Star Trek: The Next Generation Rewatch (oh god no)

[Lemming]

S02E07 - Unnatural Selection

The Deadly Years 2: Die Harder

- Ghost ship, the Lantree, where all the crew died of being too old. Sounds familiar.

- Riker-esque stuff:

DARWIN STATION SCIENTIST: Doctor, we're experiencing the rapid onset of geriatric phenomena. The first symptom is sudden, acute arthritic inflammation. Then the aging process accelerates.
PULASKI (turning to Picard and Riker): The Lantree.

Whoa, no way, get outta town, no way could they be connected. Presumably she's just trying to make sure that Riker's keeping up.

- O'Brien named at last! Graduated from mere "transporter chief" to a full character!

- Genuinely could not tell you what's happening in the next few scenes. A "child" who's like 20 shows up encased in STASIS-PLASTIC. Pulaski says they have to let him out or he'll die, Picard says it's too risky so they'll just have to stand around for a bit, then they get mad at each other. Oh, I also like how Picard is immediately disgusted by genetic experimentation even when he has virtually no idea what it actually is, in this case - it's pretty in keeping with stuff I remember of his character in later seasons.

- Pulaski thinks she's not getting on well with Picard, so goes to Troi for help. Troi says Pulaski and Picard are clashing because they're too similar to each other. After Geordi solves everything, she goes back to Picard and they bristle with each other a bit again, before agreeing on the shuttlecraft solution. I really like this scene and the dynamic between Pulaski and Picard. Picard is forced to be less of a rules-bound dickhead, and Pulaski is forced to shut up and let Picard speak for a minute and acknowledge that he's in command for a reason, and both of them come away from the exchange better than they were before. It's especially good for the Picard character because virtually everyone else on the ship - especially Riker - will trip over themselves to fellate him whenever he exerts the smallest amount of authority, and he occasionally has a tendency to be nasty to people who don't immediately submit to him ("shut up, Wesley"), so having a character who he can't just blindly order around and won't back down to him is potentially very good for the show. I really wish she'd stayed - the writers sometimes try to have Bev stand up to Picard, especially on Prime Directive stuff, but too often she just comes across as a total flop weakling compared to Pulaski, IMO.

- That said, the episode tries to do way too much at once, especially in the latter half where Picard and Pulaski seem to decide they're BFFs after Pulaski gets the virus - this relationship would probably be better developed bit by bit over the season, rather than just all shoved into episode seven.

- Pulaski contracts the SUPER AGING VIRUS. Can the Enterprise crew solve in 20 minutes what the world-class scientists who created the disease haven't been able to solve for days?

- Troi suggests bringing Data and Pulaski back to the ship.

TROI: Well, I suggest we beam them both back onto the ship. Commander Data is most likely immune and surely the biofilter will-
O'BRIEN: The transporter's biofilter won't protect us. The boy was transported twice already and still infected Doctor Pulaski.

Thanks O'Brien. Jesus, Troi, come on. Oh, and the very next line:

LAFORGE: Couldn't we adjust the biofilter? We could alter the filter to screen out whatever it is that's causing the disease.
PICARD: But we don't know what's causing the disease.

Christ, Geordi, get with it. Very few people are coming out of this briefing in a good light. Riker is wisely keeping his mouth shut throughout.

- SUBSPACE CAPTAIN'S PRIORITY CHANNEL

- Data and Pulaski visit Darwin Station to watch genetically engineered 12 year olds play chess with their minds. The kids have also been genetically engineered to have immune systems that attack viruses OUTSIDE THE BODY. They spew antibodies out that nuke everything in the air. This episode is great.

- Picard's been sad ever since Pulaski left. While talking to her old captain, he learns that she absolutely insisted on joining the Enterprise crew, and has been an admirer of Picard's for some time.

- Why does old age makeup always look so bad? The Old-Pulaski makeup is better than the old Uhura makeup from 20 years earlier, which made her look like a zombie in an anime wig, but it's still really bad.

- Picard's getting frantic about saving Pulaski, since she's suddenly his new best pal. He pulls something out of his arse about using Pulaski's DNA to make a new transporter filter. O'Brien decides that yeah, that probably makes sense, and starts rewiring half the ship to make it happen. Meanwhile, Riker is put in charge of finding a sample of Pulaski's DNA to work with. This consists of him rushing into her quarters, panicking, and saying "ANYTHING, ANYTHING, HAIR" while knocking on the wall for some reason. Luckily, Data's there too, and suggests checking her hairbrush.

- Picard heroically offers to perform the transport to let O'Brien out of doing it, since the transporter technique he came up with five minutes ago has a high chance of just turning Pulaski into giblets. Heroic intent aside, Picard fucks it sideways and O'Brien has to fix everything anyway.

Even putting aside the fact that TOS already did it, it's a really rote plot with a solution that Picard quite literally just guesses at the last minute. So it's in similar territory to "The Child" - not a strong story, but fun to watch. There's a big focus on the Picard and Pulaski relationship, and she's also teamed up with Data, which is always cool even though not much is made of it here. 5/10, maybe a bit closer to 4/10, but the five Picard heads make me laugh. Plus, it's O'Brien's first full-fledged episode, which has to be worth a point.

[Mr Trumpet]

Ah the episode where they stumble upon the secret of eternal youth, and then never mention it again. A classic.

