Star Trek: The Next Generation Rewatch (oh god no)

[Lemming]

S01E15 - Too Short A Season

En route to a tense diplomatic negotiation, Admiral Jameson, the key figure in the upcoming talks, begins to age in reverse.

- The old age makeup is terrible. It's actually worse than in TOS' The Deadly Years produced 20 years earlier.

- Interesting that Jameson is 85 years old, and Picard acknowledges this as being elderly. But people live to be about 150 in the future, and McCoy was in his 130s in Encounter at Farpoint. Jameson is virtually middle-aged.

- The guy playing Jameson gives a pretty shaky performance. The "old" voice he puts on is just nuts. Sounds like a ghoul from Fallout. His performance gets better the more the character de-ages towards the actor's actual age, which I suppose makes sense.

- "Their phasers, sir. Set on kill."

"Thank you, Mr Data. I have heard the sound before."

- "The quest for youth, Number One. So futile," is Picard's inexplicable conclusion. He just watched an 85 year old man successfully de-age to his 20s. It only even went wrong because Jameson intentionally OD'd on the de-aging drug.

More like Too SHIT A Season!!! Nah it's alright. It's very talky and dialogue-driven but, in spite of that, it's quite well-paced and doesn't waste your time in the way other season one episodes do. Couldn't find much to say about it for this post but it was an enjoyable if simple story. Jameson is compelling enough a character to be worth a 45-minute one-off story, and the finale really works thanks in part to a good performance by the guy playing Karnak. 5/10.

[mothman]

Ah, yes, Clayton Rohner. One of I think more than one Bill Paxtonalikes out there. Main thing I remember him being in was G vs E in the late 1990s.

[Malcy]

Wonder what the ratio of good to bad Admirals was in TNG-Era Trek? I feel that a lot of them always some sinister agenda going on and they were never portrayed as particularly nice or approachable. Unless Picard knew them well and it was always first name basis communications.

[daf]

015 | "Too Short a Season"



Star Trek : The De-Generation

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• Half-Timbered Space-Wheelchair
• Push-Button self-closing Space-Drawers
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Ridiculous "Doddery Old Coot" acting
• Horrific plastic Burns-face
• Ludicrous video call made in the dark
• Six of your "Earth Days"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Lemming]

S01E16 - When The Bough Breaks

The Enterprise encounters a cloaked planet, previously thought to exist only in myths.

- We're off to Aldea, the planet of techno-communism, where "incredible technical sophistication provides the daily needs of all citizens, so that they could turn themselves over to art and culture". The crew think this is wonderous and unique, but I thought Earth in TNG was meant to be pretty much the same thing.

- It's all gone Children of Men on Aldea, and there are no babies being born. They want to take away some of the children living on the Enterprise. "That might be acceptable for some other races," Troi says, "but humans are unusually attached to their offspring". Yep, fuck all the non-human personnel living on the Enterprise, including TROI HERSELF

- Riker refuses, and is sent back to the Enterprise. Wesley is whisked off the bridge via Aldean teleporter, and then, one by one, other children on the Enterprise are transported away. "Captain," Worf yells, "Saucer Section reports six more children are gone." Immediately after this, Riker strides in front of him and yells "IT'S THE CHILDREN. THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT." I almost clipped and uploaded this part because it's so fucking absurd. Riker is astonishing.

- Wesley tries to calm the kiddos down and learns that the planet is ruled by THE CUSTODIAN, a computer. Yet more proof that letting a computer run your whole planet is a shit idea.

- Picard's plan is to get an away team through Aldea's shield, get down to the planet, find the planetary shield generator, and blast the shit out of it. Makes a nice change from how hobbled and ineffectual Picard/Starfleet could be in later episodes.

- Aldeans are all dying out. Cause: ozone layer was destroyed, and now the sun's radiation has flooded the planet. According to Bev, this happened on Earth in the 21st century, but solutions were apparently found.

- Wesley manages some absolutely exceptional stealth by somehow managing to liberate all the Enterprise children (who have been moved to residential homes) without being detected. He teaches them about the wonders of passive resistance.

- The gigantic room containing the power source looks really cool.

- Bev and Data fix absolutely everything off-screen over the course of about 20 seconds, and Aldea is now saved, as are the children. Of the Aldeans, Troi says: "we know they'll make good parents". I think I'd dispute that given the whole kidnapping-and-holding-captive saga that just unfolded.

