reputation for being "obsessed with designer clothes". It started when I got to my teenage years and wanted to start getting my clothes from all the usual teenage girl places- Topshop, Miss Selfridge, New Look etc. My mother thought these were all "designer labels" because they weren't where she got her clothes, ie Littlewoods and Marks & Spencer (and the latter was probably much more expensive than the cheap and cheerful places I wanted to shop at).

This somehow spread to my extended family and they'd ask me things like "How much did that cost? I bet it cost a fortune, you know what you're like with all your designer labels". One of the last times I went to visit my sister she said she was going to take me "Somewhere you're gonna love" and it turned out to be the part of town where there was a Gucci store next to a Versace store. I asked "Why the hell have you brought me here?" and she said "This is the sort of stuff you like isn't it?" I think she was partly trying to wind me up but still, I have never shopped at Gucci or Versace in my life. I doubt any of their clothes would even fit me.

It’s all the more ridiculous because, while I do like nice clothes and I like to look smart, one look at me would instantly tell you I'm not some kind of Footballers' Wives-style designer label addict. I've got a cousin who is like that and you'd think people would have seen us together and spotted the stark contrast but no, even though she wears smart dresses and heels and I live in trainers and often wear men's clothes. I don't like handbags and I can't even walk in heels FFS.

The last items of clothing I bought were a few bits of running gear from TK Maxx, a big shirt from H&M and a scarf from a charity shop. I am going to get a haircut this week, and I will be cutting it myself, and I ain't Nicky Clarke.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #43 on: April 29, 2021, 12:04:56 PM »
I think he knew deep down that her story didn't make any sense; where were my texts/calls asking her for them, why were the only texts from me asking her what she was doing and to stop immediately, why did she take and send any pictures at all? But he was 30, she was his first girlfriend, and I think he was more than willing to bend reality to keep the dream alive.

I had an acquaintance who would tell anyone who would listen that I was trying to steal her (gold-digging slob of a) boyfriend and was very jealous of her. They broke up after about ten years when it turned out he'd actually been shagging her (considerably wealthier) so-called best mate for several years (and then he ended up marrying her). I know it's not mature but I laughed and laughed and laughed when I heard.

His ex still went round telling people I'd wanted him though. Huxley, I guess she was like your mate and it was just less painful to try and blame a woman she didn't like or know well rather than the best friend she had liked and trusted for a couple of decades.

As an aside, "get your claws out of my man" types who are suspicious of single women are always deluded. Either their "man" is so unattractive they've got nothing to worry about, or their "man" is the thing they've got to worry about, because he's the one actively looking to cheat rather than passively waiting to be "stolen". The being suspicious of single women thing is bollocks too, it's projection of a morbid fear of being single. It also doesn't make sense as it's not as if women with husbands or boyfriends never cheat.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #44 on: April 29, 2021, 12:11:36 PM »
Jason Pedley was a fucking shitbag. He was much stronger than any of us, and smoked cigarettes and joints outside the school gates well before his 13th birthday and as a consequence had vile breath that he deployed as a weapon. He could take a panelling and wasn't afraid of anyone. He made my school life a misery; his favourite term of abuse was that I was a 'fucking nufter' and a 'dirty fairy'. Shortly before my 13th birthday, my family moved about 120 miles away and so obviously I left that school forever. Just before I left, in a rush of glorious freedom that comes with immunity from consequences, I started a rumour that I'd wanked Jason off behind the sports hall and the reason he kept on at me was because I refused to do it again. These were the days when the stigma of homosexuality was an indelible stain on the soul of the acusee.

It was mutually assured destruction.  That I'd implicated myself was seen as evidence for the prosecution. I didn't care about being remembered this way[1], and in any case I'd soon be far away, never to return.

I'm pretty sure that's the only thing almost everyone at that school remembers about me.

 1. I'd already had same-sex experiences by that point, although Jason didn't know that. He just saw it as a general term of abuse.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #45 on: April 29, 2021, 12:12:47 PM »
Names have been changed, obvs.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #46 on: April 29, 2021, 12:21:50 PM »
I think the explanation of this and RFVs tale is that you are both so unimaginably dull that your friends have to resort to ridiculously exaggerating the tiny entertaining moments of your life to make you sound interesting.

Sorry to break this to you both.

Speak for yourself!  My fifth form teacher had fantasised me snogging someone on stage in an assembly in a manner that made her laugh mate


I was well on my way to drawing all the correct connections thereafter, as my palpably virulent success will testify


oh and also by the way you have bad smells coming out



and my teacher was not my friend, either.  WHY DO YOU BELIEVE UNTRUE THINGS ABOUT ME

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #47 on: April 29, 2021, 01:26:10 PM »

Me and Tracy have been fucking for a while now [\tag]

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #48 on: April 29, 2021, 01:41:22 PM »
My stepdad got me a really in-depth hardback book about Nick Cave this Christmas.

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #49 on: April 29, 2021, 02:19:01 PM »
I had an acquaintance who would tell anyone who would listen that I was trying to steal her (gold-digging slob of a) boyfriend and was very jealous of her. They broke up after about ten years when it turned out he'd actually been shagging her (considerably wealthier) so-called best mate for several years (and then he ended up marrying her). I know it's not mature but I laughed and laughed and laughed when I heard.

His ex still went round telling people I'd wanted him though. Huxley, I guess she was like your mate and it was just less painful to try and blame a woman she didn't like or know well rather than the best friend she had liked and trusted for a couple of decades.

