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Least Favourite Football Commentators

Started by kalowski, May 08, 2021, 10:54:56 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

pigamus

Quote from: kalowski on May 09, 2021, 02:46:19 PM
Alan Green: "Sun Jihai, number 17, that'll be chicken chow mein"

I was fascinated to discover that even Mike Ingham doesn't want anything to do with him. All those years listening to 5 Live I always assumed they were best mates.

Utter Shit

Probably just getting old and nostalgia-addled, but I miss the old days of Barry Davies, Tony Gubba, Gerald "Dirty Bastard" Sinstadt and then the 5 Live commentators like Alan Green, Mike Ingham and Ron Jones. The only one still knocking about from that era is Ian Darke, and for me he's the best of the current bunch by a mile.

Pundit-wise, my favourite by a mile is Jim Beglin, so it's a shame he got himself into some mild controversy last week when talking about Latin temperament or some such shite. I miss David Pleat wishing the viewers at home a good evening, and even Ron Atkinson who was an excellent on-air pundit, albeit one inclined to horrendous racism when he thought the mic was off. Of the modern lot, Neville and Carragher are miles ahead in terms of analysis and Richards is (pardon the cliche) a breath of fresh air simply by appearing like he actually enjoys the game, and sees through all the bollocks both on the pitch and in the studio. Watching him piss himself laughing at Roy Keane and Graeme Souness fight over who can whore their hard man image most is always good fun. 5 Live's coverage is dominated by arseholes like Chris Sutton now, but they still occasionally get Pat Nevin and Don Hutchinson on, who are both fantastic.

Kankurette

Quote from: BlodwynPig on May 09, 2021, 09:04:22 AM
The one who said on MOTD this morning "above those clouds there is a blue moon shining" prior to Aguero fucking his penalty. Obsequious toads, the lot of them.
Chelsea also play in blue. Didn't think of that, did they? Aaaaaahhhh

Kankurette

Quote from: Utter Shit on May 09, 2021, 05:20:31 PM
Probably just getting old and nostalgia-addled, but I miss the old days of Barry Davies, Tony Gubba, Gerald "Dirty Bastard" Sinstadt and then the 5 Live commentators like Alan Green, Mike Ingham and Ron Jones. The only one still knocking about from that era is Ian Darke, and for me he's the best of the current bunch by a mile.

Pundit-wise, my favourite by a mile is Jim Beglin, so it's a shame he got himself into some mild controversy last week when talking about Latin temperament or some such shite. I miss David Pleat wishing the viewers at home a good evening, and even Ron Atkinson who was an excellent on-air pundit, albeit one inclined to horrendous racism when he thought the mic was off. Of the modern lot, Neville and Carragher are miles ahead in terms of analysis and Richards is (pardon the cliche) a breath of fresh air simply by appearing like he actually enjoys the game, and sees through all the bollocks both on the pitch and in the studio. Watching him piss himself laughing at Roy Keane and Graeme Souness fight over who can whore their hard man image most is always good fun. 5 Live's coverage is dominated by arseholes like Chris Sutton now, but they still occasionally get Pat Nevin and Don Hutchinson on, who are both fantastic.
John Motson was always my favourite. Gerald Sinstadt too, I had a colleague in one job who sounded almost exactly like him. Ian Wright is my favourite pundit.

I like Nevin and Waddle, but I'm biased on two counts. Which commentator said something about Ronaldo never getting the ball over a wall, only for him to do just that?

Echo Valley 2-6809

Of the old-school commentators from the days when there were no ex-footballers stating the obvious alongside them, Hugh Johns deserved an award for endurance.

He did the ITV commentary that no one remembers from 1966 ("Geoff Hurst goes forward, he might make it three. He has! He has! And that's it. That's it."), and in his 70s was climbing ladders in pouring rain to commentate on lower league games for HTV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnvS7HnBrSg&t=662s

Quote from: Echo Valley 2-6809 on May 09, 2021, 06:58:25 PM
...Hugh Johns ...

The man with the biggest hands in football. (Sorry, Black Country joke).

El Unicornio, mang

I hate Steve McManaman as a commentator, not because of what he says but because he literally always interrupts his co-commentator midway through them making a point to say YEAH.

"Manchester City have.." "YEAH"

"Salah has been..." "YEAH"

"Steve, do you think..." "YEAAAAH"

I had a friend at school who did the same, like you don't even know what I'm about to say and you're agreeing with me.


