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Best jokes in classic Simpsons.

Started by dead-ced-dead, June 04, 2021, 05:38:34 PM

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Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
No, he's a scientist.
Batman's a scientist.

I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wannabe a league bowler.


Maybe if you didn't poop so much you wouldn't be so small oh!


(three children are shouting and irritating their father while he is driving the family car)
Children's Angry Dad: If YOU kids CAN'T keep your hands to yourself, I'm gonna TURN THIS CAR AROUND, AND THERE WILL BE NO CAPE CANAVERAL FOR ANYBODY!!!
(kids go quiet; Nelson slaps the man's head from Bart's car without the father observing it)
(he turns the car around)


It's literally the eleventh hour, 10 PM


senor plow no es macho, solamente un borracho


And now, to top off our most propane-explosion-free science week ever, our grand finale


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Aw, my favourite Arnie Pye moments are from season 12 onwards.

"I can't see through metal, Kent!"


"You wanna know what I see, Kent? I see a slow news day with nothing to fill it!"
"Arnie, you're supposed to be filming people coping with the loss of their church."
"And how am I supposed to do that? Do I have a magic lens that can see into people's souls? Well yours would be black, Kent, black as the ace of spades!"


This is an ARM. Drawn by NOBODY. It is worth NOTHING.



He has all but two lines, but he might be my fave one shot character. As with a lot of these, the perfect delivery, (by Hank Aziria?), nails it.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Quote from: BJBMK2 on June 04, 2021, 09:44:21 PM

He has all but two lines, but he might be my fave one shot character. As with a lot of these, the perfect delivery, (by Hank Aziria?), nails it.
As someone whose dad plays keyboards, I have to agree.


Mr. Simpson a cat is a living thing
I don't care
Now to get me some sweet
No Mr. Simpson that's sexual harassment if you keep it up I'll scream so loud the whole country will hear.
Like the Man in the Whitehouse not likely hahahahahaha

The Mollusk

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 04, 2021, 09:03:44 PM
Krusty's private plane is called the I'm-On-Rolla Gay.

I used to fly to Vegas in it with Dean Martin! One night he looked out the window, and the moon hit his eye like a big pizza pie... We wrote a song about it! But I ended up infringing on one he'd written years before.


Has the whole world gone gay?
Your all sick
Oh be nice

The Mollusk

Moe: Come on, you gotta give me back my floor! My customers are walkin' around on the pipes!

Repo guy: Hey, next time pay your bills.

Moe: But I don't want to!

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

"But Blanche, you gotta help me, I'm sixty-four grand in the hole!"


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

This isn't a joke exactly, but the bit in "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" where the dodgy cable guy waltzes into the house with a stolen car radio, explains "Your door wasn't locked in any serious way", and murmurs "even better" after Homer lets slip that Ned isn't home gives me PIF vibes.


'Hi, everyone. If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker'

Not sure why this, among all of those to choose from always stands out but it makes me laugh every time. I love the fact Bart laughs when no one else does. It's a nice moment.

'Curse you magic beans!'

'You know helps Daddy think'

Also Homer crying at the backwards flushing toilet in Bart Vs Australia is another throwaway moment that always gets me but I see that episode is now officially 'problematic' so I should probably remember not to laugh next time.

Jerzy Bondov


You can't even laugh at a person saluting a backwards flushing toilet without being arrested and thrown in jail.