Football Thread 2021/22: pre-seasons in the abyss

[Chedney Honks]

Carlo always spiked his Lucozade Sport with benzos. Wait til pre-season. Guy's gonna go off like a flaming cunt.

[Wonderful Butternut]

Duncan Ferguson is assistant manager and so far he hasn't managed to kick the shit out of the squad or terrorise them into playing like Real Madrid. The Duncan Ferguson who exists in the heads of Everton fans and the real Duncan Ferguson are two very different people.

Not to mention that Roy Keane has thoroughly proven that you can't shout crap players into being good anyway.

Chedney is playing panto though, all whilst masturbating to photoshopped pictures of Rafa with a blue tie on, because deep down he knows that Rafa is by a mile the best manager your small club is going to get.

[Bernice]

Would they really be against Rafa? Manager with proven success in Europe and who else is realistically possible for them that is any better?

Rafa hasn't achieved anything in a decade and seems very much like yesterday's man tactically. He'd also want a big day over transfers when we're meant to have a Director of Football model precisely to prevent us scrabbling around in the dirt every 18 months when a manager fucks off. Basically he'd be a shutter iteration of Ancelotti, without the inherent charm and bonhomie. I'd much rather see someone like Potter - young, hungry, innovative - even if there is no guarantee that would work out.

Also his teams play dogshit football and - this is true for him more than any other person on the planet - I genuinely can't stand looking at his face. No idea why but I've always had a visceral reaction against it. Probably that fucking facial hair.

[lankyguy95]

Rafa hasn't achieved anything in a decade

He's achieved more in the last decade than you have since the 80s.

[Bernice]

I was only born in 92.

[Kankurette]

Rafa hasn't achieved anything in a decade and seems very much like yesterday's man tactically. He'd also want a big day over transfers when we're meant to have a Director of Football model precisely to prevent us scrabbling around in the dirt every 18 months when a manager fucks off. Basically he'd be a shutter iteration of Ancelotti, without the inherent charm and bonhomie. I'd much rather see someone like Potter - young, hungry, innovative - even if there is no guarantee that would work out.

Also his teams play dogshit football and - this is true for him more than any other person on the planet - I genuinely can't stand looking at his face. No idea why but I've always had a visceral reaction against it. Probably that fucking facial hair.

You beardist, you! I'd be happy with Potter as well but I know most of our fans wouldn't be because ~aCcEpTiNg MeDiOcRiTy~.

A tweet a while back sums up the expectations of Everton fans:

This attainable, unicorn manager who's won in leagues we respect enough who's hard-ass but still nice and charming and plays modern football but "gets the club" and hasn't been around long enough to have any flaws who the players will respect and fear and love is out there!

Only one manager exists who fits that description, and he manages Liverpool.

ETA: all WonderfulButternut's opinions on Everton managers are invalid.

[lankyguy95]

I was only born in 92.

My commiserations.

[DrGreggles]

Away goals GORN!
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2021/jun/24/uefa-abolishes-away-goals-rule-in-club-competitions-from-next-season

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Boo

[chveik]

meh. can't they just abolish it for extra time?

[king_tubby]

Schrodinger's Derby County - simultaneously in the Championship and League 1


Right thread this time.

[DrGreggles]

meh. can't they just abolish it for extra time?

Exactly. That was the problem bit.

[Kankurette]

Schrodinger's Derby County - simultaneously in the Championship and League 1


Right thread this time.

Schrodinger's Ram.

[lankyguy95]

Favre's suddenly rejected the Palace job. Apparently wants to take a longer break.

Nobody wants a job.

[Mobius]

Apparently Arsenal are about to spend 50 million quid on Brighton defender Ben White. Seems like a good exciting young english prospect but central defence isn't really where Arsenal need to strengthen.

This either means a) there's more money to spend, so we can afford this sort of thing or b) we're foolishly spunking our WARCHEST on an unnecessary position

It's still mental that 50 mill is like a normal transfer fee now. I suppose slabhead cost Utd 80mill and that was years ago.

[monkfromhavana]

Favre's suddenly rejected the Palace job. Apparently wants to take a longer break.

Nobody wants a job.

Bloody foreigners, not coming over here and not stealing our jobs. I don't think I've ever seen so many managers reject so many jobs before or have negotiations "break down".

Favre to Palace
Santo to Everton
Santo to Palace
Fonseca to Spurs
Conte to Spurs
Gattuso to Spurs
Benitez to Everton
Klinsmann to Spurs
Pochettino to Spurs

[Kankurette]

I can understand not wanting to manage the eternal disappointment that is Everton but surely Spurs have some draw?

[sevendaughters]

I can understand not wanting to manage the eternal disappointment that is Everton but surely Spurs have some draw?

yeah it's near a few very good delis

[Thursday]

Really good choice of Kebab shops along Wood Green high street as well, the rest of it's awful but Kebabs are banging.

[lankyguy95]

yeah it's near a few very good delis

Alli hasn't been very good for a while though.

[monkfromhavana]

New season will be:

Pulis @ Everton
Allardyce @ Palace
Pardew @ Spurs

[BlodwynPig]

New season will be:

Pulis @ Everton
Allardyce @ Palace
Pardew @ Spurs

Please! Hodgson at Newcastle, McClaren at United, Bruce at Brentford, Bryan Robson at Guangzhou

[Chedney Honks]

panto my fuck cunt

[king_tubby]

Benitez at Everton.

https://twitter.com/SkySportsNews/status/1408754481228042241

[Chedney Honks]

As seen: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E4HayiCWQAgqOYp.jpg

[bgmnts]

Unsure if Rafa will do well at Everton but hope he does well.

[Chollis]

Unsure if Rafa will do well at Everton but hope he does well.

Hope he spends £200m and takes them down

[imitationleather]

Hope he spends £200m and takes them down

Wouldn't that be a pretty low amount for Everton to spend during a summer?

[Wonderful Butternut]

Unsure if Rafa will do well at Everton but hope he does well.

If they clear out the lazy bone-idle bastards, like Sigurdsson, Iwobi[nb]£40m. lol[/nb] and "Hamez" and replace them with players who occasionally give a shit, he'll be fine.

[Kankurette]

i, for one, welcome our chunky new Spanish overlord. Has he actually been confirmed though?

Hope he spends £200m and takes them down

You mean, like we do every summer?