What would you do if you had absolutely fuck all to do

[canadagoose]

What about arthritis and stuff.  Do I get to keep all this degrading body shit at bay?

Let's add "all the painkillers (and laxatives) in the world" to the list.

[Goldentony]

get people to sit on your erect bell and tell you arthritis doesnt exist

[Goldentony]

celebrities even, everyone has a price

[Icehaven]

This is basically retirement isn't it? The early part while you're (if you're lucky) in good health anyway.

I'd probably travel, go to some nice pubs and restaurants, do some cookery courses and catch up on an absolute fuckload of films and comedy. Before lockdown happened I'd probably have also said I'd do home based self-motivated stuff like read loads, write music and learn a language but if I was going to do any of that I would have done between March-Sept last year when I was basically in exactly this situation only with nowhere to go and nothing to do, and I didn't do anything like that, so I no longer kid myself.

[idunnosomename]

big wank

[kngen]

Probably start a load of pishy bands that are just an excuse to make a racket in a practice room then go to the pub afterwards. Maybe even record something, and - if you had to twist my arm  - play the odd gig. Basically what I did before becoming a dad, but without having to run a gauntlet of nazis while playing squats in fucking Poland.

[JamesTC]

Rewatch The Brittas Empire.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Frig in the riggin'.

[BlodwynPig]

Rewatch The Brittas Empire.

Write the Bergerac: Frame By Frame book ive been meaning to get round to

[SpiderChrist]

Be a full time dreamer.

[pigamus]

Music lessons. Piano, guitar, singing - the works.

[Buelligan]

Make a Flora Languedocienne inspired by the Flora Graeca.  Walk the whole land of this place and complete a record of its days and plants.  Have a garden.  Plant cherries and peaches.  Keep bantams.  Build them a stone tower with roosting perches.  Read, listen, visit galleries when I got the chance.  Listen to the silence.  Make things from morning to night.  Make some mysterious objects far from humanity.  Write everything.

[Pancake]

Race cars, rally, circuit, banger, the lot, if it's being paid for, and no financial imperative to win.

[Paul Calf]

Travel.

Write.

Pick drawing back up again.

Adopt more dogs.

Wank more

Find a secluded place with my stack of books and get stuck in.

Wank more

nothing at all, g. become a living golden statue that you'd see on the street

Wank more

Be a full time dreamer.

Wank more

Music lessons. Piano, guitar, singing - the works.

Wank more

Race cars, rally, circuit, banger, the lot, if it's being paid for, and no financial imperative to win.

Wank more

Make a Flora Languedocienne inspired by the Flora Graeca.  Walk the whole land of this place and complete a record of its days and plants.  Have a garden.  Plant cherries and peaches.  Keep bantams.  Build them a stone tower with roosting perches.  Read, listen, visit galleries when I got the chance.  Listen to the silence.  Make things from morning to night.  Make some mysterious objects far from humanity.  Write everything.

Wank more

[The Crumb]

Sod off somewhere warm with a nice bit of sea, get really into swimming, snorkeling, diving, boating.

Get way too into pickles and ferments.

Go on weeks and months long walking trips around Central Europe.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Finally get around to buying that motorcycle I've been promising myself for years. Nothing too fast and furious - I quite fancy a Triumph Bobber to pootle around on.

Very quickly I'd realise that I'd made a tragic midlife crisis mistake, that even such a relatively tame motorcycle is far quicker than anything I've driven in the last forty years and I'd quickly kill myself in either a spectacular or humiliating (more likely) fashion.

[Ferris]

Travel, volunteer, cook and bake, if I had a load of money I'd start a charity and work there 2 days a week (maybe build some community art hubs and help run those), video games, walking, listening to music, live life - do the shopping, make sure the house is halfway clean, do some puttering in the garden etc.

It'd be fuckin boss, I don't understand why anyone worth a load of money ever works a day of their life. I wouldn't.

[Buelligan]

Finally get around to buying that motorcycle I've been promising myself for years. Nothing too fast and furious - I quite fancy a Triumph Bobber to pootle around on.