[daf]

032 | "Unnatural Selection"



Help The Aged

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• Creaky Codgers in Spaaaaaaaaaaace!
• Pulaski Pube Hunt
• Legend O'Brien saves the day!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Star station India medical "curry-er" (!)
• "Staah-sis"?
• Ooh - floaty space-chess!
• Wot, no Pualski hug for O'Brien? He saved your frigging life!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[mothman]

• Legend O'Brien saves the day!

But of course he does.



O ye of little (i')faith (and begorrah).

[Ambient Sheep]

I don't have much to add, but I really must reiterate just how much I'm loving these write-ups.  They're a highlight of my day, and I'm not looking forward to when I'm going to have to drop out of my daily fix as you overtake my own weekly rewatch. :-)

[kalowski]

I don't have much to add, but I really must reiterate just how much I'm loving these write-ups.  They're a highlight of my day, and I'm not looking forward to when I'm going to have to drop out of my daily fix as you overtake my own weekly rewatch. :-)

Really accelerating towards me too. The kids and I are paused at the moment due to the Euros (we're near the end of season 4 - The Drumhead) so I think we'll be caught soon.

[Lemming]

S02E08 - A Matter of Honor

As part of an exchange program, Riker is sent over to a Klingon ship.

- A Benzite transfers to the Enterprise. Riker tells him to attend the "indoctrination session" in 15 minutes. Spooky.

- It's time for some exchange program fun with the Klingons! The Enterprise will be sending... Riker. Oh god.

- Riker bones up with Worf beforehand (phwoar) and learns that he might be expected to assassinate the Klingon captain. He also eats GAGH. Worf gives him an EMERGENCY TRANSPONDER in case of any bullshit.

- The Benzite guy walks around pointing out how much the Enterprise sucks shit, and how to make it better. He also notices some weird shit on the Klingon ship, which is only visible on his console for some reason.

- Dirty Pair reference! Been watching for them all season, finally caught one! Here's Kei and Yuri:


- Benzite guy tries to bring his white-hot suggestions to Picard, and Prickard fobs him off by telling him to go through the chain of command. I guess only a select honoured few like Wesley are allowed to bypass this procedure.

- Riker meets his new friends. The captain suggests that Riker may have his loyalties tested in battle at some point. Of course, no such thing is likely to happen. That'd be crazy, if like 30 minutes from now, the exact freak hypothetical scenario the captain was talking about actually happened. That'd be a wild, million-to-one chance.

- Worf picks up the Klingon-hull-virus, and Picard has a mini-go at the Benzite for not reporting it, which he didn't do because that's not the way it's done on Benzite ships. How shit was the "indoctrination" he had to attend? They clearly didn't tell him shit!

- Riker has lunch with the Klingon crew. They haze him by making him put GAGH in his mouth and making sexual jokes at his expense. There's a good attempt here to flesh Klingons out a bit more than they have been so far, especially when the guy talks about how much his father sucks.

- The Klingon captain (I never got his name) calls Riker to the bridge to give him hell over the virus on the hull, which he claims is a bioweapon sent by the Enterprise. He orders an intercept course to attack the Enterprise! My god, Riker's loyalties are about to be tested in battle, much like in the earlier completely hypothetical scenario they were discussing!

- Wesley successfully smooths things over with the Benzite officer, since Picard himself left such a bad impression. Meanwhile, Klag, Riker's cool new Klingon buddy, comes to bat for him by saying he believes that Riker knew nothing about the hull virus.

- Riker refuses to turn THE SECRETS OF THE ENTERPRISE over to the Klingon captain. Everyone's well impressed, and Riker is given the honour of getting the chance to die like a Klingon.

- The captain keeps acting like a mega-lunatic and, for some reason, tells Riker that he must be the one to give the order to fire on the Enterprise. Riker gets out Worf's EMERGENCY TRANSPONDER, and the dumbass captain grabs it and gets beamed onto the Enterprise, lol. Riker's in command of the Klingon ship now.

- Picard hails the Klingon ship and Riker's stupid face comes on the viewscreen. "Enterprise, this is Captain William Riker of the Klingon vessel Pagh. I order you to lower your shields and surrender." This would be such a lovely satisfying moment if it was anyone other than fucking Riker. Couldn't they have sent like Geordi or Troi or someone like that. Seriously though, great ending.

So what's going on? Is this an alternate universe featuring Ace Riker? Did Riker just wake up feeling really good today and manage to pull this one off? Here's my fan theory:
We know from "Coming of Age" that Starfleet loves to spring unannounced psychological tests on people by simulating real-life nightmare scenarios. I believe Picard and the Klingon captain got together beforehand and agreed to set up such a test. This is why Picard nudges Riker into volunteering to be the one to go over, and why it's all seemingly arranged so abruptly. The virus situation is also part of this test - the Klingon captain hopes to test his crew's loyalty, and Picard hopes to test the new arrival to the Enterprise. Watch the knowing looks Picard and the Klingon captain give each other when they first meet - they know what's up. They were talking just a couple hours ago, making the final last-minute arrangements.

Klag is kind of a loser, which is why the Klingon captain pairs him up with Riker. Will the virus/Enterprise situation bring out the best in the two weakest links of each respective ship as they team up to save the day, or will everything devolve into a spectacle of incompetence? This is what Picard and the Klingon captain sought to test.