Not bad, not great. The parts with the crew arguing with the creepy kidnapper people feel very TOS, while the segments with the kids are sort of boring. Wesley comes across as a loser, he basically sits around for three days doing nothing, despite being a Starfleet officer who is presented with an open-goal opportunity to fuck up the planet from the inside and help the Enterprise get in. Could have made things a bit more exciting and satisfying if he played a role in the conclusion - the very first thing he does upon arrival to the planet is try to figure out where THE CUSTODIAN's power source is located, and he sneaks out to gain access to it, but he plays literally no role in the conclusion, which is just odd. The resolution entirely revolves around overriding THE CUSTODIAN, but everything Wesley learned about it isn't relevant. The only thing he does that really affects the plot is discretely scan one of the Aldeans so Beverly can find out what's wrong with them.

Also it obviously doesn't make sense - you're not going to get far repopulating a planet with six children - but this is Star Trek, so stuff like that gets a pass.

5/10

[samadriel]

- It's all gone Children of Men on Aldea, and there are no babies being born. They want to take away some of the children living on the Enterprise. "That might be acceptable for some other races," Troi says, "but humans are unusually attached to their offspring". Yep, fuck all the non-human personnel living on the Enterprise, including TROI HERSELF

That's specifically not phrased as a judgement on non-human species.

[Lemming]

Struck me as an odd bit of human exceptionalism, though - the idea that humans are "unusually" attached to their kids in a way that other species somehow innately aren't. I can't imagine a Betazoid, Bajoran or Klingon would react any better to having their children kidnapped and held on some weird planet.

[daf]

016 | "When the Bough Breaks"



Planet of the Creeps

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• Atlantis in Spaaaaaaaaaaace!
• Picard's phonus-balonus Dr Crusher regulation
• Ginger-nut's closing comedy Tribble-Hug [Aw, bless!]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Round rainbow keyboard
• Welsey's green grapefruit
• Ozone Hole knob neutraliser
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[The Culture Bunker]

I'll chip in here to say I have zero intention of re-watching these early TNG episodes, but that the various descriptions of Riker's ineptitude/being a complete space slut, Wesley being annoying and dodgy storylines have made me chuckle quite a fair bit, so cheers to that.

[Ambient Sheep]

Yeah this thread is proving a great & funny read, especially as I rewatched these myself only a few months ago.

Which reminds me, I've been meaning to say:

S01E14 - 11001001

- "You've got the bridge," Riker says to Wesley. The First Officer of the Federation's flagship has just handed control of the ship to a 14 year old boy. Great stuff.

That struck me immediately. Astonishing move. Has Gene all over it.

[Chairman Yang]

This was a real drag to watch again, starts with a bang and then settles into the usual season 1 hostage crisis.

I bet you could find a bunch of Federation citizens willing to resettle on Aldea. It'd be another fuckplanet, like Risa, only for nerdy crackers... so Risa.

Picard screaming 'DON'T TOUCH HIM' when Wesley gets light beamed, can't risk having another mark on his service record after the whole Traveller fiasco.

Is it too early to talk about how having a telepathic character ruins a huge amount of dramatic potential? Being able to brain scan anyone shifty is the single most advantageous attribute for a bridge officer to have... after being an immortal robot, I guess.

The completely pointless global warming PSA is embarrassing, the first draft of the script must surely have been that the cloaking device was killing them directly. A nice, tidy 'evil of technology'/'island nations are bad' metaphor.

Get Gene in a grave, already.

[mothman]

THE CUSTODIAN

[Lemming]

S01E17 - Home Soil

The Enterprise visits a terraforming colony, but discovers an entirely new lifeform.

- The whole plot is pretty much triggered by Troi correctly sensing that something weird is going on in the colony, and encouraging Picard to send an away team. On reflection, Troi actually plays important roles throughout season one. It's a shame she gets sidelined a lot later on.

- Look at the terraforming station! This design is great!



- One of the scientists, Malenson, is killed by a DEATH LASER. Data gets trapped in the room with the DEATH LASER. For some reason, effortlessly beaming him to immediate safety - as Yar did from the exact same position moments earlier - is considered a last resort. The preferred first option is for Geordi to uselessly bang on the door screaming, while Picard howls in terror over the communicator.

- A weird blinking light thing has been found on the planet, and everyone's convinced it's alive. It's taken to sickbay for tests. Wesley stands there in his jumper.

- Picard and the gang get together and talk third-rate pop psychology, chatting shit about which of the terraformers might have murdered their coworker. Inexplicably, Troi suggests that Riker conduct the interview with the last remaining suspect, because "you might do better than me". He learns absolutely nothing, and leaves after about thirty seconds.

