Author Topic: Things your dad is doing.  (Read 20127 times)

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #510 on: August 25, 2021, 06:47:45 PM »
Your dad suggests having a "pizza night. We'll purchase a pizza in Tesco and eat it. Then we'll watch Gardeners' World."

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #511 on: August 25, 2021, 07:10:03 PM »
Your dad ties the garden hose into a lasso and spends most of the evening trying to rope the washing pole. “He’s a tumultuous varmint but I’ll a-git him by sundown!” he yells to you as you head to your car.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #512 on: August 25, 2021, 07:49:00 PM »
Your dad ties the garden hose into a lasso and spends most of the evening trying to rope the washing pole. “He’s a tumultuous varmint but I’ll a-git him by sundown!” he yells to you as you head to your car.

You are just pulling into your driveway when you receive a text from your dad. 'tied up in clothes line pls get help.'

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #513 on: August 25, 2021, 07:53:02 PM »
You are just pulling into your driveway when you receive a text from your dad. 'tied up in clothes line pls get help.'


‘pardner’

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #514 on: August 25, 2021, 07:56:23 PM »

‘pardner’

By the time you return to your dad's the fire bridge have already freed him. "It's alright son, that kindly neighbour yonder heard my hollerin' and rounded up this here posse!"

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #515 on: August 25, 2021, 08:07:19 PM »
By the time you return to your dad's the fire bridge have already freed him. "It's alright son, that kindly neighbour yonder heard my hollerin' and rounded up this here posse!"

“Ah shurely am a rootin’ tootin’ fuckwitted sunnuvabitch! Shucks!”
“Dad you know I’ve got to drive to Stoke in the morning, tear down your campfire and get some sleep.”

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #516 on: August 25, 2021, 08:23:11 PM »
your dad is furiously buying up all the packets of white skittles in his local shops and incinerating them.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #517 on: August 25, 2021, 08:38:41 PM »
right now your dad is in st james park trying to make a meme of himself swallowing a live pigeon whole

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #518 on: August 25, 2021, 08:49:01 PM »
Your dad is doing a miniature remake of The Blob with his iPhone, using bogies and micromachines.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #519 on: August 25, 2021, 08:54:45 PM »
Five Star just phoned up your dad to tell him he is FUCKING CRAP.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #520 on: August 25, 2021, 09:02:40 PM »
your dad is up to his arse in cheap cocoa powder


(he has filled the entire bathroom from floor to arse-level, using up all your proposed inheritance)

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #521 on: August 25, 2021, 09:04:34 PM »
your dad regards breakfast consumption of kelloggs all bran to be a symbol of high status

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #522 on: August 25, 2021, 09:07:06 PM »
your dad is convinced that the plotline of who framed roger rabbit is a sly dig at him

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #523 on: August 25, 2021, 09:33:03 PM »
your dad is stoked to introduce you to his "rebound" - the woman he says he has been dating for the last eight months.  So you call around his place under duress and, beaming with pride, he directs your attention to a mouldy, inflatable pink panther that's all cracked and crumpled up in the space beneath the kitchen sink, rubbing up against the bottles of Clorox bleach.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #524 on: August 25, 2021, 11:40:16 PM »
Your dad snorts derisively when an item about transgenderism comes on telly.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #525 on: August 25, 2021, 11:53:41 PM »
your dad is stoked to introduce you to his "rebound" - the woman he says he has been dating for the last eight months.  So you call around his place under duress and, beaming with pride, he directs your attention to a mouldy, inflatable pink panther that's all cracked and crumpled up in the space beneath the kitchen sink, rubbing up against the bottles of Clorox bleach.

Don't pull that face in front of your new mum, son.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #526 on: August 25, 2021, 11:55:11 PM »
Your dad melts into a giant, gelatinous mound, with just his face smiling out.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #527 on: August 28, 2021, 09:20:06 AM »
your dad is handing you your arse

RetroRobot

  • Beep boop bollocks.exe has stopped working
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #528 on: August 29, 2021, 12:02:34 AM »
Your dad sees an attractive woman on the train and then spends the rest of the journey imagining his life with her, only to never introduce himself to her and have a deep sigh as soon as she gets off the train.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #529 on: August 29, 2021, 07:33:35 AM »
Your dad hands you a note. It reads 'Completely discount ya!'

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #530 on: August 29, 2021, 09:11:11 AM »
your dad is modelling his entire appearance now on Denzil Washington’s fringe.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #531 on: August 29, 2021, 11:27:42 AM »
Your dad is moonlighting as a taxi driver and is always telling his passengers, "There's a lot of 'em about... you know what I mean."

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #532 on: August 29, 2021, 11:38:41 AM »
gaslighting more like

Captain Poodle Basher

  • Teaching cats to cook since 1986
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #533 on: August 31, 2021, 06:29:57 PM »
Your dad says he's going to be a breeder of champion earwigs.

He says you'll have to get up early every morning to take them for a walk because fucked if he's going to be doing it.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #534 on: September 01, 2021, 03:46:41 PM »
Your dad is beginning to mellow. "Used to think that them that's got the AIDS deserved it, but Todd Carty in EastEnders changed my mind. Now I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even the gays! And as you know son I used to wish it on them a good deal."

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #535 on: September 02, 2021, 06:39:04 PM »
your dad is thrusting a pink razor at you and pulling his buttocks apart, revealing his cactus tuft of an anus

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #536 on: September 02, 2021, 08:02:58 PM »
Drafting anonymous death threats with a Star Wars stencil set.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #537 on: September 03, 2021, 02:10:52 AM »
"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.

KaraokeDragon

  • salve, dickheads
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #538 on: September 03, 2021, 04:40:20 PM »
Your dad has broke into the cupboard where your mum keeps the full sodium salt and is using it to liberally season a bucket of saurkraut while loudly humming the tune of 'Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing'.

"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.
Lol'd

Captain Poodle Basher

  • Teaching cats to cook since 1986
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #539 on: September 03, 2021, 05:48:35 PM »
Your dad insists that that it was George Harrington who was in The Beatles.

No persuading him otherwise.

Any attempts to show him he's wrong are met with a curt "Typo"

All of them?

"All of them."

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