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Chav Dickheads

Started by Adina Loki, July 22, 2005, 06:15:41 PM

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Big Jack McBastard

Quote from: "VegaLA"Wipe them out, all of them !

<Smiles>

mcbpete

Quote from: "Artemis"
Quote from: "Adina Loki"found this delightful chap while randomly searching around.its a wonderful display of a chav in action
Wouldn't have taken much to switch on the music then push him over the balcony, would it? What a wasted opportunity.
He's acting you silly sauce-o-pot.

Flook

Theres a pub in the town here advertising a CHAV NITE they're running soon.

And considering this is Norf Kent and you absolutely cannot move without being barged into by a kappa suited, baseball-capped, white-socked, illiterate sounding snot rag, you have to wonder what the fuck difference a chav night might make.
Maybe all the usual suspects will turn up in the same old clothes but with an ironic twist - like not tucking their tracksuit into their socks.

Twos on that benson bro? I wouldn't be seen dead.

Artemis

Is he? Really? Christ, I never even knew. Quite a good pice of acting, that. Horrbly true to life.

mcbpete

No worries, he's quite convincing. Like I said on my post right at the top he's David Firth the creator of the fat-pie.com website. For the whole collection of them go to http://www.fat-pie.com/chavs.htm (he only acted on the first one )

This is him looking somewhat whistfull :)



The guy who does the other ones (Christian Pickup) does it in a more cheeky stylee, this is him looking rockin':



EDIT: bums, I didn't realise the first picture was so big. Sorry.

Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

Artemis wrote:

QuoteLet's not forgets that 'chavs' have their counter-parts, the 'ruling clases' which are no less scummy. These are the people who silently make the rules and dictate what life is like for the rest of us - the influencial rich people, the corporate criminals and wealth, influencial shareholders. They're cunts too

Well, the whole class system stinks lock, stock, and barrel. Let's not pussy-foot; each class is repressive, power hungry, and possibly extremely dangerous to society, and particularly, the individual. If you want to be slightly pretentious, you could just say: 'I don't belong to a class. I'm an individual.' But no doubt you'd receive a skipload of scorn. To be honest, no upper class has ever approached me and started telling me what to do, what to say, how to dress. Weirdly, I think upper class people are more tolerant of uncomformity and individuality. People tend to think that public schools are terribly harsh, dictatorial regimes where everyone is beaten down into an anonymous, though very well spoken, sludge. That's not true. I think there are more eccentricities and chances for pupils to find themselves at private schools, than I do at, say, state schools. I can't generalise, and of course this isn't true of every state school (or indeed, the above of every private school, some of which are facist mini-states run by chalk-stained, power-mad pederests), but it seems to me that they is a lot more pressure to kids at state schools to conform and be the same. At many private schools, you may be forced to play rugby, but there are loads of other societies to join - if you like chess, join a chess club; or a drama club and so on. It's a simple matter of resources - private schools tend to have more resources due to the ludicrous sums of money they demand from parents, so they can nurture pupils' individual needs. That's not to say private schools don't crush individuality and force a wholly depressing and souless sort of conformity and snobbery into their charges, because they definitely can. But also, private schools tend to be slightly more eccentric places. Anyway, I think 'chavs' have an incredibly strong sense of conformity within their own worlds which they try to impose on everyone else. That's really repulsive and is common in all classes and most walks of life, but I can see it most clearly in 'chavs' who do beat people up for being different and impose a rigid structure on society. Just as the ruling classes used to believe in stoicism, British determination, and the existence of a sub-human lower class, so 'chavs' believe that anyone who doesn't want to get pissed, inflict vandalism and abuse, wear shellsuits and tacky jewellery and listen to hip-hop wank, is gay or just wrong.

I suppose it depends on what you call the 'ruling class.' If you mean the class in power, then it's more the middle class. I wouldn't call Rupert Murdoch or Tony Blair upper class, but I suppose he is ruling class from a 21st century perspective - the media has allowed people to rule the country even if they haven't gone to Eton (a good thing, by the way). It's strange: I'm still convinced that the British class system has become more fluid with the propagation of wealth and the media opening up so many opportunities - fame and money don't necessarily rely on your background, for once. Yet, it's actually as strong as ever, only the goalposts have moved. More people can send their kids to private schools, so that currency has been devalued, as have universities. But now with 'positive discrimination,' the slightly more traditional middle classes and the nouveau riche are feeling under attack - their position as the progressive, university class is threatened because now their place is not guaranteed. The middle class are trying to make themselves into victims, which is fair enough, there is a lot of anti-middle class rhetoric swimming around - but all sympathy is lost when one realises what conceited shits most of them are. Pretty much everyone hates the middle class. The upper class looks down on them for their minor displays of wealth, their vulgarity, and their slavish, risible social climbing. The working class (that phrase seems incredibly outdated - 99% of people work for a living don't they?) hate them because the middle class look down on them, and so there's a feeling of resentment. I think there's also a feeling of 'don't forget your roots will you?' from working to middle. Everyone except the most obsequious middle classers (and the nouveau riche) and the more patriotic, royal family-loving working class, loath the upper class for being snobbish, over-indulged and pointless. And of course, people dislike the working class for being slovenly, crude, and appearing to be slightly more bestial than the rest of us. If many middle classers had their way, council estates would be razed to the ground, every last gold hoop earring stamped into the burning mud, and every occupant sterilised. I've met some ferociously unpleasant and snobbish middle classers, really unpleasant shits with a chip the size of the Asian sub-continent on their shoulder. These are the Chelsea farmers you have to look out for to twot. The few upper class I've met (I'm not sure they were upper class, but they seemed frightfully posh) seemed a lot nicer and more relaxed.

I don't like 'chavs' not because of their class or background or whether they call supper 'tea' and lunch 'dinner,' it's because they are just as conformist and unplesasant as the middle or upper classes. They do commit violence and vandalism, and generally try and spread their obnoxiousness across the place. They're not innocent by any means. Personally, seeing a gang of hooded Anglo-Saxons on a street corner puts the shits up me - they do look aggressive and, occassionally, they do verbally harrass me (I used to have long hair...perhaps it was my own fault). When you see them out on the town, you avoid them because they look violent and actually often are. But 'chavs' are just like Chelsea farmers in their four-wheel drives or pseudo-intellectuals with their Reader's Digest Guide to Ulysses tucked under their arm. I don't think it's a class issue, it's a group issue - mods vs. rockers if you will. Plenty of public school boys act like chavs, and plenty of working class people have gone to Oxford and gone on to do great things (Ted Heath?). Personally, the sooner we rid ourselves of the class system the better, but I doubt we ever will, not when there are people like Julie Burchill around - let's face it, it's in her best interests to keep the class system firmly in tact and the chavs the oppressed underdogs.

slim

Quote from: "mcbpete"(picture)
What a strangely distorted head he has. Is that photo 'shopped?

mcbpete

I think it's just what happens to you when you work with Macromedia Flash for too long.

Mister Six

Quote from: "Adina Loki"found this delightful chap while randomly searching around.its a wonderful display of a chav in action

"ya don't do pills? wot are ya gay?!?"

That's not a real "chav", it's a person pretending.

Edit: arse, someone else pointed it out first.

Borboski

Chavs god that's sooooo 2003.

Smackhead Kangaroo

Since we've run through this many times before I think it'd be best to move onto  tangent.
how about the worryingly slovenly sounding (and often mostly profane) language some people- and many 'chavs' use? I've become extremely worried about the state of human intellect just by hearing some trollish oaf on a train performing a noisy grunt/moan/mumble communicating some obscene joke to their idential looking friend, and if it's not obscene then it's made obscene with profanity.I'm serious about my wories, I assume that as a race we'r slowly trying to crawl to a better place, and I wonder if we really are going anywhere if people in a relatively well developed country can't learn to communicate beyond zombie grunts.
No doubt someone will pick that apart since I haven't given it much thought.

