Things your dad is doing.

[Replies From View]

your dad is throwing all kinds of shapes!!


*edd the duck*  wow!

*gordon the gopher*  much the same shape but wowee!



he's out of control!!!

[Replies From View]

your dad is on the roof of your childhood home bellowing the "kidnap the Santa Claus" song from Nightmare Before Christmas

[Glebe]

"Who remembers the Tweenies? Forty-odd I was - with the emphasis on 'odd'!"

Nobody is laughing.

[idunnosomename]

Your dad is causing mischief in an arboretum in a vivid state of sexual arousal.

Your dad has dug a hole in the lawn looking for peace.

Your dad detests a joyful summer, and longs for the misery of spring.

Your dad contemplates the end of Eastenders.

Your dad defiles the Walter Scott monument with a barrel of pigshit for undisclosed reasons.

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your dad is taking an angle grinder to his anus

[Replies From View]

your dad remembers simon and the witch and keeps asking if you do as well



how did the theme tune go oh yeah "ba-da ba-da-badda boh-doh doh-boooh"


remember it, haha.  it went "ba-da ba-da-badda boh-doh doh-boooh" remember

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Your dad is going round all the gyms in town asking if he can collect their arse sweat. Says he can use it to make a magic potion. Lifetime ban from five and counting.

[Replies From View]

Your dad is attempting to indoctrinate you into sharing all his fetishes

[frajer]

You dad can bend spoons but won't because of a deep-rooted fear that Uri Geller will find out and bend him.

[Glebe]

Every time a non-white presenter pops up on TV, your dad says words to effect of "once again, the BBC filling their quota."

"But dad, this is ITV!"

"Once again, ITV filling their quota."

[Replies From View]

your dad habitually summons a torque-mandate upon the family home.

[Glebe]

Every time you mention anything to do with the arts or pop culture, your dad does this passive-aggressive thing where he makes a weird grunt and gravitates towards the shed.

[Glebe]

Your dad is in great mood after staying glued to the GB News launch night for hours and hours and hours.

[Glebe]

Your dad is making lots of noise with a sander while you're trying to watch a film.

[Replies From View]

your dad still his baby "milk" penis

[frajer]

Your dad thinks the best Batman was Ben Affleck, "you can tell he really knew how to make sure a hoodlum took all his meals through a straw."

[frajer]

Your dad is insistent you sign an online petition to release the Snyder Cut.

"It's been released Dad, it's out." But he's already away to talk to mum.

[Glebe]

Your dad is hoping Richard Littlejohn joins the GB News team. "I'd love to be invited on as a member of the public, I'd be like, 'It's great to have you back on our screens Richard, it's been too long,' I'd be tearing up and everything."

[Replies From View]

Your dad is trying to riff on the idea of being a spontaneous, chucklesome man by snatching lines from various comedy shows that he obviously hasn't understood.  His most recent one is to remark of anyone who annoys him:  "If they say that again, I'll do to them what Alexander the Great's Chief Eunuch once did to me."

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Your dad is in a huff because his favourite type of shipping container is being discontinued.

[popcorn]

Your dad is reminiscing about "Virtual Cop".

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Your Dad has just stuck a hair across the fridge door like in James Bond, so he'll know if anyone's been eating his assorted hams.

[touchingcloth]

Your dad is claiming that 95% of the piss in Piss Christ is his piss.

[Glebe]

Your dad discovers a Hornby fan forum. This changes everything.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Your dad discovers a Michael Ball fan forum. Love changes everything.

[touchingcloth]

Your dad is absolutely reeking of cum. His own? Sure, if you like.

[willbo]

He's watching Thunderbirds. But he's a 2021 dad so it's one of the modern CGI versions he feels nostalgic for.

[Glebe]

Your dad is locked in his 'study' (the shed), 'doing some work' (wanking).

"Oh hello son, you're back from Uncle Jim's early!"

"No dad, we've been gone nine hours. Have you been wanking the full nine hours the rest of the family have been away?"

Your dad looks shamefaced.

"Yes, son. Yes, I have."

[idunnosomename]

Your dad has bagged three golds in the paedophile olympics.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Just saw your dad driving an army surplus tank down the high street. Said he was off to annex the Sudetenland and to tell your mum he won't be back in time for dinner.