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Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

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Glebe

You're trying to enjoy a movie but your dad keeps scraping the heal of his shoe on the carpet.

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on September 04, 2021, 11:57:25 PM
You're trying to enjoy a movie but your dad keeps scraping the heal of his shoe on the carpet.

"Trod in dog muck earlier. Least I presume it was dog. Any road, thanks for having us round for movie night, son."

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on September 05, 2021, 12:47:54 AM"Trod in dog muck earlier. Least I presume it was dog. Any road, thanks for having us round for movie night, son."

*scuff scuff scuff*

"Sniff... smells like human excrement, actually. Which one is Gandalf the Wizard again? Last time of asking, honest. Sniff."

*scuff scuff scuff*

frajer

Your dad is stood in Tesco's bakery section, pointing at all the animal lollies and working out which looks the saddest. "I like to put them out of their misery, son."

Glebe

Your dad is struggling to understand what "a Resident Evil Village is".

frajer

Your dad promises to water your plants while you're away and you get back after a week to find them all in the sink with the hot tap running.

Glebe

Your dad sacrifices his niece to an ancient Sumerian demon.

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on September 06, 2021, 09:18:04 PM
Your dad sacrifices his niece to an ancient Sumerian demon.

The demon offers your dad anything his heart desires and he opts for a Rustlers burger.

seepage

"Do you do know Dell are Jerry-rigging Intel stock coolers on top of AMD processors in their premium desktop PCs, son?" 

Glebe

Your dad has been hanging out at Snoop Dog's "crib" all day. "Yo Snoop, where you at?"

frajer

Your dad has confused Snoop Dogg with Snoopy and is lying on top of the neighbour's kennel, explaining to a yellow bird why Charlie Brown is a better son than you.

Replies From View

your dad is eating a remote controlled car; he is hilariously calling it "an remote controlled car" between mouthfuls

Glebe

"Good news son," smiles you dad, "My fiancée is expecting-"

"-Congratulations dad, didn't think you stil had it in you!"

"Let me finish son. My fiancée is expecting a windfall from her late Great Uncle's inheritance. Gonna kill her after the wedding and claim the lot!"

Replies From View

your dead is squishing his anus under a cheesewire


doing a bit of a wallace voice with it

Glebe

"How're you getting on with that laptop I bought you, dad?"

"It's great son! I've already downloaded 250 gigasnaps of illegal images this morning!"


Replies From View

Whenever your dad strains out a shit he gives himself a nosebleed (and then has to abandon the shitting procedure to deal with it)

Glebe

Your dad has every single episode of The Liitle and Large Show taped off the telly.

Replies From View

your dad deliberately only records 1.5 hours worth of telly onto each 3 or 4 hour VHS tape to make them "just like the proper ones you'd buy in the shops". 

any more than 3 half-hour episodes creates "an inauthentic experience" and generates instantaneous aggravation, causing him to retreat to his calm corner

Replies From View

your dad is still handing you a pink razor and parting his buttocks at you.  not using his words



idunnosomename

Your dad really enjoys that "motorbiking" song. Motorbiking! Motorbiking! Where has this been all my life, he tearfully laments.

Replies From View

your dad is mumbling "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh shot gun, nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh shot gun" indicating that he has yet another favourite song under his belt

frajer

Your dad attaches a multi-directional garden sprinkler to the front of his chinos and says "best lay down towels in your guest bathroom son, the doctor says I've caught a dose of Octo-knob again!"

Glebe

Your dad is reminiscing about the original PS1 Final Fantasy VII with his border collie in the back garden again.

Replies From View

your dad is wistfully recalling the fresh taste of tab clear


"you wouldn't understand, son.  you weren't there"

Replies From View

your dad has a giant glass of orangina all for him

Glebe

Your dad is very much enjoying Playmobil: The Movie. "Those Pixar guys are geniuses!"

frajer

Your dad gets a tattoo of your best friend from primary school on his chest. "Yeah I'm not sure either, now you ask. Where were you last night??"

Cuellar

Your dad goes to church every Sunday, for 'the skirt'

Glebe

Your dad has become "addicted!" to Maroon 5. "I've constantly got them going on my sound pods when I'm hard it in the shed, son!"

Glebe

Your dad hurls a battle axe at some bloke in the street, killing him. "Woo, gained 100 EXP points for that, son!"