Horrid Hotels History

[hamfist]

Stayed in a hotel outside Munich once for work, stag heads all over the walls. Breakfast was stand up only, no tables or chairs. The fire escape - drawn as such on the plan too - from my 2nd floor room was literally "jump out the window onto the car park below".

None stars, hope it burns.

[BlodwynPig]

I stayed in a hotel on the Upper West Side that was part homeless hostel, part crack den and part tourist shithole. The TV was a dusty relic from the 80s, the heating was broken and it was -21 one night; we called down to reception to ask for extra blankets which never arrived, so when I enquired again, they admitted they didn't have any spares. New York is my favourite place in the world, so it was thankfully very easy to spend almost the whole time outside the hotel, but I was still genuinely amazed not to get bed bugs.

*Dan Bell's ears prick up*

[Norton Canes]

Stayed in a York Trvelodge (the 'A' was missing from the sign) with the family a few years ago, when the kids' ages were still in single figures. At about midnight the couple in the room next to ours began copulating with loud and aggressive abandon, at one point up against the adjoining wall, with such ferocity that we were worried they might actually burst through. After about half an hour of this I called down to reception asking if they would tell them to desist. A few minutes later we hear footsteps in the corridor and a knock on our libidinous neighbours' door. They stop rutting, we hear the door open, and the guy from reception says, "Would you mind keeping the noise down please? The people from [our room number] have complained".

Yeah thanks for giving our room number away mate, thanks. Best thing you could have done there.

Petrified that the guy, who's been denied the chance to fornicate savagely and is no doubt not best pleased, will now burst through our door and batter us to a pulp, we had to come up with a means of defence. The only thing I could think of was a kettle full of boiling water, so we took turns by the door on sentry duty for the next hour, re-boiling it every few minutes in case we had to fling it in his face.

[Glebe]

B&B in Holland, out-of-date chocolate milk in the little fridge thing and the cat kept wandering in. It was kind of nice though, the cat wandering in. So maybe not horrid.

[steve98]

re-boiling it every few minutes in case we had to fling it in his face.

Would you/the wife really have had the balls to fling boiling water in his face? I can't help feelin' a bit skeptical.

[famethrowa]

Petrified that the guy, who's been denied the chance to fornicate savagely and is no doubt not best pleased, will now burst through our door and batter us to a pulp, we had to come up with a means of defence. The only thing I could think of was a kettle full of boiling water, so we took turns by the door on sentry duty for the next hour, re-boiling it every few minutes in case we had to fling it in his face.

Just because you get told to keep the fuckin noise down doesn't mean you have to stop the fuckin, just put the mute on the trouser trumpet

[Norton Canes]

Would you/the wife really have had the balls to fling boiling water in his face? I can't help feelin' a bit skeptical

Probably not. It was only meant to be a deterrent. I suppose we could always have offered to make him a cup of tea.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Probably not. It was only meant to be a deterrent. I suppose we could always have offered to make him a cup of tea.

Like the hot apple turnover in IAP.

[DrGreggles]

Leicester
Checked in
Opened drawer
Found half eaten kebab
Left

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Leicester
Checked in
Opened drawer
Found half eaten kebab
Left

Nigel Blackwell considers rewrite.

[The Crumb]

Trying to find the monolith in Wrocław I stayed in first time round. If it has closed down that will be to the benefit of everyone.

Bare concrete in the alleyways and huge prison style doors so if anyone opened and closed their door it would slam and wake up everyone that side of the building. Capacity of 400 so, as could be expected, doors were opening and closing constantly. There was a coachload of German rock fans staying, with their predilection for getting a nice early night to make the most of the morning ahead. Some of the worst sleep ever.

Reminds me of staying in the student halls in Bath when they rented them out over summer. Horrible austere building with hard surfaces everywhere. All doors from the building front door inwards were hefty beasts on powerful springs, so every person coming, going or just using the toilet sent out a nerve jarring slam that reverberated around the place. Additionally, in what seemed a bit of actively hostile design, every room door had a fully transparent window above it looking out onto the permalit corridor. It was a bit shit for a weekend, but I felt really sorry for any poor student having to live there for months on end with no privacy and the mounting desire to murder their hallmates.