- The entire "WHO'S THE MURDERER?!?!?!" subplot that takes up the first half of the episode is essentially a big waste of time.

- The inorganic life-form (now called the microbrain) establishes communication, and it turns out it's a complete arsehole. During the conversation, it admits to murdering a scientist. "It killed Malenson," Riker deduces. Unbelievable.

- The microbrain in this episode has to be one of the least likeable aliens in Star Trek. Far cry from the Horta. Even after the misunderstanding is cleared up and Picard apologises on behalf of the Federation, the microbrain still treats everyone like shit. Picard, of course, gets a raging erection while soliloquising about how beautiful and wonderous the microbrain is, and how shit humans are by comparison.

- Speaking of the Horta, everyone ooh's and aah's over the incredibleness of inorganic life. What about the Horta?! Everyone's forgotten the Horta!

- The microbrain is returned to the planet, and to safety. It concludes that humans are primitive and arrogant, and won't be worth talking to for another 200 to 300 years. Hey, that's still several thousand years less than the Metrons wanted.

- In the concluding captain's log, Picard calls this a "near tragedy". Yeah, close one, right? Thank god nobody got hurt. Fuck you, Malenson!

This one's a drag. Almost nothing actually happens, so it's 45 minutes of primarily padding. What little plot there is is completely run of the mill, the kind of stuff an AI would generate if you fed it a hundred mediocre Star Trek scripts and asked it to write its own. Basically a repeat of Devil in the Dark, but without the excitement and fun, and with the alien turning out to be a knobhead rather than a sympathetic character. 2/10.

[Mr Trumpet]

This is the first episode so far that I have zero memory of. I probably haven't watched it since I was 4.

[The Culture Bunker]

This is the first episode so far that I have zero memory of. I probably haven't watched it since I was 4.

Same here (though I was probably closer to 14 when I first watched all of TNG) - I do subscribe to the theory that things only get consistently good once Riker has a beard. Culling the cast down a little bit probably helped too, along with Worf and Geordi getting their promotions - in the case of the former, just so we could see various one-off characters batter the shite out of the poor sod.

[daf]

017 | "Home Soil"



Terror Forming

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• "I wasn't asking You!" (Worf to computer)
• Ugly Bags of Mostly Water
• Boss Hogg bursting out of his belt
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Humans are 90% water, Data? - try 60%!
• Bulb in dome
• Micro Brains
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Blumf]

Old Walter Gotell goes from a SMERSH(SPECTRE?) henchman, to head of the KGB, to leading a terraforming team on a distant planet.

[mothman]

I've reached the point where I no longer know whether I've seen any given episode from the first three seasons[nb]When I did get into it, I read a bunch of episode synopses to catch up; so, I know what happens generally, but I don't know if I watched it happen or just read about it...[/nb]. The time they were shown on BBC2 - Weds 6pm - clashed with some club meeting at uni, probably the SCUBA club, so I hardly ever watched it. Mainly because what I did see of the first season stunk to high heaven. I was NOT a TNG fan, full stop. If I hadn't happened to see "Best of Both Worlds" completely by chance when it was on in... 1992? ... I might never have watched Trek again after The Undiscovered Country!

[petril]

I've reached the point where I no longer know whether I've seen any given episode from the first three seasons[nb]When I did get into it, I read a bunch of episode synopses to catch up; so, I know what happens generally, but I don't know if I watched it happen or just read about it...[/nb]. The time they were shown on BBC2 - Weds 6pm - clashed with some club meeting at uni, probably the SCUBA club, so I hardly ever watched it. Mainly because what I did see of the first season stunk to high heaven. I was NOT a TNG fan, full stop. If I hadn't happened to see "Best of Both Worlds" completely by chance when it was on in... 1992? ... I might never have watched Trek again after The Undiscovered Country!

muddied by the fact that iirc BBC2 showed the episodes twice and just went back to the start and gave us Red Worf with the original bulbous headpiece. I'm sure they showed them all in order then repeated them. was most of the 90s for me, joining in about season 3 and watching through to the second end. was a nice marker for getting towards the end of school years

[Lemming]

Score :

Glad to see we're united on this one. Checking out some other reviews online and it seems to be considered a high point of season one, with some people giving it scores in the region of 7/10, which baffles me to no end.

[mothman]

muddied by the fact that iirc BBC2 showed the episodes twice and just went back to the start and gave us Red Worf with the original bulbous headpiece. I'm sure they showed them all in order then repeated them. was most of the 90s for me, joining in about season 3 and watching through to the second end. was a nice marker for getting towards the end of school years

I thought they'd showed BoBW in summer '91 based on some memories, but thinking logically it must have been around June '92 as the Beeb only started showing it in September 1990, and we're talking 75-odd episodes later.

