has there ever been a programme called “snooker”

[Replies From View]

can't decide whether this is a concept for a game or a programme that is about a game, but here's where I am at:


- features two balding men holding sticks that taper to a narrow poking tool

- has balls on a green horizontal surface

- the horizontal surface has an inordinate quantity of holes and there is a man nearby shouting "FOURTEEN SEVEN" and things

- the balls they go in the holes and then there is a clacking noise because there is already a ball inside and maybe they are mating

- the men aim their poking tools at the table and they are taking turns.  at points they are "rusting" their poking tools with tiny cubes containing athletes foot powder

- there is a live audience that sometimes enters a rapturous state wherein they generate coarse oscillating frequencies with their hands with absolutely no warning that it will happen.  and just as suddenly they just stop doing it

- it is all filmed at 240 frames per second so that no details are missed from the business with the balls and the green horizontal surface and the holes and the poking tools and all of this.  if it's more of a "game" than a "programme" then feel free to just move at that speed organically to create the same effect

- the men are wearing comically large spectacles in an apparent homage to dame edna everage, but otherwise you would mistake them for Syd Little at a farm or somewhere

[Glebe]

There was one called 'highlights of snooker'. It was presented by you dad. Not sure if he was munching on the Oldest Tree in Existence whilst doing the commentary though. Probably not, seems like a bit of a stretch!

[Replies From View]

There was one called 'highlights of snooker'. It was presented by you dad. Not sure if he was munching on the Oldest Tree in Existence whilst doing the commentary though. Probably not, seems like a bit of a stretch!

Could you go into details please on what happened in "highlights of snooker"?  I'm not interested in facts being waggled around from unrelated threads.

[Glebe]

Could you go into details please on what happened in "highlights of snooker"?  I'm not interested in facts being waggled around from unrelated threads.

It was highlights of the days snookers with your dad.

[Replies From View]

It was highlights of the days snookers with your dad.

What do you mean?  I have only just come up with "snooker", as you know from reading this thread. 


I want you to detail what "highlights of snooker" involved so that I can know whether it's just the word "snooker" that is coincidentally the same.

[Glebe]

Fuck me Replies, your never satisfied, are you? Barry - ban 'im!

[Scarlet Intangible]

This is a terrible idea! Are you off your scalp? Who in God's colostomy bag would watch something so boring??

The only way this would work is if you jazzed it up a bit. Make the pitch pink for a start. Add some disco lights, bang on some steamy rhythms. Maybe replace the balls with mice. Paint them different colours if you want. But do something funky with the holes.... like get people to squat under them with their mouths open. Then, maybe, you've got a show my friend.

As it stands you are japing if you think this is good.

[Replies From View]

Thank you, this is really some food for thought.  And in the back of my mind I did wonder whether the business of filming the whole thing at 240 frames per second and playing it back at, say, 24 frames, might somehow backfire on me.


Yes, I'll think about your suggestions, for sure.  Thanks!

[Replies From View]

Hmm, but when I think about it a little more, you were persuasive but I did always want this to be quite sedate and glacial, a bit plodding


I like the idea of hearing a pin drop in there, something you just don't get these days.  When the balls drop into the holes it's quiet enough to hear them clacking together, mating.  You know?

[Glebe]

snooker loopy nuts are we