Personal Growth/Development

[bgmnts]

In a world that is so depressing it is sometimes hard to just get out of bed in the morning or you have to work 48 hour weeks just to survive, is there any room for 'personal growth'? Do any of you engage in this idea of 'personal development' or do you just sort of live and be content with your lot?

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Long term unemployed and supported by a partner through an illness so if I don't use my time[nb]this includes posting "what if Rodney was Robocop then he'd be Rodneycop" on message boards[/nb] to learn stuff and get fit I'd be reneging a bit.

[badaids]

When I was in my twenties I gave myself 3 objectives every year, one professional, one to do with my hobbies, and one random thing just something I felt like doing.  As a result, by my mid thirties I had recorded an album, produced a play, written a book, learnt French, got promoted, got super fit, lived abroad and a whole load of other stuff.  I was also burnt out, knackered, jaded and unsatisfied that nothing had really caught my imagination.  I don't regret taking that approach but doing and trying so many interesting things means that there is nothing left that I feel motivated to do now.  Today I have no hobbies and no juice left to try new things.  Pretty depressing with still, probably, half my life to go.  That worries me a lot, I have a lot of dark thoughts these days.  I do still like wanking quite a lot though, so that's something.

[Buelligan]

Went to live somewhere I felt right in and forced everything to work by determination and having no other choice.  The reason for it was that I realised that what really heals me, exalts me, makes me real, is being alone in a beautiful wild place.  And I needed healing. 

I think if you can identify what it is that makes you feel right in your skin and try to make that part of your daily life, all the extraneous distraction falls away or at least, abates.  Gives you a space to see your fails and pain, fold them up and store them reverently in the past.

[BlodwynPig]

When I was in my twenties I gave myself 3 objectives every year, one professional, one to do with my hobbies, and one random thing just something I felt like doing.  As a result, by my mid thirties I had recorded an album, produced a play, written a book, learnt French, got promoted, got super fit, lived abroad and a whole load of other stuff.  I was also burnt out, knackered, jaded and unsatisfied that nothing had really caught my imagination.  I don't regret taking that approach but doing and trying so many interesting things means that there is nothing left that I feel motivated to do now.  Today I have no hobbies and no juice left to try new things.  Pretty depressing with still, probably, half my life to go.  That worries me a lot, I have a lot of dark thoughts these days.  I do still like wanking quite a lot though, so that's something.

Are you Sting?

[ASFTSN]

I thought Sting was more into just waiting as long as possible for his achievements.

[greenman]

Long term unemployed and supported by a partner through an illness so if I don't use my time[nb]this includes posting "what if Rodney was Robocop then he'd be Rodneycop" on message boards[/nb] to learn stuff and get fit I'd be reneging a bit.

I was actually still able to do the "use the dole to reinvent myself" in the early 2010's, I suspect age played a factor there as the job centre seemed mostly interested in going after people in their early 20's not their mid 30's with pointless busy work and mostly just left me alone if I applied to a couple of positions a week and got the odd temp job. Did definitely mean I had a lot more time/energy to put into improving my photography than I did whilst working full time were it was very much just getting though the week and relaxing at weekends.

[badaids]

Are you Sting?

Like Sting, I am a twat.  But even I haven't awarded myself an undeserved nickname and taught myself to play the saz.  And I'm from Surrey.

[flotemysost]

In a world that is so depressing it is sometimes hard to just get out of bed in the morning or you have to work 48 hour weeks just to survive, is there any room for 'personal growth'? Do any of you engage in this idea of 'personal development' or do you just sort of live and be content with your lot?

I do frequently hate myself at the moment for not making the most of this stuff, precisely because in theory there's nothing stopping me (well, not stuff like physical health, age or spare time, anyway).

My social media newsfeeds are awash with "Create the life you want to live", "The only limit is your imagination" etc. -type affirmations, which are well-meaning but only serve to make me feel like a complete fucking failure for being unable to commit to anything. The number of times I've started to learn a language then sacked it off, daydreamed about being able to play an instrument without ever actually looking into it practically (partly because I'm scared of flatmates overhearing my shit playing), told people I'm into a sport or activity that I've actually only tried once and wasn't very good at, etc. makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

I actually have a perfectly nice life, amazing friends, decent job which makes people go "oh that's a cool job" when I tell them, etc. so it's even more stupid and ungrateful to be feeling this way. It's not that I want my life to improve, I just sometimes sort of feel like I don't know who I am, or I don't exist - like everyone else I know seems to have a thing, I have loads of stuff I'm interested in/enjoy but I don't know what my thing is. This has been compounded a hundredfold by the feeling that lots of people were thriving in lockdown and developing a more cemented sense of self, while without the usual schedules and distractions I just feel completely exposed as the massive fraud I must be.

Not sure if that's even what this thread is really about but nope, no development/improvement here, only steady decline.

play the saz

Is this some kind of mystic sex move?

[Fr.Bigley]

When I was in my twenties I gave myself 3 objectives every year, one professional, one to do with my hobbies, and one random thing just something I felt like doing.  As a result, by my mid thirties I had recorded an album, produced a play, written a book, learnt French, got promoted, got super fit, lived abroad and a whole load of other stuff......

And you were shite at the lot of it. Gettae fuck the Guildford one.

[Buelligan]

Was at work last night, really very busy and the work is hard and physically tiring.  I'm working with a new person now, she's from Romania, late teens, absolutely meticulous.  Unstinting.  Learns everything first time.  She had a lull and stepped in, unasked, to help me, then smiled at me and asked whether I was happy.  We briefly agreed we both were and how important that is, happiness, as we sprinted towards remaking everything perfect again so's it could be demolished, littered, smeared, spat, broken and stubbed with fags by people who don't even see it. 

Made me think about what happiness is, what's required.  I think many people expect some sort of epiphany, and they do come but not when you expect.  For me, happiness lies in the doing of a thing without reserve, as well and quickly as is possible, a dance of efficiency, no mind.  It comes from silence and stillness, hearing the Earth grow in all her mystery and witnessing a small moment.  The utter perfection of being. Something that makes you forget yourself.

[fit bird]

In a world that is so depressing it is sometimes hard to just get out of bed in the morning or you have to work 48 hour weeks just to survive, is there any room for 'personal growth'? Do any of you engage in this idea of 'personal development' or do you just sort of live and be content with your lot?

Personal Growth/Development is entirely an invention of the advertising industry. Every person on earth is the same mentally at 15 as they are at 99 unless they receive 'a bump on the head'. Probably going to be loads of people in here coming out with bollocks like "oh yeah meeting my partner/having kids/whatever fucking traumatic event was the making of me, I did a lot of thinking and a lot of growing" but get a hidden camera on them and the second they think they're alone they're back to wanking into the sink and caning sherbet dib dabs.

[TrenterPercenter]

Here's an idea;

Why not rather than spend lots of time reading about how shit things are; how about finding a job that actively improves the world around you.  That might sound like I'm being glib but there is a serious amount of personal growth and happiness in helping others.   It's fantastically hard work and dominates your life but you find purpose and motivation in knowing you are actually contributing to something good rather than just being passenger to it.

Also yes; wanking and dibdabs

[TrenterPercenter]

My social media newsfeeds are awash with "Create the life you want to live", "The only limit is your imagination" etc. -type affirmations, which are well-meaning but only serve to make me feel like a complete fucking failure for being unable to commit to anything.

Yeah but that is just memey bullshit stuff that are generally the result of someone talking big whilst having a internal breakdown/midlife crisis or the snake oil salesmen that know they can make money selling inspo to depressed people.  You can safely ignore that guff.

[JaDanketies]

I'd suggest not over-thinking it. I remember bullshitting employers about my 'personal development plan' when I was absolutely certain that it secretly involved not fucking working here any more. I have had a lot of luck in my time though.

If you're talking career, then you need to look at business in a similar way as all those psycho sharks do; always look for opportunities and then take them when the time is right. This applies regardless of whether you work for love or for money.

If you're talking about the rest of life, nobody other than you cares about how many books you've read, how many new albums you listened to, or how good you are at playing the tin whistle. Do them if you actually want to do them, or watch Hollyoaks if you'd prefer to do that, it makes no difference.

But it does sound like you're speaking from a place of misery and depression and I don't think you can be talked out of this mindset or convinced to change it. Chemicals might help.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'd suggest not over-thinking it. I remember bullshitting employers about my 'personal development plan' when I was absolutely certain that it secretly involved not fucking working here any more. I have had a lot of luck in my time though.

Ha I know that feeling.

I don't think I'm an alky or anything but over lockdown there's been a few weekends where I've intended to work on personal projects and stuff but then have got a bit twatted on Friday or Saturday and felt hungover enough to sack them off. Which is a bit bleak really.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Personal Growth/Development is entirely an invention of the advertising industry. Every person on earth is the same mentally at 15 as they are at 99 unless they receive 'a bump on the head'. Probably going to be loads of people in here coming out with bollocks like "oh yeah meeting my partner/having kids/whatever fucking traumatic event was the making of me, I did a lot of thinking and a lot of growing" but get a hidden camera on them and the second they think they're alone they're back to wanking into the sink and caning sherbet dib dabs.

I agree with the 'you're never to old to start learning something new' sentiment but isn't what you're saying demonstrably false? The brain does lose elasticity as you get older, but that shouldn't be an excuse to not try.

[TrenterPercenter]

But it does sound like you're speaking from a place of misery and depression and I don't think you can be talked out of this mindset or convinced to change it. Chemicals might help.

