'We are happy to make this clear'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This is the new message from politicians and newspapers when they have fucked up and know they have to apologise.

But it isn't an apology, is it? It's turned around so it sounds like it was the public's fault for not understanding what they meant at the first occasion. This occludes the wrongdoing itself, which any legitimate sincere apology would never do.

No. You are not happy. You are ashamed. Apologise properly. 'We unreservedly apologise for failing in a manner at odds with the functions we endeavour to perform, and falling below a minimum threshold of standards which you the public rightly expect of us. We are in the wrong and you were misled by us, which mustn't happen again.'

Force these cunts to do this on Page 1 / 6 o clock news every time.

[bgmnts]

I'm happy to make it clear that I accidentally nicked an important artery during your mother's surgery, and she died very quickly.

[bakabaka]

I am happy to make this clear - I've got away with it again.

[Butchers Blind]

I'm happy to make it clear that fucks given is 0.

[Blinder Data]

Shoulders, I am sorry that you feel this way about my public statements. I apologise to anyone who might have been offended. Please like and subscribe.

[Barry Admin]

It's perfectly reasonable... Perfectly reasonable that I did that bad thing I'm now going to defend.

[popcorn]

Not the same thing but I've been annoyed for years by politicians saying "I'm very clear on this". No, motherfucker, I'll decide if you're clear. You may know what you're trying to communicate, but you're not in the position to know how good a job of you're doing of that. It's like saying "You like me very much" or "You agree with what I'm saying".

[SpiderChrist]

Every time a politician (or football pundit for that matter) starts a sentence with "Listen..." I just want to fucking scream.

So much public discourse is clearly the result of media training, making it so mannered and beige that the truth just disappears down a fucking big hole.

[frajer]

FROM: English
We are happy to make this clear.

TO: Politicunt
We are happy with the wrong thing we did and we don't care that you are not. Clear?

[Captain Z]

We are happy to make it clear that some people may have felt that they were offended, and that this is not the reaction that should have occurred.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Every time a politician (or football pundit for that matter) starts a sentence with "Listen..."

Listen has reached 'Yeah no' levels of faux-conciliatory ubiquity. That can get fucked too.

I loved Alan Partridge's pressed thumb gesture on This Time too, shows they have been keenly observing the rehearsed underlanguage of our lords and masters.

[robhug]

'im sorry you've taken it that way'

'I apologise if you feel that way'

"I've given an unreserved apology to anybody who has been upset by anything that has taken place"

Classic Pritti

[frajer]

I loved Alan Partridge's pressed thumb gesture on This Time too, shows they have been keenly observing the rehearsed underlanguage of our lords and masters.

I noticed and enjoyed that too. Also well deployed by Simon Farnaby in 'Ghosts.' A small gesture that instantly marks the speaker out as a blustering twat.

[olliebean]

The current "We're opening up but proceed with caution" bollocks is clearly intended to send a mixed message, with the intention of being able to blame the public when it goes tits-up again. What message are we supposed to take? If something wasn't allowed, and now it is allowed, that must mean it's now fine, or they wouldn't have allowed it, right?

[Mary is not amused]

I loved Alan Partridge's pressed thumb gesture on This Time too, shows they have been keenly observing the rehearsed underlanguage of our lords and masters.

Even Chamberlain had the wits to source some foolscap.  Utter sheaf lackers.

[BlodwynPig]

Look...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Look...

... This was the worst election defeat since 1935

[Chedney Honks]

I don't even remember what it was now but some headline last week began 'Tories defend...' or 'PM defends...' and I just laughed because of course they fucking do. That's all they fucking do. Defence force out in full, totally shameless incompetent pocket filling fucks.

'Nobody is interested in Westminster tittle tattle' is another. They fucking are mate or they wouldn't be asking you PPE cunt.

[Butchers Blind]

I understand the public frustration over this....

[flotemysost]

"Happy to..." is one of those phrases that just drips with insincerity. The preserve of many a pass-agg work email. Disingenuously gives the impression they're doing something selfless and generous, out of the kindness of their own heart, when of course it's really the most foot-draggingly reluctant bare minimum acknowledgement of someone else's needs.

[BlodwynPig]

I was talking with a black man in Torquay just the other week who told me

[Twit 2]

Fuck were you doing down there? You should be at work, in the north east. You're fired!

[Sonny_Jim]

I am happy to make this clear.

I didn't 'spunk on the door entry keypad', I merely sneezed, which caused my trousers to fall down.  As they fell a gust of wind caused a rapid tumidity and only then did I see the spooky ghost that left it's ectoplasm on the keypad.

[Paul Calf]

I'm happy to make it clear that I accidentally nicked an important artery during your mother's surgery, and she died very quickly.

Probably by an experienced artery-theft gang.

[dissolute ocelot]

It's like how newspapers have a "Clarifications" section (The Sun) or "Corrections and clarifications" (The Guardian) rather than "Apologies and fuck-ups." Still, you might enjoy this Sun clarification:

An article headlined 'FAT BLUE LINE More than 10,000 cops on full pay for 'light duties' as they're too unfit' (29 Aug) suggested this figure related to police officers placed on restricted duties on the grounds they were too physically unfit. In fact, this figure centres on those pregnant and suffering from other issues. We are happy to clarify.

[cptwhite]

I'm happy to make it clear that you think we blew up your home planet of Alderaan.