Author Topic: Jesus is a basic pokemon  (Read 982 times)

Catalogue of ills

  • Yeeaah, that's right!
Jesus is a basic pokemon
« on: June 08, 2021, 05:30:41 PM »
I had this revelation today - Hallelujah, praise Jesus!

Jesus is a basic pokemon. Water type probably, as he has Ability: Water Walk, and he can change water into wine obvs. He also has the Resurrect ability, and his attacks are Part Water (only 10 damage, but super effective against other water types) and Throw Loaf (20 damage).

Stage 1 evolution is Holy Spirit. Psychic type, no doubt. [never been that clued up on the Holy Spirit tbh - get someone else to fill this bit in]

Stage 2 is God, obviously, or Mega Jesus EX as he is also known in the card game. Obviously a bit OP, but you need 6 Prayer energy cards on it to be able to use Smite, Flood or Apocalypse.

It's all so clear to me now. Praise Mega Jesus EX.

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2021, 05:42:24 PM »
Endorsement of view. Pls do other messianic figures pls. I would join in jokemon but Pokemens knowledge is not in my brains.

pigamus

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Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2021, 05:43:29 PM »
Not my favourite Judee Sill record

Butchers Blind

  • Adios pantaloons!
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2021, 05:57:16 PM »
Jesus is bit lame. Couple of hits then nothing for over 2000 years but try telling that to his fan base who keep on buying those repackaged greatest hits box sets.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2021, 06:12:01 PM »
The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2021, 06:23:44 PM »
I'll add my voice to those who know nothing whatsoever about Pokemon*, and so won't be taking part.

* except that one of them's yellow

bakabaka

  • Have we got over our differences yet? (ho/hum)
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2021, 06:47:48 PM »
My only knowledge of Pokémon is that it's short for Pocket Monster.

The rest just writes itself.

Catalogue of ills

  • Yeeaah, that's right!
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2021, 06:48:12 PM »
The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.

That one's called John the Baptist

Cuellar

  • I'm over here
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2021, 07:02:23 PM »
Jesus is a basic BITCH

bakabaka

  • Have we got over our differences yet? (ho/hum)
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2021, 07:38:45 PM »
The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.
The blue one is Magdalenamon.

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2021, 07:56:41 PM »
Jesus used CONVERSION!
It's super effective!

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #11 on: June 08, 2021, 07:59:56 PM »


Are they tits or balls?

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2021, 08:09:04 PM »
Jesus used TURN THE OTHER CHEEK!
The move had no effect.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2021, 08:10:28 PM »
Hic-a-chu, the alcoholic mouse pokemon

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2021, 08:15:26 PM »
Why did the Pokémon hide under the sofa?
So he could peek-at-you.

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2021, 08:16:10 PM »
How do you get Pikachu onto the bus?
You poke-'im-on.

canadagoose

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Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #16 on: June 08, 2021, 09:09:03 PM »
Can I poke the jesus?

Norton Canes

  • Pick up the pace with your cracked-out face
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #17 on: June 08, 2021, 09:10:21 PM »
Black Grape consider rewrite

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2021, 10:07:21 PM »


Are they tits or balls?
They're whatever you want them to be.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #19 on: June 08, 2021, 10:16:37 PM »
Balls it is, then.

Mister Six

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Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #20 on: June 08, 2021, 11:27:23 PM »
Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #21 on: June 08, 2021, 11:37:56 PM »
Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.
This thread prompted me to go googling Pokémon. In Pokémon Sun and Moon there's a region called Alola, and some Pokémon brought in from other games/regions that evolve there change element type. A Cubone that evolves to a Marowak in Alola goes from being a ground type to a Fire/Ghost type.

idunnosomename

  • PIZZA BEAN
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #22 on: June 09, 2021, 12:53:25 AM »
He wants to be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is His true quest
To train them is His cause

cant believe it took Him twenty years to win a Pokémon league. some saviour of mankind

Petey Pate

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Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #23 on: June 09, 2021, 11:28:54 AM »
Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.

Butterfree (the butterfly Pokémon) becomes a flying type in addition to bug when it evolves from Metapod (the cocoon Pokémon). There's many other examples but I hope that wets your curiosity.

buttgammon

  • Ape received.
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #24 on: June 09, 2021, 12:52:00 PM »
Can't think of any examples off-hand but those kind of element-type evolutions seem to be more common in the newer iterations.

Catalogue of ills

  • Yeeaah, that's right!
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #25 on: June 09, 2021, 01:01:26 PM »
I've just had another epiphany (this just in). You only need to transpose two letters in baptist to get baptits. Surely that's some kind of sign. What a revelatory week this has been, I feel like I have risen from a mire pit of ignorance and am now bathed in the hot truth jizz of Mega Jesus EX. Get benched, Satan!

Mister Six

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Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #26 on: June 09, 2021, 02:23:36 PM »
Cheers for Pokémon/Jesus/tits info, all.

Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #27 on: June 09, 2021, 10:51:26 PM »
My favourite Pokemon is Koffing for single handedly bringing being asthmatic back into fashion

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #28 on: June 09, 2021, 11:14:25 PM »
Congratulations! Your Jesus evolved into Dead Jesus.

Captain Z

  • Die Hard or Die Tryin'
Re: Jesus is a basic pokemon
« Reply #29 on: June 09, 2021, 11:52:13 PM »
We hope you will enjoy the show

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