Lamest Punks in Music

[Pauline Walnuts]

It's this guy ain't it?



Oh, who am I trying to kid, he was great, he even had Plastic in his name, Pure pop goodness! Better than Sid, who couldn't even handle his heroin. Or those other guys in the Beatles wigs and, giggle, leather jackets like it's 1968, not the exciting year of 1977.

Or whatever. Discuss.

[Pauline Walnuts]

The way you look you'll qualify for next year's old age pension

[shagatha crustie]

Idles

[Wayman C. McCreery]

Idles

I genuinely don't see how any all-male, all-straight, all-white groups can be considered punk in 2021.

[BlodwynPig]

The way you look you'll qualify for next year's old age pension

When were Nirvana a 5 piece?

[JaDanketies]

I'm personally offended by 2020s pop-star YUNGBLUD

[The Mollusk]

Idles

Yep, but Slaves are worse.

[Glebe]

They're using that Plastic Bertrand song in a Special K ad at the mo.

Flicking around the channels yesterday, came across a 'pop punk' hour on MTV or summit, some absolutely diabolical shite was on, like the Backstreet Boys doing Blink 182.

[kngen]

It's this guy ain't it?

He was in a genuine punk band called Hubble Bubble, who were probably the second best punk band in Belgium at the time. (Sounds like a 'best-dressed man in Albania' kind of dig, but no - they had to live in the shadow of The Kids, who were fucking amazing, so I can understand why he buggered off and made a novelty single instead.)

My nom goes to this clown: https://twitter.com/airbagged/status/1386150007460487171

[jamiefairlie]

Anyone who claims to be punk after 1978.

[the science eel]

"no I don't want a cup of tea"

[Magnum Valentino]

When were Nirvana a 5 piece?

Unplugged and I think other In Utero tour arrangements.

[Better Midlands]

He was in a genuine punk band called Hubble Bubble, who were probably the second best punk band in Belgium at the time. (Sounds like a 'best-dressed man in Albania' kind of dig, but no - they had to live in the shadow of The Kids, who were fucking amazing, so I can understand why he buggered off and made a novelty single instead.)

Ça Plane Pour Moi actually written, sung and produced by Lou Deprijck & Yvan "Pipou" Lacomblez of Chart Music favourite Two Man Sound, seems to be a legal mess.

Also

Plastic Bertrand compressed into that three minutes a bloody good record that will get any comatose person toe-tapping, you know what I mean? By purist rules, it's not allowed to even mention Plastic Bertrand. Yet, this record was probably a lot better than a lot of so-called punk records.

[JaDanketies]

how's about this Jonny Rotten fuckhead, or is it too obvious

suppose for a manufactured boy band, the Sex Pistols had some good tunes, and PIL was at least something. He probably ought to have not become a multi-millionaire in his 20s

[Head Gardener]

Ronalado

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

how's about this Jonny Rotten fuckhead, or is it too obvious

Yes.

suppose for a manufactured boy band, the Sex Pistols had some good tunes,

Mate.

[The Mollusk]

I know, right? The Sex Pistols didn't have any good tunes!

[Egyptian Feast]

Apart from this one.

[pupshaw]

Apart from this one.

Through all these years I now realise I had no idea what the words to this song were.

[thecuriousorange]

Explanation, in case you don't know who's in the picture and think I'm simply making some lame disabilist joke.

https://www.nme.com/news/music/frank-turner-53-1261285?amp

[steveh]

Ça Plane Pour Moi actually written, sung and produced by Lou Deprijck & Yvan "Pipou" Lacomblez of Chart Music favourite Two Man Sound, seems to be a legal mess.

Elton Motello's Jet Boy Jet Girl, which uses the same band and exact same backing from the same studio session but different singer and lyrics, additionally credits Alan Ward with writing the music as well as that version's lyrics. It seems that the English version was completed first but sources differ over whether Alan is or isn't bothered about not getting a cut of the more successful French version.

[purlieu]

Captain Sensible since he said Nigel Farage is punk.

[The Mollusk]

God I can't fucking stand Frank Turner, I've loathed that dickhead for years but had no idea that wheelchair thing had happened in 2013. Another reason then.

[Kankurette]

Explanation, in case you don't know who's in the picture and think I'm simply making some lame disabilist joke.

https://www.nme.com/news/music/frank-turner-53-1261285?amp

I love how he accuses people of being 'professionally offended'. Dild.

[jobotic]

Who the fuck is he? X-Factor?

[Pauline Walnuts]

[non capisco]

Ça Plane Pour Moi actually written, sung and produced by Lou Deprijck & Yvan "Pipou" Lacomblez of Chart Music favourite Two Man Sound, seems to be a legal mess.

Pipou should have just fronted Ca Plane Pour Moi himself, with his bongos and in a fake mohican wig.

[DrGreggles]

Ca Plane Pour Moi is a fucking banger.

[purlieu]

Who the fuck is he? X-Factor?

Former frontman of Million Dead, a musically decent UK post-hardcore band with lyrics that seem profound when you're young and increasingly cringey when you get older[nb]They were once my third or fourth favourite band and I still get slightly upset by how much Frank Turner has ruined them by turning out to be a dick.[/nb]. Then went on to have a folk-punk solo career which is a thousand times more successful while being a thousand times worse, both musically and lyrically.
I remember listening to Million Dead a lot when I was at a low point, doing some fucking awful menial work and realising how much of a horrible grind working life can be, and some of Turner's lyrics about the struggles of having to do shit work kind of helped. Then obviously I read stuff like this:

Frank Turner was born in Bahrain where his father worked as an investment banker. Upon return to England, the family settled first in Winchester before moving to Meonstoke. Turner was educated at Summer Fields and subsequently on a scholarship at Eton College, where he studied alongside Prince William. He attended the London School of Economics where he read History. His father, Roger Cunliffe Turner, is the son of Sir (Ronald) Mark (Cunliffe) Turner (1906–1980), a merchant banker who was also the chairman of high street retailer BHS, and had himself also attended Eton before becoming a City investment banker. He had married Margaret, daughter of Sir Hereward Wake, 13th Baronet. His mother, Jane, the daughter of Richard Fox Cartwright (1913–2009), Bishop of Plymouth, is a primary school head teacher.

It didn't help that a friend of mine was in a band that toured with Million Dead, and he described Turner as "an absolute cunt". Over the years he's gradually outed himself as a really smug, self-satisfied libertarian and I've gone from thinking he was brilliant to thinking he's an insufferable dickhead.

[non capisco]

Ca Plane Pour Moi is a fucking banger.

Absolutely. Jet Boy Jet Girl is more subversive for the time than some bloke proclaiming himself to be "the king of the divan" but it doesn't sound as good as....whoever is doing the vocals on Ca Plane Pour Moi that possibly wasn't Plazzy Bertrand. You need that falsetto "ooh-weeeeee-ooh-ooh" for a start.

The only other Plastic Bertrand song I'm aware of is from an animated Asterix film and is a pale imitation of the Cook Da Books original.