He also says "to be very honest" about 50 times a match. To be very honest Steve I think you and 'Fletch' should feck off to the Championship highlights on Quest.

finnquark

Modelled myself on Jim Proudfoot this year, gone heavy on the stats. Had good reviews from most, except:

https://twitter.com/EthanSloan16/status/1388497340059766786?s=19

EOLAN

Purely based on his radio commentaries, updates and match summaries; I absolutely detested Stuart Hall. Self absorbed witherings of some classic course he done that has everyone not having an absolute scooby what the hell is going on in the match. All before it was confirmed he was a real wrong 'un.


kitsofan34


Tylsdesley seems to never have been asked why he didn't say "steady on Ron, that's a bit racist" when Atkinson did his Desailly rant.

kidney

Sam Matterface is also extremely shit

Echo Valley 2-6809

Quote from: Satchmo Distel on May 10, 2021, 03:45:59 PM
Tylsdesley seems to never have been asked why he didn't say "steady on Ron, that's a bit racist" when Atkinson did his Desailly rant.

From 2018: https://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/world-cup/world-cup-2018-clive-tyldesley-interview-itv-commentator-racism-twitter-vultures-champions-league-final-a8397451.html

"I wasn't really aware of what he'd said, to be honest," he remembers. "The studio were talking, I was half-listening to them, and he was still ranting away. It was probably the first and only time I'd heard him say n****r. He'd make jokes that... he might have to laugh at himself. But then, he made jokes that we all laughed at. I think it was a generational thing. While his language let him down, his heart and soul were always in the right place."

That "probably"...

Utter Shit

Christ almighty, "his language let him down"? He didn't refer to Desailly as coloured, he called him a "fucking lazy, thick n*gger".

Not only that, he framed it as if it was a technical term - "he's what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy, thick n*gger". Like it's an equivalent to a water-carrier or a false nine.

ProvanFan


mr. logic

What about all the public school-voiced ones on James Richardson's podcast?

(James himself is wonderful, mind.)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Martin Tyler uhhhhh is the biggest uhhhh Gary for
... Uhhhh never really seeming to finish a point and uhhh the sentence seems Gary like uhhh it will never - Son pressing forward there and it goes out for a goal kick industrious players Gary?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I liked Brackley, he seemed to not just love footy but get excited about what was happening.

Pearce is phoning it in now, these days he makes goals sound like a baby has inevitably pissed itself on the living room carpet.

Fr.Bigley

Murray Walker didn't have a fucking scooby.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Utter Shit on May 10, 2021, 07:49:42 PM
Christ almighty, "his language let him down"? He didn't refer to Desailly as coloured, he called him a "fucking lazy, thick n*gger".

Not only that, he framed it as if it was a technical term - "he's what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy, thick n*gger". Like it's an equivalent to a water-carrier or a false nine.

Exactly. Who says 'what is known in some schools' when they're talking to themselves as Clive chinny reckons, and what sort of person overhears someone swearing adding 'n*gger' both at work and broadcasting and filters it out as background noise? A racist in the former and a lying cowardly arse saving apologist at best in the latter.

Tyldesley was unbearable anyway even before that for the constant mythologising and unearned chumminess.

Ron should have been sacked, but Tyldesley should have been exposed and humiliated. Wasn't he having a whinge about being sidelined recently too? Fucking cunt.

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 11, 2021, 01:38:44 PMWasn't he having a whinge about being sidelined recently too? Fucking cunt.

The funny thing about this is it wasn't that long before this he was talking about how grateful he was for Brian Moore quietly stepping aside to let him get the top job

kngen

Quote from: Utter Shit on May 10, 2021, 07:49:42 PM
Christ almighty, "his language let him down"? He didn't refer to Desailly as coloured, he called him a "fucking lazy, thick n*gger".

Not only that, he framed it as if it was a technical term - "he's what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy, thick n*gger". Like it's an equivalent to a water-carrier or a false nine.

Quite aside from the bilious racism, Desailly was probably the most complete, cultured, imperious CB of his era. Christ knows what epithets Big Racist Ron threw about when watching ... i dunno ... Pele?

Rolf Lundgren

That Tyldesley video was a right laugh. Indignant at daring to be replaced after more than 20 fucking years in a cushy job. Hard to top Richard Keys and his 'dark forces' though as a send-off video.   

monkfromhavana

Quote from: Rolf Lundgren on May 11, 2021, 10:18:03 PM
That Tyldesley video was a right laugh. Indignant at daring to be replaced after more than 20 fucking years in a cushy job. Hard to top Richard Keys and his 'dark forces' though as a send-off video.

The thing is, it wasn't as if he was being sacked, he was just going to be the number 2 commentator. He would still be able to commentate on a lot of the footballs games.

kalowski

Fucking Tyldsley. Thing I hate about him is where he says something like, "Pirlo's pass goes to the opposition. Collector's item!"

lankyguy95

I'm going to defend Tyldesley's commentary in that I think for a major, dramatic moment in a game he's pretty great. Having to sit through Darren Fletcher do the Champions League games the last few years has highlighted this starkly.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: kalowski on May 12, 2021, 09:52:17 PM
Fucking Tyldsley. Thing I hate about him is where he says something like, "Pirlo's pass goes to the opposition. Collector's item!"

That sort of thing.