What they DID do was put showing TNG on hiatus after that, and started another repeat run of TOS; BBC2 only picked up showing TNG s4 in 1994. However, rather than leaving the U.K. (apart from Sky subscribers or people who bought the videos) waiting for TWO YEARS to resolve one of the best season cliffhangers ever, they somehow got dispensation to show BoBW pt. 2 in 1992.

[crankshaft]

I thought they'd showed BoBW in summer '91 based on some memories, but thinking logically it must have been around June '92 as the Beeb only started showing it in September 1990, and we're talking 75-odd episodes later.

What they DID do was put showing TNG on hiatus after that, and started another repeat run of TOS; BBC2 only picked up showing TNG s4 in 1994. However, rather than leaving the U.K. (apart from Sky subscribers or people who bought the videos) waiting for TWO YEARS to resolve one of the best season cliffhangers ever, they somehow got dispensation to show BoBW pt. 2 in 1992.

I remember reading that this was Michael Grade's fault - as a hater of sci-fi he was only prepared to sanction the purchase of the first three seasons. This might be bullshit, of course. Presumably BBC 2 had to shell out for the rights for BoBW2 independently, anyway.

[Chairman Yang]

Two Wesleys! Well I'm going to out myself as a Home Soil enjoyer. :P

A season 1 episode where the crew bumble around doing Star Trek stuff for 45 minutes without embarrassing themselves is a blessed relief. The away mission at the start where the crew actually investigate something and have distinct and relevant things to contribute that fit their characters is unprecedented.

I love the overacting, the campy murder mystery, Data's character development finally turning up, the actual fucking science the show still pretends to be about. Home Soil should have been episode 2. It's like... half an hour of people looking at a glowy ball and talking about how incredible it is, that's Star Trek as fuck!

Also, "Both matters are subjects of protracted discussion." is great. I'm going to start using that to get out of talking to people after COVID.

[petril]

I thought they'd showed BoBW in summer '91 based on some memories, but thinking logically it must have been around June '92 as the Beeb only started showing it in September 1990, and we're talking 75-odd episodes later.

What they DID do was put showing TNG on hiatus after that, and started another repeat run of TOS; BBC2 only picked up showing TNG s4 in 1994. However, rather than leaving the U.K. (apart from Sky subscribers or people who bought the videos) waiting for TWO YEARS to resolve one of the best season cliffhangers ever, they somehow got dispensation to show BoBW pt. 2 in 1992.

aha, that explains it. I remember the TOS run from the early 90s. the second run ends around the time I dropped out of uni. that was when I was fading away from being mad into ver Trek. kept on with DS9 of course, but kinda dropped Last of the Starship Wine and dipped in and out until coming back to see the ending. you've always got to watch the ending at some point

[daf]

Glad to see we're united on this one. Checking out some other reviews online and it seems to be considered a high point of season one, with some people giving it scores in the region of 7/10, which baffles me to no end.

I'm still feeling my way with the scores (probably a few will look way off, once we get into the later series), but I do enjoy the Holodeck episodes a lot - so it's going to be fun to see how much we diverge on those!

[Lemming]

A season 1 episode where the crew bumble around doing Star Trek stuff for 45 minutes without embarrassing themselves is a blessed relief. The away mission at the start where the crew actually investigate something and have distinct and relevant things to contribute that fit their characters is unprecedented.

I love the overacting, the campy murder mystery, Data's character development finally turning up, the actual fucking science the show still pretends to be about. Home Soil should have been episode 2. It's like... half an hour of people looking at a glowy ball and talking about how incredible it is, that's Star Trek as fuck!

I did like the vaguely scientific way the crew try to qualify the glowy ball as a life form! Makes a change from the magical/fantasy stuff that generally dominates the first season.

I'm still feeling my way with the scores (probably a few will look way off, once we get into the later series)

Same here - I imagine my 5/10 rating for Too Short A Season will start to feel increasingly awkward when the really good episodes start hitting around season three.

[Lemming]

S01E18 - Coming of Age

The Enterprise is placed under investigation by Starfleet while Wesley leaves to take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam.

- Wesley has a STUPID new haircut!!! Also, his buddy Jake sort of looks like the guy out of Tears for Fears.

- Wesley meets the other GENIUS PRODIGIES he'll be taking the entrance exam with. The actor playing Oliana gives a bizarre performance. Totally spaced-out, like she's been hit in the head or something. Not sure if it's a bad performance or a great one.

