GenSeag: The Unauthorized Biography!

[Glebe]

We've had three volumes of 'official' biographies from controversial 'giving' bird Generous Seagull in the space of a few years, and in each he has painted himself as a flawed but valiant figure of both stage and coastline. But now Generous' feathers look set to be ruffled thanks to a new, unofficial tome which looks set to blow the lid off the "real" seagull.

Following several failed attempts by to block it's release, Behind the Beak: The Unauthorized and Disgusting Truth about Generous Seagull has seen the light of day, and is already hitting the bestseller charts internationally. Written by royal butler Paul Burrell (who claims to have been "an acquaintance" of Generous throughout the years) with the assistance of respected journalist Paul Dacre, it looks set to cast a dark cloud over the golden legacy of a once-great bird.



Generous was a popular up-and-comer in the 1960's.

In a statement issued last week, Generous called the book "part of a smear campaign against me," but it's not all slander and sleaze, as a quick read-through reveals. His early years treading the boards are presented much as they are in the official memoires, with the new revelation that Bob Monkhouse actually named him his "natural successor, though in the form of a seabird that gifts things to people when he's not trying to get ahead in the British entertainment industry."



Mike Winters saw Generous' more "rock 'n' roll side".

But the seagull's nascent success soon brings forth a somewhat-less salubrious side, and as the years go by things spiral out of control. This is where the book really digs up that much-anticipated dirt beneath that fancy façade, and Generous whiter-than-white image begins to crumble like so much chalk.

It's the late Mike Winters, brother of also-late Bernie and his dog Schnorbitz, who proves the source of the most meaty chapters. Through previously-unreleased conversations, Winters sketches out a less-than-pretty picture of the once-loved celeb.

"He was clean cut on telly, but I saw Generous' rock 'n' roll side," states Winters in newly-discovered tapes. "By the early '80s, cracks were beginning to show in his marriage, and he had a bit of a fling with a Page 3 starling. I told him, "Listen pal, if y'gunna let some chick ruin y'marriage, y'better make sure y'prepared to face the consequences. But he wouldn't listen and we subsequently fell out. I never spoke to him again after that."



Generous partying with Robbie Williams in the '90s. IMAGE COURTESY OF GETTY IMAGES.

As the new millennium approached, things truly began to fall apart for GenSeag. A failed marriage, mortgage problems and a lack of work led to him being thrown unceremoniously onto the proverbial Celebrity Scrapheap, but still he continued to live it up, indulging in drugs and booze with his new-found friends in the Britpop crowd. The sad sight of a faded star getting blotto with people twenty-plus years his junior made the tabloid gossip columns, his last vestiges off fame fizzling out. Sure, he cleaned up and made something of a comeback, but as this excellent book so ably proves, some dirt marks CANNOT be swiped away.

I won't SPOILER the rest of this filthy story, but this possibly-apocryphal collection of half-truths is a must read, and is available from all good branches of the Co-Op NOW, priced £1.49. Enjoy!

[Fambo Number Mive]

My copy has arrived. The anecdote of Generous hanging round seafront snorting discarded chip granules does seem a bit far fetched, but anything rewritten by Burrell has to have some historical weight.

[Fishfinger]

I will buy anything credited to Pauls Dacre and Burrell.

[Glebe]

Guys, I'm not saying you should believe everything in the book. It's at least 50% true.

[pancreas]

Generous should do an interview with Oprah. Set the record straight.

[Glebe]

Generous should do an interview with Oprah. Set the record straight.

He mentioned 'coloureds' in his Piers Morgan interview a couple of years back, so maybe not!