Artist envy

[Jack Shaftoe]

Jealousy can be useful, it can motivate you to push yourself to a height you've realised you can reach, because you've seen someone else do it. I do get resentful though, as others have said, of those who had a head start in life because either their parents could help them out with practical experience or they just had enough cash to coast through when things weren't working out (see a lot of comedy types, annoyingly).

A friend who's a pretty successful writer/producer mentioned to me how he was doing a radio play recently and got his son in as a runner. I just instinctively shouted NEPOTISM at him, and then there was quite an awkward silence for a while.

[purlieu]

I'm nearly 37, have been making music since I was 10, been doing it 'properly' since I was 17, and I'm finally starting to make music that sounds close to professional. Part of this is down to being over-confident in an "I don't need help / lessons / to do things the 'right' way" kind of way, which meant that I refused to actually consider that music needs EQing and mixing and mastering and all sorts to sound really good. To this day, I'm still not great at mixing, although I'm getting to a point where I'm fine with what I do. But when I listen back to the music I made between 2002 and 2016, and anything that isn't fairly stripped back, rhythm-free ambient tends to sound very flat and muddy.

It wasn't a very pleasant realisation when I first noticed, and it plagued me with huge amounts of self-doubt for a decade or so. Not helped by the fact that, in that time, I discovered teenagers who were making this really crisp, professional sounding stuff within a few months of downloading a DAW. There's me, 15 years of computer music to my name, and I still have no idea how to make bass sound like it does on actual albums, and there are 16 year olds doing it from the off. I came so, so close to giving up music all together because it still sounded like very amateur, demo-level stuff on a technical level, even if I believed in all the ideas I had. Some of these people are now professional musicians, and I'm still muddling through, feeling more confident about my skills, but realising that if I'd been able to do all that technical stuff in my teens I could have actually made something of myself, rather than be someone who can shift maybe 50 tapes when I release a new album.

So yes, I get envious of people who are much better at what I do than I am and seem to manage it with such ease in place of my own struggle.

[Greg Torso]

I get inspired by both good and bad writers (although when I read something amazing like George Saunders or whatever I do think about cutting off my hands and throwing them in the Trent), probably really terrible shit poetry motivates me more than anything else, so it's not so much other people's talent that I envy - it's their drive and motivation, people who can sell the shit out of their products, people with guts. That's what it's about. I love the creative process but once something's finished I have no desire to do anything further with it. I don't even know whether I would want to. It would be nice to make money from writing, or whatever, but I can't make connections with people, I can't network. Self-sabotage. Short attention span. Refusal to engage with any kind of social media (I'm amazed I'm still posting on CaB, even). I do wish sometimes I had a bit more arrogance or aggressive self-belief in me, just being like the majority of people who produce mediocre artistic work but then promote it and work the circuits and twerk in bowling alleys with collection plates. But eh whatddya gonna do chachi

One of my oldest friends had some decent success in the electronica/glitch/bald scene of the late 90s/early 00s, and honestly it was great. I felt so happy for him, he was touring with Autechre and getting his video art shown in Tate Modern. It was great. There he was, my old pal, a sonic artist, a known commodity.
But I wonder how I would have reacted if he'd been writing and getting acclaim for his books and going on tours around Waterstones. Or if I'd wanted to make electronica, I'd probably have been burning an effigy of him in my garden while screaming WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? I FUCKING MADE YOU MATE, YOU LIKED THE LEVELLERS AND NEW MODEL ARMY WHEN I MET YOU AND LOOK AT YOU NOW WITH SQUAREPUSHER'S PHONE NUMBER IN YOUR ROLODEX

[Dex Sawash]

I'm pretty bad at most everything so am completely immune to this. Got failing grades in real life  HS ART[nb]and continue to do so at the CaB one![/nb]
Did guitar lessons as a teen, teacher gave up and eventually just had me play simple barre chord patterns with a metronome running while he improvised stuff during the lessons 10/10

[Icehaven]

Jealousy can be useful, it can motivate you to push yourself to a height you've realised you can reach, because you've seen someone else do it. I do get resentful though, as others have said, of those who had a head start in life because either their parents could help them out with practical experience or they just had enough cash to coast through when things weren't working out (see a lot of comedy types, annoyingly).

A friend who's a pretty successful writer/producer mentioned to me how he was doing a radio play recently and got his son in as a runner. I just instinctively shouted NEPOTISM at him, and then there was quite an awkward silence for a while.

I've never had ambitions for a showbiz career or anything but this sort of thing still really annoys me as it's just so rife and seemingly insurmountable. Because acting/media etc. is such a competitive and highly desirable field it's obviously even worse, but it happens even in the most mundane lines of work. I remember when I worked in public libraries every time a Saturday job vacancy came up there were loads of applications but it was amazing how many teenage children of existing staff ended up getting them.

[Dr Rock]

Hmmm. I'm an artist and there are millions of artists better than me that I love and admire and draw inspiration from. I'm not jealous or envious of their superior talent though, it's 'spurred me on' to improve, but I don't think that's related to the topic. Envy and jealousy have never really played a big part in my life (other negative emotions have though). The closest I can think of is to say I was envious of people who could sing, because try as I might I could never hit a fucking note. Then over the last couple of years, largely thanks to a karaoke app called Smule, I've finally got the hang of it, so I can scratch that one off now.

