Times you have involuntarily said 'fucking hell'

[Mr_Simnock]

So I was at this restaurant last weekend, some bloke is trying his little bestest to get a tip from the folk he is serving by talking arse licking shit using 'nice table manners', when asked his name he says 'Gabriel, like the angel'. At this I put my drink down and said 'fucking hell' a bit loud, must have heard me, he was stood behind me, I just couldn't help myself though. Anyone else had any moments like this, there must be plenty, only rule is you can't mention anything to do with question time, I want this thread under 100 pages.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Sometimes while watching people fail to wait their turn, or blocking passengers exiting trains or just standing still at the bottom of an escalator or a supermarket aisle.

Also, while trying to order a light beer in Fucking, Austria.

[BlodwynPig]

January 2020 thread

[Buelligan]

Often, I work in a restaurant, so's there's plenty of opportunity for some mannerless cretin to patronise and abuse me and those I work with. 

Imagine having to debase yourself to cunts just to get enough money to pay the fucking bills, fucking hell.

[Zetetic]

When I was told this morning that my country didn't have enough money to reliably identify which health board runs some of our hospitals.

[shiftwork2]

Any sort of check-in (flight, hotel) where the person in front of me has some complication that holds up the queue for minutes and isn't even embarrassed.  Almost always at the point the telephone gets picked up.

This does not apply to situations where mortification is apparent.

[Janie Jones]

Often, I work in a restaurant, so's there's plenty of opportunity for some mannerless cretin to patronise and abuse me and those I work with. 

Imagine having to debase yourself to cunts just to get enough money to pay the fucking bills, fucking hell.

I know this industry well from the inside and I just want to fervently endorse this. Mostly it's ok and the day goes well with courteous, professional, friendly and even camp and/or flirtatious little interactions. Sometimes some know-all edgelord wants to show off.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Not since Halloween.

[markburgle]

I saw a bloke crash his scooter. I didn't see it directly but I think he clipped a central reservation, suddenly the boring ordinary scooter-going-by turned into a big to-do with the tumbling and the clattery and the scraping, with the poor guy skidding along the road after. I may have actually said "Fuck me!" or some variation so maybe it doesn't count.

Before man and bike even came to rest, green flashing lights appeared up ahead and one of those paramedic cars zoomed up. There was plenty for them to do cos he only had shorts on

[holyzombiejesus]

I know this industry well from the inside and I just want to fervently endorse this. Mostly it's ok and the day goes well with courteous, professional, friendly and even camp and/or flirtatious little interactions. Sometimes some know-all edgelord wants to show off.

Went to a restaurant once and the waitress serving us looked quite upset. We asked if she was ok and she said that here had been a right cunt in before us and he'd kicked off about the fish being served to him with it's head still on. She said she'd tried to explain to him that that's how they usually served it and he put his hand up in her face, glared at her and hissed "Do not fuck with the rich."

It can be a horrible fucking job, working in restaurants, especially when you're earning a pittance and people are throwing away food that costs more than you're being paid to serve them. No wonder that guy in the OP was trying whatever he could to make his wages up.

[flotemysost]

Went to a restaurant once and the waitress serving us looked quite upset. We asked if she was ok and she said that here had been a right cunt in before us and he'd kicked off about the fish being served to him with it's head still on. She said she'd tried to explain to him that that's how they usually served it and he put his hand up in her face, glared at her and hissed "Do not fuck with the rich."

*involuntarily says "fucking hell"*

What is it with people acting like this towards serving staff? In various waitress/bar jobs I've done I've never had anything truly horrific, but I remember a few separate instances of customers threatening to get me arrested for not doing things to their liking - once it was a lecturer from the uni near a pub I worked at, on one of their staff pissups, said he'd call the police because I pointed out that the wine I brought him was actually the correct wine when he'd insisted it was wrong, the name on the label was just a bit different to how it was listed on the menu.

And quite a few people at Ascot who couldn't process the fact that I was closing the bar and so they couldn't order their 700th Jeroboam of Bollinger that afternoon, which obviously required the strong arm of the law to rectify.

[Twit 2]

I would like the police to be called when people put sauce on top of pasta instead of pasta into sauce. I know they're stretched, but the coastguard could be brought in, surely?

[flotemysost]

All Carbonaras Are Bastards

[Brian Freeze]

Said it this afternoon while posting a letter. A whopper in a little rustbucket pulled out into the middle of the road to turn right without considering the big artic doing forty coming from that direction. I thought I was an extra in Casualty for a split second it was that realistic. And close.

[idunnosomename]

Said it in a few historic buildings that happen to be churches yet took me by surprise with their interior grandeur. That or "Jesus Fuck!"

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Not since Halloween.

that looks so yum. is it so yum?

[Buelligan]

*involuntarily says "fucking hell"*

What is it with people acting like this towards serving staff?

I don't know, I just work in hospitality.  I think though, occasionally, you get people, customers, without empathy or basic manners, people with self-esteem issues, who enjoy humiliating people, especially people they know can't do anything about it.  Punching down, if you will.

Pretty foolish because, as I'm sure you know, the kitchen are usually made aware. 

[kittens]

related to the first post but it didn't make me say fucking hell. when i rang to get my internet set up i told them my name is daniel and the bloke in the call centre excitedly said 'oh! like the prophet!". made me laugh and i gave him a good rating afterwards as i am an everyday hero.