Very quickly I'd realise that I'd made a tragic midlife crisis mistake, that even such a relatively tame motorcycle is far quicker than anything I've driven in the last forty years and I'd quickly kill myself in either a spectacular or humiliating (more likely) fashion.

Heheh.  You should definitely get yourself this motorcycle.  Go on an intensive and well-run course to really get your sea legs before even thinking about it though.  Once you're in, invest in the best protective gear you can buy.  I am certain, in my long and at times deranged life in the saddle, I would no longer have all my bits if I hadn't.  So do that.  Cannot over-emphasise the importance of top to toe top-hole gear.  Then, never, ever, push yourself to do anything beyond your comfort zone, even if people call you a wuss.  And practice, practice, practice, until you can pirouette and balance like a dancer.

[SpiderChrist]

I'd go and live on the south coast, somewhere where the nearest neighbour is at least a mile away. Start growing my own weed. Build a rehearsal/recording studio. Learn a second language. Wank more.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Heheh.  You should definitely get yourself this motorcycle.  Go on an intensive and well-run course to really get your sea legs before even thinking about it though.  Once you're in, invest in the best protective gear you can buy.  I am certain, in my long and at times deranged life in the saddle, I would no longer have all my bits if I hadn't.  So do that.  Cannot over-emphasise the importance of top to toe top-hole gear.  Then, never, ever, push yourself to do anything beyond your comfort zone, even if people call you a wuss.  And practice, practice, practice, until you can pirouette and balance like a dancer.

Stop it, you silver-tongued temptress! I've always loved motorbikes and virtually all my friends had one when I was young but I never did. Quite a few still ride and one has just turned sixty and is still drag racing a turbo Hayabusa. I can ride a bike but haven't got a licence and there's no way I'd trust myself on the road without going on an intensive training course. Luckily a mate has run a motorcycling gear shop for many years so I'm sure he'd kit me out appropriately (white, one-piece Dianese racing leathers). Oh God, what have I started!?

[pancreas]

After sleeping with as many children as would have me, perhaps I would get a mobile food van and serve from it the best fucking thai food. Would need a year of research in Thailand, ofc.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Stop it, you silver-tongued temptress! I've always loved motorbikes and virtually all my friends had one when I was young but I never did. Quite a few still ride and one has just turned sixty and is still drag racing a turbo Hayabusa. I can ride a bike but haven't got a licence and there's no way I'd trust myself on the road without going on an intensive training course. Luckily a mate has run a motorcycling gear shop for many years so I'm sure he'd kit me out appropriately (white, one-piece Dianese racing leathers). Oh God, what have I started!?

Grow yourself a combover to complete the look.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Unfortunately, I'm cursed with a full head of hair but I suppose I could shave the top and grow one side long and wispy. Something to think about.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

The hair will probably all rub off due to friction with the inside of the helmet anyway.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I doubt I'd live long enough for that to happen. I reckon I'll have gone arse first through a bus shelter within two weeks.

[thenoise]

Sorry to be gay, but I'd spend all my time helping people. Government has made such a shit of things that I could really help an awful lot of people out of the shit with a few mil and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try. Which is probably one of a number of reasons why I will never be in this position.

[The Bumlord]

I think I'd just make sweet, sweet love.

[SpiderChrist]

Sorry to be gay, but I'd spend all my time helping people. Government has made such a shit of things that I could really help an awful lot of people out of the shit with a few mil and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try. Which is probably one of a number of reasons why I will never be in this position.

Is that what the gays do, is it? Help people? That's nice.

[Buelligan]

The hair will probably all rub off due to friction with the inside of the helmet anyway.

I can't resist continuing on this motorcycle conversation, I get none now. None.

Anyway, a tiny boast about helmets, forgive me, I used to ride so fucking mad fast that my poor little neck would become dreadfully painful with the power of the air forcing my big helmety head backwards.  I'm not even lying.  It was utter joy.  My luxuriant long hair all remained absolutely luxuriant and fully attached but I lost a lot of earrings.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Here you go then. My mate who owns the bike accessories shop has ridden bikes for over forty years and has been reliving his youth by buying some retro classic models he used to own in the 70s. Not the best quality photos but these are some of his faves.

I don't think I'll be buying any unhinged two-stroke triples with unpredictable power bands any time soon.