Jesus is a basic pokemon

[Catalogue of ills]

I had this revelation today - Hallelujah, praise Jesus!

Jesus is a basic pokemon. Water type probably, as he has Ability: Water Walk, and he can change water into wine obvs. He also has the Resurrect ability, and his attacks are Part Water (only 10 damage, but super effective against other water types) and Throw Loaf (20 damage).

Stage 1 evolution is Holy Spirit. Psychic type, no doubt. [never been that clued up on the Holy Spirit tbh - get someone else to fill this bit in]

Stage 2 is God, obviously, or Mega Jesus EX as he is also known in the card game. Obviously a bit OP, but you need 6 Prayer energy cards on it to be able to use Smite, Flood or Apocalypse.

It's all so clear to me now. Praise Mega Jesus EX.

[petercussing]

Endorsement of view. Pls do other messianic figures pls. I would join in jokemon but Pokemens knowledge is not in my brains.

[pigamus]

Not my favourite Judee Sill record

[Butchers Blind]

Jesus is bit lame. Couple of hits then nothing for over 2000 years but try telling that to his fan base who keep on buying those repackaged greatest hits box sets.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.

[steve98]

I'll add my voice to those who know nothing whatsoever about Pokemon*, and so won't be taking part.

* except that one of them's yellow

[bakabaka]

My only knowledge of Pokémon is that it's short for Pocket Monster.

The rest just writes itself.

[Catalogue of ills]

The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.

That one's called John the Baptist

[Cuellar]

Jesus is a basic BITCH

[bakabaka]

The only pokemon I know is the yellow one.

The blue one is Magdalenamon.

[Kankurette]

Jesus used CONVERSION!
It's super effective!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Are they tits or balls?

[lazyhour]

Jesus used TURN THE OTHER CHEEK!
The move had no effect.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Hic-a-chu, the alcoholic mouse pokemon

[lazyhour]

Why did the Pokémon hide under the sofa?
So he could peek-at-you.

[lazyhour]

How do you get Pikachu onto the bus?
You poke-'im-on.

[canadagoose]

Can I poke the jesus?

[Norton Canes]

Black Grape consider rewrite

[Kankurette]

Are they tits or balls?

They're whatever you want them to be.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Balls it is, then.

[Mister Six]

Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.

This thread prompted me to go googling Pokémon. In Pokémon Sun and Moon there's a region called Alola, and some Pokémon brought in from other games/regions that evolve there change element type. A Cubone that evolves to a Marowak in Alola goes from being a ground type to a Fire/Ghost type.

[idunnosomename]

He wants to be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is His true quest
To train them is His cause

cant believe it took Him twenty years to win a Pokémon league. some saviour of mankind

[Petey Pate]

Can Pokémon change element types through evolutions? Other than Eevee, of course. Genuine question.

Butterfree (the butterfly Pokémon) becomes a flying type in addition to bug when it evolves from Metapod (the cocoon Pokémon). There's many other examples but I hope that wets your curiosity.

[buttgammon]

Can't think of any examples off-hand but those kind of element-type evolutions seem to be more common in the newer iterations.

[Catalogue of ills]

I've just had another epiphany (this just in). You only need to transpose two letters in baptist to get baptits. Surely that's some kind of sign. What a revelatory week this has been, I feel like I have risen from a mire pit of ignorance and am now bathed in the hot truth jizz of Mega Jesus EX. Get benched, Satan!

[Mister Six]

Cheers for Pokémon/Jesus/tits info, all.

[Misspent Boners]

My favourite Pokemon is Koffing for single handedly bringing being asthmatic back into fashion

[bgmnts]

Congratulations! Your Jesus evolved into Dead Jesus.

[Captain Z]

We hope you will enjoy the show