Author Topic: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!  (Read 6185 times)

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #60 on: June 05, 2021, 08:26:28 PM »
Should've got him to put it on his shoulder.

It's not Keith allen

thenoise

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #61 on: June 05, 2021, 08:34:58 PM »
I've never been as pleased with anything as that man is with that chip.

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #62 on: June 05, 2021, 08:37:41 PM »


Dirty batatard.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #63 on: June 05, 2021, 08:52:15 PM »
Imagine waking up to find a gigantic seven inch long oven chip staring at you on the pillow beside you.

Bliss


imitationleather

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #64 on: June 05, 2021, 08:56:41 PM »
Imagine waking up to find a gigantic seven inch long oven chip staring at you on the pillow beside you.

Bliss



Imagine it? Mate, that was my life for four years!

I'd give anything to go back.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #65 on: June 05, 2021, 09:34:32 PM »
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Man finds gigantic seven-inch long oven chip and decides to keep it forever

Author
Sam Petherick



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Friday 4 Jun 2021 5:09 pm

End of week and ready for weekend fuck it submit and bolt out the door.

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A self-confessed chip devotee was thrilled after finding one measuring a whopping 7.5 inches in length.

I do not find that whopping. If I found a 7.5 inch chip I would snap it in half so it fits in my air fryer.

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Frank Smith, 77, who has eaten chips at least twice a week for six decades, said he will keep the supersized fry forever.

"To my darling son I leave my home. To my beautiful daughter I leave all of my money. To my devoted wife I leave my most prized possession: a McCain's chip"

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His love for chips is so great that he calls them the ‘holy grail’ of food and says they are ‘like steak for me’.

The Holy Grail provides happiness, eternal youth or sustenance in infinite abundance. That chip is barely bigger than two chips, so I can hardly see it providing sustenance in infinite abundance.

Also no offence but he has missed the boat on eternal youth.

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But even the retired electrical contractor from York has never seen one this big before.

Yes, if anybody had seen a chip this big before it would have been a retired electrical contractor from York. But even the retired electrical contractor from York hadn't seen one this big until now.

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He was over the moon when he pulled the prodigious potato out of a £4 McCain’s family pack and vowed never to eat it.

"I VOW NEVER TO EAT THIS CHIP"



Also a chip is not a potato. It is like calling a slice of bread a loaf.

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Frank has even given his ‘prized possession’ its very own compartment in the freezer.



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He said: ‘I’ve never had such a massive chip in all my life, and I’ve been eating chips as long as I can remember.

Thank Christ for that. Imagine if we'd have had another fucking 77 years of this.

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‘I thought to myself “that’s a big potato” and wanted to show it to my daughter. I just asked her round and said “look at the size of this chip”.

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=assisted+living+home+North+Yorkshire

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‘I’m never going to eat it. I keep it in its own little space in the top shelf of the freezer. It’s a prized possession now.’

I usually keep all prized possessions in the top shelf of the freezer.

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Frank said he likes his chips ‘thick and chunky’ but there is nothing he hates more than crinkle cut.

"Sure racism is bad. I dislike poverty too. But there is nothing I hate more than crinkle cut chips."

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The life-long vegetarian likes to enjoy them with a splash of vinegar and HP sauce.

He said: ‘I eat chips every single weekend. I’m a vegetarian so chips are like steak for me. It’s the holy grail of food for me.’

If you are a vegetarian who considers chips to be like steak then you shouldn't be eating them, should you?

Also you are made out to be this chip psychotic, yet you only eat them on a weekend?

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Curiously, another man from York found a similarly huge McCain chip last year.

Dad-of-two Oliver Dale said the single chip ‘pretty much filled me up’ and thought it might be the world’s biggest.

Of course Frank had to beat Oliver. Oliver found a huge crinkle cut chip. As we all know, Frank hates crinkle cut chips more than the Nazis.

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Officially, the ‘largest moulded potato chip’ spanned metres and weighed in at 11kg.

It was cooked in 2018 by Chandresh Bayad who claimed a Guiness World Record at the first attempt.

Imagine if he needed more than one attempt to mould the world's biggest potato chip.

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There is no known record for the longest chip from a single potato.

Wonder why that is.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #66 on: June 05, 2021, 09:43:38 PM »
It's weird how everyone who finds these huge chips turns up dead just a few days later. The old guy was found with it rammed up his cock.

imitationleather

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #67 on: June 05, 2021, 09:44:30 PM »
It's weird how everyone who finds these huge chips turns up dead just a few days later.

I am afraid that I am very much alive.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #68 on: June 05, 2021, 09:45:18 PM »
I'd be thinking- I'm eating too many chips. And need a hobby.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #69 on: June 05, 2021, 09:45:51 PM »
I am afraid that I am very much alive.

We meet again...

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #70 on: June 05, 2021, 09:48:42 PM »
Of course Frank had to beat Oliver. Oliver found a huge crinkle cut chip. As we all know, Frank hates crinkle cut chips more than the Nazis.

