Author Topic: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?  (Read 35190 times)

Uncle TechTip

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #570 on: July 21, 2021, 03:33:20 PM »
or whip out his old man on The Graham Norton Show. .


I bet he would if he was encouraged. Don't worry, it won't make the cut... Clink (of copper's handcuffs)

Jizzing on a salad bar hood sounds utterly implausible. Someone would have reported that, surely. Cutting a cake with your penis sounds half believable, but still just as likely didn't happen. It's popbitch. Anyway, just getting it out is enough. I can't see any excuse except "we did it before".


Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #571 on: July 21, 2021, 03:46:36 PM »

Jizzing on a salad bar hood sounds utterly implausible. Someone would have reported that, surely.

Probably the strangest thing I've ever been pedantic about, but it was his own breakfast bar.  Apparently.  By which I presume they mean the sticking out thing in a kitchen, rather than a rectangular snack with oats in.

Uncle TechTip

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #572 on: July 21, 2021, 04:12:01 PM »
Ah right, i did have to read it a couple of times, evidently i still didn't get it. Who would find that funny though except Legend Garys?

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #573 on: July 21, 2021, 04:13:49 PM »
Ah right, i did have to read it a couple of times, evidently i still didn't get it. Who would find that funny though except Legend Garys?

I wasn't even absolutely sure what it meant until other posters on here confirmed my suspicions.  Because that's just horrible, and I quite agree, who would find that remotely amusing?

Neomod

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #574 on: July 21, 2021, 04:43:52 PM »
To be honest I'm surprised Barrowman hasn't been lamped at least once for this shit.

Shameless Custard

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #575 on: July 21, 2021, 04:59:44 PM »
And why was he that excited at breakfast?

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #576 on: July 21, 2021, 05:25:40 PM »
And why was he that excited at breakfast?

Lots of Sausages, and big juicy melon for the vegetarians.

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #577 on: July 21, 2021, 06:26:24 PM »
To be honest I'm surprised Barrowman hasn't been lamped at least once for this shit.

Homophobic attack that, innit.

Was reminded of this earlier:

https://youtu.be/w1XOfHax6Q8

Barrowman says he came up with the line on the fly because the woman he was acting opposite was so wooden and he was desperate to get her to react with emotion to anything. Firstly, of course she’s wooden. It’s a straight-to-video horror movie, not an RSC production. Also, you’re no Ian McKellen yourself, mate.

Dex Sawash

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #578 on: July 21, 2021, 06:59:58 PM »
<butler-style polite cough>: Allow me, sir.

From a Daily Mail article:

Our neighbour George Melly’s favourite party trick is what he calls ‘Man, Woman and Bulldog’. He takes all his clothes off, stands in the middle of the room and tells everyone he’s a ‘Man’.

Melly pushes all his bits between his legs and, squeezing them together, shouts: ‘Woman!’ Finally, he turns around, bends over and barks: ‘Bulldog!’


will be a great day if I could now just get a diagram of The Last Chicken at Sainsburys.

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #579 on: July 21, 2021, 08:20:23 PM »
And why was he that excited at breakfast?

Probably his mum got him a Kellogg’s variety pack.

Neomod

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #580 on: July 21, 2021, 09:43:35 PM »
Homophobic attack that, innit.

Not really, no. He'd be lamped for being a sex pest.

Unless you are saying sex pestery is an inherent trait in the gay community?

and what if the guy/girl who lamped him was gay?

Hmmmmm

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #581 on: July 21, 2021, 10:23:27 PM »
Homophobic attack that, innit.

Was reminded of this earlier:

https://youtu.be/w1XOfHax6Q8

Barrowman says he came up with the line on the fly because the woman he was acting opposite was so wooden and he was desperate to get her to react with emotion to anything. Firstly, of course she’s wooden. It’s a straight-to-video horror movie, not an RSC production. Also, you’re no Ian McKellen yourself, mate.

Always hated that anecdote

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #582 on: July 22, 2021, 12:21:16 AM »
Not really, no. He'd be lamped for being a sex pest.

Unless you are saying sex pestery is an inherent trait in the gay community?

and what if the guy/girl who lamped him was gay?

Hmmmmm

No, I’m saying that he’d accuse the puncher of homophobia because it’s all just a bit of zany gay bantz in his head.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #583 on: July 22, 2021, 01:55:20 AM »
Probably his mum got him a Kellogg’s variety pack.

Case solved. Lock the thread.

Neomod

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #584 on: July 22, 2021, 06:11:03 AM »
No, I’m saying that he’d accuse the puncher of homophobia because it’s all just a bit of zany gay bantz in his head.

Ahh, yeah. No doubt.

Echo Valley 2-6809

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #585 on: July 22, 2021, 11:41:31 AM »
When he lost he sex drive late in life he said it was "like being unchained from a lunatic".

Quote from: The Guardian
... Hooked!, his book about fishing, where he described landing a trout, then lying down in the undergrowth and masturbating into a large dock leaf.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2007/jul/08/jazz.urban

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #586 on: July 22, 2021, 12:11:21 PM »
It wasn't really worth it, was it?

you mean human civilisation?

