Trans gone

[itsfredtitmus]

Thread for all trans/NB friends on Chris Morris forum

Almost relentlessly disappointing, isn't it? I thought transitioning with online HRT and NHS chemist anti-androgens would fix all my problems but it just ultimately reminds me of that anorexia-brain thing where "I've reached my goal weight - what now? Where's the celebrations? Other trans people have celebrations! Where's mine!?" They sell you this transition as a fix to all your problems and yeah, you do feel better for the meantime but you constantly sit there thinking "nobody actually cares, so why would I? 'They're just saying she/her to satisfy my fake-reality' and they just misgender me anyway. No will ever take my my transess seriously or even care, or just think of it as a wanking, porn-induced fetish, so why should you bother?" I hope trans people haven't experienced this. People say I'm 'naturally female' looking but, again, like with anorexia type stuff it's like you actually believe this, just seems fraud-y and fake. I try not to get narcissistic rage over misgendering because that's wanting people to brain-read me and not very nice tbh. I hope one day I and you'll all feel okay in yourself   

[bgmnts]

Think of it in terms of trains. They live their life doing the same old shit on the same tracks forever, until they get taken round the back of Hereford station and shot twice in the drivers cabin. Are they unhappy?

[flotemysost]

No will ever take my my transess seriously or even care, or just think of it as a wanking, porn-induced fetish, so why should you bother?

Just to say that I promise there are loads of people who don't think like this, and who have your back. And I don't think it's narcissistic to feel rage over this at all, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. Solidarity and hugs to you.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

courage!

i definitely relate. hrt is very often touted as a bit of a cure-all and i see people often saddened that they're not experiencing the total and constant euphoria that people, especially on the internet, make it seem to be. it's very personal and i've learned to take a lot of what i read with an enormous pinch of salt bc there's a lot of bs out there. i actually feel a lot better about myself having removed myself from most social media. trans twitter in particular made me feel extremely dysphoric because, well, self-loathing and jealousy tbh. self-doubt seems to be part of the package for a lot of us, but they're fleeting moments really compared to the experience of just living day to day as yourself. years on i still feel excited that i am me, having always previously hated me and never once feeling deserving of love, respect, compassion

[Kankurette]

Go to the Trans Comrades thread. Many other trans posters in there, and cis allies. It's a very supportive thread.

[canadagoose]

I wonder if we could do a thread merge. Or not? I don't know.

Did any of you hear arch-terf Joan McAlpine wasn't elected to the Scottish Parliament this weekend? Glorious news. Shame about John Mason though.

[Dr Rock]

or just think of it as a wanking, porn-induced fetish,

Only a tiny minority of mental TERFs spread that bollocks, nobody believes it, probably not even them.

Many more are like this board, fully supportive of transes in their struggle against bigots.

[dozybugcarrot]

Thread for all trans/NB friends on Chris Morris forum

Almost relentlessly disappointing, isn't it? I thought transitioning with online HRT and NHS chemist anti-androgens would fix all my problems but it just ultimately reminds me of that anorexia-brain thing where "I've reached my goal weight - what now? Where's the celebrations? Other trans people have celebrations! Where's mine!?" They sell you this transition as a fix to all your problems and yeah, you do feel better for the meantime but you constantly sit there thinking "nobody actually cares, so why would I? 'They're just saying she/her to satisfy my fake-reality' and they just misgender me anyway. No will ever take my my transess seriously or even care, or just think of it as a wanking, porn-induced fetish, so why should you bother?" I hope trans people haven't experienced this. People say I'm 'naturally female' looking but, again, like with anorexia type stuff it's like you actually believe this, just seems fraud-y and fake. I try not to get narcissistic rage over misgendering because that's wanting people to brain-read me and not very nice tbh. I hope one day I and you'll all feel okay in yourself

Could this, in part, be about reaching an important goal? I feel a bit like you've described after achieving anything that's important to me and difficult to do - getting a job, writing a book, neither as huge as what you've achieved. I put all my energy into one thing, it's exhausting and stressful and then I succeed and feel... empty, like I'm not sure why I bothered. It doesn't mean the thing I did was pointless, just that I'm worn out and my mind is finally feeling all that stress I've been trying to ignore.

No idea if this is helpful or accurate, but if it is, maybe be really sweet to yourself for a few days, take it easy, daydream about what your next big goal will be. And then when you've got the drive back, set about focussing on new possibilities.

[Blue Jam]

Did any of you hear arch-terf Joan McAlpine wasn't elected to the Scottish Parliament this weekend? Glorious news. Shame about John Mason though.

The Scottish Family Party also achieved fuck-all. Not that they were ever going to, but that's something, I guess.

[Kankurette]

Good.

[Blue Jam]

They're claiming 17,000 votes though, bit depressing even if they did do worse than Alba.

[Ferris]

They're claiming 17,000 votes though, bit depressing even if they did do worse than Alba.

And that berk that used to be on Morse got 50k votes in a mayoral election. Open something up to a wide enough section of the population (such as via an election) and you'll get the usual coterie of fruitcakes voting. Depressing maybe, but a tiddly minority and certainly not enough to be taken seriously.