[Huxleys Babkins]

A new gym has opened up next to my local Aldi and it's turned from a quiet place to do the big shop to a heaving VIDpit of overconfident sexy young people. This has elicited many fucking hells for a variety of reasons, some good, some bad.

Might try doing next week's shop in Lidl instead.

[Emma Raducanu]

Nah, you'll be back.

I went out to an Indian once with a group of uni staff who I mainly didn't know. They were all alright except for the woman sat opposite me, who was rude to the staff at every opportunity. Not arsed how quickly I'm served if the conversation is good but she was absolutely irate that we apparently had to wait so long for the food. I don't think anyone else had noticed. She was giving all kinds of shit to the waiters and at one point said "I'll come in that kitchen and serve my self". I just slumped in my chair and mimed "fucking hell".

[steve98]

I saw a bloke crash his scooter. I didn't see it directly but I think he clipped a central reservation, suddenly the boring ordinary scooter-going-by turned into a big to-do with the tumbling and the clattery and the scraping, with the poor guy skidding along the road after. I may have actually said "Fuck me!" or some variation so maybe it doesn't count.

Before man and bike even came to rest, green flashing lights appeared up ahead and one of those paramedic cars zoomed up. There was plenty for them to do cos he only had shorts on

Ouch  :(

[steve98]

I don't know, I just work in hospitality.  I think though, occasionally, you get people, customers, without empathy or basic manners, people with self-esteem issues, who enjoy humiliating people, especially people they know can't do anything about it.  Punching down, if you will.

Pretty foolish because, as I'm sure you know, the kitchen are usually made aware.

I'm told Michael Winner before he died became aware that restaurants were contaminating his food with body fluids and would only order food where he could deceive himself that the taste/appearance of the contaminants (semen, spit, shit etc (the 3 s's)) could be attributed to that dishes normal ingredients.

So, for example, if a particular dish smelled of vomit he would attribute it, not to the waiter, but to the sprinkled Parmesan he'd ordered on top. He'd regularly order Guam fruit-bat(pic), because it tasted of urine, or Chinese, bull's-penis soup, with its semen scent.

I expect finding a dish with ingredients tasting of shit was more of a challenge.


Winner's Roast Fruit-Bat

[Paul Calf]

Christ, what a miserable existence. I almost feel sorry for him.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I worked in a kitchen I'd heard all the stories about food tampering but the chefs that worked there seemed to deem that as an uncrossable line they were above, I think there might've been an element of snobbery in it as in that sort of thing was the uncouth reaction of a mc donalds fry technician or a hungry horse microwave operator rather than a manor house chef.

Or maybe they did it when no-one was looking.

Although while we're on restaurants a fucking hell one was seeing a waiter eating the leftovers from a plate they were clearing. That was a bit much since the place did actually do staff meals and me being a pig myself used to keep scraps from the kitchen (that hadn't been out) to be picked at.

[Icehaven]

All the time, usually directed at the almost constant examples of sometimes hilariously appalling driving I see everywhere every day of my life. I did it just this morning when a large car and the van behind it both simultaneously decided they were going to go straight through the red light on the crossing that me and several other people were waiting to cross. The car, on realising there were people* starting to walk out into the road, panicked and slammed on the brakes, bringing it to a sudden halt in the middle of the crossing, and the van only avoided going into the back of it by about 2 inches. They both deserved to have their day ruined and I'm only sorry neither of them did.




*Not me though, I know better. I've been mocked for not employing more aggressive pedestrianizing before but if you're actually paying attention and see how many blinding twats don't indicate or even slow down when they're turning corners then you'd be mad to throw yourself into the road unless there's absolutely fuck all coming.

[Paul Calf]

Deliberately running a red on a pedestrian crossing is top-tier cuntery. Be calmed by the fact that their insurance premiums will be fucking stratospheric as a result of this.

[Huxleys Babkins]

The worst thing you can ever do, as a pedestrian or cyclist, is become a driver. You feel less and less confident to walk the streets with every passing year when you see things occur from the road and understand that so many near misses weren't by accident but simply because they were banking on the other party blinking first.

Nah, you'll be back.

Absolutely. Just discovered my local Lidl has been demolished along with the sorting office next door to be redeveloped into some sort of Mega-Lidl that's not due to reopen until Christmas.

Just need to find a way to deal with the swaggering meaty boys who think COVID doesn't spread if you're stood right next to someone but really confident about it.

[Emma Raducanu]

When I worked in a kitchen I'd heard all the stories about food tampering but the chefs that worked there seemed to deem that as an uncrossable line

Yeh, I've worked in resaurants for 12 years and have never met one person who sabotaged a plate of food. I'd hate to work somewhere with people that did.

[Thomas]

Strange to think too that the first moon landing is now closer in time to the end of WWI than it is to the present day.

[mothman]

For some reason (probably security) my work issued MacBook turns itself off if I don't log in within about five minutes of starting it up. It happened today so I just said "fucking hell!" out loud. Fortunately my colleagues are used to it. One time a particularly stupid email came in and I read it and said - conveniently just as there was a lull in the conversations around me - "Fuck off, and keep fucking off until you've fucked off forever!"