This is why the Klingon captain is such a pantomime character who foreshadows everything that's going to happen before it's happened, to try and prime Riker for the big test, and to try and get Klag, his weakling of a first officer, to stand up to him. It's also why the Enterprise crew somehow fail to detect the virus on the Klingon ship until much later, and only the Benzite, who is being tested, can detect it at first.

Jokes aside, great episode, even if Riker's competence and social skills are laughably out of character. Klingons continue their journey into being space vikings who sit around drinking blood wine, punching each other, and doing the "ahaaaaa" laugh that Tom Baker does in Blackadder, but they're given more detail and depth here than they have been in any previous TNG episode, especially via Klag. Things move forward at a great TOS-like pace, which is a pretty amazing change from most episodes so far. The plot is clever and exciting, even if all the pieces of the virus-misinterpreted-as-attack-during-exchange-program saga line up so absurdly perfectly (and in such a way as to test the prowess of the exchange officers involved), apparently by pure coincidence, that I'm starting to believe my joke fan theory over the actual episode.

I also love how eager Riker is to go to the Klingon ship, just "because nobody's ever done it before". 8/10

[Camp Tramp]

Captain Kargan was portrayed by Christopher Collins, who will reappear as another character later on this season,

He also voiced Starscream and Cobra Commander.

[Mr Trumpet]

Klingons are dumb as shit, they should have been conquered by the Romulans centuries ago. Even the Ferengi have a more credible society in the TNG era.

[daf]

033 | "A Matter of Honor"



Red Light at Night, Klingon Big Fight

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• Picard & Riker's Zappy game
• Riker's Double-Klingon Shag Peril
• Foul Klingon Nosh-up
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Exchange Students in Spaaaaaaaaaaace!
• Racist Wesley : "All you Benzites look the same!"
• Fungus Hull Hole
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Chairman Yang]

Good fun and some desperately needed positive characterisation for Riker. Is this the first time he's actually got an episode to himself? Poor Frakes.

Picard's really struggling to sit still this week. He comes to the bridge to get face time with the Klingon captain, then leaves before the ad break only to come back moments later in order to make a course change and fuck straight off to the Observation Lounge. You want to actually captain the ship you're captain of, maybe?

...

Jesus, he's at it again! He's just ordered Modok to scan the space rust and then bumbled off to the turbolift. Where is he going? COME BACK! It's like they thought having him storm out of every scene would make the story more exciting.

[Chairman Yang]

Also, I'd love to meet someone who really despises this episode. "Aww this dead fun story's well shit."

[Lemming]

S02E09 - The Measure of a Man

A roboticist tries to claim Data as property, forcing Picard into a legal battle to determine Data's legal personhood.

- Poker game time! O'Brien's been invited! He's in the inner circle!

- Picard meets Phillipa Louvois, a former love interest, who'll be acting as the judge in the imminent Data case. Her inclusion in the episode is a bit weird, and just makes Picard act whiny a few times. I'm not sure if it was meant to be a callback to the situation with the prosecution lawyer in TOS' "Court Martial" or what. She prosecuted him over the Stargazer in the past, and he's still mad about it, and makes a mini-scene in the cafe they're hanging out in.

- Bruce Maddox arrives, best known for hiding out on gangster-planet Freecloud and being agonisingly killed via organ shutdown to protect the secret of the AI demigods in the beloved fan-favourite smash-hit TV series "Star Trek: Picard".

- Worth bringing up now, since Data gets pissy at Maddox while he's packing his stuff - in the first two seasons, Data seems to be written more akin to a Vulcan than anything else - clearly "alive" and clearly capable of feeling emotion, offence, etc, but stilted in his responses and uncomprehending of social codes. I think season three is where they start to softly retcon a lot of that, and start writing him (at least some of the time) as genuinely emotionless and less obviously "alive", which I think makes for a far better character.

- Patrick Stewart saying the word "gobbeldygook" is my favourite part of the episode.

- Data says he's read every book on poker, which is why he didn't know what bluffing was 10 minutes ago.

- Maddox: "You are endowing Data with human characteristics because it looks human. But it is not. If it were a box on wheels, I would not be facing this opposition." He even brings up the Enterprise computer. Given everything we were talking about on previous pages with regards to holograms and the Enterprise computer, I think this is one of the most interesting lines in the episode. Shame Maddox doesn't bring any of this shit up in the actual court.

- "The Acts of Cumberland", apparently some kind of laws regarding AI rights, were passed in the early 21st century apparently. Clock is ticking.

- Data - despite being a registered Starfleet officer, who's service record already established him as a sentient lifeform according to "Where Silence Has Lease" - has just been redeclared legal property of Starfleet. Picard's going to challenge this. You're not gonna believe this - legally, he himself has to be the defence, and fucking Riker has to be the prosecution. What??? Conflict of interest? Bonus: if Riker refuses, there's no trial at all, and Data is immediately declared property. Eh?

- Riker prepares for the case by pulling up a diagram of Data. He nods and smiles, having apparently found the silver bullet for his case, then looks sad, realising the implications. MICRO-ACTING

- The hand things from "Court Martial" are back where you touch it and it announces to everyone in the room how wicked-sick you are.