More than he hates the Nazis, or more than the Nazis hate crinkle-cut chips?

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #71 on: June 05, 2021, 09:49:16 PM »
More than he hates the Nazis, or more than the Nazis hate crinkle-cut chips?

Both.

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #72 on: June 05, 2021, 10:00:45 PM »
The linked article is pure deso - https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/02/dad-claims-have-found-worlds-biggest-chip-12645139/

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The reason I’ve done it is a bit of light hearted fun in grim times.

I did it more of a conservation starter so for people who may be suffering with their mental health.

It’s rather that than waking up every day and listening to the grim numbers of people dying.

“The reason I’ve done it”. Done what? Found a chip? And what’s a conservation starter?

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #73 on: June 05, 2021, 10:04:17 PM »
The linked article is pure deso - https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/02/dad-claims-have-found-worlds-biggest-chip-12645139/

“The reason I’ve done it”. Done what? Found a chip? And what’s a conservation starter?

This is pure jealousy.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #74 on: June 05, 2021, 10:05:48 PM »
Don't worry about the pandemic lads, Oliver has found a big chip!

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A British dad has claimed that he’s found the world’s biggest chip, after getting a fright seeing its huge length when making tea.

A "fright"? You were scared of it?

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Oliver is now hoping to raise money for York Hospital.

A Guinness World Records spokesman said: ‘What an amazing thing to find when cooking your dinner.

imitationleather

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #75 on: June 05, 2021, 10:07:21 PM »
The linked article is pure deso - https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/02/dad-claims-have-found-worlds-biggest-chip-12645139/

“The reason I’ve done it”. Done what? Found a chip? And what’s a conservation starter?

Are we not having a conversation about his/(or more importantly) my massive chip right now?

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #76 on: June 05, 2021, 10:11:11 PM »
Massive crisps... now there's something worth bragging about.
Having to survive transit is an extra layer. Frozen chips are robust.

Dr Rock

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #77 on: June 05, 2021, 10:13:57 PM »
That long chip is going to make a LOT of money for charity, somehow.

chveik

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #78 on: June 05, 2021, 10:15:11 PM »
that guy and his massive chip will get their biopic in a few months

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #79 on: June 05, 2021, 10:17:05 PM »
Are we not having a conversation about his/(or more importantly) my massive chip right now?

We’re not, but we can have a conservation about it if you’d like.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #80 on: June 05, 2021, 10:18:13 PM »
Other articles from the same journalist:

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Friends go all out with uniforms and illusion cake for pizza-loving colleague’s Domino’s-themed 40th birthday party – and terrify the delivery driver

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‘Britain’s hardest cat’ dubbed Purrminator after surviving three separate shootings

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Stubborn 11-stone dog refuses to walk home and plays dead to make owner late for work

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One in five men think they could beat a chimpanzee or a king cobra in a fight

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Five-year-old left looking ‘like Bart Simpson’ after fake tan fail

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Dog branded ‘ultimate sock thief’ after stealing over 150 pairs and having to have four removed from stomach

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Hack for making bath mats fluffy again uses no harsh chemicals and takes minutes

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Man living in flat for two years only just realises ‘fake cupboard’ is actually dishwasher

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What does it mean if someone calls you cheugy and are you a cheug?

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Shocking photo proves the importance of cleaning your vacuum hose

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Meet Long Boi, York University’s ‘tallest duck’

All dated within the last month.

imitationleather

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #81 on: June 05, 2021, 10:41:46 PM »


You're saying Long Boi doesn't deserve being on the news?

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #82 on: June 05, 2021, 10:49:32 PM »
I hope he chokes on a seven inch long chip.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #83 on: June 05, 2021, 10:53:35 PM »


You're saying Long Boi doesn't deserve being on the news?

That’s just two ducks standing on each other’s shoulders.

shiftwork2

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #84 on: June 05, 2021, 10:58:39 PM »
Fucking big chip fuck

Butchers Blind

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #85 on: June 05, 2021, 11:33:10 PM »
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What does it mean if someone calls you cheugy and are you a cheug?

The fuck is this?

touchingcloth

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #86 on: June 05, 2021, 11:58:24 PM »
The fuck is this?

Spoken like a true floyng.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #87 on: June 06, 2021, 12:04:00 AM »
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   ‘Britain’s hardest cat’ dubbed Purrminator after surviving three separate shootings

Click click. BLAM. Miaow! Click click. BLAM. Miaow! Click click. BLAM. Miaow!

Mam! The cat's pissed on the setee again.

Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #88 on: June 06, 2021, 12:06:19 AM »
The Cheugs are a horribly persecuted ethnic minority, and it’s great that Sam P. is raising awareness of their plight, as well as raising awareness of giant ducks and lazy dogs.

idunnosomename

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Re: Man finds GIGANTIC seven-inch long oven chip!!!
« Reply #89 on: June 06, 2021, 12:21:26 AM »
i have always enjoyed Long Boi but found out about him without some useless metro journalist telling me about it

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