Things that are NEVER funny.

[Icehaven]

"...I think a little bit of wee came out! LOL"

And "I just spat coffee all over my screen/keyboard/phone." There seems to be legions of people sitting there with mouths full of coffee looking for something funny to prompt them to spaff it across the room.

[Wayman C. McCreery]

And "I just spat coffee all over my screen/keyboard/phone." There seems to be legions of people sitting there with mouths full of coffee looking for something funny to prompt them to spaff it across the room.

Now often replaced on social media with just this gif:



In fact, add all reaction gifs to this list. Especially this one:

[willbo]

The funniest thing connected to Woody Allen is the portrayal of him in the "Mia Farrow Story" tv miniseries.

[idunnosomename]

The only funny reaction gif is Larry David doing a faint. Well and a few other genuinely funny bits that are appropriate. But if you don't know what they're from, it almost certainly isnt funny to use them.

I know that sounds elitist but you know, find out. I've never seen 30 Rock but the Steve Buscemi "how do you do fellow kids" is another rare one thats funny on its own merit

[phantom_power]

I don't think people use reaction gifs to be funny necessarily. Sometimes they are just describing their reactions

[PaulTMA]

whooooooops new page LADS

[Autopsy Turvey]

The funniest thing connected to Woody Allen is the portrayal of him in the "Mia Farrow Story" tv miniseries.

The police running out of tear gas and having to perform the death scene from Camille is one of the funniest bits of any stand-up routine, and until just now I didn't even know what Camille was. I presumed it was an opera, turns out it's a film. Opera is funnier, I think, but it's a magnificent gag.

[willbo]

The police running out of tear gas and having to perform the death scene from Camille is one of the funniest bits of any stand-up routine, and until just now I didn't even know what Camille was. I presumed it was an opera, turns out it's a film. Opera is funnier, I think, but it's a magnificent gag.

I'll have to see that sometime, not seen much classic US stand up, aside from manic fast ones like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy (and the bits in Seinfeld)

[petril]

And "I just spat coffee all over my screen/keyboard/phone." There seems to be legions of people sitting there with mouths full of coffee looking for something funny to prompt them to spaff it across the room.

moved on from the 70s when all we had were vicars with tea.

[monkfromhavana]

Any impressionists ever. I think sitting down and watching Dead Ringers is about the same as sitting through a Jim Davidson comedy set. Most of the time impressionists seem to focus so much on the voice and the mannerisms that they forget to even write any jokes.

[willbo]

Adults talking in baby voices/babies talking in adult voices. (With a special place in hell for attractive women who think that talking in a baby voice is not only funny, but somehow sexy. It's not. At all.)

makes me think of "my furry front bottom is a bit hurty" in the fast show (with the sexy dr)

[Video Game Fan 2000]

White people doing "things white people like" riffs is sus as fuck by now surely?

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Any impressionists ever. I think sitting down and watching Dead Ringers is about the same as sitting through a Jim Davidson comedy set. Most of the time impressionists seem to focus so much on the voice and the mannerisms that they forget to even write any jokes.

What about Coogan and Brydon in The Trip?

[monkfromhavana]

What about Coogan and Brydon in The Trip?

I'm more on about the impressionists when that's the majority of the act.

[Blue Jam]

Any "prank" which ends with the victim going to A&E, having to call the fire brigade, visit a tattoo removal place etc. Anything that crosses into Legend Gary-style sociopathy.

Pranks in general.

Regional stereotypes being reeled off by people from the south of England. "Ahahahaha Welsh people shag sheep and have no electricity or running water ahahahahah Scottish people are all violent alcoholics who eat haggis and the men wear skirts ahahahaha people from the north of England are all poor and uncultured and thick ahahahaha. As Jockice has said, these aren't jokes, they're just insults. And it's annoying hearing them from a bunch of sexually-repressed bowler hat-wearing Morris dancers.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

I'm more on about the impressionists when that's the majority of the act.

Fair enough. You did actually make that clear in your post, soz.

[Blue Jam]

Starter packs.

Karen.

All Reddit humour.

[Blue Jam]

David Attenborough impersonations.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Esoteric hobby in-jokes.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Karen.

White woman extinction button?

[Custard]

Anyone doing The Gervais Voice

Mainly Ricky Gervais

[mr. logic]

Anytime. I'll just add that not only has he never produced anything funny, he's never even thought anything funny. You're welcome.

This is just wrong though. I honestly think literally every other human that knows who he is would disagree.

[Jockice]

This is just wrong though. I honestly think literally every other human that knows who he is would disagree.

I'm standing very firm on this one. He should have the words 'NOT FUNNY' branded into his forehead just in case he ever thinks he is. In my opinion, which is the right one, of course.

[Dusty Substance]

Any impressionists ever. I think sitting down and watching Dead Ringers is about the same as sitting through a Jim Davidson comedy set. Most of the time impressionists seem to focus so much on the voice and the mannerisms that they forget to even write any jokes.

Stella Street was good.

[petril]

impressionism except where there's a clear premise and it's mostly about the premise and where that goes can be funny

the rest isn't

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Stale jokes like Jimmy Savile or Rolf Harris getting someone to milk a cow blindfold or dreaming of eating your pillow then waking to find your marshmallow missing.  Also 'Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead' which wasn't even a joke but a tongue-twister.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

This is quite a good joke though.

"Ken Dodd died."

"Did he?"

"No, Doddy."

I am sometimes quite easily amused.

[Dusty Substance]

When a new sequel is announced and a billion Twitterers go (for example) "Passion Of The Christ 2: Electric Boogaloo".

2Passion 2Christ is much funnier.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Regional stereotypes being reeled off by people from the south of England. "Ahahahaha Welsh people shag sheep and have no electricity or running water ahahahahah Scottish people are all violent alcoholics who eat haggis and the men wear skirts ahahahaha people from the north of England are all poor and uncultured and thick ahahahaha.

I absolutely agree with this and particularly resent the idea that people from the North of England are thick. As someone from the West Midlands I'm used to this to being a characteristic attributed to people from my region and don't want it being appropriated by the North. If we haven't got congenital thickness all we have left is our miserable, whining monotone.

[kalowski]

Stale jokes like Jimmy Savile or Rolf Harris getting someone to milk a cow blindfold or dreaming of eating your pillow then waking to find your marshmallow missing.  Also 'Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead' which wasn't even a joke but a tongue-twister.

"Last night I dreamt I was eating a pillow and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone!" is a great joke you fool.