[zomgmouse]

yeah the envy for me is generally not about talent, talent usually only serves to inspire. it's 100% the recognition

[Dusty Substance]

I have zero artistic ability. Can't play any instrument, can't paint, draw or do any kind of art, can't write - Am a pretty good DJ, but that's not really considered an art.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been times when I was jealous of a musician - Especially at, say, a party when some humourless dullard gets out an acoustic guitar and all the girls melt at his feet.

However, I find that in some cases being a musician, can limit one's taste in music. I've got a ton of musician friends, but the vast majority of them seem to only listen to the type of genre that they dabble in - Rock performers tend to only listen to rock, electronic musicians don't listen to much beyond electronic music etc. I know this sounds like a sweeping generalisation, and there will always be exceptions, but my DJing and crate digging has lead to a love of a wide spectrum of music. Some of my more po-faced musician friends don't get why I like, say, some K-Pop but I can happily listen to BLACKPINK and Black Sabbath back to back.

[bgmnts]

Presumably most of the actual artistic geniuses who truly created new things worth being envious of are quite obscure. Most famous artists are people standing on the shoulders of giants no? Everything's been done and most people are just hacks pumping content out.

[Icehaven]

However, I find that in some cases being a musician, can limit one's taste in music. I've got a ton of musician friends, but the vast majority of them seem to only listen to the type of genre that they dabble in - Rock performers tend to only listen to rock, electronic musicians don't listen to much beyond electronic music etc. I know this sounds like a sweeping generalisation, and there will always be exceptions, but my DJing and crate digging has lead to a love of a wide spectrum of music. Some of my more po-faced musician friends don't get why I like, say, some K-Pop but I can happily listen to BLACKPINK and Black Sabbath back to back.

You can liken it to food, no one thinks it's odd for the same person to like roast chicken and thai green curry and chocolate cake and meatballs so why is music any different? And films, most people like a lot of different kinds of film without it being considered unusual.

It's probably to do with how taste in music can be closely tied in with identity, and often shapes a lot of other aspects of your life, like how you dress, what you do in your spare time, who your friends are etc. I'm a bit gothy, was much more so when I was in my teens and 20s so have often had the presumption that I must only like the music that goes along with that image, but it's not the case at all. My favourite band since 2003 was actually British Sea Power. I don't understand the assumption with people who don't clearly dress in a way that's influenced by music though, why would anyone assume they only listen to a few specific genres?

[purlieu]

Most of the musicians I know actually have really broad taste, so it's not a universal thing.

[weaseldust]

Imagine how he feels, burdened by the majesty of his youthful creations that (and it's not even being slightly unkind) he has never come close to equalling for decades. On the one hand pride, on the other: oh no what happened I'm creatively moribund let's just shit out some acid half my fanbase will say is ok even when it isn't.

i still remember that time you said that washing hands doesn't stop germs from spreading

[flotemysost]

i can't bear the thought of people thinking to themselves "it's a real shame she never made anything of herself"

paranoid? you bet yer ass

This is strongly relatable. I beat myself up hugely because I've sort of defaulted to thinking of myself as being a vaguely creative type -like, if I ever have to briefly summarise my interests to anyone, it's always arty type stuff - but I haven't actually fucking done anything about it in absolutely ages (it's been especially galling seeing everyone's artistic side flourishing in lockdown when I've achieved nothing in the past year). I know it's never too late etc. etc. but I am also aware that I'll never get back the time that's passed already.

I wrote a radio comedy when I was 24/25, it wasn't very polished (and probably just wasn't very good in general), but I toyed with the idea of sending it out at the time but then thought nah, no point. There have since been quite a few pretty successful things out which aren't completely dissimilar (in style, structure, subject etc.), and it's not that I'm thinking "ah, should've been me!", I just get annoyed at my own reticence to "put myself out there". I feel like I'm going to look back at my life and regret not pursuing things I enjoy because... well, I don't even know why it is, to be honest. Lack of confidence, I suppose.

I do like drawing and I think to an extent that's a skill that never really leaves you, but for something I used to devote hours and hours to I've barely done it at all recently.

My brother is quite a successful musician and I've got next to fuck all musical ability, which again is on me to rectify if I want to, but it's easy to compare myself - not just in terms of talent, but also the experiences that I'll probably never have. Being in a band looks like fun but I don't imagine I'll ever know what it's like.

So for me I suppose it's just as much about yearning for missed experiences as wanting to have recognisable talent.

[chveik]

where are all those masterpieces made during lockdown then

[mothman]

When you all just open up and admit this phenomenon is precisely why you all hate Michael McIntyre, then the healing can begin.

[markburgle]

Robert Lloyd for the Nightingales had a quote I really liked, in the context of him kind of accepting his band's low status, which was to the effect of "I don't think the world needs what I do, but I need to do it".

I liked that a lot. Gives me a really simple reason to keep going

[non capisco]

largely thanks to a karaoke app called Smule, I've finally got the hang of it, so I can scratch that one off now.

I downloaded that in the earliest days of lockdown for something to do other then wring my hands, pace and drink lager. It was quite fun for a bit belting out Billy Joel tunes with some wine-soaked retiree in Branson, Missouri instead of mentally preparing myself for possibly gasping my last on a vent in a couple of weeks. Sing while you still can, The Great Rossini, a last hurrah for your beautiful lungs! Messaged someone "Great colab!" but it autocorrected to "Great colon!". Uninstalled the app then and there.

[Smeraldina Rima]

Robert Lloyd for the Nightingales had a quote I really liked, in the context of him kind of accepting his band's low status, which was to the effect of "I don't think the world needs what I do, but I need to do it".

I liked that a lot. Gives me a really simple reason to keep going

I like that too :o)