- Here we go: Riker's case is as follows:

- Quoting the dictionary definition of android.
   - Pointing out that Data was built by a human.
   - Pointing out that Data has a good memory and is good at calculating numbers.
   - Making Data bend a steel bar to show that he's strong.
   - Taking off Data's hand.
   - Demonstrating that Data has an off switch.

The fuck did any of that have to do with anything? Picard is on the ropes, because the script says he has to be for drama's sake, and he confesses to Guinan that Riker's case was "devastating". No it wasn't! It was shit! He barely even discussed the fucking sentience issue! Bending steel bars, what the hell?

- Guinan suggests that Maddox's end goal will create a slave race, of sentient creatures who have no rights, are considered property, and who you can manipulate and dispose of at will without wondering about the morals behind it like with the holodeck, or Starship computers.

- Picard finds what Guinan said to be incredibly illuminating, even though she just repeated his own beliefs back to him, to make a point that relied on him already believing Data was sentient. He's ready to rock, and heads off to deliver his shit-kicker of a defence case.

- Picard's case:

- Everything Riker said was true but isn't relevant. Yeah, no shit. The episode wasted like 10 minutes by pretending Riker was ever doing anything other than talking bollocks.
   - Data is capable of expressing sentimental value towards objects.
   - Data stuck his robo-cock up Tasha when they were both out of it on space-virus.

In other words, Picard repeats back to everyone what they already knew. Maddox starts to waver, even though nothing Picard brings up here should change Maddox's views in any way - Maddox believes that Data is simulating sentience, so of course he'd be able to simulate emotions and verbalise them. Just like Riker's non-prosecution, it's more dumb theatrics to avoid engaging with the main issue - Riker goes for "look! he can't be alive because his arm comes off, eurrgh, isn't that weird?" while Picard goes for "look! he's probably alive because he says he is, and he had sex once! aww!" Both cases are a load of CRAP

- Picard asks Maddox to prove that he (Picard) is sentient, and explain why. Data passes two of Maddox's hilariously-easy-to-pass criteria for sentience - he can learn and adapt to new knowledge (like holodeck characters and other AI, including real-world AI today), and he is capable of describing his present situation and referring to himself as "myself" (like holodeck characters and other AI, including real-world AI today). Maddox is on the ropes, because he's never thought about any of these beginner-level questions before, despite it apparently being his life's work.

- The killing blow: Picard says that if Maddox makes loads of Datas, it will become a RACE like holodeck characters and other AI. Despite that fact that Picard has literally just repeated Maddox's original plan back to him, Maddox is suddenly bricking it - Picard's DESTROYING him with facts and logic! He starts gibbering and panicking because he's getting owned so hard!

- Maddox's uselessness is especially annoying given that he brought up the Enterprise computer before - he must have already thought about all these issues, but there's five minutes left and we need Picard to win, so let's just have his opposition be reduced to a flustered stammering wreck so we can wrap this one up. The episode never addresses the elephant in the room of why Data is meant to be considered different from other AI we've seen that display these same properties in far more convincing ways, and Maddox never brings these points up, because the script needs him to lose the argument so the episode can conclude, and it'd be inconvenient to the show's status quo to have him raise any arguments that'd take any amount of actual effort for Picard to respond to.

I hate that I don't like this episode, because everyone else universally seems to celebrate it as a turning point for TNG, and it's Top-10 material for a lot of people. I don't think I've ever seen a review of it that hasn't been full of praise. Every time I watch it, I try to like it, but every time it seems like nonsense - it's got the pace and structure of a courtroom drama, but almost nothing anyone says in the courtroom makes any sense to me. We can all agree, at least, that Riker's entire case is gibberish that doesn't engage with the issue at all, right? Yet the script presents it as "devastating" because this is a courtroom drama and our hero, Picard, needs to be on the back foot at some point so he can have his heroic turnaround, because that's what happens in courtroom dramas, even if the case he's up against is absolute horseshit. Maddox needs to become a nervous wreck as his case falls apart, because that's what happens in courtroom dramas, even if nothing Maddox believes has actually been convincingly challenged.

The episode isn't interested in engaging with the questions that it raises as the core of the whole story, because again, the writers of TNG decided right from the off that Data is definitely alive, and we the audience have already been told to accept that as fact by having it repeatedly said and demonstrated to us as fact over and over again. There's no debate to be had here because there's no way to really take anything Maddox says seriously, because he's wrong in-universe, and we know he's wrong, and the script considers him to be wrong. The episode never seriously entertains the idea that there's even a chance Maddox might be right in saying that Data is simulating sentience in the exact same way holograms do. He's not even allowed to express his argument in such terms, because he's written to be a naff strawman for Picard to knock down by raising his voice at him. The non-sentient argument is reduced to Riker's useless "eww his hand comes off!" crap.

Having Data's sentience be a foregone conclusion wouldn't be a problem, of course, if the big courtroom debate was in any way thought-provoking and Picard and Maddox seriously challenged each other's positions, but Riker's prosecution on behalf of Maddox is absolutely laughable, Maddox himself is apparently stupid, and Picard's own defence isn't much better than Riker's case. So the episode is just a 45-minute exercise in having Picard badly argue in favour of something that's already been established, with no real resistance or counterarguments put against him. Maddox is forbidden by the script from raising any solid points when the trial starts, nor is he allowed to point out the hypocrisy with holograms and other AI, because if he did so, it'd reveal Picard's (and TNG's) position for what it actually is - "i like Data and it benefits me to believe he's alive, but it inconveniences me to apply the same logic to other, equally/more capable AI, so I choose to believe they're not alive, and I'd like this enshrined into law".

