Author Topic: Things your dad is doing.  (Read 19183 times)

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #600 on: September 16, 2021, 06:00:21 PM »
your dad thinks photocopying in the library is free so he's photocopying loads of random stuff he doesn't even want or need, just for the thrill

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #601 on: September 17, 2021, 11:15:51 PM »
Your dad's Fortnight username is Geeklord1958.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #602 on: September 18, 2021, 12:16:54 AM »
Your dad's Fortnight username is Geeklord1958.

He has added all of your mates to his friends list. He has not invited you and if you come round your mum and dad’s unexpectedly he throws a strategically placed sleeping bag over the console and pretends his gaming headset is due to getting a part-time call centre gig. “It’s not much but it’s some walking around money.”

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #603 on: September 18, 2021, 12:25:52 AM »
your dad has pledged to win back all of the greater german reich, and rule over it as a benevolent dictator.

DoesNotFollow

  • Aliens got involved and everyhing
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #604 on: September 21, 2021, 09:07:25 PM »
Dad's got a dried horses cock in a box. He opens it and looks inside maybe twice a year, if that.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #605 on: September 21, 2021, 09:16:15 PM »
Your dad straps a sword to the roof of his car in case “shit goes all Mad Max” on his commute.

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #606 on: September 21, 2021, 09:25:46 PM »
your dad is having a horizontal spinner fitted.  reckons he's going to beat the hammer-action version of himself in the next round

KaraokeDragon

  • salve, dickheads
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #607 on: September 22, 2021, 07:18:51 AM »
Your dad is holed up in the coal bunker, performing a web search for 'autogerontophilia'. (Using Bing, bless him.)

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #608 on: September 22, 2021, 07:32:27 AM »
your dad is trying to pat you on the arse so hard that it pats him on the arse

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #609 on: September 22, 2021, 08:56:19 PM »
your dad is adamant that a working title for Monty Python’s Flying Circus was “Penis Stretching Time”



“it was mentioned on a documentary I saw,” he keeps saying

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #610 on: September 22, 2021, 09:30:25 PM »
Dad it was “Owl Stretching Time”.  I am a bigger fan of Monty Python than you.



“i doubt the documentary was wrong, son.”

Catalogue Trousers

  • With tremendous protein value
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #611 on: September 22, 2021, 10:37:16 PM »
Shouting about black people

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #612 on: September 22, 2021, 11:13:20 PM »
Your dad eats an entire share size bag of Maltesers in some sort of fugue state while watching Inside Chernobyl with Ben Fogle. Panic sets in as the credits roll and he looks at you with wide eyes. “Let’s tell your mum she forgot to buy them again.”

Lovely

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #613 on: September 22, 2021, 11:16:58 PM »
Your dad says he's going to be a breeder of champion earwigs.

He says you'll have to get up early every morning to take them for a walk because fucked if he's going to be doing it.
Love it

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #614 on: September 22, 2021, 11:17:45 PM »
"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.

Yes

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #615 on: September 22, 2021, 11:26:00 PM »
You go for a walk to take your mind off being sacked because of your dad (see posts above). To your shock you come across your dad having lunch with your boss outside a posh cafe.

"Hmmm, you seem to have the necessary problem-solving skills your son so obviously lacks. How d'you fancy working for me?"

"Was gonna say, 'Arsed, cigs,' but go on then."

He's still got his trousers on his head.

Love it

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #616 on: September 22, 2021, 11:48:09 PM »
and also who else did some good posts

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #617 on: September 22, 2021, 11:50:43 PM »
You are awoken by the sound of your dad playing every transformers theme tune at once in early AM in the guest bedroom

It stops and you hear grim mutter

Back To The Drawing Board

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #618 on: September 23, 2021, 06:07:54 PM »
Your dad is doing a bit of family genealogy and discovers that the family's roots can be traced back to the island of Ireland.

"Such look it what can you do about it there it is now."

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #619 on: September 23, 2021, 08:31:46 PM »
your dad has dissolved the mrs doubtfire latex mask with solvents and is now slurping at it with a straw.

jenna appleseed

  • "F••• you Captain Tom."
    • Blog for a Dennis Wilson (Beach Boys) charity fanzine.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #620 on: September 23, 2021, 09:07:54 PM »
Your dad has every single episode of The Liitle and Large Show taped off the telly.

but because you keep mocking him, he refuses to share any of them with the forum.

eta: in fact he's now deliberately taping over them all with episodes of Bargain Hunt & watercolour challenge, and tearing out the tape and throughing it arround the streets like confetti.

Now look what you've made him do, somebody's going to have to clear up that mess & it won't be your dad (or mine).


Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #621 on: September 23, 2021, 09:18:12 PM »
Your dad makes himself a duct tape wallet and promises to show you how to do it if you ever get cool enough to hang with him and the Duct Tape Boyz.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #622 on: September 24, 2021, 02:57:02 PM »
Your dad is wishing you "Happy Birthday, son," as he hands you a pair of brown socks with a wan smile. With a WAN smile.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #623 on: September 24, 2021, 03:17:07 PM »
Your dad turns off A Clockwork Orange halfway through and as he storms off to the shed you can hear him muttering "the '70s were nothing like that."

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #624 on: September 24, 2021, 03:27:42 PM »
Your dad turns off A Clockwork Orange halfway through and as he storms off to the shed you can hear him muttering "the '70s were nothing like that."

"They were less colourful and more violent, lad. Less colourful and more violent."

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #625 on: September 24, 2021, 04:17:53 PM »
"They were less colourful and more violent, lad. Less colourful and more violent."

Unbeknownst to you, your dad pours a load of mescaline into your bedtime glass of milk. "Drink well, my li'l droog."

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #626 on: September 25, 2021, 04:26:47 AM »
Your dad is yelling "On yer bike!" at any "foreign-looking" people at the garden gate. "Bloke in a turban trying to sell me house insurance, 'On yer bike!'"

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #627 on: September 25, 2021, 08:59:14 AM »
your dad is cancelled after a bout of self-flinging near the dust covers

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #628 on: September 25, 2021, 09:14:32 AM »
Your dad gets a gig on the new Doctor Strange and spends a week working with Benedict Cumberbatch. “I’m not one for talking outside of school, but all I’ll say is: complete cunt who never opened his wallet once.”

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #629 on: September 25, 2021, 01:25:58 PM »
Your dad tells the neighbours that he considers you to be "mildly twatty".

Tags: