Football Thread 2021/22: pre-seasons in the abyss

[chveik]

in other news Boateng is a woman beater. cunt

thankfully this is the only thing he will be remembered for:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PKXs8i_zSw&ab_channel=FootballHighlights

[Captain Z]

Had to Google Crystal Palace's not-at-all-sinister-sounding sleeve sponsor "Facebank". I'm sure it won't be as dystopian as the name suggests...

Facebank is a technology business in the field of 'digital likeness' –  augmenting and replicating the image of the human face for use in consumer apps, video games, social media and entertainment.

...

The technology will be used in marketing activations including fans being able to place Palace-themed digital face paint on themselves and their friends, using Facebank's soon to be released Fan of The Match app.

[imitationleather]

Fucking Spurs >:(

[Chollis]

Some debut for Edouard

[Inspector Norse]

Some debut for Edouard

Maybe now he's settled in London he'll finally pay the damages he owes to the bloke he maimed with an air rifle

[jobotic]

Ronaldo 45+2

[chveik]

that's yer lot now

[Gulftastic]

Cue the sound of 50000 wanking Mancs.

[Captain Z]

Ronaldo 45+2+0:05

[kalowski]

Match of the Day on track to be a cracker!
Arsenal 0-0 Norwich
Brentford 0-0 Brighton
Leicester 0-0 Manchester City
Manchester United 1-0 Newcastle
Southampton 0-0 West Ham
Watford 0-0 Wolves

[Ignatius_S]

Match of the Day on track to be a cracker!
Arsenal 0-0 Norwich
Brentford 0-0 Brighton
Leicester 0-0 Manchester City
Manchester United 1-0 Newcastle
Southampton 0-0 West Ham
Watford 0-0 Wolves

If those are the only games they are showing, I'm a very happy man.

[jobotic]

that's yer lot now

Depends if Newcastle equalise:

Ronaldo 90+7

[jobotic]

Which they have.

BBC already have this report up

Cristiano Ronaldo scored for Manchester United against Newcastle in his first appearance for the club in 12 years.

Ronaldo, who re-signed for the Red Devils last month from Juventus, tapped in from close range just before half-time to put the hosts 1-0 up.

He produced his trademark goal celebration at a jubilant Old Trafford.

Ronaldo was named in the starting XI and received a rapturous ovation in the warm-up and when he entered the pitch before kick-off.

The Portugal captain, 36, scored 118 goals in 292 appearances in his first spell for the club between 2003-09.

Five-time Ballon d'Or winner Ronaldo is wearing the number seven shirt.

[Kankurette]

Cue the sound of 50000 wanking Mancs.

There were already loads of them at Piccadilly singing 'viva Ronaldo'. Fuck you, Steve Bruce, you had one job.

[The Culture Bunker]

There were already loads of them at Piccadilly singing 'viva Ronaldo'. Fuck you, Steve Bruce, you had one job.

If you were banking on Steve Bruce getting a result at Old Trafford, then you needn't have bothered making the plan in the first place.

I still think United are still short of a decent midfielder to go alongside McTominay if they want to push for the title (Matic was awful, Pogba not much better) but with players like Ronaldo, Cavani and Fernandes, there's always a chance in the cups if you get the right luck. Sancho not really impressing so far, and indeed was overshadowed by Lingard.

[Crabwalk]

Oh Lord how have ITFC fans offended thee such to deserve this eternal smiting?

One season with some joy is all we wanted. Just one.

[Bernice]

Can't be doing with the gushing, fart sucking, cum stained match reports of Ronaldo Vs Newcastle. Would be sickening shite even if the cunt wasn't a rapist.

[Crabwalk]

Seriously, at one point today I thought Town were going for a 9-11 scoreline as some sort of misguided tribute. In the end we smashed 2 into Bolton and they responded by highjacking 5 goals and destroying us utterly.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

What an absolutely drab set of PL results. Joyless from beginning to end.

[phes]

Imagine having money on all nil nils at half time like quite a lot of people do every week, and then Ronalado etc deso

[Mobius]

Arteta stay of execution thanks to a scrappy 1 nil against the shitest team in league COYG

[chveik]

if i was a betting man i'd put the house and kids on bayern beating barca 8-2 on tuesday

[Bernice]

If I wasn't a betting man I'd have a house!!!

[phantom_power]

If you were banking on Steve Bruce getting a result at Old Trafford, then you needn't have bothered making the plan in the first place.

I still think United are still short of a decent midfielder to go alongside McTominay if they want to push for the title (Matic was awful, Pogba not much better) but with players like Ronaldo, Cavani and Fernandes, there's always a chance in the cups if you get the right luck. Sancho not really impressing so far, and indeed was overshadowed by Lingard.

United won't win the title but will be entertaining to watch

There seems to be this idea that because Sancho is English he will drop straight into the Premiership without a fuss but really he is like any other import from another league and will take time to settle

[The Culture Bunker]

There seems to be this idea that because Sancho is English he will drop straight into the Premiership without a fuss but really he is like any other import from another league and will take time to settle

I guess because he grew up in English football, with Watford and City, there was a bit of expectation he'd find the going a lot easier than our two previous imports from Dortmund, both of who really struggled, though Mkhitaryan did well in the Europa run in 2017. Sancho at the moment seems a tad nervous - gets in some good positions but then over/under hits his subsequent pass. Once he gets a goal, he might well settle down - I can see him playing Tuesday in Bern with the hope of this.

Perhaps Fernandes arriving and almost instantly having a big impact has skewered expectations of new signings a tad.

[Captain Z]

I haven't seen much footage of Sancho at Dortmund, but I have seen him be almost completely invisible for England so I suspect that's exactly what will happen at Man U.

[phantom_power]

To be fair to Sancho he is a predominantly right-sided player who has so far mainly played on the left for United and England

[chveik]

they buy players because they can, not according to tactical coherence

[finnquark]

Amidst the infamy of Alty's second consecutive relegation, during which the club went through multiple managers and used over 50 players (including a goalkeeper signed from professional wrestling), there was a player who garnered disproportionate praise. Laurence Taylor was a 19 year old midfielder, could pass the ball 6 yards and ran around a lot. Fans, especially younger ones, wanted him captain, leader and mainstay of the team. When we went down and our current manager came in, with a fresh pair of eyes and a sense of perspective, he quickly loaned Taylor to Trafford and he never played for us again. He wasn't good enough, he just appeared to be alongside the dross he was paired with (e.g. Fabio Bassangue, who played 17 minutes before being subbed and disappearing, Callum Preston who made one start in goal, let in 6 by the 47th minute, and retired from football afterwards, or various ex-cons who came and went that year).

My question to people who regularly watch United is: is McTominay not a higher quality Laurence Taylor? I occasionally go to the Spread Eagle to watch a United game with a few mates and every time I see McTominay he just seems fine, average, etc. But then people say that he actually is good and United need to partner someone quality with him - is this just a desperate yearning for another successful youngster to take hold of the midfield and drag the team to a title? Or is he actually any good?

[The Culture Bunker]

I think McTominay is a very good midfield player - he's not going to run a game the way Carrick could at his peak, but he's very mobile, strong and can score goals (he had a season playing up front for the U23s years ago). From the current squad, he'd be in my first XI every week and ideally, we'd have brought in someone to play the more defensive role in midfield to allow McTominay to get forward more.