Given that it's fact that Data is alive in-universe, they might as well have done the exact same simple, straightforward story with another member of the crew. Visit a planet where Betazoids are considered non-sentient or some mad shit. Is Troi alive? Well, Riker can knock her out with a crowbar to the head. Devastating case.

It just seems like another "Picard uses pithy quotes to vanquish a boring strawman who never gets to defend himself/herself" episode. Same kind of thing as "The Drumhead", although it's much less blunt than that episode, at least. 4/10 since it's at least well-paced and structured, in a way that most of these early episodes aren't, and it tries for some decent character work, especially with Riker.



You can kill me with pitchforks and torches now if you like. In my defence, I think this is the only extremely controversial TNG opinion I have. Other than this, I really like the much-hated "Night Terrors" and I think "The Best of Both Worlds" and "The Inner Light" are decent but not great, but those don't seem ultra-contentious views to hold, so it should be relatively smooth sailing from here onwards. Let's hope we can all reunite over the next episode, a Wesley Crusher classic!

[Blumf]

Another thing on these AI debates in film/TV is how the supposed AI expert seems to be completely oblivious the the idea that these systems could be 'sentient'.

The mawkfest that was Spielberg's A.I. Artificial Intelligence had the boss of that robot company waffling on in a lecture but never seeming to join the dots. If you work in this field, you ARE going to be, at the least, aware of the potential, if not downright excited by it. You would not blithely ignore it.

In Maddox's case, if he doesn't care about Data as a 'person', then why not just stick to the standard computing systems, which as we know, can do pretty much anything you'd need already?

Anyway, here's YouTube lawyer LegalEagle's take on the episode (he likes it, buy a suit):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVjeYW6S8Mo

[The Culture Bunker]

Reminds me of that line about how actors like courtroom scenes because they get to show their (apparent) acting chops and producers like them because they're cheap (lots of stuff in a single set).

If I took anything from this episode when I first watched it all those years ago, it's that incredibly awkward - at least it seemed to me - bit where the Admiral calls Picard "a damn sexy man".

[Mr Trumpet]

"Objection! There are many beings possessed of mega strength!" - Patrick Stewart wonders whether it's too late to hop on a plane back to the RSC

[MojoJojo]

I think a lot of the stuff about holograms can be forgiven if you remember the Moriarty had only just aired. Other holodeck characters can be seen as having elaborate but essentially pre-written responses and the computer is entirely reactive. It's only later on in Trek that Data's unique "manufactured life" status looks a bit shonky.

Yeah, the case itself doesn't make much sense. But it's still more thoughtful than most TNG episodes have been up to this point (I think).

I wonder if this suffers a bit because the question basically gets revisited a fair few times, so watching it now it looks a bit basic.

[daf]

034 | "The Measure of a Man"



Judge, Judy and Executioner

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• Red Hot Poker #1
• Picard's former Louvois interest
• Evil Maddox : BOO! HISS!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Crown Court in Spaaaaaaaaaaace!
• Tasha 'intimate' Holo-statue : regular robo-knobbing confirmed!
• Guinan's half-time magic-sponge
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The blu-ray set also featured the original 57 minute cut of this story - which I also gave a spin :

The cut bits tend to feature the rest of the cast a bit more. I particularly liked the scene in engineering where Data presents Geordi with the Sherlock pipe, and their 'goodbye' chat later at the leaving party.

The party runs on much longer after the wrapping paper gag - starting off with a Pulaski pep-talk, followed by the Geordi and Data scene, a Riker and Troi chat, and finally Maddox gate-crashing and having his arse escorted out of there after making a few jibes that Data could get a post-Starfleet job at a freak-show.



Two new scenes feature Picard - one where he's doing some fencing practice, and Riker comes in to tell him he intends to win the case*; and another 'off-duty' evening one in their quarters, where he probes Data for personal information. 



There's also a bit where Picard has a Zoom call with Admiral Nakamura, and a few other scenes run a bit longer (the poker game at the start, Riker and Data at the end), but it's all good stuff - and the extra 13 minutes flesh the episode out, rather than dilute it. This is the version I'll be watching from now on - a solid 9/10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* [Riker was originally meant to be his fencing opponent here, but got replaced - probably due to Frakes not wanting to look like a stumbling bumbling potato next to Stewart's expert stage-trained swordsmanship]

[bgmnts]

Riker turning Data off should have ended the trial there and then, really.

[Wonderful Butternut]

I like the actual courtroom scenes more than you, Lemming, but I do have problems with the setup.

Maddox contends that Data refusing to co-operate with his experiments is the same as the Enterprise's main computer refusing a re-fit. This is obviously bollocks and should've immediately been dismissed as such. Aside from the blatant difference in sentience between the Enterprise's computer and Data, which would make the computer incapable of refusing to do anything, the computer was built by Starfleet for the express purpose of being the Enterprise's computer. Of course it's Starfleet property. It didn't rock up one day, having made a conscious decision and ask to join the Academy and be accepted into Starfleet. Whereas Data wasn't built by Starfleet and did ask to join the Academy, and was permitted to do so. And we know that this wasn't a simple box checking excercise as Maddox objected to it.