Wroclaw is lovely, isn't it? I had the good fortune to stay there for a couple of weeks with work, an excellent place to explore.

[steve98]

Leicester
Checked in
Opened drawer
Found half eaten kebab
Left

Half? The chisselin' bastards. Any chips?

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Before starting a new job I had to endure a training/induction weekend with a bunch of other unfortunates at a Linton Travel Tavern near Exeter. I was unpacking my stuff when I answered a knock on my door to find a fellow trainee, a little middle-aged Welsh chap, standing there looking embarrassed. He said he was in the next room and it was freezing, he'd been fiddling with the radiator for ages but couldn't make head nor tail of it and could I help him. I followed him to his room where he demonstrated how shit the radiator was by forlornly twisting the control knob on the wall-mounted Corby trouser press.

(OK, not really a shitty hotel story (although it was shit), just an excuse to shoehorn in a fairly tedious hotel-based anecdote).

[Catalogue Trousers]

It wasn't the Leicester Ibis, by any chance? The cheap and cheerful hotel of choice, emphasis on the cheap. I spent one night there in 2012 for a Hammer Films event at the Phoenix Art Centre. Dear Gawd. Not exactly horrid, but quietly dystopian. A real Blade Runner hotel. Television did work - barely - but offered you only basic Beeb channels or they'd charge you through the nose. I like a bit of background noise to drift off to sleep to so I did so to the soothing sounds of News 24. Or would have, if it hadn't been an oppressively hot summer night in a room with windows which barely opened and air conditioning which might have succeeded in slightly cooling a coffee after ten minutes of concentrated blowing.

Speaking of coffee...breakfast next morning was grim. Floppy bacon, greasy fried eggs, burnt sausages and watery baked beans, served in ugly transparent plastic canteens straight out of a particularly depressing school dinners setting. And there was a toaster which took bread, trundled it through, and then ejected...hot, floppy untoasted bread. Even after two times through the thing. Well, at least the espresso and orange juice were good.

[chveik]

It was a bit shit for a weekend, but I felt really sorry for any poor student having to live their for months on end with no privacy and the mounting desire to murder their hallmates.

i spent five years in various student halls. it was pure hell, cockroaches all over the place, hearing everything your neighbors do as if they were in your room (9 m², makes you feel pretty claustrophobic), three toilets for thirty people (when you're lucky) with often shit/blood smeared everywhere. it turned me into such a paranoid mess so that a couple of years later i still feel like i havent escaped it completely yet

[DrGreggles]

Half? The chisselin' bastards. Any chips?

I think it was one of those meat & chips bastards.
I had a photo of it, in case Booking.com were twats about it, but they got me a room at a much nicer and more expensive hotel nearby for free.
Now THAT's good complaining.

[steve98]

they got me a room at a much nicer and more expensive hotel nearby for free. 

With a non-half-eaten kebab in the drawer?

[Janie Jones]

B&B in Holland, out-of-date chocolate milk in the little fridge thing and the cat kept wandering in. It was kind of nice though, the cat wandering in. So maybe not horrid.

Years ago, before Air B&B existed, we used to go on UK holidays with friends, 12 of us including kids, and hire a big holiday cottage through an agency. In one we were surprised to find a note asking us to feed the cats - three of them. Luckily we had no allergies so we were ok with that but we soon found all the bedroom drawers and wardrobes were full of clothes and family junk, smelly teenage trainers under the beds etc. Basically, the family who lived there (who according to a neighbour had fallen on hard times following the dad walking out) just cleared out to stay with relatives every time they had a booking.

[DrGreggles]

With a non-half-eaten kebab in the drawer?

No kebab at all!
But I probably bought a full one with the money saved.

[Attila]

Just because you get told to keep the fuckin noise down doesn't mean you have to stop the fuckin, just put the mute on the trouser trumpet

Not boiling water, but a metal rubbish bin filled to the brim with cold water: Mr Attila dumped it out of a B & B window on revelers in the courtyard below at 3am...to be fair, they'd be asked kindly to shut the fuck up by several people for about an hour prior to that, only to continue shrieking and carrying on, and asking, 'CAN YOU HEAR US AH AHAHAHAHA.'

