Author Topic: Things that are NEVER funny.  (Read 22949 times)

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #60 on: May 13, 2021, 09:57:06 PM »
Calling him Tony B-liar or referring to Zanu Liebour isn't funny either. Nor is calling Jeremy Corbyn 'magic grandpa.' In contrast calling the current leader Keith is very funny.

The Zanu Liebour crowd did used to call Alistair Darling Alistair Starling a lot though, which was funny for its utter shitness.

Ooh you fucking...goldcrest.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #61 on: May 13, 2021, 10:11:50 PM »
Matt Forde.

Gurke and Hare

  • Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #62 on: May 13, 2021, 10:11:56 PM »
Any of the supposedly funny bits of Private Eye.

Leo Baxendale did a good bagpipes bit, when Willy The Kid's family went on holiday to Loch Ness Willy expected the chip shop near where they were staying to sell stewed bagpipes and chips. I think it's specifically that it's *stewed* bagpipes that makes it funny, just bagpipes and chips wouldn't be as good.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #63 on: May 13, 2021, 10:13:44 PM »
People who don’t like sport talking about sport and getting it wrong on purpose. Calling football sportball or shouting GOAL! when someone pots a snooker ball. That sort of shit.

Matt Forde.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #64 on: May 13, 2021, 10:21:34 PM »
Matt Forde.

If we say it enough times, will he appear behind us and complain about being politically homeless?

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #65 on: May 13, 2021, 10:22:32 PM »
Mind you, I can't imagine he does that so much these days.

Brundle-Fly

  • "Why don't you do something to help me?"
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #66 on: May 13, 2021, 10:25:01 PM »
Naked man - funny. Naked woman - not funny.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #67 on: May 13, 2021, 10:44:57 PM »
Matt Forde.

Matt Forde.

If we say it enough times, will he appear behind us and complain about being politically homeless?

But but I've just bought us all tickets to this

https://avalonuk.com/2021/04/14/matt-forde-announces-3-political-party-specials-at-the-garrick/

dr beat

  • QUO ARE NOT F*****G REPETITIVE!
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #68 on: May 13, 2021, 10:52:09 PM »
Food fights

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #69 on: May 13, 2021, 10:55:51 PM »
Naked man - funny. Naked woman - not funny.

Not nudity, but what you said reminded me of a story about Stephanie Cole and a scene she had to rush to answer the door.  The bright spark of a director said to her, 'You know what would make the scene really funny? If you get downstairs and then realise you've not forgotten to put your trousers on!' Cole looked disdainfully at him before replying, 'That never made anything funnier.'

There were no more suggestions from the director for the remainder of the production.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #70 on: May 13, 2021, 11:02:36 PM »
Woody Allen.

I don't have to listen to you anymore now. So thanks.

Mobius

  • he who hingeth aboot getteth hee haw
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #71 on: May 13, 2021, 11:14:04 PM »
When somebody explains something via the medium of interpretive dance

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #72 on: May 13, 2021, 11:17:41 PM »
When stand-up produces a guitar.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #73 on: May 13, 2021, 11:32:10 PM »
Pass Notes in the Guardian.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #74 on: May 13, 2021, 11:36:58 PM »
Pass Notes in the Guardian.

the fucking worst

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #75 on: May 14, 2021, 05:21:17 AM »
the fucking worst

Very close to. Surprised I didn't put them in my OP. Probably blinded by the sheer awfulness of The Secret Diary Of Samantha Cameron/Boris's Bit on the same newspaper group's website. Which are worse than anything else ever put in print. Compared to them Pass Notes, a slog through shite that it is, comes across as a light read.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #76 on: May 14, 2021, 05:22:37 AM »
I don't have to listen to you anymore now. So thanks.

Anytime. I'll just add that not only has he never produced anything funny, he's never even thought anything funny. You're welcome.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #77 on: May 14, 2021, 06:20:05 AM »
Matt Forde.