Alternatively, how about this, has anyone noticed a particularly odd phrase of 'chav' origin, It seems to be worked into every exchange i or my relations happen upon. it is, "D'yuh wonna foit den?"

e.g A typical exchange-

a-tum te tum <- minding own business
b-OI! you go' a fag?
a-I don't smoke
b-Oh....

...d'yuh wonna foit den <-promptly scarpers

What purpose could this phrase serve? Is it literal? a metaphor?What could such an act accomplish? And why run away before you get an answer? Could it be that the asker lives everyday as a constant battlefield as a result of this stupid habitual phrase? How do they have breakfast? and what the hell has gone so wrong as to result in a social group with such a ridiculous offer? It almost seems like being asked for your loyalty card at a shop.

Adina Loki

QuoteHe's acting you silly sauce-o-pot.

eeeeep! you're right!

It's still very funny tho and very realistic, i know several people just like that!

Edit-watchin some of the others now.they're fantastic!

"ma bird was avin a baby but it weren't mane so's like i just kicked her downt stairs larke and she sez "yuv broke me spiney" or summat and i was larke shit! so's i frew a brick at er"

Dirty Boy

Blimey! haven't seen those for a while

The bit where he's stood on a motorway bridge and starts shouting abuse at passing cars is priceless

Ciarán2

Quote from: "Adina Loki"I don't intimidate people, spit at them, beat them up, steal things from them or vandalise their property.

Well done. But I like "chavs" because they steal things and vandalise property. I wouldn't like being beaten up by one, though.

Off on a tangent...when I was in Dublin recently I went into a pub in Parnell St with my friend. It's a bit of a rough pub, and you can end up getting a rap round the head in there. Well I was chatting with my friend when this fella sitting nearby interrupted to tell me that I look like John Lennon. He added that John Lennon is his idol and asked me to shake his hand. I supposed the fella was just going through one of those drunken moments, you know, so I went along with it. But immediately after he asked "Are yous a pair of faggots?" To which my friend unhelpfully quipped "Yeah we are - we've been going out for three months". Sarcasm is never a good ploy in these situations. So the rough fella (he had a real inner-city working class accent and told us he was from Seán MacDermott St which is very rough) then said "ah I knew you were...when you get outside I'm gonna string you up, you'll like that cause you're gay". I tried changing the subject, crudely, by talking about football. But the fella saw right through that saying that I knew no more about football than I did about "cows in the field". He then threatened me again this time saying "When you get outside I'm gonna ride you up the arse because you're gay". There is that kind of mentality you'll find in really macho culture where a fella will threaten to bugger you to prove to you that you're gay and he isn't. I've always found that odd. I drank up and left before he had time to finish his drink and carry out some sexy violence on me.

Anyway, the point of that story is my friend suggested after that actually the fella at the pub was a sexually repressed, gay, working class Dubliner who couldn't express his sexual identity. That would explain the rapid shift between complimenting me and threatening me.  A gay friend of mine tells me that every so often a tough, "straight" fella where he lives (on a very rough council estate in Finglas) will approach him and offer to have sex and if refused will threaten to beat him up for being "a queer". There's a lot of that about you know.

So yeah...chavs then, they're all a big punch of poofs.

zozman

Why do they tuck their tracky bottoms into their socks then?  The only thing I can think is so when they shoplift stuff, they can stick it down there and i won't fall out.

Suttonpubcrawl

Quote from: "Ciarán"I like "chavs" because they steal things and vandalise property.

Are you taking the piss? If not, what do you mean?

Ciarán2

Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"
Quote from: "Ciarán"I like "chavs" because they steal things and vandalise property.

Are you taking the piss? If not, what do you mean?

I edited me post up there by the way.