Presumably the "Acts of Cumberland" Louvois refers to didn't legislate for the possible existence of androids of Data's level of advancement, fair enough. But Starfleet have already set a precedent that Data is, at the very least, entitled to make his own decisions 20+ years ago by allowing him to join the Academy like any other sentient being. Any attempt to change their tack now should've collapsed instantly under legal challenge.

Secondly, Louvois says she alone can hear the matter, with Picard and Riker as respective counsel for prosecution and defense. So that's a single JAG officer, with two people who are not professional counsel[nb]Whatever the in-universe merits and abilities of Picard and Riker, they have to be significantly deficient in their legal knowledge and ability to determine and challenge relevant legislation and precedence vs. an actual practicing lawyer. They're not qualified to act as counsel for either prosecution or defence. Not to mention Louvois' threat to Riker saying she'd rule summarily if he doesn't do his job as well as he can. How could she possibly know how good a prosecutor Will Riker is or isn't? What if he had just been incompetent and she'd decided he wasn't trying? What if Picard had been incompetent? A billion things wrong with this.[/nb], determining whether a serving Starfleet officer[nb]I don't think it's ever disputed that Data is a serving Starfleet Officer, whether he's a sentient lifeform or a toaster[/nb] is alive. This is done simply because the Starbase doesn't have enough staff yet. And if they don't play along Louvois will rule summarily. This is absolutely insane. For this to be anything other than a massive and illegal over-reach of Louvois' authority, whatever combination of Federation law and Starfleet procedure applies here must be completely batshit. It'd be like a district court judge dealing with a murder without any lawyers representing either side. Any decision would be tied up in appeals forever because of how defective the process was for something so serious.

I know it's a military organisation, but Spock's court-martial in TOS, where there's a far greater sense of being all alone on the frontier of space than in TNG, required three officers of captain rank or greater. (And it only proceeded there and then with the bare minimum cos Spock insisted it did) But dealing with whether Data is alive 100 years later when ships and communications are all a lot faster, doesn't?

If I were Picard, as soon as Louvois said that, I'd have secured Data aboard the Enterprise and then high-tailed it to the nearest Starfleet facility that has an appropriately staffed JAG office with multiple judges and actual proper counsel available to hear the matter of whether Data is alive. And then watched laughing as Louvois was demoted to Ensign for trying act illegally.

Final sidenote, as I mentioned in the Picard thread: Maddox must be a lot older than he looks in order to have been in a position to object to Data's entrance into the Academy.

I'd give the episode a 6.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

As I said on the last page I think you're all way too hung up on androids vs. holograms and I think you have to take the long view on this one, there are very few androids and holograms began as videogames etc. so I won't repeat myself. The courtroom shenanigans are quite insane and Legal Eagle's got a good video on this. I will say that I think Maddox has a point about people treating Data like he's alive because he looks like a human, and he wouldn't be encountering any opposition if Data was a box on wheels. But then again, if Data was a box on wheels he would probably have been built to carry out a handful of specific tasks and not be the culmination of a cyberneticist's life-long dream to create artificial life.

It's useful to look at this episode, the Moriarty episode, the Exocomps episode, the EMH, the Voyager episode where they find out EMHs are being mass-produced to do shitwork, and S1 of Picard as a continuum of how the Federation deals with emerging forms of artificial life.

[Ambient Sheep]

S02E09 - The Measure of a Man

You can kill me with pitchforks and torches now if you like.

Absolutely not, I agree with pretty much everything you and Wonderful Butternut said, and much of it occurred to me on my recent rewatch too.  Just so many holes it's ridiculous.

[Lemming]

Happy to see I didn't get savaged over Measure of a Man, it seems to be held up as unassailable in a lot of circles.

S02E10 - The Dauphin

Wesley falls in love with an alien who is about to be forced into a lifelong role as a crucial political figure.

- Salia is just Wesley. Like she's literally just Wesley. Now we've got him in stereo. Hellish!

- Wes and Salia fall in love at first sight. Salia's opening pickup line: "that's a superconducting magnet, isn't it?" Absolutely white-hot stuff, you rock, Salia.

- Salia has also brought aboard a governess, Anya, who looks kind of like Auntie Mabel crossed with Jessica Fletcher. She will therefore be referred to as Auntie Fletcher from now on.

- Data points out that we're ferrying Salia to her destination without having a clue why. She's being taken to a planet where one half is constantly in night and the other is constantly in day, and the two sides have been at war for like a trillion years. Salia is, for some reason, going to become the leader, with the hopes of uniting both sides in peace.

- Salia has doubts about her ability to unite the planet. Auntie Fletcher, who has now transformed her physical appearance into a girl Salia's age, tells her to just live with it. Then she transforms into a hideous ape-bear creature, which Salia apparently finds comforting:



- Wesley has become functionally useless at everything because he's too in love with Salia. Geordi, who could not be any less qualified for this topic, tries to advise Wesley about romance. Poor fucking Wil Wheaton having to deliver some of this shit. "GEE GEORDI, SHE'S PERFECT!" Cringing inside out.

-


- Wesley makes the critical error of asking Riker for help. Riker's advice is to talk like the bad guy in an educational sexual harassment film. Him and Guinan end up having what my grandma used to call "a moment", and Wesley wisely bails the fuck out.