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #587 on: July 22, 2021, 12:44:34 PM »
you mean human civilisation?

Well, I was talking specifically about spending a small amount of time searching the internet to find that 'Man, Woman, and Bulldog' was pretty much what you would think it might be.  But now you mention it...

(and while I'm here, George Melly was so enamored of this party trick that his company was called 'Man, Woman and Bulldog Limited'.  He must have loved doing it to a frankly weird extent)

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #588 on: July 23, 2021, 02:00:36 PM »
Said he didn't become a teacher because he'd have probably tried to shag the kids, or something along those lines.
"could not remotely conceive of not trying to shag the kids", to be clear.

Not just finding something about teenagers attractive or something about the fetishisation of youth and its imagery playing on his mind, or even deciding that on balance his desires and urges might pose an unacceptable risk, but being thoroughly unable to imagine himself not attempting to fuck "kids".

Yes, that was it.  Thanks, you two.

Butchers Blind

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #589 on: July 24, 2021, 04:27:36 PM »
Everyone's favourite critic is not happy with the film he's just sat through..

https://twitter.com/JohnBarrowman/status/1418816301405978632?s=19

Blue Jam

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #590 on: July 24, 2021, 04:33:35 PM »
Lovely reply from our own Louis Barfe in there.

mothman

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #591 on: July 24, 2021, 04:56:20 PM »
Barrowman went off on one on Twitter about hating M. Night Shyamalan’s new film Old (tagging the director in the process) and getting a refund from the cinema, with hilarious consequences.

St_Eddie

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #592 on: July 24, 2021, 05:43:45 PM »
Everyone's favourite critic is not happy with the film he's just sat through..

https://twitter.com/JohnBarrowman/status/1418816301405978632?s=19

I've asked for (and received) a refund from a cinema once in my entire life.  It was for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie adaptation.  The difference is that I walked out and requested the refund 20 minutes into the movie, when it was clear that I was not going to enjoy it one bit because it was actively making me angry.  Whereas twat face here (who surely is very well off financially, it should be noted) sat through the ENTIRE movie and then demanded a refund simply because he didn't like the movie, as though that's the cinema's fault.  What a total cunt.  That's like ordering a three course meal at a restaurant, eating the lot, even the after dinner mints and then refusing to pay because you claim to have not enjoyed the food.

Also, I haven't commentated on Barrowman's sexual antics yet but it really fuck's me off.  The stupid little cunt.  Just the thought of him stood there, getting his cock out and forcing everyone to look at it.  "Ooohhhh, it's really important that you look at my cock.  LOOK AT MY COCK!  What's your problem?!  Just look at my cock!  It is vital that you all look at my cock!"

Fuck off, Barrowman.  I hope you die in a ditch, you vile little cretinous and entitled piece of shit.

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #593 on: July 24, 2021, 06:01:37 PM »
I don't think I'd demand a refund for anything simply because I didn't like it. If it wasn't as advertised or had something seriously wrong with it maybe. But it's a Shyamalan film, you know you're taking a gamble on quality.

Blue Jam

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #594 on: July 24, 2021, 06:08:32 PM »
I've walked out of a couple of films but never asked for a refund. The closest I've come to that was when we went to a live stream of an RSC production of The Tempest at the Festival Theatre in Embra, and that was only because the live link went down about five minutes from. the end, right in the middle of Simon Russell Beale delivering Prospero's big final speech, and even then we happily accepted some tickets to another screening rather than a refund.

You cheap-ass pervy bastard, Barrowman.

Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #595 on: July 24, 2021, 06:14:25 PM »

Shit Good Nose

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Re: I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?
« Reply #596 on: July 24, 2021, 07:10:57 PM »
Homophobic attack that, innit.

Was reminded of this earlier:

https://youtu.be/w1XOfHax6Q8

Barrowman says he came up with the line on the fly because the woman he was acting opposite was so wooden and he was desperate to get her to react with emotion to anything. Firstly, of course she’s wooden. It’s a straight-to-video horror movie, not an RSC production. Also, you’re no Ian McKellen yourself, mate.

Always hated that anecdote

(Ignoring everything else being mentioned about Barrowman in this thread...)  Not quite right - admittedly I've never seen the Ross interview, but he's never said she was wooden, he said she wasn't giving any reactions in that particular scene so the director, David Worth, told Barrowman to try to make her laugh to loosen her up, so he just came up with that line, not expecting it to be kept, but because she didn't react to that either, Worth put it in the film.  Corroborated by both Worth and Jenny Mcshane who, as I've mentioned on here several times in the past, was a member of the Empire magazine forum for a while (along with other notable members Ricco Ross and Mark Rolston from Aliens, and Neil Marshall [who left just prior to filming The Descent]).  Shark Attack 3 was the Empire forum's own obsession and that scene was talked about a LOT, and Mcshane confirmed Barrowman's and Worth's version of events.

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