Best jokes in classic Simpsons.

[Sebastian Cobb]

This isn't a joke exactly, but the bit in "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" where the dodgy cable guy waltzes into the house with a stolen car radio, explains "Your door wasn't locked in any serious way", and murmurs "even better" after Homer lets slip that Ned isn't home gives me PIF vibes.

Myth: Cable piracy is wrong.
Fact: Cable companies are big faceless corporations, which makes it okay.

[TheQueensboroBridge]

You can't even laugh at a person saluting a backwards flushing toilet without being arrested and thrown in jail.

Lovely stuff.

[DrGreggles]

"This is even more painful than it looks"

[Sebastian Cobb]

See all that stuff in there, Homer? That's why your robot never worked.

[JamesTC]

[Sebastian Cobb]

[idunnosomename]

Put it in H!

[Sebastian Cobb]

[Moltar]

I may regret this when our air runs out and we can't whistle or stay alive, but oh what the hay

[The Crumb]

The films they show in school are great, I love the zinc one especially

'You said you wanted to live in a worled without zinc, Jimmy'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1iCZpFMYd0

The Radioactive Man movie episode has so many great gags. I'm a massive fan of the crap re-edit of the film, and the subsequent exchange:

'You're Fired'
'And with good cause!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U58IdBjMeS4

[Harpo Speaks]

So that's it after 20 years, "so long, good luck"?

I don't recall saying good luck.

[idunnosomename]

Mono... d'oh!

[The Crumb]

So that's it after 20 years, "so long, good luck"?

I don't recall saying good luck.

[paruses]

The rabbit being flicked miles away by the snare trap.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Mr. Burns handling Homer's loan from the nuclear plant credit union so that he can buy Lisa a pony.

"Now, are you familiar with our state's strict usury laws?"

"You-zur-ee?"

"Oh, silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist. ...Now, sign here, and the money will be yours..." (maniacal laughter) "Sorry, I was just thinking of something funny Smithers did this morning."

"I didn't do anything funny, sir."

"Shut. Up."

[Ferris]

The police radio report of Burns driving a maroon 1924 Stutz Bearcat, and him visibly driving past Wiggum (replete with old timey driving goggles) only for Springfield's police chief to query whether it was "really more of a burgundy".

Something about that makes me chuckle every time.

[Blumf]

"I didn't do anything funny, sir."

"Shut. Up."

Reminds me of the Stone Cutter episode where Lenny keeps on letting secrets slip whilst Carl keeps on telling him to "Shuuut up", eventually even Homer picks up on it and tells Lenny to shut up too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sX_sE31r9Q

[hyperwatchtick]

Dick Tracy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFArYx3Ay84

[The Mollusk]

Also the withered "euuhuhgughh" noise Burns makes when the bomb goes off never fails to crack me up. He's my favourite character without a doubt.

[BJBMK2]

"MY EYES! THE GOGGLES, ZEY DO NUTHING!"

I love the cap to that scene too, with a spoiled, pampered Krusty wading into the scene of utter chaos. "Hey! Where's the producer? I want to talk about. This. Coffee."

[kalowski]

"Heh, Homer's singing to his ball again."
"Yeah, and his bowling a 280!"
"There's a kind of hush, all over the world, tonight..."

[Sonny_Jim]

(three children are shouting and irritating their father while he is driving the family car)
Children's Angry Dad: If YOU kids CAN'T keep your hands to yourself, I'm gonna TURN THIS CAR AROUND, AND THERE WILL BE NO CAPE CANAVERAL FOR ANYBODY!!!
(kids go quiet; Nelson slaps the man's head from Bart's car without the father observing it)
Children's Dad: THAT'S IT! BACK TO WINNIPEG!
(he turns the car around)

Only recently did I actually get the joke fully.  Because Winnipeg is literally days away from Florida.  Also any excuse to post this absolute banger of a tune.

[Leej88]

Me need money now me sick
Oh his card red good
So give me money Mr Burns
It's curns stupid

[dead-ced-dead]

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

"Well McGarnagle, Billy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pjqc1hqbRmA

[kalowski]

Men-do-zah!!!!

[BJBMK2]

"Moe, gimmie a beer!"
"No, first you gotta kill your family".
"Why should I kill my family?"
"Ehhh...they'd be happier as ghosts".
"You don't look so happy".
"Oh I'm VERY happy! La la la la la! See? Now waste your family and I'll give you a beer!"

[kalowski]

Men-do-zah!!!!

Just quoting myself because there's so much gold in the McBain sections:
"Little Suzie's growing up."
The boat: The live forever.
"I'm thinking about another meeting. In bed."

[Ferris]

Start to finish of Kamp Krusty.

[mikeyg27]

And of course Moe's follow-up "Who would've thought a whale could be so heavy?"