Author Topic: Things your dad is doing.  (Read 18879 times)

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #570 on: September 09, 2021, 09:56:25 PM »
Your dad is using a kebab skewer to pick his teeth, inevitably impales himself on it but refuses to admit he fucked up. "Meant to do it! I'm going as a cenobite for Halloween!"

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #571 on: September 09, 2021, 10:24:19 PM »
your dad is bragging about all the sex he has done

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #572 on: September 10, 2021, 01:58:33 PM »
Your dad rugby tackles you in Tesco and yells "I've got him, the one who's been stealing all your dildos!"

Cuellar

  • I'm over here
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #573 on: September 10, 2021, 02:47:46 PM »
Your dad is happy with who HE is. He likes himself. He is secure, he is grounded. He has a GROWTH MINDSET.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #574 on: September 11, 2021, 10:14:17 AM »
your dad’s favourite ever film is Ace Ventura Jr.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #575 on: September 11, 2021, 11:54:18 AM »
Your mate rings when you're not in and asks your dad to tell you to ring him back.

"I won't tell him to ring you back, I'll ask him to ring to ring you back"

"Oh just fuck off"

You never hear from your mate again.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #576 on: September 11, 2021, 05:35:03 PM »
Your dad is snoring on the couch while the Sunday lunch is cooking. It's a really annoying snore, like muffled talking on infinite repeat.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #577 on: September 11, 2021, 06:36:57 PM »
Your dad is dumping all the leaves from the back garden over the neighbour’s fence and telling him he must have angered a forest spirit.

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #578 on: September 11, 2021, 07:02:25 PM »
Your dad is vomiting spaghetti hoops everywhere.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #579 on: September 11, 2021, 08:35:52 PM »
your dad keeps applying polyfilla to his anus

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #580 on: September 12, 2021, 12:48:42 AM »
your dad has taken to calling himself a “survivor”

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #581 on: September 13, 2021, 08:04:48 AM »
Your dad is beaming at you from inside a mac store while you wait outside.  He’s holding the latest iPhone aloft.


“Look at this, son!  A touch…” (he momentarily checks with the member of staff advising him) “a touch screen!!”

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #582 on: September 13, 2021, 04:24:16 PM »
He is getting a patio done just in case he needs to murder your mum.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #583 on: September 13, 2021, 04:39:58 PM »
Your dad is desperate to work at Heinz so he can learn the fabled 58th Variety. "I reckon it's something out of a sea creature."

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #584 on: September 13, 2021, 05:17:12 PM »
Your dad dresses up as Gary Glitter and goes up to some kids in the street singing "Do y'wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang, do y'wanna be in my gang - oh yeah!"

Some hours later you find yourself down the local police station trying to explain just how out of touch your dad is.

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #585 on: September 13, 2021, 06:57:33 PM »
Dying quietly in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his prostitutes.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2021, 07:49:22 PM by Fishfinger »

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #586 on: September 13, 2021, 07:51:33 PM »
Binning a nephew for spilling a fizzy drink.

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #587 on: September 14, 2021, 07:27:36 AM »
your dad heard somewhere that fray bentos pies usually have a coin inside.  right now he’s ripping open multiple uncooked fray bentos pies in an attempt to turn a profit

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #588 on: September 14, 2021, 08:59:39 AM »
You're about to go into an important meeting with your boss when your dad suddenly appears with his trousers on his head. "Look son, I've gone mental!"

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #589 on: September 14, 2021, 09:10:24 AM »
Your dad is not leaving until he's seen the manager. "He's an old friend!"
"Then what's the baseball bat for, sir?"
"Why, a belated birthday present of course."
"And the knuckle dusters?"
"....
..... I missed Christmas too."

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #590 on: September 14, 2021, 10:34:09 AM »
your dad is openly fiddling with a string of anal beads most hours of the day.  you enquire about it and he simply states that he was prescribed them for his ADHD

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #591 on: September 14, 2021, 04:33:50 PM »
your dad’s new catchphrase (as he calls it) is “what a lot of wildlife there is about”

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #592 on: September 14, 2021, 04:37:06 PM »
Your dad starts telling all your friends he’s a MILF. “A Man I’d Lick For sure.”

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #593 on: September 15, 2021, 12:35:28 AM »
"You had ONE job! You had ONE job! Heh!"

"Yes, and now I have NO job because you "rocked up" at an important meeting I had with my boss with your trousers on your head."

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #594 on: September 15, 2021, 10:27:55 AM »
Haha, just saw him giving your mum a leg up over the wall at the back of the offie.
Bellowing "I am become stepladder. Bringer of upward bunk"
Such a drama queen. He's so "look at me".

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Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #595 on: September 15, 2021, 05:38:25 PM »
lol I saw that as well

bunked your mum over and then couldn't climb over himself

Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #596 on: September 15, 2021, 11:16:06 PM »
Your dad is eating all of the fish pie your mum lovingly cooked for dinner. It was supposed to serve 8! He’s not even enjoying it anymore and feeling quite sick. But a man must test his mettle.

Captain Poodle Basher

  • Teaching cats to cook since 1986
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #597 on: September 16, 2021, 06:43:48 AM »
Met your dad down the woods. He was by the badger sett. Says he's training them to mine for Bitcoin.

DoesNotFollow

  • Aliens got involved and everyhing
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #598 on: September 16, 2021, 07:14:33 AM »
He's struggling to maintain an erection, despite it not really being necessary for Sunday lunch at the Toby.




Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Things your dad is doing.
« Reply #599 on: September 16, 2021, 01:05:01 PM »
You go for a walk to take your mind off being sacked because of your dad (see posts above). To your shock you come across your dad having lunch with your boss outside a posh cafe.

"Hmmm, you seem to have the necessary problem-solving skills your son so obviously lacks. How d'you fancy working for me?"

"Was gonna say, 'Arsed, cigs,' but go on then."

He's still got his trousers on his head.

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