As an aside, "get your claws out of my man" types who are suspicious of single women are always deluded. Either their "man" is so unattractive they've got nothing to worry about, or their "man" is the thing they've got to worry about, because he's the one actively looking to cheat rather than passively waiting to be "stolen". The being suspicious of single women thing is bollocks too, it's projection of a morbid fear of being single. It also doesn't make sense as it's not as if women with husbands or boyfriends never cheat.

Sometimes it can be projection as well. My ex was both a serial cheat and insanely jealous, presuming that all women were out to "steal" me. I guess if you're always on the prowl, it's only natural that you would presume that everyone else is doing the same thing.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #50 on: April 29, 2021, 02:31:00 PM »
A few people think I'm a nihilist, because I think trying to reform the current systems will never really be workable and it's futile trying.

I think I implied I thought they should be rebuilt, but maybe I should've been more specific.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #51 on: April 29, 2021, 06:16:55 PM »
Sometimes it can be projection as well. My ex was both a serial cheat and insanely jealous, presuming that all women were out to "steal" me. I guess if you're always on the prowl, it's only natural that you would presume that everyone else is doing the same thing.

hello ladies reading this, unlike huxley babkins i won't actually mind if you like me

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #52 on: April 29, 2021, 06:18:35 PM »
My stepdad got me a really in-depth hardback book about Nick Cave this Christmas.

Ohh I've read Nick Cave this Easter and Nick Cave goes on a Bear Hunt.  Is the Christmas one any good?

Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #53 on: April 29, 2021, 06:40:49 PM »
When I was 16 or 17 I got horribly drunk on brandy for no good reason (I think I found it less offensive than whisky or vodka but I certainly did not like the taste of it). After shamefully admitting it to my Mother when given the third degree, she decided that brandy was my drink of choice, and once I was 18 I frequently received gifts of brandy for birthday or Christmas. Some were palmed off on people cooking stuff for Christmas. But a lot... I think it must have gone down the sink.

There was then a period of family members buying me whisky, which I also don't drink, but at least it wasn't a shameful reminder of youthful vomits.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #54 on: April 29, 2021, 06:57:23 PM »
My first ever girlfriend was the daughter of a secretary who worked at the sixth form college that I'd attended, and who after meeting me took her daughter aside and told her that I was a Satanist. Sadly it wasn't true, it's just that I used to edit the college magazine and just before I left me and some friends put out an issue filled with libellous nonsense, including a supposedly truthful bit of investigative journalism that claimed various teachers worshipped the devil. And I know, it was all very childish, and I have no excuse, but eh, it didn't in any way ruin the relationship, I did that all by myself in other ways.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #55 on: April 29, 2021, 07:24:46 PM »
When I was 16 or 17 I got horribly drunk on brandy for no good reason (I think I found it less offensive than whisky or vodka but I certainly did not like the taste of it). After shamefully admitting it to my Mother when given the third degree, she decided that brandy was my drink of choice, and once I was 18 I frequently received gifts of brandy for birthday or Christmas. Some were palmed off on people cooking stuff for Christmas. But a lot... I think it must have gone down the sink.

There was then a period of family members buying me whisky, which I also don't drink, but at least it wasn't a shameful reminder of youthful vomits.

I drank Malibu for a few months as a teenager. You know the period when you're trying out your tastes. I'm not a spirits fan in general but I do like coconut. However it was a brief flirtation. Then when I was in my 20s my mum started going on holiday to Spain every year after buying a timeshare. And every year she'd bring me back a bottle of Malibu. I'd tell her I didn't drink it anymore. But it obviously slipped her mind while over there, as I'd always get a bottle. At one point I had about six unopened bottles. If I was going to house parties I'd just take a bottle and leave it in the kitchen.

There was a not dissimilar situation when I was about ten. Not with alcohol though. I was visiting some friends of my parents and they offered me a peanut butter sandwich. Much to my folks' surprise I said yes (I'm notoriously 'fussy' ie have working tastebuds, but I like both peanuts and butter* so thought I'd give it a try) and mum eagerly asked me if I enjoyed it. I said I did, partly out of politeness but also because it was edible and it didn't make me gag. I thought it was ok.

In mum's eyes I was now a peanut butter fan. Because I had such limited likes she was thrilled to find something else she could feed me. And boy did she feed me it. Every day I'd be offered or just given peanut butter sandwiches. She'd even make me them to take to school, despite me having school dinners.

After a few weeks any liking for or neutrality towards peanut butter had vanished. The thought of it started turning my stomach. I had to confess to mum that I no longer wanted it. She was disappointed. She'd bought several jars of it in different varieties so I'd never be short of my new food love.

I've never touched the stuff since. Not even once.

(*Edited version. I've just had a flashback to going up to visit an aunt in Scotland who would give me sandwiches for the return journey that were probably about 80% butter/marge. I didn't like that at all. There's absolutely no reason to do that to bread. I'd prefer a dry loaf to that.)
« Last Edit: April 29, 2021, 09:11:49 PM by Jockice »

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #56 on: April 29, 2021, 07:28:01 PM »
I've never tried Malibu. My parents had a bottle in their drinks cabinet for as long as I can remember but being coconutty I was always concerned it might've gone off, which seems daft given I'd not have worried about that for any of the other booze.

Jockice

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #57 on: April 29, 2021, 07:34:03 PM »
I've never tried Malibu. My parents had a bottle in their drinks cabinet for as long as I can remember but being coconutty I was always concerned it might've gone off, which seems daft given I'd not have worried about that for any of the other booze.

I probably still have a couple of bottles somewhere in my flat if you want to give me your address.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #58 on: April 29, 2021, 07:39:07 PM »
Haha, I suspect it would end up a burden just as it is for you.

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Re: Things people believe about you that just aren't true
« Reply #59 on: April 29, 2021, 07:43:35 PM »
i did not find an goblin in the forest

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