- Auntie Fletcher roasts the shit out of Geordi for the absolutely risible state of Engineering, and then demands that Pulaski execute a patient to prevent him from spreading disease to Salia. She transforms into Bear-Ape Plus and beats the shit out of Worf for a laugh. A security man who looks like Grace Jones comes in and does absolutely nothing to help.

- Meanwhile, Wes shows Salia some cool places on the holodeck, which just makes her more upset that she's being forced into a political role against her will. Super high IQ child prodigy Wes is an uncomprehending idiot who just ignores her and keeps enthusing about how we've only charted 19% of the galaxy.

- Worf and Auntie Fletcher enthuse about security together, and get into a "who's better at security" dick-measuring contest. Worf insists that Salia is safe under his watch. Meanwhile, Salia is missing from her quarters, where Worf was ordered to keep her, having gone to Ten Forward with Wesley. She's despondent about her upcoming lifetime of HELL as planetary leader, so Wesley tells her to fuck the whole thing off and stay on board the Enterprise.

- Picard orders Wesley to stay away from Salia because he's shit-scared that Auntie Fletcher will come and beat him up otherwise. Meanwhile, Auntie Fletcher gives a similar order to Salia, saying she'll kick everyone's ass if Salia talks to Wesley again.

- Salia ignores this and goes to see Wesley anyway. They kiss, and Bear-Ape Plus shows up to tear him apart. Salia turns into a Bear-Ape Plus of her own to fight back. Wesley shits his pants.

- It's time for Salia to leave. Auntie Fletcher and Worf bond over how they are WORTHY OPPONENTS of each other. The HONOUR practically explodes out of the screen during this scene.

- Wesley's being a whiny turd because he's in a mood - he thinks Salia tricked him by actually being a shapeshifter. "I loved you!!! :(" he whines. Salia responds that she loves him too. "CAN YOU??!" he replies. He's written out of character here, I think - this isn't how people in Starfleet generally act, and it's definitely not how exploding galaxy brain Wes acts. But he's like 15 so you have to give him a break when it comes to being whingey.

- As Salia is about to beam away, Wesley rushes over to apologise and give her chocolate. Well, it was either gonna be that or the superconducting magnet. She turns into her real form, which is a neon light jelly thing. Wes thinks it's great.

- Later, Wesley is sat being emo at the bar, and Guinan homes in on him like a fucking rocket to stick her oar in and give him one of her Looks.

WESLEY: I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else.
GUINAN: You're right.
WESLEY: I didn't expect you to say that.
GUINAN: There'll be others, but every time you feel love it'll will be different. Every time, it's different.

Fun episode. The governess character is hilarious, just going around causing shit and laughing it up at how feeble the crew are. The main plot is solid, it's a very rare example of a 45-minute one-off romance just about working, probably because both people involved are teenagers (at least, I assume Salia is a teenage light-jelly creature) so you can overlook the fact that they fall in love in about 30 seconds. 6/10

[The Culture Bunker]

My main takeaway from this was Guinan - who has been around for centuries and presumably hit on numerous times - is somehow impressed by Riker's attempts at flirting.

[greenman]

I think a lot of the stuff about holograms can be forgiven if you remember the Moriarty had only just aired. Other holodeck characters can be seen as having elaborate but essentially pre-written responses and the computer is entirely reactive. It's only later on in Trek that Data's unique "manufactured life" status looks a bit shonky.

Yeah, the case itself doesn't make much sense. But it's still more thoughtful than most TNG episodes have been up to this point (I think).

I wonder if this suffers a bit because the question basically gets revisited a fair few times, so watching it now it looks a bit basic.

Yeah I felt that way rewatching it last year, at the time it did definitely represent TNG moving forward but I think there were both better episodes on Data's nature and courtroom episodes latter in the shows run.

I wouldn't say the audience having invested in Data as "alive" already hurts the episode though, I wouldn't say thats really what the drama is built around but rather whether that status can be subverted for material gain.

[daf]

035 | "The Dauphin"



She's Dauphine (doo-lang, doo-lang)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights :
• The Scratchy Joy of Klingon Sex
• Bug-eyed Hairy Beastie
• Fingering the chocolate mousse
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Riker Leg-over Chair-vault #3 : Ten Forward
• Wesley's Erupting Glans
• Riker & Guinan's Cheesy Chat-up Improv
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Blumf]

Never liked the story overall, but there's so many nice bits throughout.

[Chairman Yang]

If it wasn't for this blood pact then I would have skipped it. I think I confused this with The Perfect Mate and kept expecting a story to happen.

[Mr Trumpet]

Love the out of context shot where Worf is about to backhand a little old lady until Picard orders him not to.

[Lemming]

S02E11 Contagion

While combating a computer virus that can destroy starships, the Enterprise is apprehended by Romulans.

- Another galaxy-class ship, the Yamato (again), has contracted a computer virus which is causing the lights to go funny. Not too bad, right? Oops, it exploded. That's well over a thousand people dead, including civilians and children since these things have nurseries on board. "Sensors indicate... no life readings, sir." (DARK SYNTH TWANG)

- Before he exploded, the captain (Donald Varley) of the Yamato told Picard that he was on the trail of the homeworld of the mythical Iconians, a powerful ancient spacefaring civilization. It's in the neutral zone, and the captain decided - independently - that the Romulans must not be allowed to get there first, because it would "give them an edge". Therefore, he took his ship into the Neutral Zone without permission, caught a computer virus, and exploded. Got to be amongst the Top 10 Starfleet captains in history, right up there with the likes of Ron Tracey.

