Things that are NEVER funny.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

'You better not mess with me, I'm a black belt in origami' was absolutely manadatory for any mainstream 1970s/80s sitcom, along with any variation on this one.

"Have you got anything by The Kinks?"
"The who?"
"No, I don't like The Who".

Just flicked over to Gold TV to avoid the prattle about England in the run-up to their game tonight, and Del Boy has just uttered the line about being a 'black belt in origami' in the 'Cash and Curry' episode of OFAH Series 1, Episode 3, 1981).

Lovely stuff. I wonder what the first recorded use of the gag is.

[JaDanketies]

Do you think the South Park movie was the first recorded use of someone saying "you can't trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die" when referencing periods? I can't  imagine they would've used an old joke in the film.

[Pauline Walnuts]

I think I posted this already but saw it again on 30 Rock last night - any mention of 'interpretive dance' or conveying your emotions via the medium of dance

https://youtu.be/MQrzcwsGYy8&t=1238

[Egyptian Feast]

Do you think the South Park movie was the first recorded use of someone saying "you can't trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die" when referencing periods? I can't  imagine they would've used an old joke in the film.

It was used in In The Company Of Men a few years earlier, but Neil LaBute probably heard it from some real life Chad prick. Interesting film, though utterly depressing.

[BeardFaceMan]

Do you think the South Park movie was the first recorded use of someone saying "you can't trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die" when referencing periods? I can't  imagine they would've used an old joke in the film.

Jim Davidson was doing that joke in the early 90s.

[JaDanketies]

Matt and Trey, what a let-down. The movie is full of great original jokes and the 'bleeds for five days' line stands out as an unoriginal cliché, but I assumed it must've been original back in 1999.

[idunnosomename]

i do think the episode where Pope Benedict XVI dismisses a miracle statue with "Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time" was pretty funny though. only because it's the Pope saying it though

[good times]

Not sure if this counts as it's everyday life rather than proper comedy, but people at work making references to it either raining or not raining in Manchester. It's the most tedious fucking shit ever, and I encounter it what seems to be at least once a week.

[Art Bear]

Ouch.  Did they think they were both being stunningly original?

They were both pretty satisfied with themselves when they delivered it, and got laughs from an audience which were substantially the same at both events. I think it's now one of those lines that you're supposed to dutifully laugh at to show you fit in to corporate life. If I start taking about "socialising" documents instead of distributing them for comment I'll know I've gone beyond the point of no return.

[Brundle-Fly]

Animals getting killed
A Fish Called Wanda

In the AFCW documentary (South Bank Show?), Cleese said the squashing of the dog was originally quite gory. They watched the rushes and decided it was too much. It needed to be more cartoonish for the gag to work so SPFX created a 'flattened dog' prop instead.

[thecuriousorange]

Not sure if this counts as it's everyday life rather than proper comedy, but people at work making references to it either raining or not raining in Manchester. It's the most tedious fucking shit ever, and I encounter it what seems to be at least once a week.

You should buy an umbrella then.

[Jockice]

Yeah, but that's kids being kids. I just think adults should know better. I was actually thinking of a specific occasion when a couple I know were visiting my place. He's a bit of an arse and she has a drink problem (I have mentioned her before. No matter the company she'll be the drunkest person there). Anyway, I popped out to the car to get something, leaving them in the living room for a few minutes. I returned to find her giggling uncontrollably. Hey, guess what she'd done? She'd rearranged the ornaments and toys lying around to make them look like they were having an orgy! The ceramic tortoise was giving the plastic velociraptor a blowjob! And the fluffy dog and monkey that had been bought for me as presents were up to something too! Who'd have thought it eh? Toys having sex!

She seemed very very proud of this. I thought: "Just fuck off." I don't know if it's sentiment but I find stuff like that really irritating. And unfunny. Didn't fall out with them though. In fact I saw them last night. According to her (we were outside a pub with several others. She loves her private chats) they're on the verge of splitting up. For the 20th consecutive year.

And then there's that time on a children's TV show (Number 73 I think) when Iggy Pop grabs a teddy bear and starts humping it. This is seen in some quarters as a great subversive moment. When actually it was a middle-aged man pretending to shag a furry toy. Pathetic. And I actually quite like Iggy.