Worst for me was being stuck in a youth hostel a few years back, near the Gare du Nord on a student field trip. The hostel was built in a square shape with a big covered courtyard in the middle. The four walls acted like a perfect sound conduit, and the hostel offered live music every night from midnight to 4am. Have not travelled since without a white noise machine.

[Mr Farenheit]

I did have sex in a nasty hotel in Chinatown in NYC though, where there was a hole in the room wall

What year was this? I might have been in the room next door.

[bgmnts]

What year was this? I might have been in the room next door.

February 2019.

[A Hat Like That]

I've been to some pretty dingey hotels in Africa but, eh, I'm not paying and they ain't that bad.

Couple of times where I've been in London for the football with an early am train back north. There are a few pubs near Euston that have bunks above, £30 jobs a good un. Come back wobbly to find my bag moved from bottom to top bunk by a late arrival. Getting up to the top bunk moves entire bed about 20 degrees from the vertical. Set alarm to LOUD and 0500. Cheers pal, sweet dreams.

[Buelligan]

B&B in Holland, out-of-date chocolate milk in the little fridge thing and the cat kept wandering in. It was kind of nice though, the cat wandering in. So maybe not horrid.

Weird decrepit hotel in Amsterdam.  Old thin fragile building on its last legs.  Equally well-worn Irish owner took a bit of a shine, kept making me toast and jam, invading my space, completely out of his mind on something, smiling confidentially and whispering endless stories of how he was going to burn someone or other's house/shop/restaurant/hotel to the ground and eat their kids.  Grinning ferociously, was glad to leave really though can't say I wouldn't stay there again.  Hope the strange old sod's still upright.

[A Hat Like That]

Football tour in Dublin. Toilet broke 2 nights into 5. Bought my own plunger.

[Zetetic]

Tourist information in Neumarkt, or somewhere like that, convinced a bloke to re-open his hotel just for the three of us.

Think it had three floors? Maybe four? All otherwise completely empty except for us and the A4 posters for the funeral of the proprietor's wife.

Breakfast was fine as far as I can remember.

Just a bit sad, rather than horrid.

[steve98]

I did have sex in a nasty hotel in NYC, where there was a hole in the wall

No sex-holes in walls nearer to home?

[hamfist]

I worked as a receptionist at a hotel in Interlaken for a bit. Not long after checking in, the male half of a young Japanese couple came back to the front desk in a bit of a flap and unable to tell me what was wrong. I went up to the room with him, and they'd "somehow" managed to make porn come on their telly and couldn't turn it off. I grabbed the remote and poked the appropriate buttons but it wasn't working. I just ripped the cable out the wall and told them it was fine now.

I also once arranged a work incentive trip to Interlaken for the sales team of an Indian pressure cooker company. Most had never left India beforr, and they were staying at the ultra posh Victoria Jungfrau hotel. I heard later from hotel staff that some of my guests had been unfamiliar with western toilet equipment and had performed some fucking desolate excretion in the bathtubs.

[BlodwynPig]

Hotel Jaska in Jastrebarsko. A couple of posts on here about it over the years, so I won't bother repeating as you'll have that imprinted on your memories.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Not remarkably bad but a bit of desolation was having to spend a week attending site acceptance testing for some shitty software we'd written. For a start the site was in Staines, and also I didn't really know how to drive the software since the only bit I'd worked on was a backend process and I'd loaded the supporting data manually, so had no clue how to actually work the system the customers were using, ideally the business analyst would do this, but they were about 2 weeks from giving birth so that was out and they didn't feel like sending the graduate who did have a clue how everything worked so I was down there winging it and pinging said grad over instant messaging whenever something didn't work... very professional!

So onto the hotel... it was some massive travelodge near Heathrow Terminal 5. The room smelled like a damp PE kit and no amount of aggressive air-con use seemed to want to dry it out. There was a canteen area (overly lit with light laminate floors and a similar vaneer on the cheap tables and chairs) with a bar at one end, which typically had 10-20 builders in it, clearly they'd been bussed in, probably to build some massive building that was equally awful. There was fuck all on telly, but I did have Down and Out in Paris and London for company.

One night I got fed up of sitting nursing a couple of pints reading my book so consulted google to see if there was a pub in walking distance just for a change of scenery. There was a Greene King about 20 minutes away apparently, so off I trotted. When I got there I discovered the roof had burned off the cunt.