- I have one positive thing to say about Riker, and it's another weird coincidental thing that can't have been intentional by so many different writers. He's actually good at dealing with Romulans. Here, when everyone except he and Troi are (wrongly) fretting that the Romulan ship destroyed the Yamato, Riker's the extremely uncharacteristic voice of reason in insisting that the scans were inconclusive and we can't jump to conclusions. Watch out for it throughout TNG - he saves the day big-time in this episode by helping the Romulans, he's the most ardent voice trying to convince Worf to save the Romulan in "The Enemy", etc.

- Varley's captains logs reveal him to be even more of a pillock, who went into the neutral zone against the protests of his crew.

- Picard learns his lesson from Varney's log, and decides to do the exact same thing by ordering the Enterprise further into the neutral zone to pick up where Varney left off.

- Wesley goes to Picard for an agonising history lesson about the Iconians. Apparently, they could appear out of thin air! "Sounds like magic!" says Wes, who travels using transporters regularly.

- The Enterprise starts experiencing systems failures in the same way the Yamato did. Clock is ticking to save the nursery!

- Best scene in TNG. A probe gets launched from Iconia which will destroy the Enterprise. Comms are down, so Geordi has to rush to the bridge in person, and gets absolutely fucking bodied by the turbolift. Love this shit. Raising the episode's score by a point just for this.

- Picard's leading the away team down to the planet. Riker's in command. Brace for hell.

- One second (like, literally) into Riker's command, a Romulan ship shows up and prepares to fire. They would be destroyed had the Romulan weapons not shut themselves down. "Fate," Riker says, satisfied. Cut to Troi looking extremely anxious. Riker yells at the tactical officer for things that are outside her control.

- But then, Riker's one redeeming quality - his inexplicably great diplomacy skills when dealing with Romulans - kicks in. "Perhaps their attempt to fire was unintentional," he reasons, suspecting the Rommies are also infected by the computer virus. Riker's true calling in life would be Federation diplomat to Romulus - he'd still find a way to fuck it up, but empathising and negotiating with Romulans is the one thing he's actually, genuinely good at.

- An Iconian probe approaches the Romulans. Riker quickly gives them instructions to destroy it, saving their ship and their lives. He's on a roll!

- Just to drive home that Riker's unusual skill with Romulans is his only area of competency, he orders shields be raised. Wesley points out that this will make it impossible to beam the away team back. Riker, who forgot this first-day-at-the-academy fact, looks around in a dumb panic, reverting to his usual state.

- Picard, Data and Worf enter a room straight out of a point and click adventure game, and start pressing shit at random. Meanwhile, Riker and Troi manage to get their heads together and come up with another properly good idea - get the entire ship ready for evacuation, not to actually evacuate, but just to keep everyone calm and occupied. Between "A Matter of Honor" and this, Riker's on fire!

- The away team opens an oblong that leads to all kinds of places, including never-before seen planets outside known space. Picard starts shitting his nappy that the Romulans could get hold of this. He also throws out all of established history because "standing on this soil, breathing this air" convinces him that the Iconians were not imperialist murderers, but a peaceful race of superhuman dreamers who were destroyed for being too nice.

- Data gets zapped which makes him start talking like a robot from a 50s movie. Picard orders Worf and Data to use the Iconian gateway to flee to the Enterprise while he stays behind to blow it up, because we can't let the dastardly Romulans get hold of it.

- Back on the Enterprise, Data dies, then revives. He has purged the Iconian virus from his system. Geordi realises the same technique can be used to save the Enterprise. The technique is to turn it off, wipe "the infected memory" from the hard drive, and turn it on again. I know this probably wouldn't sound as stupid to the average viewer in the late 1980s as it does today, but COME ON.

- Picard sets the Iconian base to blow up and leaps into the doorway to find himself on the soon-to-explode Romulan ship. He taunts the Romulans before teleporting out, and then, back on the Enterprise, tells the pilot to haul ass because the Romulans are about to blow up and die. What the fuck? What an arsehole! Luckily, Riker's here (there's a never-before-used sequence of words) and has the obvious idea to open communications to the Rommies and tell them how to stop the virus. It works, and the Romulans manage to shut down the virus, and both ships leave in peace.

Riker saved the day, saved countless lives, and averted war. Picard was written as a paranoid, borderline sabre-rattling knob throughout. Unbelievable. Alternate universe?

It's a pretty routine episode, but has quite a bit of early season one type humour ("thanks Data, I noticed"). But the main plot isn't anything to get excited about - the twist that the Iconians were peaceful has no impact because a) we don't know anything about the Iconians anyway and b) Picard pulls it out of his rectum based on nothing, so there's not much fun to be had in yet another "the crew visits the ruins of an advanced ancient people" plot. The Romulans don't really have much impact on anything, either, other than to make Picard look like a proper shithead at the end and to make Riker, astonishingly, look heroic. Outside of that, they're toothless - there will be no repercussions to two galaxy-class ships, including the flagship, entering the neutral zone and blowing up a crucial site on a planet within. Forgive and forget. 4/10



And that does include the additional point I promised for the Geordi turbolift experience.