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Best jokes in classic Simpsons.

Started by dead-ced-dead, June 04, 2021, 05:38:34 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Leej88

You will never defeat the Cobras

kalowski

Hey, what gives ? These doughnuts are pilin' up.
Heh. Yeah, Homer Simpson went on a diet.
Oh, my God. And I just bought a boat.

kalowski

I sure could go for a hot dog right about now...
Homer, we're at a funeral.
Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs here.
Woohoo!
Do you follow my husband around?
Lady, he's putting my kids through college

kalowski



jobotic

Quote from: madhair60 on June 08, 2021, 08:26:29 PM
please take the fries off my head, kid. the basket is extremely hot.

Ooh, sorry, kid. Sorry. I'm not used to the laughter of children. It cuts through me like a dentist's drill. 

colacentral

Sherri and Terri: Look, it's Mrs. Potato Head! She has a head made out of lettuce!
Janey: Are you going to marry a carrot, Lisa?
Lisa: [sarcastically] Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot.
Sherri and Terri: Ooh! She admitted it! She admitted she's going to marry a carrot!

colacentral

Marge, talking about her dead grandmother: Her legend will live on.

Homer's brain: Yeah, the legend of the dog-faced woman!

Homer uproariously laughing out loud: Legend of the dog-faced woman!

Marge: Homer!


That reminds me of a similar joke:

Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Mr. Burns' movie?

Krusty: Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.


BJBMK2

Quote from: colacentral on June 08, 2021, 11:08:47 PM

That reminds me of a similar joke:

Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Mr. Burns' movie?

Krusty: Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

"Hmm...Barneys movie had heart. But Football In The Groin had a football in the groin."

C_Larence

Not got much to add here, just want to say leej88's posts are making me laugh the most.

madhair60


chveik

'the joke's on them, i'm still alive'

Kankurette

"Who do you love?"
"Krusty the Clown!"
"How much do you love me?"
"With all our hearts!"
"What would you do if I went off the air?"
"We'd kill ourselves!"

chveik


Video Game Fan 2000

I'll be laughing, laughing from my grave.

ProvanFan

Bart: [hears singing] Jessica!
Lisa: Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat.
Bart: Oh Lis, she's already drawing me to her with her
         beautiful siren song.
         [opens church door, https://youtu.be/-GdUBhJZc2k]

ProvanFan


The Mollusk

In "Homer Loves Flanders", when Ned has a meltdown in the church at the end of the episode and launches a verbal assault on Homer, and everyone is appalled with Ned, Homer stepping in to defend him with the line "This man has turned every cheek on his body" is so unexpectedly funny during an otherwise tense and emotional part of the episode.

I bloody love that episode. Flanders in the golden years of the show was one of its best characters for sure. Tediously conservative but adorable, loving, humble, and for better or worse a great father and husband. I can't recall many LOL funny Flanders lines but he's one of the most integral secondary characters, a wonderfully chipper and nearly infallible foil to Homer's no-holds-barred explosions of frustrated insecurity and inferiority.

DrGreggles

"Did anyone pray for giant shoes?"

"YAAAYYY!"

Jerzy Bondov

Homer. This... Is God...




...frey Jones


petril

Quote from: The Mollusk on June 09, 2021, 07:19:48 AM
In "Homer Loves Flanders", when Ned has a meltdown in the church at the end of the episode and launches a verbal assault on Homer, and everyone is appalled with Ned, Homer stepping in to defend him with the line "This man has turned every cheek on his body" is so unexpectedly funny during an otherwise tense and emotional part of the episode.

I bloody love that episode. Flanders in the golden years of the show was one of its best characters for sure. Tediously conservative but adorable, loving, humble, and for better or worse a great father and husband. I can't recall many LOL funny Flanders lines but he's one of the most integral secondary characters, a wonderfully chipper and nearly infallible foil to Homer's no-holds-barred explosions of frustrated insecurity and inferiority.

christ, remembering how Flanders was created to be the kinda casually ideal father next door for Homer to just get jealous and angry about, and the slide from that to what he became. sobering

Leej88

Bart: Mum it is hard for us to leave when you're blocking the door.
Homer: Push her down Son.

BJBMK2

Hello Simpson, I'm riding the bus this morning because mother hid my car keys, for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.


Video Game Fan 2000

Quote from: The Mollusk on June 09, 2021, 07:19:48 AM
In "Homer Loves Flanders", when Ned has a meltdown in the church at the end of the episode and launches a verbal assault on Homer, and everyone is appalled with Ned, Homer stepping in to defend him with the line "This man has turned every cheek on his body" is so unexpectedly funny during an otherwise tense and emotional part of the episode.

I bloody love that episode. Flanders in the golden years of the show was one of its best characters for sure. Tediously conservative but adorable, loving, humble, and for better or worse a great father and husband. I can't recall many LOL funny Flanders lines but he's one of the most integral secondary characters, a wonderfully chipper and nearly infallible foil to Homer's no-holds-barred explosions of frustrated insecurity and inferiority.

Flanders is a very funny foil in "Dead Putting Society". Especially in the rumpus room part where he takes all of Homer's insults in good grace until "your wife's butt is higher than my wife's butt" then he respectfully asks him to leave.


Jumblegraws

Quote from: The Mollusk on June 09, 2021, 07:19:48 AM
In "Homer Loves Flanders", when Ned has a meltdown in the church at the end of the episode and launches a verbal assault on Homer, and everyone is appalled with Ned, Homer stepping in to defend him with the line "This man has turned every cheek on his body" is so unexpectedly funny during an otherwise tense and emotional part of the episode.

I bloody love that episode. Flanders in the golden years of the show was one of its best characters for sure. Tediously conservative but adorable, loving, humble, and for better or worse a great father and husband. I can't recall many LOL funny Flanders lines but he's one of the most integral secondary characters, a wonderfully chipper and nearly infallible foil to Homer's no-holds-barred explosions of frustrated insecurity and inferiority.
I've mentioned this on a Simpsons thread past, but that episode has a special place in my heart not just for giving me the memory of my little sister absolutely breathless with laughter at the line "They don't just call me Springfield Fats because I'm morbidly obese!" and the subsequent collapse of the pool table.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: ProvanFan on June 09, 2021, 03:20:58 AM
Bart: [hears singing] Jessica!
Lisa: Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat.
Bart: Oh Lis, she's already drawing me to her with her
         beautiful siren song.
         [opens church door, https://youtu.be/-GdUBhJZc2k]

The Church Board in that lol


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

"You kids gotta go to school. I gotta go to work. The only one who has it easy is Marge!"



(I do like the reverse of this joke in the Family Guy episode where Meg and Chris switch places with Lois and Peter.

"I had all day to do this!"
"But what about all the housework?"
"I did it in like an hour. I don't understand why you're such a friggin' martyr all the time. It's a house. It's a finite area. I'm not cleaning a town.")

BJBMK2

Burns: Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey, for whoever brings me the head, of Colonel Montoya.

...

And by that of course, I mean it's time for the worker of the week award!