Author Topic: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!  (Read 6418 times)

Dr Rock

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #120 on: June 06, 2021, 04:32:31 PM »
It'd be very easy to fabricate a gigantic chip from 2 (or more) normal chips, and  become an internet sensation like old Oliver

My thoughts exactly. Oliver - if that is his real name - is a fraudster and a time-waster and should be chemically castrated.

JamesTC

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #121 on: June 06, 2021, 04:59:15 PM »
My thoughts exactly. Oliver - if that is his real name - is a fraudster and a time-waster and should be chemically castrated.

He's 77. A frozen chip is the only long hard thing in his home.

Dr Rock

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #122 on: June 06, 2021, 05:05:08 PM »
He claims to be 77. He may well be in his mid-30s.

JamesTC

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #123 on: June 06, 2021, 05:17:33 PM »
Possible. He does claim to be in possession of the Holy Grail (chips).

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #124 on: June 06, 2021, 05:57:45 PM »
I reckon Gigantic Chip Man is related to Jan 'Helichocter' Jansen... the pair should get together and create a giant 'chocolate chip'!


Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #125 on: June 06, 2021, 06:04:44 PM »


Elder Scrolls 6 teaser. "So...you're awake. Those carab eating Remainiacs have the place surrounded, you got hit with a rucksack full of diabetes medication and it knocked you clean out. Take this bucket of chocolate and pallet knife, get to layering the milk chocolate panel beneath the cockpit. We're going to fly the chococopter over the border at dawn"

Glebe

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #126 on: June 06, 2021, 06:57:59 PM »
Don't mean to be crude, but maybe it's Mr. Chips' cock?


madhair60

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #127 on: June 06, 2021, 08:20:29 PM »
the way that the unsolved catchphrases obscure the animation make it look like Mr Chips is pulling himself off

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #128 on: June 06, 2021, 08:54:50 PM »
the way that the unsolved catchphrases obscure the animation make it look like Mr Chips is pulling himself off

Good spot.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #129 on: June 06, 2021, 09:01:15 PM »
Feels like the gigantic seven inch long oven chip needs a name: Gavin

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #130 on: June 06, 2021, 09:02:30 PM »
Good spot.

Wow. I thought everyone was laughing because robots aren't meant to wear top hats.
-I Asimov aged 9 1/2

JamesTC

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #131 on: June 06, 2021, 09:17:51 PM »
After looking through further headlines from the journalist who posted the follow-up story, here are some stories from the original journalist:

Quote
Pub apologises after toddler is served her meal with extra hot sauce

Quote
Cat had to be rescued by removing bricks after it got stuck inside garage wall

Quote
Naked man burst into family home at 3am ‘like he was in The Shining’

Quote
Wetherspoons drinker waited two hours for pint of Carlsberg shandy and soda and lime

Quote
Burglar broke into home and stole collection of Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z cards

Quote
Angry couple demand apology from school after greasy gate stained their coats



‘I am upset and angry because they were perfectly good coats until this happened.'

Quote
Escaped cow which knocked over Tesco shopper rammed over by police car

Quote
Meghan and Harry’s neighbour warns of bear on chicken-killing rampage

Quote
‘Four lads in jeans’ are selling original meme for £1,000,000


There is something rather sad about this guy. You can see he starts out with rather serious stories with just the very rare silly story. As time goes on you see more and more puff pieces and less and less serious journalism. I feel bad for him. He doesn't want to be writing about big chips and greasy coats.

Captain Z

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #132 on: June 06, 2021, 09:50:22 PM »
Can't get the image of a cow being "rammed over" out of my head.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #133 on: June 06, 2021, 09:51:14 PM »
I wonder how Gavin is doing. Have they permanently defrosted him or do they put him back in the freezer so he is 'fresh' for the next day's well wishers?

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #134 on: June 06, 2021, 10:12:22 PM »
Ideally they should pickle Gavin or put him in formaldehyde, so future generations can marvel at this big fuckin chip, like.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #135 on: June 06, 2021, 11:03:54 PM »
I wonder how Gavin is doing. Have they permanently defrosted him or do they put him back in the freezer so he is 'fresh' for the next day's well wishers?

I gather it (the chip) is now permanently frozen (After its brief moment of fame)

QUOTE (From Oliver):

‘I’m never going to eat it. I keep it in its own little space in the top shelf of the freezer. It’s a prized possession now.’

Dr Rock

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #136 on: June 06, 2021, 11:06:07 PM »
I wonder how much he's raised for charity already!

imitationleather

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #137 on: June 06, 2021, 11:06:39 PM »
Imagine inheriting a frozen chip.

Bah. That's the future that would have awaited my kids if I'd not lost the fucker when I moved to Newcastle.

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #138 on: June 06, 2021, 11:14:06 PM »
I found Oliver’s number on Yell and phoned him to call him a long chip twat. He wept.

JamesTC

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #139 on: June 06, 2021, 11:25:57 PM »
Imagine if the story was "Man finds phone the same size as chip"

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #140 on: June 06, 2021, 11:39:41 PM »
Looks like an ancient Dave Johns.

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #141 on: June 06, 2021, 11:46:08 PM »
the way that the unsolved catchphrases obscure the animation make it look like Mr Chips is pulling himself off

You said what you saw!

Imagine inheriting a frozen chip.

Bah. That's the future that would have awaited my kids if I'd not lost the fucker when I moved to Newcastle.

Well, you only saved them from having to worry about the hated death tax - a chip that size would have pushed the estate well over the threshold.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #142 on: June 06, 2021, 11:49:43 PM »
Imagine the headline was: Giant-Chip Man Oliver(77) Promises To Be "The New Captain Tom" (More inside)

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #143 on: June 06, 2021, 11:55:56 PM »
After looking through further headlines from the journalist who posted the follow-up story, here are some stories from the original journalist:


There is something rather sad about this guy. You can see he starts out with rather serious stories with just the very rare silly story. As time goes on you see more and more puff pieces and less and less serious journalism. I feel bad for him. He doesn't want to be writing about big chips and greasy coats.

Impressively bleak.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #144 on: June 07, 2021, 12:03:38 AM »
He could have written into That's Life! and told them he'd found a big chip that looked just like his penis, and he'd taught it to say "sausages", then Esther Rantzen could come to his house and verify the claim.
Sadly That's Life! isn't on anymore, so this is all hypothetical.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #145 on: June 07, 2021, 08:14:26 AM »
Thought about how Gavin is doing this morning, there in his frozen prison just for being lanky.

Glebe

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #146 on: June 07, 2021, 08:48:09 AM »

The new Ron and Ann?


Popeye is real or Bob Hope is still alive! "Oh me gosh Olive, say fellas I gotta tell yah!

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #147 on: June 07, 2021, 09:38:51 AM »


Chip finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long TWAT!

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #148 on: June 07, 2021, 10:01:27 AM »
Read the toddler and hot sauce story. I love how the pub gave the family a £20 voucher, I hope it wasnt just for that pub because you wouldn't want to go back there after something like that would you?

Glebe

  • You must have realism, Spike.
Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #149 on: June 07, 2021, 10:21:56 AM »

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