How the fuck do you make new friends as an adult

[Lemming]

MeetUp is great just because you find a group and try it out, and it means you're spending time with other people who also want to do the thing you've decided is important to you.  It takes away that guilt of dragging your established friends/acquaintances/colleagues to things they won't 100% enjoy doing, because everyone is there primarily for that activity.  You may make connections with people or not, but there's no pressure as long as the focus isn't on staring at each other and just trying to meet.

So yeah, I go on a long hike every Saturday and it's doing me a lot of good.

Sounding good, especially since I'd like to go walking anyway because I'm rapidly turning into a fat bastard again. A quick glance at the walking groups in the area did appear to show a congregation of people approaching pension age. Maybe they'd consider me a fun novelty for being 20 - 30 years younger than the rest of them, who knows.

Suppose the really big advantage to this plan is that if it's a fucking disaster, you can just start to walk faster and in a different direction to everyone else, and be out of sight before anyone knows what's happening.

if you're hot enough for it to not potentially read like you're resorting to some creepy sideways move for dating or hooking up it might work better.

I think I look unusual/frightening enough that most people who contact me would probably just be people driven by morbid curiosity above all else, which sounds like a good start to a friendship to me!

Get a dog. They're man's best friend.

They always go straight for my bollocks.

Have you tried being a bit more likeable?

I'd like to find out how to be less likeable when it comes to dogs.

[Dex Sawash]

Have you tried pulling yourself

Spoiler alert

off

[close]

together

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with like minded individuals

[close]

?

[Johnboy]

I signed up to a penpal service a couple of months ago

I've written to one person whose address I was given (a woman in Poland) and I haven't heard back from her

and apparently someone else was given my address but I haven't heard from them either

[Replies From View]

Sounding good, especially since I'd like to go walking anyway because I'm rapidly turning into a fat bastard again. A quick glance at the walking groups in the area did appear to show a congregation of people approaching pension age. Maybe they'd consider me a fun novelty for being 20 - 30 years younger than the rest of them, who knows.

I actually find it easier to socialise with pensioners these days, as women closer to my age assume that I'm flirting with them all the time when all I'm doing is being sociable and friendly.  Being 41 and single (which I don't advertise anyway) doesn't mean I need to receive 'fuck off' vibes from people who can't imagine anyone not being attracted to them.

It just takes a layer of awfulness out of the equation to hang out with people who are mature enough to know that being relaxed doesn't automatically equal flirting.

[Pranet]

The last new friend I made has become a recluse. I find it hard not to take that personally.

[Replies From View]

The last new friend I made has become a recluse. I find it hard not to take that personally.

And yet he's always there isn't he, staring at you and brushing his teeth whenever you're brushing your own teeth.

[MrMrs]

told you before, martial arts

[Pranet]

And yet he's always there isn't he, staring at you and brushing his teeth whenever you're brushing your own teeth.

Arf! Or Plus one Karma in oldspeak.

[flotemysost]

Meetup depends massively on the type of activity. Hiking tends to be quite effective but there's an awful of ones that are basically corporate networking and very little else. Needs to be something conducive to long conversations but also not leaving you absolutely trapped talking to some nightmare of a person (or particularly bothered if you've no one to talk to)

The Meetups I've been to have mainly been pub-based (either structured around some sort of activity - light-hearted debating, book/album clubs - or literally just "meet up with people in the local area to have a drink and a chat" - that one was actually a laugh and I ended up doing karaoke at 2am on a Tuesday on someone's rooftop). I've also been to some volunteering-type ones (in this case, in a homeless shelter) and some around a specific skill/activity (drama/comedy type stuff). Obviously, the options will very much depend on what's in your area, but definitely worth a look. It's far less commitment than signing up to a full course of classes, for example - in most cases, if it's not for you then you can sack it off after giving it a go once.

I did consider starting my own Meetup.com group a while ago when I couldn't find what I was after, but couldn't be arsed with organising a venue and hustling for publicity etc.

Re: using Tinder to meet friends - I think it could work if your profile is completely upfront about this, though I'd be prepared for lots of left-swipes (simply because it's not primarily an app for meeting friends so most people probably aren't on it looking for that, although I do know that lots of people are going on dates mainly out of loneliness, especially at the moment).

Has anyone used any of the apps which follow that Tinder/Grindr etc. basic format but are geared towards meeting new platonic  friends? I've never tried them and I've got no idea how many people are using them, but could be worth a shot.

[touchingcloth]

I joined an amateur theatre place as a set builder when I was in a city where I didn't have any mates, and I'd recommend that if you're in any way handy or arty (they need painters as well as "carpenters"). I don't know if Flickr is still a thing, but the local group used to have regular evening and weekend photo walks. Both of these things tended to end in a pub, Skeptics in the Pub was held in one, and book clubs are in my experience as much about the social side as the literary one.

All four of these things were built on what Stuart Pearson could only describe as a solid bed of cunts, but I met some great people as well. Amnesty International letter-writing groups, too.

Point is there will be a local group centred on one or more things that you're interested in, and there will probably be some nice people in them.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I have made a few friends through Tinder. Like, we just realised we weren't going to get anywhere romantically but stayed friends.

One piece of advice I have for meetup events, particularly pub based ones, is make sure you're there early. If you arrive late you're basically going to be turning up to a load of people who have already paired/grouped off and they're likely to stay that way for the night. Makes it a lot harder to get an "in". If you're early you can introduce yourself/start chatting to the organizer. and the guests as they arrive one by one.

I actually dated a Meetup event organizer (American Football meetup group) for a while, so romance can happen too although don't go to them with that in mind.

[phes]

Just had a major-league game-changer of an idea. What about Tinder?

