Bad Blurbs

[Cerys]

Ever come across a blurb for a book which doesn't exactly compel you to read the thing?  Yes?  That's no surprise.  But have you ever read a blurb for something that you've already read, which you feel hideously undersells the book?  The kind of blurb which, if you'd read it before you read the book, would compel you to hunt down all the copies and torch them in a bizarre heathen ritual.

For example: 'The Horse Goddess', by Morgan Llywelyn.   Okay, it's prehistoric pulp.  Jean M Auel kind of thing.  Nothing special - just readable and enjoyable with semi-gratuitous gore, nudity, knobbing, and quasi-historical atmosphere.  I first read it when I was about thirteen and really enjoyed it, so when the Internet entered my home, I tracked down a second-hand copy.  It arrived, and upon lazily casting my eye over the blurb, I read, to my horror -

Epona, a golden Celtic beauty, commanded wind, fire, all the beasts of the earth.  But she could not resist Kazhak, the sensual Nomad Prince whose stallion swept her away to the farthest reaches of the strange Black Sea.  Even as their passion forged a white-hot bond mightier than Celtic bronze, the Druid Priest of Epona's tribe pursued them.  No mortal man, no earthly love, had yet withstood his awesome force.

Morgan Llywelyn Creates a Vivid Universe of Love and Treachery, Passion and Destiny, Where Men Become Gods and Lovers Live Forever in the Timeless Dreams of All the World.

Now, I don't know what book whoever wrote that had been reading, but if I'd read it before I read the book, I'd have run away screaming - even at thirteen.

Has any blurb you've read ever done that...?

[Smackhead Kangaroo]

Coo Mill's n Boon certainly get around don't they?

[Blue Jam]

Has anyone here ever managed to find an answer to the question "Why is WIthnail and I such a great film then? What's the plot? " that hasn't prompted the response "Oh."?

[Cerys]

Coo Mill's n Boon certainly get around don't they?

It's probably the last stop after whoring one's writing ... ahem ... 'skills' to Mills and Boon.  Once you're too old and dried up for bodice rippery, you're locked in a dingy room and forced to grind out blurbs for non-M&B material.  Oh, the humanity.

Has anyone here ever managed to find an answer to the question "Why is WIthnail and I such a great film then? What's the plot? " that hasn't prompted the response "Oh."?

"Have a bang on this, then watch it again...."  That's more likely to get the response of 'mmmmmmnnnyeahurgh'.  Eventually.

[Munday's Chylde]

For more on unreliable blurbs I refer you to the software company 'Code-masters' during their £2.99 spectrum days...

[Bill Oddie]

Clicky

Check out the top review on that page.


Hehe....




(I also checked the Qu'ran comments which were all highly respectful would you believe)

[Ramses VIII]

The blurb for the video of `About Schmidt` MENTIONS that `then his wife suddenly dies`..ruining a pivotal moment in the film..I give up

[Munday's Chylde]

The blurb for showgirls that appeared in the advert of 'selective' magazines read simply "flies down, tissues out..."

[dan dirty ape]

There's one of those porn remakes of Hollywood hits, 'The Sexy Sixth Sense' , which boasts the tagline 'I see naked dead lesbians'.

[gazzyk1ns]

Not a book but it is based on one - the blurb for "The Shawshank Redemption" is particularly rubbish considering that prospective new viewers won't know what the film is about or like, it makes it sound like some kind of slow moving spiritual Anthony Hopkins-centered drama.

[Ambient Sheep]

The blurb for the video of `About Schmidt` MENTIONS that `then his wife suddenly dies`..ruining a pivotal moment in the film..I give up

And now I don't need to bother to see it either...

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

Yeah Ramses VII. What the fuck would you do that for eh? Worthless cunt. Fuck off, die, and take your thousand of years of arabic dominance with you. Cuh.

[gazzyk1ns]

Similarly (so spoiler alert for Shawshank...seriously, it's my favourite film so if you've not seen it don't read on, watch it instead.)





I have the original release of the DVD (the double sided one) for Shawshank... the animated menu, which at the time was very cutting edge and impressive... shows Tim Robbins crawling out of the sewage pipe.

[Ambient Sheep]

Clicky
Check out the top review on that page.

Excellent stuff!

[Dangermouse]

I'm currently reading a book called 'The Last Escape'. It's about the experiences of PoWs in WW2 in Nazi Germany and the occupied territory. Just before I started to read it I looked at the list of reviewer comments. Top of the page was Chris Tarrant.

No offence to the bloke, but if I were writing a serious book about such a dark topic he would be one of the last people I'd want as an endorsement. I almost put the book to one side.

I'm glad I didn't as it is an amazingly gripping read. It's one of those books that keeps me awake on the train to and from work.

[Ambient Sheep]

I have the original release of the DVD (the double sided one) for Shawshank... the animated menu, which at the time was very cutting edge and impressive... shows...<something that we won't mention>

Doh!

[dan dirty ape]

The blurb for the video of `About Schmidt` MENTIONS that `then his wife suddenly dies`..ruining a pivotal moment in the film..I give up

And now I don't need to bother to see it either...

His wife dies near the beginning. It's still worth seeing. Someone on here, can't remember who, really hated it but it's worth a watch, if only for Jackie Boy's performance. I can watch Nicholson in just about anything, although 'Anger Management' was pushing it.

[Munday's Chylde]

The blurb for the video of `About Schmidt` MENTIONS that `then his wife suddenly dies`..ruining a pivotal moment in the film..I give up

And now I don't need to bother to see it either...

His wife dies near the beginning. It's still worth seeing. Someone on here, can't remember who, really hated it but it's worth a watch, if only for Jackie Boy's performance. I can watch Nicholson in just about anything, although 'Anger Management' was pushing it.

I don't think it was me that really hated it, but I didn't like, no sir, not a bit. Not at all what it's cracked up to be.

The dead wife is the catalyst for the plot of the film, not some midway unexpected twist - you'd be hard pressed to provide a synopsis for the video box without mentioning his wife dying.

[butnut]

Similarly (so spoiler alert for Shawshank...seriously, it's my favourite film so if you've not seen it don't read on, watch it instead.)





I have the original release of the DVD (the double sided one) for Shawshank... the animated menu, which at the time was very cutting edge and impressive... shows Tim Robbins crawling out of the sewage pipe.

On a similar thing for Don't Look Now:








On the Video release I bought a few years ago, they covered the back with pictures of the small dwarf in a red coat - thus removing most of the suspense from the ending, for people like me who hadn't seen it, or even been born when it was orignally released.