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March 28, 2024, 10:40:55 AM

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Least Favourite Football Commentators

Started by kalowski, May 08, 2021, 10:54:56 PM

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kalowski

Obviously Tyldsley is number one but I also cannot stand fucking Jonathan Pearce, the opinionated shit weasle.

Wonderful Butternut

Michael Owen. Best quote I ever saw about him was: "His voice would kill a witch."

I think Martin Tyler's gone past his sell by date too. He sounds depressed and bored in most games I've heard him in the last 2-3 years. Every now and then he'll have taken enough uppers to be a bit enthusiastic, but for the most part he's very bad now.

bgmnts

Townsend is obviously grade A slurry.
Owen is pure human aggregate.
Tyler is shiiiIIITTTT.

Probably Neville and Carra are the only decent voices to hear over the football that are in English. Neville is hilarious when his voice breaks and he lets out a bit of footie cum.

Leon-C

Caught Robbie Savage on a game a few months back, which might have been the most inane commentary I've heard - trailing off in the middle of thoughts to leave dead silence, and zero coordination with Ian Darke on main commentary, alternating between interrupting him mid-sentence and outright not responding to things Darke's said to him. Awful.

I'll second Pearce as well. Seems alright enough on MOTD, but absolutely terrible in full matches. Particularly in the last Women's World Cup - Just great when your main commentator for the whole event starts talking down the quality of women's football in the fucking opening match.

Inspector Norse

Most of them are dire. Watched a bit of Barcelona-Atlético earlier and even Ray Hudson sounded jaded, as if he'd simply run out of words to try, though he did come up with one baffling line about "the magnetic tension" inside Messi's head.

I think a good commentator may be like a good referee, in that you shouldn't really notice them: they tell you what's happening, provide some interesting facts, job done. I'm still bemused by how people whose job is to study and talk about football players can be so uniformly incompetent when it comes to something as simple as pronouncing the names of foreign players, something that would take 90-120 seconds of research before a game.

DrGreggles

They're all shit. Barry Davies must be turning in his grave.
I tend to have the telly muted and make my own crowd noises.

jobotic

At this precise moment in time it's Clinton Morrison

Echo Valley 2-6809

Quote from: DrGreggles on May 09, 2021, 12:12:30 AM
Barry Davies must be turning in his grave.

Look at his resting place! Just look at his resting place.

Although he is still alive.

Harry Badger

Quote from: DrGreggles on May 09, 2021, 12:12:30 AM
They're all shit. Barry Davies must be turning in his grave.
I tend to have the telly muted and make my own crowd noises.

Bazza was the absolute dude. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkI85Kt10e4

pcsjwgm

Michael Owen made the useless point, several times, that Aguero's failed Panenka penalty "was perfect for what he was trying to do", which isn't even true, as shown by the fact that Mendy went down to one side but was still able to get up and take the ball comfortably. Owen did say it was the wrong decision by Aguero, but after the match he tried to support this (correct) point by claiming that no one would ever do it in a World Cup final, even though Zidane did exactly that in 2006 (probably my favourite ever penalty, and clearly a superior Panenka than Aguero's "perfect" one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilk8rVdcXRw

chveik

these cunts drive me nuts, most of them are thick as pigshit. football isn't a very complicated subject but you still have to make some effort.

Gulftastic

I switch off as soon as I hear Robbie Savage. Is he still overly fond of 'You have to say...'?

Norton Canes

That one who sounds like Ron Atkinson. Danny Mills?

DrGreggles


BlodwynPig

The one who said on MOTD this morning "above those clouds there is a blue moon shining" prior to Aguero fucking his penalty. Obsequious toads, the lot of them.

GMTV

Gary neville. I hate the continual hindsight bias on display from him. Gets away with it because he can string a sentence together.

DrGreggles

Quote from: pcsjwgm on May 09, 2021, 04:03:30 AM
Michael Owen made the useless point, several times, that Aguero's failed Panenka penalty "was perfect for what he was trying to do", which isn't even true, as shown by the fact that Mendy went down to one side but was still able to get up and take the ball comfortably. Owen did say it was the wrong decision by Aguero, but after the match he tried to support this (correct) point by claiming that no one would ever do it in a World Cup final, even though Zidane did exactly that in 2006 (probably my favourite ever penalty, and clearly a superior Panenka than Aguero's "perfect" one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilk8rVdcXRw

I'd say that, outside a penalty shootout, there's never a need for a Penenka, as it's just the taker being a flash twat.
However, in a penalty shootout, it's actually quite tactical, as it will put the keeper in two minds about whether to dive early or not.

A great example of the was Italy v England in 2012.
I think England were even ahead at the time, but Pirlo scored a Panenka with Joe Hart obligingly diving out of the way.
Italy's next pens are all hard and in the corner, with Hart getting nowhere near them as he waits a split second longer for each kick.
Lovely stuff, Andrea.

DrGreggles

I always quite liked Peter Brackley on Football Italia.
Never really took it too seriously, and seemed like a decent chap.
He had a cosy 'local radio' style voice too.

SpiderChrist

Allan Green. Went from "pretty good" to "turn that cunt off" in the space of a decade.


DrGreggles

I must have missed the "pretty good" bit.

badaids

I should hate Alan Green but he's just so partisan and aggressive it's a great listen.

I like it when he just says stuff like: 'Awful. That's just awful'. In a really sneering nasty tone With no reference or explanation to what has actually happened on the pitch.

Kankurette

Michael Owen, a void of charisma. Robbie Savage at least is funny sometimes and Paul Merson has a personality. Owen doesn't.

ETA: if women can't commentate on men's football, Pearce can stop commentating on women's football.

Andy147

Martin Tyler's still going? I have an old football encyclopedia by him in which Nottingham Forest are the champions and Southport have just been kicked out of the league.

kalowski

Quote from: badaids on May 09, 2021, 10:58:16 AM
I should hate Alan Green but he's just so partisan and aggressive it's a great listen.

I like it when he just says stuff like: 'Awful. That's just awful'. In a really sneering nasty tone With no reference or explanation to what has actually happened on the pitch.
Alan Green: "Sun Jihai, number 17, that'll be chicken chow mein"


Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Didn't they try having Wayne Rooney doing commentary once, or was that punditry? Anyway, he wasn't very good at it.

Gurke and Hare

Yeah, Robbie Savage[nb]See also Chris Sutton[/nb] may be a bit of a dick, but at least he isn't boring like your Owens and your Keowns and your (God help us) Hoddles. He doesn't sit on the fence either, he'll take a position and defend it.

Steve McManaman isn't too bad.

One of the worst things about Alan Green is how much he makes it about him. I don't give a toss if the free sandwiches you were given at half time while being paid to watch a football match weren't exactly what you wanted Alan.

neveragain

I've never liked that one with the excuse for a tash.

lankyguy95

If we're including pundits, Paul Scholes is about as bad as it gets. The guy can't even talk.

Inspector Norse

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on May 09, 2021, 03:17:42 PM
Didn't they try having Wayne Rooney doing commentary once, or was that punditry? Anyway, he wasn't very good at it.

It was management