Oh ha ha fucking ha. Sorry if I seem like some sort of Mary Whitehouse figure here but I actually find it quite sickening when someone looks at their own child's toys and thinks 'wouldn't it be amusing if I set them up in a sex scene, took a photo and posted it for the public to see?' It is fucking astonishingly weird and I genuinely feel sorry for the child involved.

https://twitter.com/DrewLawDesign/status/1413777758145089537

[jobotic]

Yeah but look at that bloke's twitter biog (?) - he's a giver of smiles!

[idunnosomename]

Colin Hunt's Twitter account found

[deltonbuffey]

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=profile

What the fuck? Spooky cunt.

[ProvanFan]

How dare you

[Jockice]

Oh, why's that then?

(Which I do find quite funny if used in moderation).

[paruses]

How dare you

How very dare you. One word can make something 10x more tedious.

What's that way of talking called that's "pint of foaming ale" , "good sir" , etc that's associated with later middle aged men?  It's clearly shit but I saw its descriptor once and can't remember or find it again.

Also saying "what are you driving" in a nasal voice to offset asking someone about their new car or just asking what car they have. Seems to be done to show the person is not a petrol head top-gear ares hole.

[pigamus]

How very dare you. One word can make something 10x more tedious.

What's that way of talking called that's "pint of foaming ale" , "good sir" , etc that's associated with later middle aged men?  It's clearly shit but I saw its descriptor once and can't remember or find it again.

Probably for the best - if it's the one I'm thinking of it refers to someone who used to post here.

[Kankurette]

Calling people 'cucks'. Fucking sick of it.

[JaDanketies]

Calling people 'cucks'. Fucking sick of it.

It's a shorthand way to say "ignore absolutely everything I have to say, and view me with disdain."

Also tbh cucks are cool. Anyone who has the inclination to watch their partner get railed by another guy is a gobl in my books. There are many fetishes I can think of that are less cool than cuckoldry.

[Brundle-Fly]

The battle of the sexes 'placing of the toilet seat' discrepancy.

It used to be 'squeezing the middle of the toothpaste tube issue' years ago. Thank god, pump-action toothpaste dispensers came along to rid us of this hackneyed observation. The 'loading of the dishwasher' thing is slowly curdling now.

[Cuellar]

Thank god, pump-action toothpaste dispensers came along

What

[idunnosomename]

Havent seen one of them in years. Lots of plastic in them

[petril]

How very dare you. One word can make something 10x more tedious.

What's that way of talking called that's "pint of foaming ale" , "good sir" , etc that's associated with later middle aged men?  It's clearly shit but I saw its descriptor once and can't remember or find it again.

Also saying "what are you driving" in a nasal voice to offset asking someone about their new car or just asking what car they have. Seems to be done to show the person is not a petrol head top-gear ares hole.

see also: the same, but ironically by people who are petrol-heads(or nerdy or particularly into whatever they're enquiring about.)

[Povidone]

Calling people 'cucks'. Fucking sick of it.

Does anyone actually do that unironically anymore? Like saying bro?

Ive always seen it as a pisstake like when Blindboy jokingly refers to himself as "a cultural marxist cuck" to pre-empt the kind of idiots who WOULD say that sort of thing.

And there is of course this:

https://youtu.be/WOMBgBr-l1A

Both of these examples are pretty old so I might be off the mark and they may seemed hackneyed now but I always took them to be amusingly and pointedly ripping the piss out of the kind of morons who actually come out with that shit.

[Echo Valley 2-6809]

What's that way of talking called that's "pint of foaming ale" , "good sir" , etc that's associated with later middle aged men?  It's clearly shit but I saw its descriptor once and can't remember or find it again.

May I be so bold as to put my not inconsiderable oar in at this particular nexus of the space-time continuum? I don't know what the precise word is, but I think the umbrella term is baroque speech. That covers a variety of other devices such as pompous prolixity (or copia verborum), hyperbaton and anastrophe https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anastrophe. 'Swelling utterance' is an old phrase that might apply too.

[beanheadmcginty]

Starting to get bored of "in the pocket of big {something that is not a big industry}" as an ironic spin on the "big pharma" and "big business" clichés.

[imitationleather]

Starting to get bored of "in the pocket of big {something that is not a big industry}" as an ironic spin on the "big pharma" and "big business" clichés.

Is that the official word from Big Post?

[idunnosomename]

Is that the official word from Big Post?

someone's in the pocket of big irony!!!!