Author Topic: Things your dad is doing.  (Read 15169 times)

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #30 on: May 06, 2021, 05:15:21 PM »
Your dad is making a separate thread for the thing he's doing.

idunnosomename

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #31 on: May 06, 2021, 05:22:43 PM »
Your dad has been up all night polishing his soil.

Your dad is in court for disagreeing with a plum.

Your dad has filled a moat with tiny crabs.

Your dad only owns one picture of the Queen.

Your dad is traipsing through the back of his Bible.

Your dad is in terrible trouble for groping cloves.

Your dad has assumed the attitude of three eels.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #32 on: May 06, 2021, 07:47:14 PM »
Your dad sucks the cream out of the middle of a cream horn and then refills it with squirty whipped cream over and over. He calls it a Creamy All Day Horn and laughs his head off.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #33 on: May 06, 2021, 08:01:19 PM »
Your dad sucks the cream out of the middle of a cream horn and then refills it with squirty whipped cream over and over. He calls it a Creamy All Day Horn and laughs his head off.

That's a pretty neat idea to be fair.  Sometimes you have to admire your dad

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #34 on: May 06, 2021, 08:11:25 PM »
Your dad is forcing a mandarin into a gannet's armpit near Solsbury.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #35 on: May 06, 2021, 08:31:46 PM »
Your dad has been up all night polishing his soil.

I misread that as ‘Your dad has been up all night polishing his soul’, which I found pleasingly metaphysical.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #36 on: May 06, 2021, 08:39:49 PM »
Your dad is forcing a mandarin into a gannet's armpit near Solsbury.

AND WHEN THE MANDARIN STARTS PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNES

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #37 on: May 06, 2021, 08:53:20 PM »
Your dad is trying to pay 50p to get into the swimming baths to do ‘Skooooba Diving’ (that’s how he says it).

Your dad has fitted an aesthetically disastrous dado rail in the meeting room of the village hall.

Your dad is avoiding Des Lynam because he owes him a tenner.

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #38 on: May 07, 2021, 11:18:29 AM »
Your dad is disappointed that "the AIDS didn't stop the gays in the '80s. If anything they're thrived."

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #39 on: May 07, 2021, 11:27:28 AM »
Your dad just saluted and sharted the national anthem. Spectacular.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #40 on: May 07, 2021, 11:46:17 AM »
Your dad thinks Jeremy Clarkson would make a smashing prime minister.

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #41 on: May 07, 2021, 04:02:36 PM »
Your dad rocks up at your daughter's birthday party dressed as the Honey Monster. "How ya like me now?"

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #42 on: May 07, 2021, 04:07:32 PM »
Your dad used to be a werewolf but he's alright noooooOOOOOWWWWW god oh christ not again


Your werewolf dad is cornered in the barn and they've found the remains of that shepherd that went missing

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #43 on: May 07, 2021, 04:09:09 PM »
Your dad breaks the radiator so he can repair it again.

wosl

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #44 on: May 07, 2021, 04:44:49 PM »
Except he's given up half-way through, hasn't he.  Your mum's just found him lying in a deep snooze in the middle of a pool of pipe offcuts, unravelled soldering wire and scavenged railway-siding porn.

seepage

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #45 on: May 07, 2021, 05:04:40 PM »
Your dad's lost the first Advanced Squad Leader scenario to the automata again.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #46 on: May 09, 2021, 10:33:46 PM »
Your dad is furiously attempting to make Jurassic Park exist across thousands of floppy disks.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #47 on: May 09, 2021, 10:39:41 PM »
Your dad is loudly sharing his personal experience of snack machines where you put your money in but something goes wrong so your snack doesn't fall down.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #48 on: May 10, 2021, 12:48:25 AM »
Your dad is brushing his urethra with whitening toothpaste to stop his urine being so yellow.

idunnosomename

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #49 on: May 10, 2021, 01:12:59 AM »
Your dad is raging at a rogue windsock.

Your dad is laying a tremendous egg.

Your dad is pointing at tiny barrel of souls.

Your dad is riding the light of the great old ones.

Your dad is performing an epic anal prolapse with great aplomb.

Your dad has logged on and fprotted the tarball.

Your dad has launched a hate campaign against grapes.

Your dad is full of beans and has unloaded some onto the garden wall for the crows to gobble.

chveik

  • crazy bit of business
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #50 on: May 10, 2021, 01:14:26 AM »
your dad's turned off replies

your dad writes Derek fanfiction.

your dad is saving his virginity for Mike Gapes.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #51 on: May 10, 2021, 01:26:13 AM »
your dad's turned off replies

yeah to be honest i have gone quite off him lately

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #52 on: May 10, 2021, 10:55:05 AM »
Your dad rolls his eyes when "another of them women comedians" come on the telly.

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #53 on: May 11, 2021, 09:07:10 PM »
Your dad pulls bemused faces at "these modern haircuts!"

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #54 on: May 11, 2021, 09:13:26 PM »
Your dad wears a discreet money belt to the shops because you never know what the fuck’s around the corner, son.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #55 on: May 11, 2021, 10:40:40 PM »
Your dad pops a buttplug into his anus whenever he visits the local shops, to keep out any surprise intruders.


The bulge makes him look like he's shat himself but he can't see it so:  "out of sight out of mind, unless it's a surprise intruder," he says with a wry smile and a wink.

Glebe

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #56 on: May 11, 2021, 10:57:16 PM »
Your dad only wears sensible jumpers. Even in the bath.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #57 on: May 11, 2021, 11:03:50 PM »
Your dad drilled a hole in the campus shower room wall to insert his penis into and later unsuccessfully sued the Porky’s filmmakers. “Never saw a penny, son,” he laments on long winter nights. “And they all got rich off your old pa’s prick.”

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #58 on: May 12, 2021, 12:38:54 AM »
Your dad is cooking up another batch of his experimental custard.

Your dad is setting up in business as a ‘gravel agent’.

Your dad is compiling a list of his favourite agricultural implements.

Your dad is trying to register a patent for ‘waterproof water’.

Your dad is going to get himself into trouble if he carries on like this.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #59 on: May 12, 2021, 02:15:29 PM »
Your dad finally has enough set aside to buy that hoverboard.

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