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March 28, 2024, 09:11:44 AM

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popcorn is now a professional agony aunt

Started by Replies From View, May 08, 2021, 10:30:48 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Replies From View

bombard popcorn with all your agonies


he is obliged to respond sympathetically to every single one

Glebe

Dear popcorn, got a problem:

I have erectile dysfunction and I get phimosis of the knob as well. And clues as to how to fix this? Thanks in advance!


Replies From View

I think popcorn is currently setting up his new office; it is a Sunday after all


Give him a moment to settle in and he will soon be responding with pure sympathy, understanding and depth with posts that will have taken him at least 30 minutes each to type.


Guaranteed.  It is his job and he will do it.

Replies From View

Hi popcorn so here's a spice of agony to get your tastebuds going



My mate Boilsdon has recently forged ahead with a plan to erect a giant tent outside his house to promote Minnesota.  As you would expect, it is so large that it overlaps onto the main road and he has received countless complaints from drivers and the council because he is "disrupting the flow of traffic in this thoroughfare".  Well, call it a road!!

He has been issued a final warning but he knows, as undoubtedly you also know, there can be no compromises when it comes to the tireless promotion of Minnesota.

What suggestions can you offer my mate Boilsdon?

Replies From View

Hi popcorn so while you're settling into your new office I thought you might want to tackle this very straightforward one to ease the monotony of moving furniture around



A friend of mine, Edding Sidegirth, last night pressed his penis down into a loose "radiator pipe" that he discovered in his house.  And now he is jammed there.  Unable to slip away for a snack of food or fluids, he is most displeased.  The pipe is arranged vertically, cannot budge and is very tight against the wall so as to accommodate a radiator in that location, so I'm quite sure you can imagine it is an "uncomfortable" position for him now to be stuck in.

What can you suggest for Edding Sidegirth at this point in time?

Replies From View


Replies From View

^ keep them rolling in, folks.  we need that inbox overflowing

Replies From View

Could somebody with photoshop skills please make up a beautiful flier that says KEEP POPCORN WORKING?

popcorn

Quote from: Glebe on May 08, 2021, 10:38:37 PM
Dear popcorn, got a problem:

I have erectile dysfunction and I get phimosis of the knob as well. And clues as to how to fix this? Thanks in advance!

Glebe,

It sounds like you're placing a lot of self-worth on the condition of your nob. Your full letter goes into much more detail.

If you don't take action and, instead, allow your thoughts to eat away at your confidence in what you have, you'll destroy the relationship all on your own. Once you've resolved whether these fears are rational, the next place to take them is into a conversation with your nob. Simply suffering is not the answer.

popcorn

Quote from: Replies From View on May 09, 2021, 12:03:14 PM
My mate Boilsdon has recently forged ahead with a plan to erect a giant tent outside his house to promote Minnesota.  As you would expect, it is so large that it overlaps onto the main road and he has received countless complaints from drivers and the council because he is "disrupting the flow of traffic in this thoroughfare".  Well, call it a road!!

He has been issued a final warning but he knows, as undoubtedly you also know, there can be no compromises when it comes to the tireless promotion of Minnesota.

What suggestions can you offer my mate Boilsdon?

Mate Boilsdon,

It sounds like you're placing a lot of self-worth on the tireless promotion of Minneseota. Your full letter goes into much more detail.

If you don't take action and, instead, allow your thoughts to eat away at your confidence in what you have, you'll destroy the relationship all on your own. Once you've resolved whether these fears are rational, the next place to take them is into a conversation with your tireless promotion of Minneseota. Simply suffering is not the answer.

popcorn

Quote from: Replies From View on May 09, 2021, 12:23:51 PM
A friend of mine, Edding Sidegirth, last night pressed his penis down into a loose "radiator pipe" that he discovered in his house.  And now he is jammed there.  Unable to slip away for a snack of food or fluids, he is most displeased.  The pipe is arranged vertically, cannot budge and is very tight against the wall so as to accommodate a radiator in that location, so I'm quite sure you can imagine it is an "uncomfortable" position for him now to be stuck in.

What can you suggest for Edding Sidegirth at this point in time?

Edding Sidegirth,

It sounds like you're placing a lot of self-worth on the "uncomfortable" position of your loose penis. Your full letter goes into much more detail.

If you don't take action and, instead, allow your thoughts to eat away at your confidence in what you have, you'll destroy the relationship all on your own. Once you've resolved whether these fears are rational, the next place to take them is into a conversation with the "uncomfortable" position of your loose penis. Simply suffering is not the answer.

Spoon of Ploff


kittens

I'm paying £500+ every month to get new business cards printed up promoting my personal brand and personal identity/sense of self-esteem because my wife keeps using them to wipe her ass.
they are printed on the same stuff as toilet paper and wrapped round a kind of stiff cardboard tube, like toilet paper, and, due to the fact the rolls of business cards so look like rolls of toilet paper, i have taken to keeping them next to the toilet, otherwise ignorant people may think me odd having piles of rolls of toilet paper strewn all around my home and home office. i am afraid to talk to my wife about this or anything else because she thinks I'm a failure and I'm worried she may scorn me, damaging my self-esteem to such an extent that even new business cards would not help. before you ask NO i will not change business card supplier, they are produced very cheaply by my wife's brother and he relies on the income. the problem is that i am forced to borrow the money for the business cards from my wife as she rightly does not allow me access to my bank accounts due to my generally unreliable nature. i am thousands of pounds in the hole, and have had to get the last few loads of business cards on a very heavily interest-bearing credit arrangement with my wife's brother. i love my wife but i am worried she does not respect me as every time she takes a crap she knowingly wipes her ass on my name and legacy, and she only ever talks to me to berate me for not paying my debts to both her and her brother. she says i am a maggot and a worm, and in turn this makes me need to purchase more business cards. how do i trick my wife into thinking i am not a spineless pitiful rotten beast?

PlanktonSideburns

Poppers I've a mate who keeps moaning about how we locked him out of the bum wagon

Not actually a problem as such, more of a statement

Replies From View

Dear Aunt Popcorn,

There is a really shit Agony Aunt who uses the same templated reply for every question he or she receives, definitely not addressing the concerns of the letter writers nor putting in the hours he or she is being handsomely paid for.

Should I sack the fucking idiot immediately or give them a bit more of a chance?


Yours concernedly,

Your boss