Lynx Africa

[pancreas]

It's such a fundamental cultural artefact. We should probably discuss it. I set myself the task of trying to capture it in words.

It's affectation, it's aspiration, it's plastic, it's made in china, it's e-numbers, it's a collection of peacock feathers in a charity shop vase, it IS the song by Toto, it's tawdry, it's Wetherspoons, it's indignity, it's the walk of shame, it's the sense that your local branch of Toolstation isn't running at peak efficiency, it's the mature owner of an erotic book shop ringing up the council to complain about fly-tipping. Actually, it is quite like the smell of rotting bins, in its cloyingness.

You had to pick these up from Boots in the airport because you were a man and these were only tiny deodorants they had for sale for someone like you. You had no choice.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Astonished to find out a mate of mine was still wearing it at 42.

[Butchers Blind]

The disappointment of a gift set given to you by a elderly relative at xmas.

[seepage]

I find it's got both the fragrance of Lafite and the severity of Latour.

[steve98]

The disappointment of a gift set given to you by a elderly relative at xmas.

I always imagined it might be fun to give an African lynx kitten to a blind person at Xmas. Tell them it's a Maine Coon (which explains its size,) and watch the flesh fly as it grows!
(I'd get its ears docked (under anaesthetic.))

[finnquark]

My 82 year old grandad swears by it.

[BlodwynPig]

Remember the outrage when they released Lynx Vagina in 2013?

[ASFTSN]

When I was 14 my only friend had every flavour of Lynx proudly lined up on his bedroom windowsill. I remember looking over the row of cans at his parents arguing in the garden while the silenced title screen of Redneck Rampage was on the CRT monitor of his PC, which I wasn't allowed to play while he was taking a shit. He's dead now.[nb]May not be true.[/nb]

[BlodwynPig]

I had a school 'friend' who's bedroom wall was adorned with Lynx deodorant posters and 'memorabilia'. He had a breakdown in his early 20s and still lives in that room. The last time I visited, one of the posters is still on the wall.

[DrGreggles]

I've been to Africa and it didn't smell like that.

[BlodwynPig]

I've been to Africa and it didn't smell like that.

Obviously you've not been to the spice markets of Tangiers.

[steve98]

The disappointment of a gift set given to you by a elderly relative at xmas.

Revenge, innit. Revenge for the Xmas crap you papped her off with all those years. ("Talc Set" anyone?)
If I was a dead granny I'd will my "Unused Talc Set collection to my beloved [Hated] grandson Butcher's Blinds[Or whoever]"

[bakabaka]

Obviously you've not been to the Unilever factory on the A6120 Leeds Outer Ring Road.

ftfy

[buntyman]

Nicest smell going

[touchingcloth]

One of my most vivid memories of school is being aged 11 or 12 in the changing rooms after games, and one of the other boys aged 11 or 12 was spraying himself with Lynx while he asked the room at large whether we had ever "smelled your hands after fingering a girl". I didn't know what that meant at the time, and I imagined it involved running a finger over her back.

Might not have been Africa he was spraying himself with. It could have been Inca, or Aztec, or Xipe Totec.

[imitationleather]

Lynx Marmite is far superior.

[thenoise]

More like Stynx amirite?

[El Unicornio, mang]

I had a girl once tell me that I smelled really nice while I was wearing Lynx deodorant (actually it was Axe as I was in the US), don't knock it.

Generally I think they're decent enough deodorants, although I favour Ted Baker. The worst is Dove deodorant. I bought a 3-pack because they had the best ratings on Amazon and they're just sitting there collecting dust, absolutely vile air freshener spray type soapy aroma. Cologne is bad too, always seems to be worn by the same types with their shiny shirts open, gold jewelry.

[Glebe]

[turnstyle]

As a youth I used to have a friend who would always ask me to leave his house when Baywatch came on. He'd then give me call an hour later or so to come back over and carry on playing Mario Kart or listen to the hot new Del Amitri single or whatever the hell we were doing.

Anyway, there was always a really strong stench of Lynx Africa in his room, post-Baywatch. One day I asked him why, and he told me it was to 'cover up the smell of my spunk'. Turns out he was milking the man udder to Anderson et al, and then using half a can of Lynx to disguise the bouquet of his indiscretions.

25+ years later and my brain still conjurs up the image of my childhood friend feverishly masturbating to Californian lifeguards whenever I happen across a can.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I can imagine CaB favourite Keir Starmer spraying Lynx Africa into every nook, cranny and fold of his hunky frame.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You had to pick these up from Boots in the airport because you were a man and these were only tiny deodorants they had for sale for someone like you. You had no choice.

Absolutely not. That is snake eyes, but by dint of fecklessness not luck. The predicament of only the fuckingest loser.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Lynx Africa was the poor relation to the sophisticated bouquet of Lynx Java, for me. One whiff of Java on the breeze and you knew that you were in the vicinity of a man accomplished in matters both mercantile and sexual.

[BlodwynPig]

I knew a man once, think he's in Basingstoke now. Anyway, he used to have a right go at my dad because our lawn didn't have garden furniture. By this he meant gnomes and other tasteless decor. "Bringing the neighbourhood down" he would say. "Don't be like your father when you grow up" he would say. The kids used to call him 'Dolly' because his hair was very curly but with a large forehead and a moon face.

Anyway, in my teens when I was hanging out with Iron Maiden and Pantera fans, one of the group decided to 'destroy' Dolly and got a few of us to creep into his garden at night and steal all the 'garden furniture', which we then chucked into an allotment across the road.

The next day, the doorbell rings and an apoplectic Dolly starts throwing wild accusations at my parents - he's seen "shadows" in the garden that "looked like your son". I, of course denied everything - "I was at scouts, dad, remember?"

My dad of course took my side and sent Dolly on his way.

However, a week later a group of us saw fervid activity Dolly's garden. He seemed to be decorating his lawn and verges once more. Later when he went inside, we climbed onto the fence to peer over at what he'd beed doing, fully expecting the return of gnomes and mushrooms and racially inappropriate ornaments. Instead, what met our gaze and struck us dumb in awe was a message - a message written out in lines of Lynx deodorant canisters of every hue. The message read

Spoiler alert

"Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"

[close]

[DrGreggles]

Obviously you've not been to the spice markets of Tangiers.

All of Africa is the same.
Did you learn nothing from the 2010 World Cup?

[Chedney Honks]

I used to really like the smell of it, might get some as my signature scent and absolutely GET FUCKING.

[mothman]

I use the shower gel. Because it's just... shower gel, you know? Not too expensive. Couldn't care less what it smells like provided it's not completely objectionable.

[Jockice]

Astonished to find out a mate of mine was still wearing it at 42.

I'm 55. About two years I had some Lynx Africa shower gel in my sports bag. And the lid came off while I was putting the bag back in the car. With very smelly consequences.

[shiftwork2]

Poor people are so thick; it's a wonder we allow them to keep breathing, really.

[H-O-W-L]

I can't imagine giving a shit what scent someone is wearing so long as it's not Eau De Hudson River (Cement Shoes Edition).

So long as the odour of one's proximity is not that of a ham toastie reheated in the back window of a Yugo left at a carboot sale (next to a 1992 Action Man who's become a napalm victim) after it's been used for some form of vicious gangland slaying, I don't see why it matters. Ooh, you smell like... chemicals! But they're CHEAP CHEMICALS, thus you must be BURNED.

Frankly I think all deodorant nowadays, bar body-spray, is toxic shite designed to rot yer skin long-term and legitimately terrible for your pits. I've got hyperhidrosis (oversweating) so I have to use a prescribed antiperspirant to bring my underarm sweating down to merely normal levels, and it's given me a very dim view of antiperspirants thanks to the caustic effects it has on my underarms-- and normal antiperspirants weren't much better. We're meant to sweat a bit! Just wash often and spritz your body/clothes, you dirty bastard.

Even a mild sweat smell is fine to me if you're working or working out -- people who wig out over that shit are the real fucking freaks to me. I can't imagine their reaction when they encounter a pet like a dog or a cat, especially if it's been raining.