Stuck up for my cat and my finances and receive a criminal record...

[jobotic]

Is there not a Scottish Jackson Galaxy?



Get him in, next thing you know the vicious bastard will be sitting happily on your lap flicking the Vs at the coppers.

Then send him down here to stop mine shitting by the front door.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Dread to think what the Scottish version of that would look like. Something out of a fucking nightmare.

[pigamus]

Super Soaker, it's the only answer

[madhair60]

Super Soaker full of cat-melting acid

[Jerzy Bondov]

Since when was it against the law to slam a gate and tell someone to fuck off? My wife does that every morning when she leaves for work!!

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

What were you hoping the police would be able to do (other than being condescending cunts)?

[Fambo Number Mive]

Arrest the cat for assault.

[Butchers Blind]

Its clawful. Stay pawsitive.

[madhair60]

Cat thinks it's rock hard but a couple of shotgun blasts would do it in. One if you've got flame rounds loaded into the cunt.

[Icehaven]

What have they charged you with? There should be a recording of your phonecall too, in which you were told you weren't being silly, which seems to contradict the attitude of the police that turned up, so that's an inconsistency on their part. Also it wasn't your decision to send police over anyway, they made the decision to attend themselves, so why bother if it was just to tell you off and laugh at you? They should be done for wasting their own time.

From personal experience I have huge concerns about how police respond to different situations. A few years back I was physically attacked by a house''mate'' and the police not only took 4 hours to turn up (during which time I was locked in my room and the man was still in the house), but after a few days decided to do nothing more about it. A colleague of mine was separating from her husband and things were turning bitter, her ex wasn't helping pay for anything for their 3 children and was refusing to help with childcare so when he asked for his passport (which he'd left in the house they'd previously shared) as he was going on holiday, she refused to give it to him. He called the police, and they actually went round to her house and demanded it from her! Had they seriously nothing else to fucking do? Unbelievable.

[Twonty Gostelow]

This is the rabbit of Caerbannog all over again, with Plod as the mocking knights and Malcy as Tim the Enchanter.

[gib]

Avoid the police whenever possible.

Malcy, i think you will be ok and this won't go anywhere. Sounds like they were just bullying you for the sake of it.

[Paul Calf]

All cats are not beautiful.

There's a cat who lives down our street who will purr and mew for attention and when you call it to you and stroke its head, it bites and scratches your hand and wrist. It does this to everyone.

They're not 'independent' or 'free-spirited'. They don't give a fuck about you and just want your food and warmth. You've been groomed and gaslighted.

Interesting fact: if you die with a dog in the house, it almost certainly won't eat you. A cat is almost certain to.

All cats are not beautiful. Some are just cunts.

[Rizla]

Have you considered bringing the cat off with the rubber end of a pencil? Make love, not war sort of thing.

[Buelligan]

All cats are not beautiful.

There's a cat who lives down our street who will purr and mew for attention and when you call it to you and stroke its head, it bites and scratches your hand and wrist. It does this to everyone.

They're not 'independent' or 'free-spirited'. They don't give a fuck about you and just want your food and warmth. You've been groomed and gaslighted.

Interesting fact: if you die with a dog in the house, it almost certainly won't eat you. A cat is almost certain to.

All cats are not beautiful. Some are just cunts.

You say that as if you expect them to be like humans, live according to human mores, like humans wouldn't eat you if you died in the house and they couldn't get out.

[idunnosomename]

Put a lit firework up its bum

[Cuntbeaks]

Super Soaker full of cat-melting acid

Super Soaker full of mature piss.

[Thomas]

They're not 'independent' or 'free-spirited'. They don't give a fuck about you and just want your food and warmth. You've been groomed and gaslighted.

The cat that sliced our Malcy and paid off the cops is obviously a dickhead, but you don't believe that cats - social animals that demonstrate preference for certain individuals (even within a household) and can suffer separation anxiety, even when the food bowl is full - are capable of emotional attachment?

I always pop up in cat threads to say this - but I'm engaged in a very slow, low-effort battle to shift our pop cultural vision of cats.

[Better Midlands]

Super Soaker full of mature piss.

Is that piss that has aged or the piss of an elderly person?

[bakabaka]

On a similar track as the above, but less of a nightmare to deal with, get a plant sprayer, fill it with a mixture of washing up liquid and water and set the nozzle to fire out a jet rather than spray and soak the cat whenever it comes into your garden or hassles your cat. Ideally the washing-up liquid should be one of the more noxious, flowery, pink bougainvillea and old bat scented ones as it's the smell that will make the cat change its ways.

It doesn't harm the cat[nb]except maybe by making it throw up when cleaning itself at home later. Is this a bad thing?[/nb], it isn't illegal and, from personal experience, it works remarkably well.

Doesn't work on police though, sadly.

[Blue Jam]

Cats are bird-murdering little wankers. I struggle to get on with any species that communicates by drawing blood.

The best cats are Siberians, precisely because they behave more like dogs.

[Buelligan]

Bit racist.

[earl_sleek]

The cat that sliced our Malcy and paid off the cops is obviously a dickhead, but you don't believe that cats - social animals that demonstrate preference for certain individuals (even within a household) and can suffer separation anxiety, even when the food bowl is full - are capable of emotional attachment?

I always pop up in cat threads to say this - but I'm engaged in a very slow, low-effort battle to shift our pop cultural vision of cats.

CBA to google it but there was a study quite recently that showed that cats often prefer to spend time with people even at the expense of food. They're definitely capable of emotional attachment that isn't just about meeting their own needs.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Interesting fact: if you die with a dog in the house, it almost certainly won't eat you. A cat is almost certain to.

Total bollocks. Ohhh my lovely dog wouldn't eat me. He would. He'd have you for his dinner without a second thought.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Shove cat up arse.

[Kankurette]

CBA to google it but there was a study quite recently that showed that cats often prefer to spend time with people even at the expense of food. They're definitely capable of emotional attachment that isn't just about meeting their own needs.

Mum's cat was like that. He always came and sat with her when she was ill and when she went into rehab, he cried a lot and was more restless than usual. Mine is a bit more detached but he does seem to like me, most of the time. He'll pounce into my lap when I'm working.

[earl_sleek]

Shove cat up arse.

You don't have the arse.

[colacentral]

The cat that sliced our Malcy and paid off the cops is obviously a dickhead, but you don't believe that cats - social animals that demonstrate preference for certain individuals (even within a household) and can suffer separation anxiety, even when the food bowl is full - are capable of emotional attachment?

I always pop up in cat threads to say this - but I'm engaged in a very slow, low-effort battle to shift our pop cultural vision of cats.

One of mine is a farm cat who really doesn't understand the concept of being stroked at all, and frequently bites and scratches me when I annoy him with strokes and kisses (but gently, never meaning to actually hurt me). Even though he doesn't respond to love in the way we expect our pets to, he's too timid to go out very far by himself, so I take him for nightly walks around the block and to a little grassy area around the corner, and he follows me everywhere. They form bonds with us, they just don't always overtly show it by jumping up and slobbering on us like dogs do.

[Beagle 2]

It's a shame really because cats always really like me, if I'd been on hand we'd have probably talked the whole thing out and gone for a couple of games of snooker.

[Sebastian Cobb]

You don't have the arse.

Come over here and say that.