Have you tried bumble. That actually has (or at least used to have) a dedicated function to choose looking to date or looking to make friends

[robhug]

I can remember a story about potty cue-ist Peter Ebdon explaining that he had children so had no need for friends, so you could go this route although I can appreciate its something of a long game rather than an instant fix.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I can remember a story about potty cue-ist Peter Ebdon explaining that he had children so had no need for friends, so you could go this route although I can appreciate its something of a long game rather than an instant fix.

That seems a bit weird. If I said I had started hanging around exclusively with young children I'd probably be burned out of my home.

[Icehaven]

I can remember a story about potty cue-ist Peter Ebdon explaining that he had children so had no need for friends, so you could go this route although I can appreciate its something of a long game rather than an instant fix.

Then when they grow up and emigrate to get away from the smothering pressure of their parents' lives revolving around them you can maybe get a goldfish.

[peanutbutter]

One piece of advice I have for meetup events, particularly pub based ones, is make sure you're there early. If you arrive late you're basically going to be turning up to a load of people who have already paired/grouped off and they're likely to stay that way for the night. Makes it a lot harder to get an "in". If you're early you can introduce yourself/start chatting to the organizer. and the guests as they arrive one by one.

That's actually really good advice for me, thanks!



Ultimately the biggest issue with me right now is I've to force myself massively out of my comfort zone (/depressive rut) to bother at all, let alone persist. I'm pretty sure I can/will meet new people I like if I do but that'll require a lot of effort to get there. Def doesn't help that my remaining social circle all seeme to be going through various crises at the moment that means most interacts result in bogging me down rather than feeling like some kind of social rejuvenation.

[thecuriousorange]

The last new friend I made has become a recluse. I find it hard not to take that personally.

Did you not get an invite to his massive birthday bash last week? We all went go-karting after. I wondered why I didn't see you there.

[Ferris]

The last new friend I made has become a recluse. I find it hard not to take that personally.

Semi-relatedly; two of my former girlfriends later came out as gay. Make of that what you will.

[DrGreggles]

My mate runs a local Meetup group, which seems quite popular.
Seems pretty varied as far as what they do (pubs/gigs/walks/games/day trips/cinema), so I'd give that a whirl if there's one near you.

[Zetetic]

Reached a point in what I'm reading as a possibly developing friendship where I'm having to make clear that I don't have any friends where I live[nb]Or, for the most part, anywhere else.[/nb] other than a couple of colleagues, maybe, so: no, I can't really introduce you to anyone else here.

An absolutely hysterical situation, and I'm capturing that emotion quite well in my response to it I think.

[greencalx]

Semi-relatedly; two of my former girlfriends later came out as gay. Make of that what you will.

Three for me.

[phes]

The first woman I kissed (and I the first man she kissed), in her words 'turned out to be a raving lesbian'

[Lemming]

Have you tried bumble. That actually has (or at least used to have) a dedicated function to choose looking to date or looking to make friends

Bumble BFF, it's called. I checked it out and, bizarrely, it only matches you with people of the same sex! Apparently to "prevent abuse", which - after thinking about it for five seconds - I do understand, but still.

Seemed to get an endless string of men who wanted someone to talk about football with, which isn't my scene at all, so no luck. There was also the enigmatic Samuel, a man with dreadlocks and a completely empty bio. Was tempted to click INTERESTED and see what happened, but I was overcome with a strong feeling that I'd be murdered, so I backed down.

[peanutbutter]

Bumble BFF, it's called. I checked it out and, bizarrely, it only matches you with people of the same sex! Apparently to "prevent abuse", which - after thinking about it for five seconds - I do understand, but still.

Seemed to get an endless string of men who wanted someone to talk about football with, which isn't my scene at all, so no luck. There was also the enigmatic Samuel, a man with dreadlocks and a completely empty bio. Was tempted to click INTERESTED and see what happened, but I was overcome with a strong feeling that I'd be murdered, so I backed down.

My recollection of it was that 95% of the guys gave off the vibes of being in long term relationships and with zero friends being pressured by their partners to make some sort of effort to meet new people.

Bumble in general is terrible imo. Something about the whole experience seems to attract the most boring people on the planet. All it's got really is a pretty good narrative for how it came into existence.

[Zetetic]

In that hour before a possible friendship turns into a hideous awkwardness that coincidentally somewhat damages a working relationship to the detriment of at least a few thousand other people that I'll never know.

Sometimes quite pleasant to be on the edge of a precipice.

[peanutbutter]

Got on the dating apps there again and noticing a massive number of people trying to orchestrate double dates.

My best guess would be that tons have people's social groups have been absolutely crippled through the pandemic and this is them trying to find a way to build up some new groups, which seems moderately promisinng in terms of people actively wanting/needing to build up new friendships once things reopen a bit more.
Double dates with people off tinder/hinge/etc sound absolutely horrific though, early stage double dates in general sound horrific.

[bakabaka]

One piece of advice I have for meetup events, particularly pub based ones, is make sure you're there early. If you arrive late you're basically going to be turning up to a load of people who have already paired/grouped off and they're likely to stay that way for the night. Makes it a lot harder to get an "in". If you're early you can introduce yourself/start chatting to the organizer. and the guests as they arrive one by one.

I tried that at a CaB meet once.Two hours later I was still the only one there. So then I wasn't.

[Norton Canes]

One piece of advice I have for meetup events, particularly pub based ones, is make sure you're there early. If you arrive late you're basically going to be turning up to a load of people who have already paired/grouped off and they're likely to stay that way for the night. Makes it a lot harder to get an "in". If you're early you can introduce yourself/start chatting to the organizer. and the guests as they arrive one by one

God no, always turn up late. Maximum impact.