No need for chemicals; just disengage from the news/social media/anger industry for a bit.  It's there to get your attention and sustain it.  Pursue somethings that make you happy for a change.

[JaDanketies]

No need for chemicals; just disengage from the news/social media/anger industry for a bit.  It's there to get your attention and sustain it.  Pursue somethings that make you happy for a change.

Perhaps. You might be right. People close to me have had a big turnaround from this kind of thinking thanks to SSRIs.

[TrenterPercenter]

I agree with the 'you're never to old to start learning something new' sentiment but isn't what you're saying demonstrably false? The brain does lose elasticity as you get older, but that shouldn't be an excuse to not try.

I took it in tongue in cheek for the purpose of walking dibdabs climax but yes of course it is nonsense;

Demonstrable brain development mainly occurs between 0-24 years old; after that it still has very much a capacity to learn, change and "develop".  It's complicated to explain without writing pages of neuropsychology but most people are embedded in their biopsychological interactions with the world by about 24;  after that it becomes harder in one sense but not impossible to unlearn bad habits or change.  A mature mind that knows what it is doing is in fact much more able to focus on and consider what changes it would want to make for example.

[TrenterPercenter]

Perhaps. You might be right. People close to me have had a big turnaround from this kind of thinking thanks to SSRIs.

I actually thought you were talking about non psychopharmacological drugs.  SSRI's can help; long-term efficacy is questionable but they have a place for sure.   CBT has been found to be as effective as SSRI's and meds should by no means be the first or only solution provided to people.  Environment; and by this I mean what brains surround themselves with externally and internally is key.

[JaDanketies]

You don't get any extra points at the end for living life on hard mode.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I took it in tongue in cheek for the purpose of walking dibdabs climax but yes of course it is nonsense;

Demonstrable brain development mainly occurs between 0-24 years old; after that it still has very much a capacity to learn, change and "develop".  It's complicated to explain without writing pages of neuropsychology but most people are embedded in their biopsychological interactions with the world by about 24;  after that it becomes harder in one sense but not impossible to unlearn bad habits or change.  A mature mind that knows what it is doing is in fact much more able to focus on and consider what changes it would want to make for example.

Yes I half-read it the first time and some of it sailed over my head.

I'm by no means a neuroscientist or psychologist but my general leanings from stuff I studied at A-Level and in introductory courses before I could drop them and study my main discipline full-time at University is that (social) learning is responsible for most things, rather than innate stuff.

[Chedney Honks]

Fully agree with Trent here. I was going to say more but he nailed it. It's why I have to walk away from forums/Internet every so often. Good fun when I have the capacity, energy or time but sometimes you just need a breather from the tone and humour and wankers.

[badaids]

And you were shite at the lot of it. Gettae fuck the Guildford one.

I certainly was. 

[TrenterPercenter]

Yes I half-read it the first time and some of it sailed over my head.

I'm by no means a neuroscientist or psychologist but my general leanings from stuff I studied at A-Level and in introductory courses before I could drop them and study my main discipline full-time at University is that (social) learning is responsible for most things, rather than innate stuff.

Yep; early development is all about survival and attachment; these two are completely entwined and become embedded; we development beyond this to stage where we no longer need constant attachment from primary caregivers but from others in our environment.  You can think of the biological innate elements being more open to direction from the environment in the early stages but us developing more conscious control in the later stages.

This to so the brain can survive through early childhood; so consciousness and variation is limited early on but we have more conscious control and therefore variation later on.  It is so we don't just become copies of ourselves again and again and reduce the possibilities of genetic variation (and why your prefrontal cortex doesn't stop growing until around 24 years old).  It's an incredible bit of evolution.

The foundation for a lot of later life MH conditions comes from early dysfunction around this survival attachment response (our biological response to threats and danger colliding with our conscious sense of being safe).

[Sebastian Cobb]

Although I still believe mostly in social learning, I do find it fascinating how behaviours can be bred in dogs.

For instance, my uncle had a bit of land and kept chickens and some collies, at no point did anyone teach them to be sheep dogs, but they instinctively used to round up the chickens sometimes, then they'd sit back down and let them disperse. Apparently it's a common thing and some owners worry about the fact that their dogs start rounding up their children.

[TrenterPercenter]

Yep it's fascinating other animals obviously have more innate behaviours - I mean baby roos instinctively climbing to their pouches and Manx shearwaters being hatched then instinctively flying to their colonies 100s of miles away yep there is a lot of genetic innateness in animals.

Humans managed somehow to escape this innateness to a high degree and relatively recently in the grand scheme of things.

[earl_sleek]

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

[JaDanketies]

Humans managed somehow to escape this innateness to a high degree and relatively recently in the grand scheme of things.

I believe that for about three-quarters of the time humans have been around, we just kept making the same stone axe over and over again, with little Innovation beyond that.