Well, I'm taking the piss a bit, but there is a serious point. Apparently, the majority of crimes which get followed up by the police are crimes against property. As I don't believe the distribution of wealth through society is fair and equal, it doesn't bother me at all if someone worse off takes from someone better off. I suspect somone will pull me up over this by saying that "chavs are really well off, look at the trainers they have" or "I know a chav who went to university and is very middle class don't-you-know", but frankly I don't buy that. I just don't believe that such crimes happen for no reason, I think they are tied to the social degradation of the perpetrators.

phes

Can I have your address?

Ciarán2

I don't have one! (True!)

phes

You don't truly believe that it's fair to steal from someone who has more than you though, surely.

Ciarán2

It wouldn't be right for me to do it, I'm not badly off by any means. Someone who is badly off? Yes, definitely. The wealthier the target the better. Of course, you'll find that in really impoverished areas people steal and vandalise the property of their equally impoverished neighbours.

phes

Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. If I can't pay my rent this month, not for want of trying, it's ok to go out and steal it; even if the victim has earnt their cash/property by fair means.

I guess I'm pretty well off compared to those is extreme poverty, but they'll have a hard job convincing me they have a right to be in my bedroom, decontructing my soundsystem. I earn't it, I own it.

Where exactly does that line lie; what justifies it?

Blumf

Quote from: "Ciarán"As I don't believe the distribution of wealth through society is fair and equal, it doesn't bother me at all if someone worse off takes from someone better off.

I've suffered petty vandalism to my property from chavs. The cost of repairing the damage took me over a weeks work to pay for, not to mention the general rise in insurance costs for the area as a whole that result from crime rates.

Are you saying that my life is worth nothing? That just because some little scum bags don't have gold bath taps they're free to waste my time (after all that's what money is, unless you get lucky on the lottery or have rich parents)? How do you justify that?

phes

Grrrr. I'm off for a shower, providing Geldof hasn't 'redistributed' my plumbing.

Suttonpubcrawl

Quote from: "Ciarán"
Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"
Quote from: "Ciarán"I like "chavs" because they steal things and vandalise property.

Are you taking the piss? If not, what do you mean?

I edited me post up there by the way.

Well, I'm taking the piss a bit, but there is a serious point. Apparently, the majority of crimes which get followed up by the police are crimes against property. As I don't believe the distribution of wealth through society is fair and equal, it doesn't bother me at all if someone worse off takes from someone better off.

Don't be so ridiculous. When someone vandalises a bus shelter, or a public toilet, or a phone box, or a wall that has been decorated with a mural type thing, or a train or a station or anything else like that, how is that helping to redistribute wealth in a more fair and equitable way? The answer is of course, that it isn't. It's ruining things that benefit everyone, including people who are as poor as or poorer than those who ruined the things in the first place.

I don't think the distribution of wealth throughout society is fair either but to suggest that antisocial behaviour somehow alters this is bizarre and stupid. The people who are affected the most by "chavs" are probably the poorest people anyway. How can you view them as Robin Hood type figures, robbing from the rich and giving to, well, themselves (who you consider to be the poor)? They're not heading off in to Chelsea or to plush Docklands flats to nick some stuff, they're mugging and beating up the people who live in the same poor areas that they themselves come from. They're smashing up the facilities in those areas that the residents of those areas use.

QuoteI just don't believe that such crimes happen for no reason, I think they are tied to the social degradation of the perpetrators.

I don't think that they happen for no reason either. That doesn't make them good! I can't really think of anything good or any benefit that the students at the local secondary school derive from doing things like opening the trays of the CD drives on the school computers and then smashing them off.

Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

The reason for most crime committed by chavs is not the unequal distribution of wealth, it's because they're badly brought up and, in their own words, 'bored.' Chavs smash up a bus shelter not because it's another blow against the capitalist state, but because they can't think of anything better to do. If you say, Ciaran, that the poorer should steal off the richer, then you get an infinite regress, with everyone stealing off their immediate better. You are implying that richer people have lesser a right to own things, to enjoy their property, and effectively, should expect to be robbed from. Inverted snobbery again? I'm richer than a chav, but poorer than the Duke of Marlborough, so should I steal off him too? Instead of blaming everyone else, they should blame themselves. If you out and steal, it's your parents' and school's fault - but ultimately, your parents'. I know you can't blame all behaviour on parents, but surely if you've brought up a child in the right way, they're not going to be so selfish and egotistical. It's their fault, they should do something about instead of whinging about the unequal distribution of wealth. I agree, something must be done to make it more equal, but social attitudes begin at home. Besides, you can't condone people stealing off others, it's just utterly stupid and crass. What would Batman say?

mayer

Quote from: "Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer"The reason for most crime committed by chavs is not the unequal distribution of wealth, it's because they're badly brought up and, in their own words, 'bored.'...

Besides, you can't condone people stealing off others, it's just utterly stupid and crass. What would Batman say?


"Chav" = Suicide Bomber
"Unequal distribution of wealth" = unfair foreign policy
"Vandalism & Theft" = Killing people

I agree with HSU.

Ciarán2

Quote from: "Blumf"Are you saying that my life is worth nothing?

Not at all. You seem to be equating your life with your property there. I don't think your life is merely the sum total of your accumulated posessions and the effort it has taken you to acquire them!

Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"Don't be so ridiculous....

You seem to have misunderstood my point. The damging of property, bus shelters and phone boxes and the other things you mentioned is an expression of the rage caused by the unfair distribution of wealth. Counter-arguments to capitalism have been effectively silenced in recent years, so the violence towards property carried on by the people at the bottom end of the ladder represents the most visceral critique of capital that there is. Such violence is undemocratic, it is a rejection of democracy and of the value system of a society which has impoverished them not just economically but culturally. Maybe kids wrecking computers in a school isn't such a bad thing. It shows what I would consider a healthy disregard for the school itself, towards authority.

Quote from: "Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer"The reason for most crime committed by chavs is...because they're badly brought up and, in their own words, "bored"...

What I'm getting at is that the unequal distribution of wealth is what causes people to be bored. The "being brought up badly" is problematic. They are only "badly brought up" according to a particular system of values (i.e. that which backs capitalist society and which benefits the state and those in who possess infinitely more than it does those who are poor). I think it's impossible to adopt a pure position on the matter of how well or not people are brought up. I can see what you're getting at though, so I'm not just sticking my fingers in my ears! I would imagine parenting is made much more difficult if you haven't got a decent income though. On the matter of the right of the rich to own their property, I don't agree at all. They only own property on certain conditions, work, inheritances perhaps - it is not a natural order. Their wealth depends upon the people who have next to nothing clearing their shit away when they defficate, working in a factory to manifacture their tellys, generaly making sure that the lifestyles of the wealthy and moderately well off run like clockwork. The benefits of this system go to the wealthy while the poor get their minimum wage (if they're lucky).

hencole

Property is given far too greater value in this country. The Tony Martin case sums that up nicely. However chavs as I understand it aren't neccessarily poor and deprived. It's a crap term whos use differs from person to person and IMO doesn't refer to the poor and deprived.

Blumf

Quote from: "Ciarán"
Quote from: "Blumf"Are you saying that my life is worth nothing?

Not at all. You seem to be equating your life with your property there. I don't think your life is merely the sum total of your accumulated posessions and the effort it has taken you to acquire them!

Well I could live in a house without windows, might get a bit damp and cold in the winter. Now explain to me why I have to work for free just because some chav wants a laugh. Tell me why my time is worth nothing and that I am not allowed to live in a secure, warm home.

I must assume you walk around naked, never eat anything (let alone cook anything, what with?) and you live on the streets (not even in a cardboard box). If any of those assumptions are wrong you are a hypocrite. Come to think of it, how the hell are you postin gon an internet forum?