Any comedian on a panel show who does a planned impression of Trump/Blair/Boris and then gets a big round of applause for sounding a bit like them.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #78 on: May 14, 2021, 06:54:43 AM »

'Adult' versions of fairy tales etc. Usually with sexual references and swearing. As my mum once said when there was an item about one on telly: "Why would anyone want to do something like that?" I'm with her all the way on this.

On a similar topic, adults who put dolls, teddy bears etc into positions to make them look like they're having sex. I don't think I'm a prude but to do that with kids' toys just seems really sordid and warped.

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #79 on: May 14, 2021, 07:04:32 AM »
Very close to. Surprised I didn't put them in my OP. Probably blinded by the sheer awfulness of The Secret Diary Of Samantha Cameron/Boris's Bit on the same newspaper group's website. Which are worse than anything else ever put in print. Compared to them Pass Notes, a slog through shite that it is, comes across as a light read.

I will say, Sue Townsend did a ripper "Secret Diary of Margaret Thatcher as a teenager"

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #80 on: May 14, 2021, 07:10:08 AM »
I will say, Sue Townsend did a ripper "Secret Diary of Margaret Thatcher as a teenager"

I did quite like the Adrian Mole books because I was in my mid teens when they first came out. Although I was jealous cos his nob was bigger than mine.

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #81 on: May 14, 2021, 07:22:09 AM »
I did quite like the Adrian Mole books because I was in my mid teens when they first came out. Although I was jealous cos his nob was bigger than mine.

She also actually did a "Secret Diary of Margaret Thatcher as a teenager". Unless you know this and are just adding on.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #82 on: May 14, 2021, 07:26:25 AM »
She also actually did a "Secret Diary of Margaret Thatcher as a teenager". Unless you know this and are just adding on.

Nope. I've genuinely never heard of it. But you're a man of taste (in birthdays at least) so I'll try and check it out on your recommendation. Sue Townsend invented the whole concept anyway, it's the crap imitators (and they really are all crap) I can't stand.

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #83 on: May 14, 2021, 07:47:07 AM »
Nope. I've genuinely never heard of it. But you're a man of taste (in birthdays at least) so I'll try and check it out on your recommendation. Sue Townsend invented the whole concept anyway, it's the crap imitators (and they really are all crap) I can't stand.

It was really just one or two pages - but I highly recommend it!

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #84 on: May 14, 2021, 08:11:58 AM »
https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/

Even worse than NewsBiscuit.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #85 on: May 14, 2021, 08:13:08 AM »
Also...


Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #86 on: May 14, 2021, 09:30:20 AM »
Can I include doing shit impressions of people's accents while mentioning regional/national stereotypes and phrases you have rarely or never heard in the region or nation you come from. It never ceases to amaze me how many English folk think it's hilarious to talk in shit Scottish/faux Jock, saying 'och aye the noo' while mentioning kilts and bagpipes and expect me to find it amusing too. It wasn't funny the first time someone did it, let alone the millionth.

Oh, hold on. It's my thread. I can include anything I want.

I’m in agreement. What I find annoying is that such people ignore or don’t understand that there is such a rich variety of Scottish accents. I always think that the further north you go in Scotland, the more you get a kind of Nordic element creeping in.

My late father was born in rural Ireland and the whole OirishPaddy parody stereotype annoyed him intensely.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #87 on: May 14, 2021, 09:45:53 AM »
I’m in agreement. What I find annoying is that such people ignore or don’t understand that there is such a rich variety of Scottish accents. I always think that the further north you go in Scotland, the more you get a kind of Nordic element creeping in.

My late father was born in rural Ireland and the whole OirishPaddy parody stereotype annoyed him intensely.

English people trying to do a Scottish accent usually sounds like a combination of every accent on earth. Except Scottish.

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #88 on: May 14, 2021, 09:55:48 AM »
English people trying to do a Scottish accent usually sounds like a combination of every accent on earth. Except Scottish.

Summed it up perfectly!

Re: Things that are NEVER funny.
« Reply #89 on: May 14, 2021, 09:56:01 AM »
Mocking dead rich people and centenarian national treasures

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