- A guy called Remmick is here to investigate the Enterprise for unknown reasons. You're meant to be against him because he's a Pen-Pushing Bureaucrat, but to be fair to Remmick, Riker pretty much immediately starts pissing and moaning about his presence and trying to start shit with him.

- This is not a normal way to sit down.



- Geordi and Troi get pissy with Remmick for grilling them. Gonna have to come to his defence again - the Enterprise has over one thousand people on it, has the power to start and end wars, handles first contact scenarios, and has the power to radically overhaul entire planetary civilisations... yet we're supposed to be angry that Picard is being subjected to some oversight. Just about everything Remmick brings up is valid - Picard literally did lose control of the flagship and it - with all the officers and civilians on board - was propelled beyond the reaches of the galaxy. Picard did freak out, board the Stargazer, and attempt to fire on the Enterprise. I'd be more surprised if Starfleet didn't send someone to look into these.

- Worf and Wesley scene. Let's pair these two up and see if anything clicks. It doesn't, but hey, it's a Worf scene, so it still works.

- Tears for Fears man - who is, by the way, a civilian and apparently a child - manages to hijack a shuttle from the Enterprise. He flies into space, where he almost dies. Remmick is portrayed as unreasonable for pointing out that this should not be happening on a properly-run ship.

- Wesley has an encounter with an extremely overacting man in a corridor. Turns out this is a really fucking stupid test set up by Starfleet.

- Interview montage where Remmick does the only actually unacceptable thing he does in the entire episode, where he inexplicably asks Beverly about her feelings towards Picard.

- Wesley's so brilliant that he's able to help his buddy taking the exam find the Genius Within Himself so that he passes.

- PLOT TWIST: It's time for Remmick's report, but it's full of glowing praise. So much so that he asks to be assigned on the Enterprise in the future.

- Wesley's psych evaluation is an unannounced simulation of the nearby room blowing up. You can guess this is all a test immediately, but genius Wesley can't. This is so funny, it's such a weirdly sociopathic test to spring on a 14 year old.

- Picard tells Riker that he (Picard, not Riker) has been selected to be commandant of Starfleet Academy. "CONGRATULATIONS, SIR! WHAT A WONDERFUL CHOICE, SIR!", Riker exclaims. "YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SHAPE YOUNG MINDS, SIR." I hate this fucking dolt so much.

- Supremely awkward Picard/Weslsey chat to end on.

I thought that was an absolute waste of time - so, of course, it turns out it's reasonably well-regarded elsewhere online.

All the Wesley scenes are naff, partially because Wesley sucks and partially because the entrance exam just comes across as a ludicrous onslaught of bullshit (I can't get over the simulated lab explosion). Do all Starfleet recruits go through this? Did fucking Worf pass this test? Meanwhile, the scenes on the Enterprise are tedious because it's just Riker glaring at Remmick and Remmick asking people questions aggressively. It all comes to nothing because the whole plot is just set-up for "Conspiracy", probably one of my least favourite TNG episodes of all time (which means everyone else is sure to love it).

1/10. A bit harsh perhaps because there's some reasonably good acting and a bit of the dialogue works, but it's all just wrapped in two very boring plots. I don't think it was a good idea to do a story like this, with no sci-fi plot at all, so early in the show's run. The characters just aren't strong or well-defined enough to make it worthwhile watching a relatively unremarkable day elapse on board the ship. And all these ratings are subjective anyway.

[The Culture Bunker]

Main memory of seeing this episode for the first time (which would have been after I'd seen later ones) was thinking "oh, there's Quincy's mate", playing the chap who conducts the test Wesley undertakes.

[Wonderful Butternut]

- This is not a normal way to sit down.

Well established meme at this point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIGhYMwRgs&ab_channel=WeirdHat

Differing reports on whether Frakes just does it cos he's tall (although he's not that much taller than me and I'm fairly sure I'd herniate something doing that) or because he fucked his back at some point when he was younger.

[Mr Trumpet]

Frakes worked for a removals firm when he was a jobbing actor, I think that was when he messed his back up. Same reason he leans uncomfortably over Data or Wesley when they're at their bridge stations.

BTW I'm currently enjoying the InvestiGates podcast - Gates McFadden interviewing various of her co-stars (so far Frakes, LeVar Burton and Wil Wheaton). What's nice is that they're clearly all old pals at this point and they talk about everything except Star Trek. Wil Wheaton talking about his awful childhood and ghastly parents is a bit of a downer, mind.