See also: anti maskers, flat earthers, etc.

[canadagoose]

The Scottish Family Party also achieved fuck-all. Not that they were ever going to, but that's something, I guess.

Another bunch of vile dicks. Considering how many ads they had on YouTube, Facebook etc, they must be being funded by outside sources. Evangelicals?

[itsfredtitmus]

Tranness is gonna be the reason for my eventual suicide. Fuck this bullshit. All a lie and SHITE and not real. Tories don't have a candle on it.

[itsfredtitmus]

Even when you tell this stuff to close trans people they just validate you with "you're a female and always will be :) please don't tell me this stuff and possibly detrans me!!!!!!! please don't detrans me and break on through to the other side" almost in an attempt to protect their own possible AGPness (transvestism, which for some reason is thought of as lesser? Why is that? Less oppression and fetish-y? More true and accepted by normies? Yeah, there's a lot of 'fetish-y" removal in trans communities, even though this culture is full of them (uwu, :3, girly dicky, swishy skirt, the term 'girl') that they might be thinking?) It's just a SHIT existence. How do you get rid of dysphoria apart from forgetting about everything and purging everything or just killing yourself? I've noticed I care a lot less when I'm on high-dose HRT and basically asexual or decide to quit the internet for a few weeks and detox myself from everything and interact with non-internet people and I'm just fine.

Purge anorexia = break scales
Purge transness = bin and burn 'female' clothes

Sorry if this sounds terf-like, which I am definitely not, - I cry over my trans friends and want the best for them - but after 8 years of this neurosis (oooh, monkey news!) it's boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and nothing but an anorexia-like shit. Trans ain't cute or anything, it's miserable and self-pity city

[itsfredtitmus]

Good.

Want you dead, tbh

[bgmnts]

Doesnt Contrapoints talk about this kind of thinking in certain internet circles like on reddit and that?

Sounds like a real problem that cunts on cab cant help you with. If the solution is get off the internet and talk with real people then for gods sake do that if you can. Its something we should all do as a general rule. If I had any kind of social life none of you would see me here.

Plesse dont end your own life.

[canadagoose]

Want you dead, tbh

I don't think she was replying to your OP, I think she was replying to Blue Jam.

To be honest I've found it gets better after transition (I changed my name and went FT in 2010), but your mileage may vary. I mean, it doesn't solve depression or anything - that's been something I've continued to struggle with too. What is it that bothers you most? Why the purging? (Guilt?) I honestly think there's value in seeing someone professional to talk to all this stuff about, because let's face it, thoughts can get a bit muddled in your own head.

[Zetetic]

This might be horribly patronising, but ... perhaps it is isn't all "dysphoria" now?

Perhaps if you're miserable for long enough and dislike things about yourself for long enough, it's difficult to stop feeling like that even when you start to tackle the reasons why you started feel like that and difficult to make sense of why you still do - in part because after a while, it's less about reasons and more about the causal circularity of being unhappy[nb]Edit: Or as canadagoose put it more succinctly - depression.[/nb].

[Kankurette]

Want you dead, tbh

That wasn't in reply to your post, it was in response to the post about Scottish Fundie Party getting very few votes. Should have made that clear.

And you can take your death threats and shove them up your hole.

[Paul Calf]

Even when you tell this stuff to close trans people they just validate you with "you're a female and always will be :) please don't tell me this stuff and possibly detrans me!!!!!!! please don't detrans me and break on through to the other side" almost in an attempt to protect their own possible AGPness (transvestism, which for some reason is thought of as lesser? Why is that? Less oppression and fetish-y? More true and accepted by normies? Yeah, there's a lot of 'fetish-y" removal in trans communities, even though this culture is full of them (uwu, :3, girly dicky, swishy skirt, the term 'girl') that they might be thinking?) It's just a SHIT existence. How do you get rid of dysphoria apart from forgetting about everything and purging everything or just killing yourself? I've noticed I care a lot less when I'm on high-dose HRT and basically asexual or decide to quit the internet for a few weeks and detox myself from everything and interact with non-internet people and I'm just fine.

Purge anorexia = break scales
Purge transness = bin and burn 'female' clothes

Sorry if this sounds terf-like, which I am definitely not, - I cry over my trans friends and want the best for them - but after 8 years of this neurosis (oooh, monkey news!) it's boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and nothing but an anorexia-like shit. Trans ain't cute or anything, it's miserable and self-pity city

Chipanzee that.

[Scarlet Intangible]

Tranness is gonna be the reason for my eventual suicide.

Wanna make a suicide pact? Not for now, of course, but for the future. How should we do it? Eat bon bons that have been dipped in poison? Pink, strawberry, poison, yum. Or what about cyanide in the broccoli? I don't like broccoli, but I would eat it with you. I like you.

For now - can I offer you a juicy platitude? No, that won't work, will it? What about if I say that I am also choking on my own dysphoria, will that help? No, probably not. Looks like we are fucked, eh? Quite the predicament, isn't it? I wonder though, since it is in my head, whether this sense of being 'doomed' is also, on some level, an illusion...